Flag Officer Regional – Round One

| September 26, 2011 | 40 Comments

NOTE: VOTING CONCLUDED FOR THIS BRACKET. FOR RESULTS AND ROUND ONE OF THE SEEK HELP REGIONAL, JUST CLICK HERE.
Here we go folks, putting first one above the fold, rest of it beneath. This post will stay up until Tuesday night/Wed morning. Vote early, vote often. Polling stuff is at bottom.

For more info on any of these folks, go to the nomination thread and click the persons name.

Game 1: Ballduster McSoulpatch v. Pasty Cokehead

(1) Ballduster McSoulpatch – Michael Patrick McManus

Claims:
Order of the British Empire, SAS, CIB with two stars, Senior Master Jump Wings with a combat star, Distinguished Service Cross, a Distinguished Service Medal, Bronze Star, Purple Heart and a Silver Star. A Brigadier General, McManus retired and worked for the CIA. He’s a friend of both Steven Segal and the Dalai Llama. A gay rights activist, “U.S. Army Captain Michael McManus revealed that General Colin Powell knew he was gay while McManus was serving as his personal bodyguard, and that it made no difference to the general.” Frequently dresses on outlandish outfits, or naked on gay sites, and appears in his military outfit at political events.

Truth:
Official U.S. military records, which include MCMANUS’ form DD-214, indicate MCMANUS entered on Active Duty with the United States Army on November 11, 1984 and separated on March 31, 1987. During this period, MCMANUS attained the rank of Private First Class and a pay grade of E-1. The form DD-214 further indicates MCMANUS was awarded or authorized to wear only the following awards: an Army Service Ribbon; Overseas Service Ribbon; Expert Marksmanship Badge – Rifle; and Marksman Marksmanship Badge – Pistol. MCMANUS’ type of separation is Defined on the DD-214 as “Discharge” and the character of service is defined as “Under Honorable Conditions”, which is not the same as an “Honorable Discharge”.

VS

(8)  Pasty Cokehead – Kyle Barwan

Claims:
Claims to be a Ranger, MP, 1st Cavalry, a sniper, a First Lieutenant, and claimed to have served a tour in Iraq. Seen wearing ACUs, a beret (With 1st Lt. insignia), ranger tab, First Cavalry patch, Jump wings, and a combat infantry badge. He also claims to be a SILVER STAR RECIPIENT for “Dragging 8 guys away from an IED attack, and getting shot in the process.” Occasionally claims to be Petreaus’ son.

Truth:
He joined the U.S. Army National Guard in 2007 and was dishonorably discharged for impersonating an officer. Police in Knox County Indiana arrested him on charges of possession of cocaine and impersonating a public servant. A man arrested with Barwan was said by police to have believed that Barwan and he were “going around Indianapolis buying crack cocaine from people he thought were part of a secret military organization.”

Game 2:  Torpedo Tube General v. leprechaun with a pot of gold

(4) Torpedo Tube General – MG David Weber

Claims
Retired Major General MOS 0202. JAG attorney, NAVY SEAL (frogmen), retired 6-’93. Served in Lebanon, Vietnam, Cambodia, China, among others. At a VFW party he was wearing an aircrewman’s wings with Navy/Marine Corps parachute wings, and claimed he was awarded the Legion of Merit five times. He had regaled a reporter with tales of secret undercover work, covert missions and operations that stretched from submarines to the CIA and to the embassy rooftop in Saigon in 1975. “He insisted he was in Saigon when the last helicopter took off from the U.S. Embassy building, but he was there as a civilian, and that he was included in the team that went in to rescue the daughter of a Middle Eastern prince, who had been kidnapped. “I was included because I was a small guy and could fit into the torpedo tubes they used to put us ashore,” he said.

Truth
Was enlisted in the late 50′s early 60′s, never deployed. Weber was in a CH-34 squadron from 62 to 65 as an admin clerk in that outfit. LA Times reported he was a E6.

VS

(5) leprechaun with a pot of gold – David Baillie

Claims:
He is wearing the Silver Star, Soldier’s Medal, Bronze Star, ARMOR branch insignia, and the Expert and Combat Infantryman Badges. 20 Overseas Service Bars, which correspond with 10 YEARS of combat service. Facebook page claims

US Army /Armor Infantary
Ret educator/ author
yrs in far east theaters.Korea, Japan.

Also claims to be a college professor from UMASS, but spells college “collage.”

