Jonathan Sharkey – Probably a One Seed in our next Stolen Valor Tourney
When I say this dude is frutier than batshit, I mean it.
Meet Jonathan Sharkey:
Among his career highlights are:
Having the worst record as a candidate for public service I have ever seen: Although his status as a loser extends far beyond the political realm, this jackass has so far run for President twice, Congress in three different states, and governor of two states. He’s probably the only douche that could lose a debate to a mute.
He claims to be a Vampire, living on the blood of his mistresses and girlfriends: There is no way this round mound of hirsute jackassery got that rotund on blood. Seriously, go look at this picture and tell me this fat balding ball of fug got that fat from blood. Dude must be drinking it with a couple of hundred donuts. He looks like a Mr Potatohead with My Pretty Pony hair glued to it’s head.
He threatened to “impale” President Bush: Clearly not a real threat, as one could low crawl away from Hey Kool-Aid guy here, and just wait for his inevitable cardiac arrest. This guy is roughly as imposing as girl scouts selling cookies in front of Target. Which is ironic, because underage women are apparently all he can get.
He likes to essentially kidnap troubled underage girls: Dude, when you look like that, you have to go for the underage vampire chicks. First rule of being a fat, pasty, balding has-been is to go with what you know. It’s like fishing with dynamite, or hunting at the petting zoo, if that’s all you can do, you go with it. Problem here is that it is of course illegal. Naturally, he’s had plenty of problems with the law…
He likes to stalk: Which is ironic, because the the thought of this fatass sneaking up on anyone has me giggling. It’d be like Juraissic Park…there you are drinking your iced tea on the porch, and suddenly you see it sloshing back and forth. Earthquake? No, just that fat kid toucher trying to sneak up on the neighbors again. BTW- Is that a pterodactyl on your head, or plugs Mr. Impaler?
Anyway, this overstuffed balloon of fetid meat also has a Stolen Valor component to his atrocities. (That hair alone is worthy of investigation by the ICC.) This sasquatch looking turd burglar claims:
The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter).
Jonathon is also Sniper Trained and Qualified. He still practices his Sniper skills to this day.
During Jonathon’s 9 year total in the Army (DEP, AD, IRR, RES. NG and AGR), he was assigned to – Ft. Sill, OK, Ft. Benning, GA, Ft. Bragg, NC, Ft. Riley, KS, Ft. Dix, NJ and Ft. Monmouth, NJ. He did his Desert Training at White Sands, NM and an ARTEP at Ft. Drum, NY.
Jonathon is presently 100% Service-Connected by the Department of Veterans Affairs, as a result of his undergoing Total Left Knee Replacement.
Of course he had a knee replacement, hell, even tank treads wear out, and an Abrahms only weighs half of what Ninja jones here weighs. Now, would it suprise you to learn that his claims are completely full of shit? Anyone know any SF Sniper in history that only has a Army Service Ribbon and a Sharpshooter badge?
Anyway, hardass lardass here likes to send obscenity laced emails around, and threaten litigation, no doubt thanks to the 18 days he spent in the Army as a “Legal Specialist.” After the fold, read the charming C-Bomb laced email he sent Mary from POW Network.
STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING AHEAD
Greetings Asswipes, Mary and Chuck Schantag,
Lookie lookie what I found – http://www.veteranvoice.com/forums/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=279
It seems in the posting you wrongly picked on other Vets too. Fuck you BITCHES!
Solid start there, I mean it has everything: a link to a piece written years ago, strong language, over-capitalization. Just straight up catching fire early.
But can he maintain the intensity?
Now, since you CUNTS want to act up, lets act up. I know where you live. So, here’s a challenge to you both, and any other CUNT that works for you.
Being from a descent of the greatest ruler ever – Prince Vlad Tepes aka The Impaler, I challenge you and those who work for you to a battle to the death in 2 months at Ft. Dix, NJ. In Jersey, the weak are killed and eaten. we are the greatest best, and most bad ass state in the UNION!
It will be on the lines of the Deadliest Warrior – http://tkohub.com/deadliest-warrior-sun-tzu-vs-vlad-the-impaler-video-s02e10-online-stream make sure you watch the part at 7 minutes.
Notice the completely unhinged use of obscenity, the ridiculous capitalization etc. I’m thinking fat ass here has been spending more time with steaks than stakes, and the only impaling he has been a part of was when he was staring at the business end of a fellow inmates stake in the Indiana prison system.
No firearms though. Medieval weapons. I will have U.S. Secret Service Agents I know from jersey be monitors of the battle, because, I don’t trust you domestic terrorists.
Like Vlad, I will beat you, torture you, IMPALE you, then dismember you and when all is said and done, I will decapitate you all, and your heads will be used that night for a Satanic Ritual. My God will be praised the day.
If you do not to accept my challenge in 24 hours, I will forward this email to the media, Soldier of Fortune Magazine (Col. Brown knows me by one of my other names), Veterans Magazines.
Then I will come to MIZZ with a film crew, and call you out. When you step outside your home, with cameras rolling, I will go Jersey on you, and beat the fuck out of you.
If you refuse to come outside, I will show all the world what a bunch of cowardly little fucks you are!
I await your response.
In Lucifer’s name -
Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,
Love the threats, I mean seriously, it makes me chuckle. Okay tough guy, come on up to Indy, we can fight on the War Memorial Grounds. You bring your Secret Service friends, and I will bring my equally imagined companions: Smurfette, Nessie, one of the dwarfs from the Council of Elrond, an Amish porn star, several Minions from Despicable Me, and several of your girlfriends from the Niagra Falls area. You don’t think there is anyone that believes your horseshit do you? Being an internet tough guy falls apart when you look like a Manatee with back hair and a bald pate. Colonel Brown (yes, I’ve met him when I worked for the NRA) couldn’t give two shits about your idiotic ramblings, and I work for a veterans magazine, and I know we’d laugh and throw balogna at your fat ass if you tried to show up here with that idiotic video.
But, ok Sally, I’m accepted your lace glove challenge. Only, just to make it even I will fight with a plastic spork. Shit, all I’d have to do is walk in a circle and watch you crawl around like Jabba until your heart quits pumping. I’d probably fling pudding at you just to speed up the process.
Now, I put the odds at fairly high that he threatens us with a lawsuit. Good, kindly do so. I’ve read your idiotic legal taunts over at POW Network myself, and I actually have some knowledge in the subject, so, unlike you, I actually know what the hell I am talking about. Bring it on sweet-tits.
Do your plane-mates a favor though and buy two seats, no one wants your lard hanging over the seat divider into their face. Also, your moustache looks ridiculous unless you are trying to find the six-fingered man who killed your father.
UPDATE: Ohes Noes! The DOJ is gonna come for me!!!!!11!
Hey Markie, I’ve read about about you. We’ll see what DOJ says!
Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey
My response:
Yes, kindly forward them to me. You do know I have a law degree, and your threats of suits really doesn’t impress me, right?
You should start taking medication, I think you’ve slipped a few gears.
