Beauty and the Blogger
[She decided it was best taking a picture with me looking directly at the sun. Which is just insane, since I abhor the outside world.]
Guy Version of this post: She’s hot and young, I am neither.
Girl Version: After the jump.
It will always be astonishing to those who know me that I have a GF who loves me. I really am a pain in the ass at times, and curmudgeonly and a hermit to boot. It’s actually even more amazing that Caroline and I made it out of the first weekend.
So, a little background… Two years ago Caro left a comment at The Sniper on a post I authored. As usual, when someone comments, I followed her back to her home at the USO Girls blog and sent her a message. Typical guy, I was essentially hitting on her, and more remarkably, it worked. Pretty soon we were “internet engaged.”
Although I hate the phone, Caro and I started talking just about every day. Finally we got our opportunity to meet in real life, at the Milblog convention in Vegas. I knew I needed a wingman, so I recruited my buddy T2 who lives in Reno to fill that role. He’s happily married, so I knew he would keep me on the even keel. Caro’s and my first date(s) was/were a textbook example of what not to do.
For starters, she had agreed before hand that I would get a kiss. Awesome, right? So, we meet and I am TOTALLY into her, and the typical self-doubts start to intrude. So, when she left with Jaime to go get ready for the Milblog dinner, I sent her a text message: Am I still going to get that kiss?
Now, on the scale of sheer pathetic-ness (not really a word), I suppose this could have been worse. I could have slipped her a note to check yes or no, or skipped that entirely and just pulled her hair. Either way, I couldn’t work up the nerve to ask her in person, so a text seemed a good idea. Right up until she ignored me. (I would find out several months later that she in fact did reply with a yes, but she did it in an elevator, and it never sent.)
So anyway, an hour later she comes down, and I’m sitting there being the big baby I am with a pouting lower lip, and we start playing video poker. Now, Jaime doesn’t know how to play, and she did something that she shouldn’t have, like hit on 20 or something. So I call her a “big dummy.” This is another thing to be avoided assiduously. I doubt it is ever a good move. I then got berated for using my “mean East Coast words.”
As we went out to dinner, I proceeded repeatedly to violate rule #3 of dating: I used the wrong name for her the entire weekend. Women tend to be forgiving creatures. One exception I have found is using the wrong name. Calling her “Carolyn” repeatedly (to the extent that even T2 was calling me a dumbass and telling me to remain silent) was probably a bad call. I eventually resolved this by pausing before saying her name and singing Neil Diamond in my head. “So [bum bum bum, sweet] Caroline, we going out to dinner tonight?”
At some point during this reception thing, I started to feel sick. Like, real sick. I think I got food poisoning. So I was going to retreat to my room, but made plans to meet Caro later. And we did get to see each other later that night, only 3 hours later than we had planned. Seems she and Jaime and Lt Nixon went out to Hooters, and danced the night away. Not relevant either way, but at some point Jaime and Caro got separated, and each lost the other. So, around 11pm Caro shows up to see me, and she is sobbing because “Jaime and I broke up.” Now, you’ll remember that I wasn’t feeling well. And because Caro and Jaime are fighting, she felt this was a good time to jump up into my lap, presumably so I could make her feel better. Well, between the bony ass she has (she literally has butt bones that are like Ginsu’s, they can cut through my leg and then a tomato), and my stomach being very queezy, not only did I get a bruised leg out of this, but she set off another round of projectile vomiting.
Now, I bring all this ancient history up because I pretty much knew after that that that Caro and I would one day be married. If you can make it out of a weekend of disasters and still dig each other, you’re probably good to go. I just sort of knew. And despite all the teasing and such, I’ve never been reticent to tell her of my optimism regarding us either. I would have probably married her earlier, but at the time I was in a lot of transition, with my job, moving etc, and she deserves only the best in life. Now those issues have been resolved.
My favorite book of all time is Cyrano de Bergerac. And there is a passage in there that has always been in my opinion the greatest ever written:
And what is a kiss, when all is done?