Started of career with 30th Inf. Regt. 3rd Inf. Division.
Attended Infantry School at Ft. Benning GA. Inf/Armor Tactics Assistant Instructor. Weapons Expert.
After a tour with The Infantry School as a Assistant Instructor. The 24th was in need of personnel. Off I went to Japan and Korea and did several tours. When I wasn’t in the 24th ID I was in the 1st Cav. Did tours in Korea and Vietnam. RECON and several are still classified. All in and about 12 years in Far east. Then went back to the world and finished with 10 + more yrs. , in 42nd Inf. Div. 142nd Tank Ban (which is no longer part of NYNG).

Truth:
2 years service, 56-58. Got out as Specialist 3rd Class. (Which was an E4 rank in 1958). Actual awards include the Jack and Shit awards.

Game 3: General Tower of Power v. The Young Gun(ny)

(3) General Tower of Power – Charles E. Baxter III

Claim:
Special Forces, Ranger, Airborne, CIB, Aviator Wings, Distinguished Flying Cross, Silver Star, Legion of Merit and Bronze Star. 3 Tours at SOCOM.

Truth:
It turns out he was actually in the Army, he even did a year in Vietnam driving landing craft, apparently. But his service was from January 1966 – December 1968, and he left the Army as a Private First Class. His records show no awards beyond the three medals everyone got for going to Vietnam. It appears that he isn’t even authorized to wear the Good Conduct Medal.

VS

(6)  The Young Gun(ny) - GYSGT Skyler Whalen (USMC)

Claim:
He claims to be a gunnery sergeant with four combat deployments, a drill instructor and a recruiter. He also claims to have earned a Silver Star, a Combat Action Ribbon with three stars, the Navy and Marine Corps Medal and others. Further:

My Name is Gunnery Sergeant Whalen, and a Good Friend of mine Corporal James H. Hoppers was Struck By a 7.92x33mm Round in the Throat, Died 5 Min. Later. July 18, 2009 we were on patrol, and from our right flank we took some HMG Fire, the first Lt. Jumped out and engaged while we all took formations, our First Lieutenant Running to the barrier we had found took multiple rounds to the left leg, Ignoring repetitive hits 1stLt. Hernandez was taking, he jumped from the barrier into line of fire, we immediately set down cover fire, Lopers knocked off his feet by a round in the left bicep, he started at the 1stLt again took multiple rounds to the back of his Back Plate in his vest, finally over the Barrier, the Corpsman started on Hernandez I tried stopping the Bleeding on his arm, he was laughing and I looked at him and asked what he was laughing at, and he said “I was Just starting to have a good day, but ain’t this a b-tch.” 4 days later, Corporal Hoppers was Promoted To Sergeant, And was proud to wear the Silver Star and The Purple Heart.

Truth:
The Marine Corps confirmed in an e-mail that there is no record of Whalen, a teen who appears to live in Kingman, Ariz.

Game 4: Pirate Lesbian vs. PFC Bling Bling

(2) Pirate Lesbian – LTC Warryck-Regan Lee Wolf

Claims:
Made LTC in 3 years of service with the Marine Corps. She claims to have led nighttime combat operations in Marjah Afghanistan on 01/12/11 of which her team hit 4 IEDs and were sent to an Iraqi Hospital. She has used several different units which include 2nd MEU 228th, and now 2nd Battalion, 8th Marines. Was a “0202 Marine Air/Ground Task Force MAGTF Intelligence Officer.” Awards include Bronze Star, Joint Service Achievement Medal, Afghanistan Campaign Medal. She speaks “Afghan-Dari” and has an “Arctic Circle Certificate (Bluenose)”, an “order of the Rock Certificate” and is a member of the “Brotherhood of the desert bees.” A super-mega-Lesbian, she was severely injured in repeated assaults in SC.

Truth:
Who knows, chick is batshit crazy. But, has been arrested for faking the attacks. Last time she visited us, she stated:

BUT I’M OUT, SORT OF…I REPORT DIRECTLY TO THE PENTAGON NOW; BUT IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THE CALL…ASK FOR COLONEL RONALD FAILE, DIRECT CO…AND BY THE WAY, E_BRAVO, I’VE SEEN A NUMBER OF ENLISTED AND OFFICERS ‘PINNED’…IT’S A PHENOMENAL FEELING SEEING IT..AND IF YOU’RE FEELING FROGGY, JUMP MY FRACKIN’ WAY, I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU…’HE/SHE SHIT’ NEVER HEARD THAT SORT OF TALK AMOUNG SOLDIERS UNTIL I GOT BACK HOME, AND IT’S COMING FROM PEOPLE LIKE U. I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO CONSIDER THE SOURCE…5 1/2 YEARS???? TRY 11 YEARS 8 MONTHS 18 DAYS. YOU DO KNOW HOW TO REACH THE DOD AT THE PENTAGON, CALL AND SEE WHAT COL RONALD FAILE HAS TO SAY TO YOU, AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO BE POLITE; HE’S EARNED IT, IF YOU DON’T GIVE HIM RESPECT HE ‘WILL’ TAKE IT FROM YOU. GOODLUCK HUNTING…THIS IS BECOMING JUST SAD TO WATCH U GUYS, I WANTED TO CONNECT, SHARE…BUT U DON’T WANT ME TO, THAT’S OK, I WON’T. DISMISSED!

VS

(7) PFC Bling Bling – Col Michael Delos Hamilton (USMC)

Claims
Spoke at various veterans’ events and claimed that he earned numerous awards for bravery and valor during the Vietnam War. Wears his Marine Corps uniform, colonel-rank insignia and military valor decorations, including the Navy Cross, Silver Star, Bronze Star and Purple Heart military medals. “(His) story was very emotional. It was a very good story,” said Sgt. Major Joe Houle, a retired veteran. “His resume says that from ‘61 to ‘69 he went from private to colonel … unheard of,” said Houle. “(To have) two Navy crosses and eight Purple Hearts and 16 Combat Action ribbons is (also) unheard of.”

Truth
It’s still unheard of. Court records indicate Hamilton served nine months and 12 days on active duty with the U.S. Marine Corps, was transferred to the temporary disability retired list in 1962 and was discharged in July 1967. His highest rank was private first class and his only award was a Rifle Qualification Badge, according to court documents. He also may or may not have back problems for carrying around more shit on his chest than Mr. T in his hayday.

VOTE NOW FOR YOUR WINNERS LOSERS:

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Category: Phony soldiers, Politics

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Comments (42)

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  1. TSO says:

    Is there not a survey at the bottom of yours?

  2. TSO says:

    Should be there now.

  3. TSO says:

    And everyone who already voted can do so again, luckily there weren’t many. Sorry about that, Survey Monkey is a little odd on embeds.

  4. Susan says:

    Such a difficult process. I find like my NCAA brackets, I tend to go with the seeds, but there were some very difficult calls.

  5. Beretverde says:

    It was one of the toughest group of individuals to vote for only one. My vote is secret… but a hint: R.H.I.P.!

  6. OWB says:

    Yep. Voted.

    Now we wait. Patiently.

    NO, I cannot be PATIENT!!

  7. DaveO says:

    Picking McSoulPatch for Grand Champion. What’s the prize again? He’s alreay got a set of big brass ones.

  8. RAK187 says:

    I think PFC bling bling is going to upset some folks. He looks like a fucking ventriloquist puppet!

  9. streetsweeper says:

    Done!

  10. OldSoldier54 says:

    I dunno … I waiver between McSoulPatch and Soup Sammich as the hands down Out There Looney Tunes Grand Master … it’s difficult … very difficult … but …

    So what would the prize be? For McSoulPatch, a fifty-five gallon drum of Vaseline cut with Novocain or for Soup Sammich, a lifetime supply of SAMe?

  11. Dano says:

    I vote for Ballduster McSoulpatch give him credit for being a total fucking retard who had basic training under his belt to know better yet wanted exposure. Give him the vote on this one since the crack head was just a militia fella being a typical fuck yet not attending a major function dressed up as a General Officer. Not that there is anything wrong being a fake as a junior Officer. Yet the fucko soulpatch gave his all for the total gusto to show off as a total full out frontline evil ass kicking mother fucker so yea. Soulpatch on this one.

  12. TopGoz says:

    Where can I write in a candidate; say, oh, I dunno, maybe one B. H. Obama who claims to be President of These Here United States of America. Why mess around claiming to be Special Forces or Special Operations or even Special Ed when you can go for the whole enchilada? Think big!

  13. I voted, and not being big on NCAA doings, I totally ignored the seed standings, and just hit on my favorites. I think I will do this Chicago style, “vote early, vote often”.

  14. melle1228 says:

    That was worse than voting between Clinton vs. Bob Dole..! Atleast it was more exciting and fulfilling. Picking out who is the “worst” is really, really close in some of those cases.