He followed that with another lawsuit threat, and is now commenting below.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:16 am
He looks like Ron Jeremy meets Guy Fawkes.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:33 am
Did this dude drink a tainted pint of O- or something? Seriously, what a flaming pile of prison sissy!! TSO would curb-stomp his ass in the first 30 seconds…. But, to save some money, why doesn’t this fanger kickstart a 9mm in his mouth?
October 27th, 2011 at 10:39 am
On 22 Apr 94, Jonathon received national media attention in Indianapolis as Rocky Flash, when he first climbed into an IndyCar (owned by Project Indy a CART Team) in hopes of racing in the Indy 500. Later that day, President Nixon died in Jonathon’s home state of NJ.
… coincidence? I don’t think so. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
October 27th, 2011 at 10:48 am
Jersey, huh? I think we found OG’s boyfriend.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:50 am
@1 I was thinking he was Ron Jeremy and Tom Cruise’s love child…
October 27th, 2011 at 10:51 am
Nice post. I put the coffee down as soon as I saw the picture of Vlad’s head. A couple of my personal favs:
He’s probably the only douche that could lose a debate to a mute.
He looks like a Mr Potatohead with My Pretty Pony hair glued to it’s head.
Bring it on sweet-tits.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:54 am
I bet he’s an ultimate warrior at the Ren Faire.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:59 am
Hopefully, he’ll show up here and get to experience some real pain.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:59 am
Mrs. TSO…nah, even the geeks laugh at him because he can’t get past the turkey leg/mead tents.
October 27th, 2011 at 11:03 am
I still think he should save TSO the trouble, and kickstart a 9mm in his mouth.
October 27th, 2011 at 11:06 am
Another “made my morning” post. What a fat useful douche.
October 27th, 2011 at 11:10 am
Dear God that was funny. Seriously, this shit topped off my morning. Thanks JL. I am curious however, about the comment he made “in Jersey the weak are killed and eaten” Why didnt his mother follow this advice around the time he was born? Some people should have been shower babies.
October 27th, 2011 at 11:21 am
I was going to point out his resemblence to Ron Jeremy and then Adirondack Patriot adds the whole Guy Fawkes angle and I just have to say to AP I am in awe, well done sir.
October 27th, 2011 at 11:22 am
Ditto what S6R said. The Ron Jeremy/Guy Fawkes thing is so incredibly apt I hate myself for not seeing it. AP +10
October 27th, 2011 at 11:37 am
Wow, he does like Mr Potato Head with hair and face fuzz. How could anybody have that many MOSes in only 9 years?
“Pull out the eyes, pull out the nose, flush the toilet and away he goes— flushing Mr Potato Head.”
October 27th, 2011 at 11:44 am
Wow. You know, he reminds me of someone who was an ultimate level sorcerer in this MUD I used to play. Nazgul…is that you??
This just busts me up in a big way. I can’t tell you how much I really really want him to follow through and show up in person. Challenge accepted!
October 27th, 2011 at 11:55 am
Fortunately I finished the last of the coffee before getting to this one or I’d be waiting for Costco to open to shop for a new laptop. Ron Jeremy/Guy Fawkes, that just takes it hands down.
October 27th, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Greetings In Blood,
Jonn, in regards to your email, I’m already famous. Nothing you put on here hasn’t already been said. If I had kidnapped anyone, I would have been arrested. so, you look stupid.
If you know anything, my left knee was snapped during a pro-wrestling match with WCWO on 14 Jun 08 in IRAQIANA –
http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi1375274521/
PRESCRIPTION Steroids do make you gain water weight and lose your hair. BUT, have you seen the latest video of me, filmed 3 days after my last knee operation – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtxdxgwL7gI I look good!
The world has known I’ve drank blood since 2005. I’ve been filmed doing it.
And unlike your friends who were arrest for trafficking –
http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/pow-network-skidmore-missouri-c362446.html
The Impaler does not do illegal drugs, nor do I sell them. Drugs dealers like your friends, belong on Impaling Stakes.
HELL is GREAT!
Hail Lucifer!
Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey
October 27th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Couldn’t stop laughing.
October 27th, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Johnathan…how’s about a nice big bag of dick for lunch? I hear those have lots of blood in them if you get em at the right time.
October 27th, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Dear Jonathon The Dick Inhaler;
No threats of a federal lawsuit (whatever that is) like in your email? Did you think again because of my mention of the discovery phase?
By the way, I’m either a werewolf or a mummy, I haven’t decided which yet.
October 27th, 2011 at 12:30 pm
This is increadibly funny!!!!
October 27th, 2011 at 12:31 pm
These poser turds are so predictable.
Always go for the lawsuit threats when called out.
October 27th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
OMG I posted after a real live vampire!!!1!!!!111!
You sack of shit!
October 27th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Wow, Jonathan the Rectum Impaler Sharkey, you are a unique flower. Please show us some of your sweet sweet machete/katana (lol) combinations so that we can be in awe of your might!
Seriously though, this has totally made my day!
October 27th, 2011 at 12:35 pm
The Princess Bride reference is priceless. This steaming pile of DERP has about 200 pounds on that guy though.
October 27th, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Dude, I am a fucking GINGER! that means I am more of a vampire than his ass! I mean the lack of a skin pigment, the severe burning in sunlight, and having worked at night for a long time….. Yeahhhhh fuck him!
October 27th, 2011 at 12:55 pm
“Hey Markie, I’ve read about about you. We’ll see what DOJ says!”
LMAO. I’m sure Eric Holder is going to drop everything to defend the honor and reputation of one Sharkey Malarkey.
Sharkey, you are so ho-hum. Go to Coney Island. The Boardwalk is loaded with washed up gypsies and tatoo freaks who have been shilling that “Vlad the Impaler” act for years. Hell, my neighbor’s poodle is more “evil.”
October 27th, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I didn’t know we could count DEP as part of our actual service. First there was Snake Eyes now this douche in NJ. Way to make the rest of the state look like idiots.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:02 pm
It’s that time again. Allow me. I really like this part:
“You have reached This Ain’t Hell. Your lawsuit is very important to us but our paralegals are busy helping other plaintiffs. Please select from the following menu options:
PRESS 1 If you have sued us and would like to withdraw your suit;
PRESS 2 If you would like to sue us but need our business address to do so;
PRESS 3 If you have lost your suit against us and would like to apologize;
PRESS 4 If you are merely threatening to sue us;
PRESS 5 For all other matters.
Please stay on the line and a paralegal will be with you shortly.” (Hold music: In-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA)
October 27th, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Oh man……..I almost made it through this without the nose thrusters until this:
“But, ok Sally, I’m accepted your lace glove challenge. Only, just to make it even I will fight with a plastic spork. Shit, all I’d have to do is walk in a circle and watch you crawl around like Jabba until your heart quits pumping. I’d probably fling pudding at you just to speed up the process.”
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH thank you!!
October 27th, 2011 at 1:24 pm
You guys have it all wrong: it’s not Vampire, it’s Vampyre!
