The gang who can’t shoot straight

| April 13, 2012

I was watching Al Extremo last night on TV Azteca. What? Show me another news program that has little brown women operating their cameras in bikinis and I’ll watch them instead.

Anyway, they were prattling on about how the Mayans predicted the end of the world (like they do every night between chupacabra sightings) and they mentioned that the North Koreans might be the ones who destroy the world. Obviously, this was before the failed launch. I’m pretty sure that the only people on the planet who should be afraid of a nuclear armed North Korea are the North Koreans.

Fox News reports on the launch;

North Korea’s much-anticipated rocket launch ended quickly in failure early Friday, splintering into pieces over the Yellow Sea soon after takeoff.

North Korea acknowledged in an announcement broadcast on state TV that a satellite launched hours earlier from the west coast failed to enter into orbit. The U.S. and South Korea also declared the launch a failure.

A senior U.S. official told Fox News the rocket broke apart between 90 seconds and 2 minutes after launching.

So, Kim Jong-un, henceforth known as “Needle Dick the Bug F*cker” on these pages, has failed to successfully launch his presidency as well as a rocket. Even Stone Age-dwelling Pakistan has launched a satellite into space. I wonder how many of the scientists involved in that launch are still working at their jobs.

I’ll sure be glad when my son gets home from his tour of Korea next month.

Category: Foreign Policy

Comments (21)

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  1. DocHernandez says:

    Bahahahaha god I love this page! Don’t quit!!!

  2. WhiteOneAlpha says:

    Nice waste of $850 million. Hahahaha.

  3. Hondo says:

    It’s still a threat, Jonn. They might be able to use it to drop foreign objects on the runway at Osan AB after it breaks up.

  4. Hondo says:

    Oh, and I love Kim’s new sobriquet!

  5. NHSparky says:

    Actually, he kinda reminds me of Flounder from Animal House.

  6. H1 says:

    38 North Yankee
    Came out just as I was heading over for my tour.
    Wrong book to read.
    The only re-occuring dream I have ever had in my life.
    Frozen rice paddy in the winter.
    Not so much any more, so the path must have diverged.

  7. Jacobite says:

    I wonder how many of the scientists involved are still breathing….

  8. DaveA says:

    I choked when I heard the needle dick joke, haven’t heard that since Vietnam in reference to Nixon. I know what you mean about your son finishing his tour there. I was stationed just south of the DMZ in 76 when the Cherry tree incident happened and the pucker factor increased dramatically.

  9. JP says:

    ….Needle Dick the Bug F*cker…. Raugh Out Roud!!!!

    Of course the fucking rocket failed, as does everything involving socialism/communism eventually.

  10. Old Tanker says:

    Needle Dick the Bug F*cker

    Bwahahahaha! And so it shall be, now and evermore!

    U maka me raff, u funy rike crown…

  11. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    It did not reach orbit because … the US Navy (perhaps) took it out!

  12. Flagwaver says:

    I know a little bit about saving face in Asian cultures, and I am a little wary. This launch was the 100th anniversary of the NK founder. And it fell short and was a bit of an embarrassment. Everyone I have spoken to (including a couple of Chinese students at the university across the street) said that they are going to have to do something to make up for the embarrassment.

  13. Sh1fty says:

    Pakistan didn’t launch a satellite – China built and launched it, Pakistan just bought it from them.

  14. Virtual Insanity says:

    I hope, one day, to find out the REAL reason they keep failing to launch rockets higher than a kite can fly.

    I PRAY we had something to do with the failures.

  15. Hondo says:

    Jonn: may I suggest the acronym ND:tBF as a short-form reference for His Excellency?

  16. UpNorth says:

    VI, maybe the scientists, the ones left alive at least, are as hungry as the average brain-washed Nork citizen? Just can’t tighten bolts like they should be, or punch those Commodore 64 keys as hard as they require.

  17. Joseph Brown says:

    When they test their nuclear weapon, I hope they have as much success!

  18. Hondo says:

    Joseph Brown: well, if you wanna take a chance and believe Wikipedia their first two tests weren’t exactly 100% successful.

  19. Well if we hadn’t been so stingy and we had sent them another 100 tons of food like they demanded, they would have had the extra money to build a proper rocket. I’m sure feeding NDtBF probably accounts for 50% of the North Korean GDP