A promise given under a seal — a vow
Taken before the shrine of memory
A signature acknowledged — a rosy dot
Over the i of Loving — a secret whispered
To listening lips apart — a moment made
Immortal, with a rush of wings unseen —
A sacrament of blossoms, a new song
Sung by two hearts to an old simple tune —
The ring of one horizon around two souls
Together, all alone!
When Caro and I finally kissed that night, I made that promise. I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. But, at some point it takes more of a promise than a mere kiss, and that time has come. So, this weekend I will be flying down to Dallas to ask her to marry me.
Actually, I already flew down. And as you are reading this, so is she, as she sits in the USO center with her friends and me standing awkwardly behind her. So, Caro, if you think you’d like to take this idiot guy who loves you with all his heart, now would be a good time to turn around and tell me so.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
So? What did she say?
February 20th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Well?????? We’re waiting!!!!!! (my best judge shmails voice)
February 20th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
Dude, stop blogging and get to the bar, I’m 3 beers up on you!
February 20th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Well????
February 20th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
I did say yes!
February 20th, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Inquiring minds want to know….
February 20th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Woo hoo!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!! Party at TSO’s tonight. Jonn and I are gonna break in and drink all your beer!!!
February 20th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
Cool, congrats to both of you….
February 20th, 2010 at 7:43 pm
That is good to hear Caroline, and appreciate your letting us know. All the best to you now and in the years ahead.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Congratulations to both of you. Sincerely.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:44 pm
Actually, they’re at the USO in DFW.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I know, that’s why I said you and I were gonna break into hisplace in Indy and drink all his beer.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
We knew he was a good sport and a possible contender when he agreed to meet us — at the wedding of long time friends! (No pressure there) We have a happier attitude toward
Congrats Sweetie! Love, MOM and DAD
moving your 1000s of boxes — and one stupid dog—-! Dad will only need 3 extra-strength Advil after the truck is loaded
February 20th, 2010 at 8:04 pm
Oh yeah, we are kickin’ it up in DC baby. Just one more reason to celebrate there. Congrats to you both.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
A piece of me has died this night.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:09 pm
[...] Read what I am talking about and see the unique way my fellow milblogger and good friend proposed to the love of his life at http://thisainthell.us/blog/?p=17395 [...]
February 20th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Congratulations!
February 20th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Whoa! I’ve been in love with Caroline since last years Milblog conference. I honestly thought she was one of TSO’s inflatable lady friends, and then I met her.
I couldn’t be happier.
February 20th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
CONGRATS
))
February 20th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Congratulations!!! Best wishes for many, many years of bliss! (Set a date yet??)
February 20th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Congratulations!!!
February 20th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
Well, you finally turned in your “Whacked-Out Bachelor” card, eh boy???
Congratulations, anyway. I’ve made it almost 10 years with SWMBO; I guess you get to find out how things will work out.
Caroline, go easy on The Boy. He’s fragile; well, at least his stomach and ego are. Take good care of him. I hope the both of you know what you’re doing…
February 20th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
Congratulations … you’re GORGEOUS!!! No, TSO, not you … your fiance, Caroline
February 20th, 2010 at 9:12 pm
“She’s hot and young, I am neither.” Congrats, I feel the same way about my Household-6.
February 20th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
Congratulations!
February 20th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Congratulations!! You’re right–she is beautiful! I pray you have a hundred years of happiness!
Amy
February 20th, 2010 at 9:31 pm
Thats sweet…
February 20th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Congratulations to both of you!
February 20th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
Dang! Congratulations in the highest!!
I’m sure I can make a cartoon out of this story. I’m just sure…
February 20th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Congrats to the two of you–or is that congrats to TSO, and condolences? Ah, nevermind. Where’s the beer?
February 20th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Congratulations! This was a very pleasant read to start the weekend. I wish you two the best, and for Pete’s sake, never let her realize how well you tricked her!
February 20th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
***** Congratulations…to the both of you.*****
(bum bum bum Sweet Caroline)
February 20th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
So Caroline, I know you said that if he EVER proposed your bridesmaids are wearing burkas. Now that it’s official what color?