  15. Cedo Alteram says:

    Hey on the pirate lesbo, I noticed this…”A super-mega-Lesbian, she was severely injured in repeated assaults in SC”. I think this has more to do with her looks then being gay.

  16. NHSparky says:

    Always gotta go with a guy who claims to be a professor at UMASS but can’t spell “COLLEGE”. Other than that, went with the faves.

  17. TLM says:

    Hmm…Barwan is formidable (in his douchery), but not against the almighty powers of Ballduster McSoulpatch. It’s like using a sand blaster on a soup cracker.

  18. JonP says:

    Give ballduster a little slack. Not everyone can pull off wearing an Order Of The British Empire.

  19. The Sniper says:

    Ballduster, Leprechaun, 12 year old gunny, and pirate lesbian mental patient.

    Damn I wish it were this easy for football pools.

  20. Doc Bailey says:

    you know there ought to be a “commentary” of the “games” it would make for a real riot.

  21. AverageNCO says:

    The tough one for me was Pirate Lesbian vs. Bling Bling. Hamilton was repeat offender who thought other vets would belive his 7-year sprint to O6. But since he is already headed to jail, I had to give my vote to DogWoman errrr WolfWoman simply because of her stupendous photoshop efforts.

  22. Old Trooper says:

    Yeah, it’s hardf to beat ballduster as top of the steaming pile right out of the gate.

  23. S6R says:

    *proudly displays purple thumb*

    You had me at pirate lesbian.

  24. 2-17AirCav says:

    Vegas won’t allow wagering on the Ballduster/Barwan pairing and my local bookmaker just laughed when I asked him whether I can get action on it; that’s how lopsided this particular head-to-head is. He did mention that early action on Pirate isn’t holding up, that BlingBling is getting some play right now from the Pendleton and Quantico areas and that Torpedo Tube General and Leprechaun are drawing equal attention.

  25. bobble says:

    I’m a long-time lurker, but I could not resist voting. There more these jerk’s pics and names are out there, the better. Great job and thanks for your time and effort!

  26. Bobo says:

    I wanted to pull the lever for Baillie because of the UMass connection, but just couldn’t so it.

  27. This is so sad but its really awesome to recognize these shit-stains for what they really are….

  28. Alex says:

    Jesse Hall gets my vote for King Douchenozzle. Nothing funnier, or worse, than a faker who hates on his fellow fakers. JMHO

  29. Jack S says:

    boy that’s a tough bracket…. have to say that I’m looking for a Barwan Starchest vs the Pirate Lesbian for the climatic showdown

  30. Parachute Cutie says:

    How in the heck do I vote more than once? It won’t let me. Grrrrrrrrrr

  31. 2-17AirCav says:

    @34 Here, this might help. It was posted in another thread (Halftime Score) earlier today:

    FREE ADVICE FROM ACORN
    Greetings aspiring fraudulent voters! We are the recognized experts in the field of voter fraud, as certified by multiple grand juries, prosecutors, and judges. For those of you who are unaccomplished weasels and are having difficulty voting more than once, here’s some advice for Internet Explorer users. Clear your online history through Tools>Internet Options>Delete on your tool bar. No need to reboot but be sure to hit the browser refresh button! Happy repeated voting!–ACORN

  32. 1-5 says:

    i am a favorite of pfc blingbling

  33. John Chambers says:

    I was just thinking as I read all these, but most of these phonies are just nuts. The ones that really get to me are the ones who use actual military heroes as their cover story.

  34. Dave says:

    McManus gave himself 2 medals that only generals get.
    Baxter put his Ranger and Special Forces tabs on the wrong sleeve.
    Hamilton awarded himself Colonel rank and a medal only generals get (Defense Distinguished Service Medal)
    Oops!

  35. David Hack says:

    HOLY DOG SHIT! TALK ABOUT YOUR SOLID POSERS BAILLEE TAKES THE PRIZE! Did any of you see what he’s claiming? HE MUST FART A HELL OF A LOT BECAUSE HE’S SO FULL OF SHIT!

  36. MPmos5803 says:

    Guy named Ray P, claims he was a GnySgt USMC, also a STA Firearms Instructor and Combat Instructor. Know he went as high as LCpl and was a total ClusterF**k from 84 to 87. A real slick and smarmy POS, he cheated on his wife with his daughter’s POS teacher and she was also married to a Marine….

    Total Piece of Garbage!

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