Note to Vlad, I mean Jonathon: 1) IMDb entries have more veracity and are more interesting when they’re not written by the subject themselves. 2) If you must write your own IMDb entry, please refrain from writing the same things twice, thrice, or more in the trivia section. Also, correct usage of grammar and punctuation is greatly appreciated. 3) Most people wouldn’t brag about having a wife who is 19 days older than their daughter. That doesn’t make you a stud, it makes you a Creeper. 4) I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there’s no such thing as vampires. Or Vampyres. Perhaps you are suffering from Porphyria. See a doctor. And unless you are a breathless, brainless teen-aged girl, there’s nothing remotely alluring about pretending to be a vampire, unless you look like Robert Pattinson, which you don’t.
Hugsies!
October 27th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Sorry guys and gals, I can’t read anymore comments, I’m too busy laughing. Great intial story and comments by TSO and then Jonn and his merry bunch of marauders get going and it’s a full fledged laughathon.
I nominate AP for comments of the day.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Holy sweet fanny Moses, The Simpsons comic book guy went gothapotamus. I bet this fat fuck couldnt lift an M24 even if you covered it in Chili and Mustard. Why do these retards come from the Jersey Guard? last time it was 1SG Airsofter
October 27th, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I hear he couldnt “Impale” a baby Squirrel, even when he can find the member under all that bloodblubber
And why would ANYONE brag about doing an ARTEP at Ft. Drum, NY? I know thousands who have done the same without claiming to be vampirella. FFS twas a yearly thing to do at Drum. It’s like saying I dug a Foxhole so I’m a Combat Engineer
OMFG I must Be Wolverine as I’ve done half a dozen ARTEP there.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I was kinda hoping for some Obama girl comments today. I guess she had enough yesterday.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:38 pm
@1…THANKS!!! That’s who I thought of when I saw that foto myself, but couldn’t think of his name…
October 27th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Do feminist vampyres take womyn’s studies in college?
October 27th, 2011 at 1:44 pm
@18: you said “If you know anything, my left knee was snapped during a pro-wrestling match with WCWO on 14 Jun 08 in IRAQIANA –”
Yet your IMBD profile has you saying “Jonathon is presently 100% Service-Connected by the Department of Veterans Affairs, as a result of his undergoing Total Left Knee Replacement.”
Now, if it was service connected, fine, but either you’re lying now, or you lied on your IMBD profile; which is it? If it happened in the ring and you are now claiming VA benefits for it, I will make it my personal mission to have you arrested and charged with defrauding the federal government.
Your move hero.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:46 pm
OT- on his dopey YouTube video he claims it was a traffic accident. He’s full of it, and yes, we are forwarding everything to VAOIG.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Okay, for those playing at home, go back to Jonathan’s post up there and this time when you’re reading it, use Bella Lugosi’s accent…for more fun, pretend Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ is playing softly in the background.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Also you have this on your bio: “Special Forces Sniper Tattoo on his right forearm”
Maybe bobogirl can come on here and have her bf put this guy through the wringer?
October 27th, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I bet this guy buys hamsters at the pet store and impales them on toothpicks.
October 27th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
#38: BWAHAHA! Badum-bum.
#42: Don’t forget, it was a Special Forces Sniper tattoo…with Vampyre fangs! Heh.
October 27th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I just called Mrs. Botchagaloop, my favorite Italian widow from Arthur Avenue in the Bronx.
As a special favor to me, and due to her inestimable hatred towards the State of New Jersey for allowing the anti-Italian series “The Sopranos” to be made there, she has generously agreed to put the maloika on this long-haired Transylvanian and protect us from any evil hex he or his Tranny ancestors may conjure up.
Oh, and she wanted me to tell his women-hating Tranny ass: Aaaaaayyy, vaffanculo, testa di merda!
October 27th, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Oh for fucks sake this is bringing back memories of an ex. Though I will admit her claiming she’s an immortal vampire with a black heart has kept me laughing for at least 6 years now. She wasn’t as motivated as this Hutt though, she just wrote bad poetry, worse anime fanfiction and moped around in a vapid state I’ve since started equating with the OWS movement.
Any bets that this moron couldn’t tell you who Vlad Tepes fought off to become as famous as he was?
October 27th, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Clearly it wasn’t a buffet table he was fighting off.
October 27th, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Wow.
A pic of insipid!
Game over man… he’s like, seen Stuff… and done Sh*t mannn.
October 27th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
TSO, you just gave me the best birthday present ever. I damn near peed myself.
Oh, and AP… The Ron Jeremy/Guy Fawlkes comment was Gold Medal materiel!! Awesome.
October 27th, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Although, I think I see a strong “Jon Lovitz” influence there as well. I keep expecting him to say “Yeah…. THAT’S the ticket”
October 27th, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Hill. Air. E. Us.
October 27th, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Man, it is stoopid to cross Mary and Chuck of you are a loud-mouthed wannabe with an inflated resume.
October 27th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
what is this I don’t even
October 27th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
@ #47
My secretary just came in my office and asked me if I was alright. That made me bust out laughing even more!
October 27th, 2011 at 5:01 pm
HOLY SHIT! Is this dude for real? He does know that blood in the stomach will make you sick. Its actually designed that way. oh well this was funny as shit.
October 27th, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Holy bongo-playing Jesus! This is comedy gold – especially the Guy Fawkes/Ron Jeremy references – although I’m betting the resemblance to the Hedgehog stops right at the huge, likely hairy gut! I’m betting Impaler Jr. is more likely comparable to hedgehog wang!
Tool!!!!
October 27th, 2011 at 5:23 pm
@47 TSO
I would say that he was fighting a buffet table and the buffet won a decisive victory!
To misquote Ferdinand Foch “Ham pressed on my right. My center is expanding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I feast.”
October 27th, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Hmmm, Vlad Batstool?
October 27th, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I want to thank everyone for your comments. Please continue to comment about me, it only helps my IMDb STARmeter ranking.
As far as my knee. I’ve been S/C for my knees since mt ETS. On 14 Jun 08, I was actually wearing a brace on my left knee in the ring. I got the brace from the Indy VAMC. Before my knee was snapped, the brace snapped. Great medical equipment.
DonJoy however, has told the VA they guarantee if I wear their knee braces in the ring, the braces will not snap. Hence, my knee won’t snap.
I threatened the Tampa VAMC with a Federal lawsuit if they didn’t send me to Dr. Guttentag (Team Medical Director for the Tampa Bay Lightning), and allow Guttentag to do a TKR. His knee is good for 30 years. VA’s 10-15.
Now how bad is that. If a Veteran has his knee replaced at the VA, its only good for 10-15 years. But, if they go to someone like Dr. Guttentag, they get one good for 30 years. What’s wrong with that picture?
Please keep talking about me. It feeds my very large ego.
Quoting Gene Simmons – Its good to be me.
I have a nice 19 year old girlfriend who lives with me. She’s part Russian. And …. for me to know *,…,*
October 27th, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Wow. This dude is living in fantasy land. I mean this isn’t a joke right? He really means this right? HOLY shit this is funny.
October 27th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
“Its good to be me”
Yeah, it wasn’t so good to be you down in Rice County (Faribault),though; was it there Vlad jr.?