SO happy for you both.
February 20th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Congratulations!
February 20th, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Congratulations!
I love you both and wish you every happiness.
February 20th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
So very happy for both of you.
So romantic!!
February 20th, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Boom Boom Boom… another one bites the dust!
Dude, TSO…. you know, now, that no matter who writes the weddding journal, it will involve Ginsu knives, Vegas, and projectile vomiting.
You should have been an airdale. You have all the proper attributes.
Don’t tell me… lemme guess…. you two are gonna get married at the MilBlog conference in April, right?
February 21st, 2010 at 12:29 am
Congratulations! Good job TSO!
February 21st, 2010 at 12:48 am
I hate to be so late to this party, but her I am…
Congratulations amigo, and welcome to the “marrying WAY out of your league” club… we’ve been expecting you. Oh, and I think this is the first time I will ever get to see a wedding where the groom was actually eligible to wear white.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:57 am
Congratulations!
February 21st, 2010 at 1:05 am
Hi, Mark,
Congratulations! Have been waiting for this news. Can’t wait to meet you! I’m Caro’s Great Aunt Judy, and you’re gonna love me. Honest.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:25 am
Woohoo! Congratulations!!
February 21st, 2010 at 2:10 am
Congrats. You two are a great couple! However, for historical records, there was no dancing at Hooters in Vegas, just me gambling and getting drunk.
February 21st, 2010 at 2:19 am
Faaaaaabulous!!
Congratulations, may your wedding day go much smoother than your first meeting!
February 21st, 2010 at 2:25 am
Ok, so never leave a bunch of military men to ask the important questions…
1. Did you ask her Daddy first?
2. Did you have the ring when you asked or are you going to make her pick it out? If you got the ring, picture please.
3. Did you get on one knee or stand there looking like a doofus waiting?
These are the questions to which inquiring minds want answers!!
Regardless, congratulations to both of you.
February 21st, 2010 at 2:50 am
Wow!!! You punted that ball way the hell out of your coverage brother.
Congratulations and much happiness to you both.
February 21st, 2010 at 7:16 am
Congratulations Caroline and TSO. You are both great individuals and you’ll make an even better couple. Happy to have a small part.
February 21st, 2010 at 8:00 am
Sweet.
I like your story…apparently, we had the same kind of story when we met-my sugar daddy also knew when he met me that he would marry me…and we’ve got 24 years together so far.
All the best!! I’m sure you’ll be awesome!
February 21st, 2010 at 8:31 am
Awww…what a sweet way to propose.
Congratulations to you both!!
February 21st, 2010 at 8:43 am
That’s why I managed to stay single all these years!
February 21st, 2010 at 9:30 am
Congratulations!
February 21st, 2010 at 10:29 am
[...] the two will one day be Mr. and Mrs. TSo as long as Caro’s glaucoma holds out. TSO actually proposed to her online at This Ain’t Hell. He would have done it at The Sniper, but as his proposal did not contain the words [...]
February 21st, 2010 at 10:45 am
congrads!.. what a story on how you two met.
February 21st, 2010 at 10:46 am
This is wicked pissa awesome! Congrats!
February 21st, 2010 at 10:52 am
[...] at This ain’t Hell… we see beauty and the [...]
February 21st, 2010 at 11:05 am
It is amazing how happy you can be for someone else!!!! Whoohoo.
And I think the Milblog wedding is a great idea! Prolly not so popular with the families, though.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:59 pm
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
February 21st, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Outstanding!!
February 21st, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I was completely surprised, Mark, Jamie, and everyone else at the USO did a great job of keeping it a secret.
Susan – Yes, he asked my dad over Christmas, but he won’t tell me what was said only that it was a good talk. He did have a ring, the setting was my great grandmother’s and he replaced the stone and had it sized for me, it fits like a glove! He didn’t get on one knee but he said that it was because he was shaking and thought he was going to throw up. I’ll have to write a post about everything they did to keep me in the dark. It really was the perfect proposal, and I couldn’t ask for a better husband!
February 21st, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Sniper, you rock.