October 27th, 2011 at 6:22 pm
Plus, Vlad jr., I was wondering why your records don’t show your time spent in Special Forces as a sniper.
October 27th, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I think his mustache is trying to spit his face out in that picture.
October 27th, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Vlad is another Soup without the nuts.
October 27th, 2011 at 6:27 pm
@John – it looks like his ass spat his head out first.
October 27th, 2011 at 7:48 pm
FYI for people asking about the 100% SC issue. If the knee of a veteran was injured during service and a C&P examiner decides the injury led to the need for the total knee replacement then the veteran is automatically 100% SC for the first year after the knee is replaced. The injury doesn’t have to be related to his military job, it just has to have occurred during his service.
For example, if a veteran slipped and fell when someone pushed him from behind as he reached for a bar of soap on the bathroom floor and ended up with torn ligaments, etc. and eventually needed the knee replaced it would be service connected. Once a year post-surgery is up then the veteran is re-evaluated by C&P.
October 27th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Jonn and TSO, CONGRATULATIONS for another high-hitting commentary-counting post! This is simply FABULOUS! It’s so great that I logged in from home just to read this thread!
Vlad, Moron, “Jonathan the Impaler,” whatever: Who in DOJ did you contact? The U.S. Attorney’s Office, Main DOJ’s Criminal Division, the National Security Division, the Civil Rights Division? You have NO IDEA how many crank calls we (at DOJ) get! You should have gotten the standard answer: Call the FBI and report the threat. Your response from the FBI: Crickets chirping. When I was in the old Terrorism and Violent Crime Section, I had two individuals who called me for YEARS with their various complaints. The FBI never acted on their complaints.
And I won’t even comment upon your completely illegal offer to engage in a duel using medieval weapons. If you actually had U.S. Secret Service “friends,” using the rather unique statutory law enforcement powers granted to them, they’d have your ass hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation.
October 27th, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Wow very interesting fella. Wonder if he can demonstrate his skill at impalement? hmmm amazing. Wow there is alot of talent out there. Maybe he can shed more light on this skill set so we in the normal land can thus write up a proper Resume and get a wicked dark night job? Amazing non the less. Imperil, and imperious he be yet he is a impeller.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:01 pm
This guy knows he can’t bullshit us right? i mean this is a joke? C’mon people he can’t be that fucking retarded. Can he?
October 27th, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Be honest Bob- Are you the one investigating me for the made up crime of harassing a Presidential candidate? Just level with me Bob, am I going to federal pound me in the ass prison? Cause lord knows the fear will keep me awake until at least 9:15.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Hey Trooper, I was never in jail in Fairbault – http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2010/02/jonathan_sharke_1.php And as far as threatening Bush, the article says – “Impaler” PLEDGES to Impale Bush – http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/40932-impaler-pledges-to-impale-bush Where does it say I threaten him?
To Anonymous, you are correct. My knees have been S/C since my ETS. My TKR was on 29 Nov 10 -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4laXxd1CZP8 On 7 Mar 11, they had to do a MUA – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOEYN1uQXYg&feature=related and then I had to have surgery on my left knee on 11 Oct 11 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtxdxgwL7gI They had to pull my quad muscle off the thigh bone, stretch it and re-attach it. They also discovered I have Abundant Scar Formation.
I was wearing a brace given to me by the Indy VAMC on the night of 14 Jun 08 when my knee was snapped in the ring. the brace snapped, then my knee. Hence the reason for the TKR.
People, my IMDb STARmeter is presently at 9,385. with all your talking about me, I expect it to be higher when the new STARmeter comes out on Monday. I want to thank you all for it.
In Lucifer’s Name
October 27th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Doc–as we’ve seen with other trolls around here (OG, king, buttmunch, Sealy McChippendale) yes, they CAN be that fucking retarded.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Holy Shiite, I go out to the Ranger Camp for some photos yesterday, spend time today uploading and placing them, and miss all this. This post is better than some of the photos:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2305741758123.2111250.1086639350&type=1&l=a81b358041
What a large sissy. And so full of imagination. I would wager that he actually thinks “that woman” who claims to have spawned him, actually did.
Just one more test tube experiment gone terribly wrong.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Oh… Can hyou change the name of the article from Probably a one seed to Probably KING seed?
In Lucifer’s Name
October 27th, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I can picture TSO all freaked out about it now, clutching his Sarnac Lager, staring intently at the TV while Firefly plays on the Netflix, leans over, and rips a nice fat wet one.
Face it Vlad, Johnathon, shitforbrains, or whatever name you’re going by this week–the fat retarded kid on YouTube at least had SOME entertainment value attached to him when he tried to play with his light saber. You, not so much.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:24 pm
If you make so much damn money, why are you on a dopey blog? And yeah, I am certain you would love to be the poster child for Stolen Valor, and I predict you will be.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:27 pm
http://www.newschannel5.com/story/9122944/self-proclaimed-vampire-king-wants-to-create-commune?redirected=true
Wanted on Felony charges in Indiana for threatening a Judge. Wow, that doesn’t sound like our friendly Satan worshiper.
What an assclown.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:27 pm
@70 TSO: The short answer is “no.” You would probably be offered statutory immunity, pursuant to 18 USC 6002 and 6003, to testify against this moron. But I can’t make promises, and the decision to seek immunity and to grant it isn’t within my power. His relative culpability is greater because he has OFFERED the duel, and yours is less because you have offered to ACCEPT the duel, even though the duel is entirely unrealistically hypothetical. No self-respecting U.S. Attorney’s Office would TOUCH this “case” (although given the Civil Division under this Administration, who can tell?).
So go to bed at a decent hour without fear, TSO.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:29 pm
So I can also put away the Code Duelo? I was already to pick my second. I was trying to think of other people who could kick his ass…Stephen Hawking, Al Davis, Bette White, Christoper Reeves…
October 27th, 2011 at 8:31 pm
I really appreciate all the laughs. I was feeling bummed out by Jesus Diaz getting 2 fricking years for performing his job. Call your congresscritters about this injustice.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Wow! Just WOW! @77 TSO. Threatening a judge? Judges have a VERY poor sense of humor about this kind of thing.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:34 pm
TSO and Jonn:
These are the types of posts that make it fun to read this blog.
Hey Sharkey,”Lighten up Francis” and grow the F-up.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:35 pm
To Anonymous, you are correct.
Wow. I thought the slipping in the shower bit was a shot in the dark. Please don’t share the details.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:37 pm
@Bob – “No self-respecting U.S. Attorney’s Office would TOUCH this “case”…”
UNLESS, of course, Vlad the Cock Inhaler claimed to be an underrepresented religious minority seeking to protect his right to rub one out at the altar of Baphomet with a photo of TSO’s face carefully glued over the goat, and claiming religious persecution and consequent PTSD, requiring psychiatric treatment.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:38 pm
TSO–don’t throw Betty White up against the poor douchebag, I mean, after all, you want to give him at least a LITTLE chance, don’t you?
Go with Rose Kennedy. Wait–gotta clarify–Rose ELIZABETH Kennedy.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:40 pm
I wonder if they will print this?
http://www.merareview.com/33209/owners-arrested.html
http://www.valorvultures.freewebpages.org/
http://www.veteranstodayforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=1181
In Lucifer’s Name
October 27th, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Veteran’s Today? Only if we need the laughs, m’boy. Only for the laughs.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Holy shit! He’s on to us.
Um, do you have an actual source on that? You know, something that might be a newspaper, or perhaps an arrest blotter? Because it a) isn’t true b) is part of the libel against the Schontag’s and c) doesn’t have jack shit to do with you.
Any man that would use the C-bomb in an email to a woman they don’t know, is clearly a classless pussy. I challenge you to show me one erudite, intellectual person in history throwing the C-bomb around like you do. Don’t you have a speech to give to homeless vampires somewhere?
October 27th, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Sharkey–still not as gay as Twilight, but working on it.
October 27th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
C’mon leave the guy alone! Isn’t it enough that he’s banned from Kayak.com.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjpG0D4WyqQ&feature=related
October 27th, 2011 at 9:06 pm
@84 Nicki, No, the U.S. Attorney’s Offices would not take even THAT case, it would have be Main Justice’s Civil Rights Division to espouse that kind of crap.
Erm, I noticed that “Jonathan” didn’t bother, @86, to confirm whether he got the standard DOJ response.
Its time to go to bed, I have work tomorrow. I’ll check back in the morning. But,now with 90+ responses, I say again, GOOD JOB TSO and Jonn on posting a story worthy of so many comments!
October 27th, 2011 at 9:17 pm
I was calling the guys CUNTS too. I’m from Jersey. Mercy, caring, compassion is not what we are taught growing up. BTW, the mustache was for a photoshoot as Vlad. Haven’t had it in months.
And as far as my weight, most people on prescription steroids gain weight and water weight. I am on Clen and T3 now. Lost over 20 lbs in a month *,…,*
I do how you people dont voice your opinion about how the VA gives Veterans joints that dont last half as long as civilian doctors give their patients. That really sucks!
In Lucifer’s Name.
October 27th, 2011 at 9:23 pm
When I do a post about that subject I will cover it, this post was about a lying asshole who made up his military career.
BTW- in your email you said not to contact you again or you would file harassment charges but then you commented here. You really need to seek legal advice, because you are shitting all over your case.
Incidentally, I’ll just contact the DA you said would sue me, I’m sure he’ll want the documents to get started.
October 27th, 2011 at 9:30 pm
What happened to my last post? I hit the “submit comment” button. When I post from work, my comments are always “Awaiting” confirmation or something.
Nicki @84, no U.S. Attorney’s Office would STILL touch that claim, it would have to take the special idiocy of Main Justice’s Civil Rights Division.
And, I noticed that “Jonathan,” @86 didn’t comment upon whether he got the standard DOJ response.
And what is “Clen and T3″? In my line of work, a T-3 is a federal electronic surveillance authorization. Are we listening to your phones, Jonathan? Maybe your emails? Go on, you can tell me, Jonathan. I’ll go and look up your Title III affidavits for a good laugh!
I’ll check this blog in the morning for a response.
October 27th, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Jonathon–mercy, caring, and compassion are about the only things that kept you alive as long as they have, m’boy.
That and a whole fuckload of pity. The poster upthread was right. You should have been a shower baby.
October 27th, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Like the little puss that Sharkey is, you just told me that I was harassing him for responding to his email, and that he was friends with the DA and huge in GOP Politics. Savor the deliciousness of an unhinged lunatic who starts off with an email threatening people who then runs and hides like a 4th grade girl.
Real tough guy this one.
October 27th, 2011 at 9:33 pm
Huge in GOP politics? Cause he’s running as a fringe candidate? He’s about as Republican/conservative as Bloomberg.
Hint to liberal douchebags–look it up before you flame me.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:11 pm
You guys got it wrong, he meant he was huge, and in politics.
And, Sparky, can I join in? He’s about as Republican/conservative as John Huntsman.
October 27th, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Clen=clenbuterol
t3=thyroid hormone
October 27th, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Folks, with Sharkey’s background in pro-wrasslin’ I think we’re just getting played in his game of “Kayfabe”. He is being honest about one thing, it’s all just for publicity. Of course the sad thing is he tried to give himself credentials by slamming great Americans like Chuck & Mary Schantag. News Flash Count Chocula! We’ve all seen the bogus stories about the Schantags before, they were dreamed up by morons just like you. http://www.pownetwork.org/phonies/any_lengths.htm And PLEASE! come up with a better source for your info than Frank Dux! The guy who claimed to win his Bloodsport Tournament in the Asia even though there were receipt showing he bought his trophy in North Hollywood! Finally, as a career military dental technician, let me say your “fangs” are nothing more than ordinary cuspids. I’ve seen scarier teeth on 12 year olds.
October 28th, 2011 at 12:02 am
“t3=thyroid hormone” — HAH!! He’s not fat! He has a thyroid problem! LMAO!!!!!
October 28th, 2011 at 12:05 am
Christ normal folks in Jersey just can’t win. They got this guy, who for all we is only good at slaying the dollar menu at McDonald’s, and the entire cast of Jersey Shore, who make millions for being legally retarded.
October 28th, 2011 at 12:14 am
Flab the Inhaler says his 19 year old girlfriend is half Russian… What’s the other half… Siberian Huskie? He must be counting her age in dog years.
What a fucktard.
October 28th, 2011 at 12:14 am
Sparky, i just can not believe this. I mean I think this is some sort of gag and he’s going to pop out and say “i was just fucking with you guys”
October 28th, 2011 at 12:29 am
After I finished laughing over the pretty pony observation, I remembered something I had read in a UK paper. Sure enough:
“My first impression was of his size. There’s no way a former Para, who has lived through the discipline we had to face, would allow himself to put on so much weight unless he had a medical condition.” 3 Para veteran Kenny Watt describing a wannabe at a Falklands memorial.
Thyroids! Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket. I gots me a thyroid problem.
October 28th, 2011 at 12:30 am
Oh, no–he’s serious, in his own way. He’s the kind of guy you’d have midwatch conversations about, right Ray?
That subject in and of itself is a thread and a half.
October 28th, 2011 at 12:31 am
Ya know what, I think I HAVE seen this guy before–wasn’t he the same fat fuck who is suing White Castle for not making the seats big enough to fit his fat ass?
October 28th, 2011 at 12:31 am
He probably needed as many parachutes as an air dropped HMMWV.
October 28th, 2011 at 12:34 am
(Col. Brown knows me by one of my other names)
Like, “That crazy dipshit <is on line two again. Can’t we change this number?”
October 28th, 2011 at 12:36 am
I let myself get fat once. Then I said fuck it you get more tail being skinny. So now I work out religiously. this fuckstick obviously doesn’t know that there are a lot of workouts that don’t involve knees that he *could* have done if he really were the bad ass he says he is.
I bet you its a guy who plays wow for 80+ hours a week.
October 28th, 2011 at 1:44 am
TSO, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to be a cage fighter.