And that was the sweetest thing I’ve ever read. Who really wrote it?
February 21st, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Congratulations to you both!
February 21st, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Congrats to TSO and good luck to Caroline, you’ll need it!
February 21st, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I was the third wheel standing there awkardly when they first had googly eyes for each other in Vegas and then again, I was standing there awkardly when he was proposing to her. I will forever be a part of their love story! I should be in the room with them when they have their first baby! It was an awesome proposal!
February 21st, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Well, well, well, my sincere congratulations to you both! Best of wishes!
February 21st, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Congratulations to both of you! Next, summoning the crystal ball and judging the above photograph, Madame Cleo foresees beautiful ocean-eyed babyhood!
February 21st, 2010 at 10:19 pm
And I would think you would be welcome in the delivery room!
February 22nd, 2010 at 12:45 am
There was a little girl named Caroline
Who loved USO work devine!
‘Til she met Mark
Who caused a spark!
She now has a diamond sublime!
February 22nd, 2010 at 6:49 am
[...] the whole story at ThisAintHell “Beauty and the [...]
February 22nd, 2010 at 7:10 am
This is the most awesome post I have read in a long time. Good news is good for the soul. Congratulations!
TAH, Damon can tell you that it’s not easy having a younger, smokin’ hot wife, but someone has to do the job!
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:00 am
I tuly believe every great soldier needs a Household 6.
They keep us in line, remind us to bathe, work as a great excuse to get out of house parties that are a train wreck wainting to happen.
But more important; they give us a reason to come home and most important of all they give us a reason to sign up and do the hard work.
Cheers.
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:17 am
Well, reading this is the greatest way to start a Monday!! Congrats to you both!!
TSO – you are one lucky dawg! Take good care of your future Household 6 – she’s one helluva special person.
Caro – my hat’s off to you!
May you both have an exciting and giggle-filled life together ~
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:22 am
How is this going ot affect your WoW time? Some things are more inportant then gaining a life long companion who can be counted on in good times and bad and cooks a good meal from time to time.
Azeroth is depending on you!
Congrats!
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:15 am
Congratulations to you both.
When is the wedding? I need to get it on my calendar so that it does not conflict with my hunting schedule. Please do not have in in the middle of October like Joy Beth did, I didn’t get to go to North Dakota to pheasent and goose hunt that year. Also don’t have it Sept 18th that is Texas Tech vs. Texas in Lubbock, so you know where Scott and I will be that day. And! don’t have it Oct 2nd, that is Texas vs. ou; and all good burnt orange blooded Texans know where they should be on that day.
Oh! and what does TSO mean?
God Bless you.
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:36 am
Uncle Joe- Nothing official yet, but let me assure you I have already been asked not to have my wedding during football season. It will be in Indianapolis so maybe it can be a detour on your way to North Dakota…sorry about not coming through on the Caroline in ’09 but we didn’t miss by too much!
February 22nd, 2010 at 11:49 am
Late to the party but lots of congratulations to you both!!
February 22nd, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Congrats to both of you!
February 22nd, 2010 at 2:35 pm
HOT DAMN!!!!!
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Caroline’s family getting on and wishing well is the cutest thing!!
A
February 22nd, 2010 at 3:28 pm
I joined the “Marrying WAY out of my league” club on 27 June 09, when the beautiful AFSis became my bride. Tanker Babe was the Maid of Honor. She can tell you about the wedding. When I sent out pics to our CG, he responded, “Well, you definitely married up.”
Congratulations! Sometimes, someone comes along and you just know. Glad you found that someone.
February 22nd, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Holy Mother MacArthur, I have lost my crush. All because I don’t have a blog. Science, why have you forsaken me?! — Wishing you both very happy.
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Susan- Pictures are now posted at USO Girls http://usogirls.blogspot.com/2010/02/weekend-wrap-up.html
February 22nd, 2010 at 5:32 pm
I’ve offered to be a Bridesmaid and wear whatever Jamie wears.
Jonn, Sniper… care to join me? The wedding pictures alone will make milblog history.