October 28th, 2011 at 2:21 am
Wow, this guy should be in his own bracket againt ballduster and soup. Either that or someone do Jersey a favor and get him a straight jacket and rubber room
October 28th, 2011 at 2:23 am
He’ll just chew through it with his fangs!!!
October 28th, 2011 at 2:26 am
Wasn’t Snake Eyes from Jersey too? Vampire, bad acting, phony to the gills…something in the water there, boys and girls.
October 28th, 2011 at 10:58 am
I think I peed a little. The initial story by Jonn was spot on and hilarious. The preceeding comments? Bladder incontinence causing. Great stuff. This idiot does realize that Vlad was assassinated during his third reign, right? Not trying to be a paranoia monger or a human “Magic 8 Ball” but running for public office (Winning???) and claiming relation to an assassinated head of state, albeit in the mid 15th Century, is not a good thing. Could possibly wind up like your supposed relation. Just saying. Thanks for allowing a liberal (me) to comment on your page. I agree with 99.9% of what you comment and write about. Keep up the great work. Loving it!!!
October 30th, 2011 at 9:37 pm
He does have experience with lawsuits; one federal judge commented, during a case where Flab the Burger Inhaler was suing his ex wife and her mother for $6,000,000.00 (which, surprise surprise, he lost)that:”Mr. Sharkey has established a four year pattern of filing multiple vexatious and harassing lawsuits in federal courts under various names, including Rocky Flash, Rocky Hurricane, Darth Hurricane, Jonathon Sharkey, Jonathon “the Impaler” Sharkey, Kathleen Sharkey, and Lourdes Sharkey, against Spree’s predecessor, Susan Holtsclaw. He filed at least 28 such cases in the United States District Court for the Southern District of Indiana and 5 cases in the United States District Court for the Middle District of Florida.”
http://encyclopediadramatica.ch/Jonathon_The_Impaler_Sharkey
This guy’s a piece of work…
October 31st, 2011 at 12:18 am
Kathleen?! Good lord…
October 31st, 2011 at 1:46 am
which begs the serious question as to why this individual is NOT institutionalized
November 9th, 2011 at 2:44 am
Cool, Sacha Baron Cohen has a new character!! This one’s nearly as hilarious as Borat. He’s like Voldemort meets Fat Stephen Seagall! And nearly a quarter as scary and bad-ass as Corey Feldman mid-way through a five-month meth bender! He’s the vampire Eddie Deezen after a sad milkshake binge!
Can’t wait for the movie to come out. Frankly, though, i can’t imagine people on the street actually being dumb enough to be duped into thinking that this “Sharkey the Gimp” (wait, sorry, it’s “The Burger Inhaler”) (or, whatever, doesn’t matter) character is real. Even in Jersey people aren’t THAT gullible. So maybe just do another Borat movie Sacha! Your PRINCESSmeter will blow a fucking FUSE dude.
November 9th, 2011 at 9:02 am
@86: I hope Lt Sparks knows more about “Air-Mech-Strike: Asymmetric Maneuver Warfare for the 21st Century “, the book he edited and co-wrote, than he does about historical facts, because he falls into the leftist lie of the “McCarthy hearings” when anyone that actually has 3 brain cells working knows that McCarthy was a US Senator and the “hearings” that Sparks talks about happened in the House, not the Senate. Plus, the accusations that McCarthy made were verified through the Venona releases much later on, but at the time, it was still an ongoing investigation so none of it could be made public.
Dude; you need to find much more credible sources if you want to make a point, because Veterans Today isn’t one of them.
November 14th, 2011 at 12:40 am
As someone who knows Satanists (as in, LaVey Satanists), all I can do is shake my head at this fuck for setting back the understanding of an otherwise sane, logical group. His horseshit about satanic rituals and citing Lucifer’s name only proves his 12 year-old mentality. I don’t know what to laugh at more- thinking he’d be taken seriously by citing a fight-to-the-death, that he ran for any political institution, or that he honestly hopes that people think he was a sniper.
November 16th, 2011 at 9:33 pm
[...] This Ain’t Hell have done a great job exposing (and ridiculing) these losers. Some of these tools are just too ridiculous to exist! Some of them are just so pathetic, it’s painful to read. [...]
June 14th, 2012 at 11:50 am
Count von Sharkey!
https://jcrue.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/count-von-sharkey.png
https://jcrue.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/beavis-butthead-pres-vampsh.png
June 14th, 2012 at 11:56 am
His wikipedia page is hilarious
June 14th, 2012 at 11:47 pm
“The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter).”
Motars? Is that a new weapon? Or is it a goat? What are motars? Where can I get one? Geez, he can’t even spell.
June 18th, 2012 at 7:32 pm
very funny stuff
July 3rd, 2012 at 7:42 am
I know this is old but it’s the first time I’ve read it. I’d love for him to come to Indy as well since I live on the east side…I’ll bring the popcorn
July 5th, 2012 at 8:55 pm
Oh my gawd. What a fucking freak. A fat, mustached Goth, with bat-shit crazy vampire fantasies. Somebody get a net, the crazy ass needs to be put back in his padded cell.
July 5th, 2012 at 8:58 pm
I would keep my britches up around this ass clown. This guy is the classic, case-and-point defenition of loose stool.
July 5th, 2012 at 11:07 pm
[...] Jomathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey [...]
July 8th, 2012 at 12:25 am
You know, I ran across a “Vlad” on yahoo the other day claiming to be in 5th SFG during Vietnam. I wonder if Sharkey is this Vlad? Could just be a coincidence.
July 9th, 2012 at 8:59 am
[...] Coyle 8 Gary “The man loves a parade” Spors v. 9 Thomas “Rolling Thunder Jackass” Lowry 5 Jomathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 12 Bob “Bolivian Field Mouse” Duft 4 Larry “The Round Marine” Gugle v. 13 Michael “8 [...]
July 9th, 2012 at 6:06 pm
This guy is amazing I want to see more correspondence!
July 21st, 2012 at 10:01 pm
His eyes are cranked open that wide due to the constant stench of man-taint wafting up from his ‘Vlad-stache…
July 22nd, 2012 at 7:59 pm
LOLZ! This one actually makes me laugh. Don’t dirty your hands with this one. I’ll gladly roast this porker. I know 2yr-olds that could take this shit sucking insect apart. Really, he challenges people to duels? Who does that? What a spineless shitbird. Just man the fuck up and admit that you lied, and that you are a morally bankrupt meatbag. That creep-stache looks like a bag of smashed, rancid fuck. I’m going to pass on a bit of wisdom my dad gave me, Don’t write checks with your mouth, that your ass can’t cash. Stop breathing my air.
July 29th, 2012 at 10:12 pm
just one little blip in yer article..”underage women”is all he can ‘get’…not really criticizing..’OFF’ 100% GREAT SITE!!!
July 29th, 2012 at 10:26 pm
cleaned my screen up after that whole underage women thing…kept reading..you guys can’t be making this shi+ up!?! is he in ohio?selling him by the pound at the roadside rest!!
July 31st, 2012 at 8:12 am
[...] Dallas “Flying Assclown” Wittgenfeld v. 5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey [...]
August 1st, 2012 at 8:01 am
[...] 1 Dallas “Flying Assclown” Wittgenfeld v. 5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey [...]
August 3rd, 2012 at 9:49 pm
You guys better be careful man. I read this article and laughed my ass off and then I got this strange tingling sensation between my toes. I think Sharkey put the hex on me!
August 6th, 2012 at 10:07 am
[...] Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 3 Jason “Prison SEAL” [...]
August 13th, 2012 at 8:14 am
[...] Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” [...]
August 14th, 2012 at 2:30 am
OMG, I havnt laughed this hard since Gore invented the internet!! I had to share this with the rest of friends at the JAOC!! The author and the rest of the comments had me in tears, wish I had the same command of the English language! Thanks for making my day all!
August 14th, 2012 at 7:23 am
[...] Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” [...]
August 15th, 2012 at 7:57 am
[...] Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” [...]
August 16th, 2012 at 7:05 am
[...] Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” [...]
August 17th, 2012 at 8:04 am
[...] Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v. 15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” [...]
August 19th, 2012 at 1:19 am
Sweet Jesus God, I almost wish he was a vampire so some poor selfless soul could give him a garlic enema for the good of humanity.
March 12th, 2013 at 7:13 pm
I’m going to fucking suck your dick if you be mean to me online again.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:02 am
Tubby Sharkey is currently claiming he receives extra VA benefits, because he now has a young dependent wife. Here are her details
http://rachelsharkeysblog.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/im-back-to-rakhil-dolgorukov-tepes.html
https://twitter.com/RTepesSharkey
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4607595/
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjcyODE0MDkyM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzQ0NTg1OA@@._V1._SX640_SY853_.jpg
https://twimg0-a.akamaihd.net/profile_images/3066691154/343d778e09c1225028899d2ba7ddf1e6.jpeg
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTM2NDUxNzkxNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDQ5Mjk4OA@@._V1._SX640_SY424_.jpg
Problem is………..she doesn’t actually exist! I mean, the girl in the photo exists, but she ain’t Tubby’s wife. In fact, she isn’t even the first girl he has stolen the images from to be represented as his wife. The first was ‘Rachel Allen’, AKA Russian teen porn actress, Svetlana Belochkina
Check out the screen grab of ‘Rakhil’s’ old IMDb page
http://web.archive.org/web/20120817181532/http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4 607595/
Then google Svetlana Belochkina
LMAO
The thing is, if Tubby is claiming extra benefits for a non-existent wife, I’m pretty sure that’s considered stealing, no?
Hopefully one or two of you know a next move in this regard.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:08 am
If that ‘Rachel Allen’ archive link doesn’t work, (it occasionally takes you to John Belushi lol), just access it on this post and click on the link provided therein:
http://www.imdb.com/board/bd0000044/thread/211334710?d=211831463&p=2#211831463
Tubby Sharkey……..not only a lying sack of shit about his service record, but a lying sack of shit about everything else, as well.
March 14th, 2013 at 9:22 am
Adam Lewis: a good starting point might be the VA Office of the Inspector General:
http://www.va.gov/oig/contact/default.asp
March 14th, 2013 at 9:38 am
Someone pass me a black SHARPIE so I can color in the bold spot on SHARKEY!
March 14th, 2013 at 5:13 pm
Hello losers, or should I say FRIGGIN’ losers.
It’s so great to see you all Talking Crap about me here as usual. I encourage you to please continue doing so, as it boosts my ego and my GNAA rating.
Adam, you clearly don’t know what you are TALKING about. Of course I have a wife, how else would that domestic abuse charge even exist what are you talking about?
The lovely Mrs. Tepes is my girl, whose blood I enjoy sucking after she has enjoyed sucking Something of mine if you know what I mean. That porn stuff is just not true or a coincidence, either way I have no comment on it.
March 14th, 2013 at 5:30 pm
Impaler … you got me … stacked up next to you … you are right … I am the loser!
March 14th, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Dude, I’m looking at the hair you comb with olive oil and a fork, and that facial hair that looks like someone ran over your face with a fucking rototiller, and WE’RE the losers?
Stop. Hurt. Sides. Laughing.
And oh yeah, you live in Jersey. Scoreboard!
March 14th, 2013 at 7:56 pm
@ Tubby Sharkey.
Yeah, a coincidence that the images of a Russian teen porn actress ended up on the IMDb page of your “wife”….and on her blog…..and on her Facebook……before they were swapped out for the current unfortunate lass. A coincidence that makes the lottery odds look like an even bet lol
@ Hondo….I’m in Australia and to be honest, couldn’t be bothered contacting American VA. There are some here that apparently work there. Thought this might be of interest. If not, well that’s cool too.
March 28th, 2013 at 4:01 pm
Jonathan, I only have one question: Team Edward or Team Jacob?
March 28th, 2013 at 4:10 pm
Could this be the long lost 3rd most dangerous man in the world?
April 3rd, 2013 at 1:37 pm
Well I see that you Stupid Idiots really just can’t get the writing on the walls, can you? I want you to keep Talking about me, even if you are Talking Crap. It’s all good for the IMPALER because it boosts my large ego, which deserves to be large because I am quite Famous.
Man it is good to be me. You can shove your Porno claims up your Butthole because I will be too busy Making Demonic Love to beautiful Russian teenage girls who let me suck their blood after they suck my…
I think we all know who the Real Loser is. And it’s not the Cold-Hearted, blood-drinking, Pink-Pounding sniper that is the Impaler. Im winning in every way.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to let you guys continue Talking about my celebrity status here.
Thank you Loyal Fans!!!
April 3rd, 2013 at 1:42 pm
Loser.
April 3rd, 2013 at 1:48 pm
Famous? Never heard of the Impaler until I came here. Famous in his own room, by my guess.
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:13 pm
The only thing this clown has ever impaled was a manhole.
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Hey turd, your ego aint the only thing on you that is large. The only thing this fat tub of shit meat suit has impaled is a stack of pancakes….with a goddamn fork…It is awesome that he keeps coming back for abuse.
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:15 pm
@ 163, I think he has had much experience having his manhole impaled as well.
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:26 pm
Can you imagine how many diseases he can contract from drinking blood?
Sucks to be him, when he sucks on the wrong neck!
Karma. Gotta luv it.
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:29 pm
@166.
I do not think he is sucking necks….
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:37 pm
This guy would climb through a mountain of vaginas to get to one asshole.
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:37 pm
Damn that guy has a five head not a forehead. That and the only one shot one kill this guy has ever had was one of the two brain cells he was using…
April 3rd, 2013 at 2:58 pm
The blank stare… the obviously fake actor’s muttonchops… the hair extensions… Hey! I figured it out! The photo is a plastic mannequin’s head!
April 3rd, 2013 at 3:50 pm
Winner?
If being a winner means molesting eastern European teenagers desperate to escape their miserable living conditions while being a disgusting fat body I shall count myself quite lucky indeed to not be a winner by your definition.
April 3rd, 2013 at 3:53 pm
I think he is using the Charlie Sheen definition of Winning… I think he is winning the creepy, pathetic, attention whore award myself.