February 22nd, 2010 at 6:39 pm
[...] Ain’t Hell, but you can see it from here – Beauty and the Blogger (Hat Tip: Mudville [...]
February 22nd, 2010 at 7:00 pm
Congrats to you both – Caroline (and friends) thanks for representing DFW so beautifully; I know the troops really appreciate it! Best wishes for a long and happy life together -
February 22nd, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Congrats…TSO kinda looks like one of them dudes in the Wizard of Oz Lollipop Guild!
http://gonemovies.com/WWW/MyWebFilms/Drama/WizardLollipop.jpg
February 22nd, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Absolutely beautiful ring and you guys look wonderful together. I am so glad he did it right since it is, hopefully, a once in a lifetime thing.
As to the royal blue taffeta dress – try ebay.:-;
February 23rd, 2010 at 12:47 am
Good to see that you haven’t changed, even all these years later. Classic story.
You saved my life a couple of years ago. I honestly believe that, and yet, you were thousands of miles away.
Background: Once upon a time, you and I took a long walk. From Virginia Beach to North Carolina. On the beach. No water, no food, just you and me setting out to do something epic, stupid, and memorable. My feet were bleeding before we reached North Carolina, fully sopping up through my shoes. Limping, my back was locking up, my hips were clicking, my knees buckling, and in my naivety, I was honestly worried about getting back.
I was in true pain. Not “oh, ow, that kinda hurts” pain. Fully white totally body enveloping pain. I don’t remember the exact words, but you started singing to distract me from it so we could carry on. I’m sure that the world took pity on us due to the largely incoherent screeching that we were producing about a log, a frog, a hair, a flea, all in the bottom of the sea.
Several years later when on another endeavor of epic stupidity, I found myself alone, but this time in true danger. I was quite literally hundreds of miles from civilization in a situation where I had a choice: Sit still and die, or move, sing, and live.
So, I sang.
I wept.
…..and I lived.
As such (and through a _very_ weird set of coincidences) I find myself here, reading this story only a few days after it happened.
TSO, you’re one of the most honorable, smartest, dedicated, and true people I’ve ever met.
Please accept my congratulations. I wish you both all the best that this universe can offer.
February 23rd, 2010 at 1:58 am
Congratulations, you guys!
February 23rd, 2010 at 7:04 am
I remember that day well “Full of.” I even remember the name of the ship at the end of that epic ill-fated ruck march, the “Clythea.” Why I remember that when I can’t remember breakfast is beyond me, but there it is.
I do not remember singing. Perhaps some jodies of an off-color nature. I also remember the next day that we sat on the board of my wind surfer soaking our feet in the atlantic and imbibing many liquid pain killers.
And enough of the regret and shame, everything happens for a reason, no sense carrying the Albatross 10+ years after you shot it.
Hopw you are okay now bud. Last I remember you were in Alaska.
February 23rd, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Apropos of comments 87 & 89, its the close-knit friendships and relationshipos among and between the good folks who blog here that are such a big part of why T.A.H. has rapidly become one of my favorite blogs and required reading on a several-times-a day basis.
I dont know any of you folks in person, but I admire and respect all of you and like to think that if we did meet at some point we’d be fast friends. If we played 6 Degrees of Seperation,
I am pretty sure some of my people in the service know (or have known) some of your people.
anyway…enough sappy stuff. keep up the great work.
February 8th, 2012 at 1:41 am
Best wishes! It’s too cool when people find love.
February 15th, 2012 at 12:33 am
Hahaha! I had forgotten the ginsu line! Still very sweet to read again…
February 15th, 2012 at 12:00 pm
Still/always a beautiful story that brings a tear to my eye
February 15th, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Happy Almost Engagement Anniversary to the Blogger and the one.
February 15th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Can you name your baby after me? POPEYE!
February 28th, 2012 at 3:43 pm
[...] Spring Break Destination: Afghanistan February 28th, 2012 This blog has given me a lot of things, ranging from a wife to a full time job that beats any other job except Infantry Squad leader. And so a few weeks ago [...]