April 23rd, 2013 at 5:19 am
Here is a story told by Jonathon Sharkey’s Ex-wife on Facebook:
“”When Jonathon’s wife left him at the end of their marriage, he rang her and said he had taken a bottle of pills, thinking she would run to him to save him. Instead, she called the police and sent them. When they got there, they found him in the pool wearing a woman’s bathing suit and sporting heavy make up. They came back and told her. Suffice to say she sobbed with laughter.
As I am now HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
But the following “tale” is no laughing matter
Big brave Jonathon was a violent child abuser. At first he was smart about it and he left no bruises, but then he started to get careless and his ex wife started to see bruises on their kids. As the kids were rarely clumsy and the bruises were in unusual locations, his ex-wife and step-daughter concocted a plan to catch him in the act, by pretending to leave the house and leaving him with the kids, but then sneaking back in quietly after a few minutes. That’s how they caught him.
When she opened the living room door, Jonathon Sharkey was stepping on his 6 year old’s son’s head. His ex-wife went ballistic and attacked him for such a heinous act.
He then hit his ex-wife, after he tried to grab his step-daughter by the throat for her part in helping catch him in the act of hurting the kids. After the step-daughter avoided the choke-hold, Jonathon Sharkey threw a punch, which his ex-wife stepped in the way of, collecting her in the jaw. She told him he punched like a pussy and began to beat the piss out off him, as any decent and sane person would. Nothing better than bashing a bully. It was then the step daughter opened the front door and as he had weak knees, a huge fat gut and no balance, they both pushed him through the door, then shoved the son of a bitch down a flight of stairs.
He landed on the bottom like a twisted puppet. His ex-wife prayed he was dead.
He also abused the step-children regularly when they were younger. He would lift them up by their throats and pin then against the wall and tell them that if they told their Mum, he would kill them. As his ex-wife was constantly working, (as Jonathon NEVER worked and instead relied on his govt disability pension), he was very often alone with the children. Because of the threats, they never said anything. That was until he also dangled their daughter (his own child) out a third story window by one leg and told her that if she told Mum, he would throw her out the window and say it was an accident…… that she had fallen out while he was cleaning the house”"
For those interested, I have his Tampa address, just off Busch Gardens
April 23rd, 2013 at 6:13 am
Tampa, eh? I live 15 minutes from Busch Gardens…. Why was he never sent to jail?
April 24th, 2013 at 10:04 am
He was. At least three times that I know of. But for abusing his kids or his ex wife? I dunno. Sometimes thugs have such an emotional, physical or psychological hold over their spouse that whilst they are in the abusive relationship they believe they’re at fault. There are a multitude of reasons why she never reported him. She may very have reported him, but here was insufficient evidence to prove an offence. I can’t be sure.
Why don’t you ask Tubby himself? He seems to still be monitoring this truly epic article and thread of comments LOL
BTW, he lives on East Boulevard, next to Busch Gardens. But be careful if you want to visit his hovel. It apparently smells like cat shit and piss, as he has about a dozen of them crammed into his apartment
April 28th, 2013 at 8:59 pm
Sharkey’s ex-wife, (a sassy and strong cuban woman), found false strap-on breasts in his closet. He told her they were for a play he was in. Their kids were only infants. He kept his cross-dressing and sexual confusion a secret for a few more years and then one day, she was taking a bath and Jonathon came into the bathroom and told her he had something serious to talk to her about. He told her he had been taking female hormone pills because… well… he felt more like a woman than a man. (no fucking shit, I say). He planned on having a sex change, but that he didn’t want to end the marriage. He wanted her to stay with him and be his lesbian lover. She told him to go drop dead. She told him she likes cock too much and how the FUCK could he consider doing this with two young children. She told him she wanted a divorce, climbed out off the bathtub and began to beat the piss out of him with the back-scrubber. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
April 28th, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Nice.
April 28th, 2013 at 10:51 pm
Wow… This dude (or whatever) is a fucking weirdo. I know a lot of the Sheriff’s Deputies out this way. I’ll have to see if they know him. Someone with that background has to be known, I would think.
April 28th, 2013 at 11:45 pm
Great gobs of catshit Batman!!! just google this ass monley and see all the crap that pops up.
April 29th, 2013 at 5:49 am
http://www.in.gov/judiciary/opinions/pdf/12110605jts.pdf
April 29th, 2013 at 3:46 pm
Well that appeal went well, didn’t it? LMAO!
Jailed for stalking and breaching a protection order multiple times. How surprising….
April 30th, 2013 at 5:53 am
Folks, you ain’t gonna believe this sh. . . .
http://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/USCOURTS-ohnd-1_07-cv-01089/pdf/USCOURTS-ohnd-1_07-cv-01089-0.pdf
http://in.findacase.com/research/wfrmDocViewer.aspx/xq/fac.20120321_0000294.SIN.htm/qx
Yeah, he actually filed those lawsuits – along with a ton of others, apparently.
Un-freaking-believeable.
April 30th, 2013 at 9:11 am
For years I have tried real hard not to comment on anything having to do with this T-tard-tommy but shit enough’s enough!!!
You are NOT famous you fucking bafoon, you are “Internet Famous” they are not one in the same. You are “Internet Famous” for being a fucking joke. NOT for being funny or telling jokes but for being One! Come on what are you stupid and I don’t mean the custesy stupid most accuse I mean the “Johnny get your helmet you stupid fuck”.It’s time for you to wisen up and slink on back under your rock and fucking stay there.
At first it was so sad thinking here is some poor slob that doesn’t have the mental capacity to realize when people are laughing at him and not with him. But the saying “once a stupid fat fuck always a stupid fat fuck” wasn’t made up on the fly to describe you, Oh, no wait it was. Anyhoo I digress.
All your problems you have brought on yourself, and more importantly you chose to inflect others with you asshattery and the world is now done with you. Go on now run along. Go play in traffic, go bite someone, go suck on something that goes Boom!
BTW: My favorite part of your article on Cracked.com was this one. “When not drinking blood twice a week, Sharkey is making plans for his America. If you guessed that he supports legal immigration but would execute illegal immigrants by impaling them, you have a stunning gift for guessing fucked up shit. If you guessed that he’s also pro-life, you appreciate irony.” He’s also a republican. Haha!!
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-most-ridiculous-attempts-to-be-vampire-in-real-life/#ixzz2Rx1ltlUi
April 30th, 2013 at 9:17 am
Don’t hold anything back, Valkyrie, tell us how you really feel.
April 30th, 2013 at 9:25 am
Valkyrie: check your e-mail.
April 30th, 2013 at 10:00 am
@184 I wasn’t to soft on him was I? I’ve heard with the special cases you have to be firm but understanding.
@185 My hero!! Thank you!
April 30th, 2013 at 9:35 pm
From the second link Hondo provided:
“He further contends that she became angry with him on several other occasions and hit him with his Star Wars Lightsaber”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
April 30th, 2013 at 10:12 pm
This clown’s cheese has slid WAY off his cracker.
Extra turd he is.