Jasper Land Holland the felonious colonel

| January 7, 2012 | 35 Comments

Our buddies at the Facebook Stolen Valor page sends us this doozy, Jasper Land Holland. The above picture is supposed to be Colonel Holland upon the occasion of his retirement at Fort Benning.

I know that mustache is completely within the regs, colonels don’t have to worry about how they roll their sleeves and they can’t afford t-shirts, but the flag that he stuck on the wall of his trailer behind him doesn’t look like any other military portrait I’ve ever seen. The Korean woman who sewed on his Jungle Expert patch put it on the wrong pocket.

And I think his beret says “You’re pizza is ready, sir”.

I don’t know how Jasper found the time to be a Special Forces colonel what with all of the time he spent in prison. He’s served time for bigamy and for weapons possession as a felon from what our friends sent us.

I found this on a genealogical website written by members of his own family;

Thank you for your e-mail concerning Jasper. I have a two inch thick file on him. I began investigating him in 2003 after I saw some outrageous claims he made about being a retired Army Colonel, a Reverend, a Doctor with a degree from VMI and an Attorney with a law degree from the Antioch school of law here in DC.

I could look over those wild claims about himself but when he started forging Civil War letters, creating false genealogical lines, making up sources, forging wills while trying to peddle his CD to unsuspecting Holland researchers, primarily elderly women etc etc, I had enough.

I had hoped he would stop trying to run his genealogical scams when he was released from prison in August of 2006, but like a bad penny, he keeps popping up. I can assure you he never had ANY published works just like he never HAD a son who was beheaded in Bosnia in 1994. I appreciate the heads up on “Gabe” as he likes to be called but I am totally familiar with that poor excuse for a human being.—- JC

Hello. I saw your posting on rootsweb.com to Jasper Land Holland about his lying and fraud in telling the real story of the Holland family. I am related to this individual and unfortunately know him personally. From one decent Holland to another, please do not believe a single word this man has to say. Of all the years I’ve known him, everything that flows from his lips and in this case fingertips, is a full blown lie. He has stolen from our family, lied, threatened his ex wife and that’s just to name a few things.

He does have a book that he claims was a published product. However, I have a copy of this book and in it is even more crazy outrageous lies. There are many mispelled words and such which leads me to believe that he “published” this book on his own from a computer. Just wanted to give you the heads up. None of the members of our part of the Holland family will have anything to do with him.

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. NHSparky says:

    All he needs to do now is hold up a bottle of Summer’s Eve and the douche will be complete.

  2. Beretverde says:

    We wore the Jungle Expert patch on our right breast pocket. But that was on our pickle suite fatigues. We also wore them on our cammies in the same location. I don’t know about this hero-warrior.

  3. AW1 Tim says:

    All he needs in that image is a bust of Hitler and the whole “Stormfront White Warrior” image would be complete.

    Those morons all look and act like this cretin anyway. I’ve run into some and they all have these made-up or padded military resumes, footlockers full of surplus crap and seem more capable of running security for a vacant parking lot than any sort of actual military task.

  4. TPM says:

    Great Googly-Moog! Where to begin? Besides the article and other comments, that is. I was stationed in the R.o.P. and had the honor of being secondary cadre a couple times in rotation there. When I got back to the States (101st), I had to take off the Jungle Expert. “You can only wear it in the unit you got it with” said the XO. I knew better than to argue. The 7th Group ran a seperate course for permanent party there, as well as a jump school. I was a short-timer and did not want to show ANY sort of attitude, so it was “Sure thing, whatever, sir.” It seems you see this patch on faker fatigues more and more often. Is it racing towards a tie with the 101st, Air Calvary, and Special Forces as the patch of choice?

    Is it just me or do all these wannabes have a certain “look” to them? Its hard for me to put my finger on it. Maybe it has something to do with the face, seems like there is a common sad sack element to them all. I dunno, maybe other commenters can do a better job describing it if they get the same feeling.

  5. NHSparky says:

    Looks like the seeding for the 2012 tournament is gonna be REALLY tough, or everyone is gonna be a 1 or 2 seed.

  6. Virtual Insanity says:

    I just showed this picture to my wife. An Army wife of 23 years, she burst out laughing at this jackass.

  7. TPM says:

    I hate to play favorites, especially since I don’t comment much, but this guy is roaring out of the 2012 starting gate. The report from his ‘relatives’ is jaw dropping.

  8. DaveO says:

    Folks, we have found Ron Paul’s VP Candidate!

  9. NR Pax says:

    It’s kind of depressing. I don’t know if the posers have stopped trying to be subtle or they are fighting for the chance to win the next tournament that gets hosted here.

  10. EC275 says:

    @DaveO- now that made me laugh really hard!

  11. Poohbah, Lord High Everything Else says:

    “Folks, we have found Ron Paul’s VP Candidate!”

    Double-reverse triple axel flying bitchslap . . . and he sticks the landing!

    Judges are all holding up 10.0 cards! And the crowd goes wild!

  12. OWB says:

    And I had just recovered from the laughfest over the OP when DaveO got it all started again!

    It hurts from laughing so much!

  13. Chockblock says:

    TPM, most of the time these guys are wannabes because they are sad sacks. If it’s not the low ranking dirtbag who wants to impress, it’s a civve who wants to shill a product or scam people.

    And most crooks don’t like a trail of evidence.

    The only ones who seem happy are those wrapped up in their delusions. Then again those space cases have other problems.

  14. Doc Bailey says:

    You know I’ve seen guys that got out and allowed themselves to get fat. They tend not to try to throw on a million medals. They also tend to never ever EVER wear their uniforms when they’re out of regs.

    I’ve seen guys that wear their memorial patches. I’ve seen guys that wear old uniforms because hey BDUs are comfortable.

    But I have to agree with TPM, there does seem to be a “look” to these fakers. its like they’re showing you what they think you want to see. Guys that really have been there and done that tend to not really care, they are what they are. Take or leave it.

  15. Redacted1775 says:

    The facial expressions on alot of these turds are priceless, how they scrunch their faces up trying to look mean or something. (Or maybe this guy shit himself the instant the pic was taken) Like anyone in the military actually walks around angry and screwfacing everyone they see all day, every day.

  16. TPM says:

    13, 14, & 15 all good points. Their moustaches always have that alcoholic straw look to them, too. The face scrunching comment is priceless! Aye, they try to look tough and end up looking seriously constipated. I guess what drives me nuts is that I remember getting me fourth medal/ribbon. A new row! A second row! (Snoopy happy dance) The GCM gave me a grand total of 5 when I got out. I felt like Patton, since bullwinkle was sitting next to the ice cream cone and I had a second row. I was a long-hair dope-smoking bum in high school, and me dad was so thrilled I was an infantryman. Sorry for trip down memory lane but THAT very feeling is what gets me seeing red over these goofs.

    Back to “the look” I am hoping some of the other regulars take a stab at defining it. The tough guy face-scrunch is on the right track. Also, many have that “Wm Shatner” smirk, when the tough guy face-scrunch is missing, like Soup Sandwich’s older brother. I hope Frankly Opinionated weighs in, as well as any lurkers’ ideas.

  17. 2-17 AirCav says:

    He needs a scar. Nothing says tough guy like a nice facial scar. I’ll give him this: He did comb his right eyebrow against the grain. Nevertheless, 5 will get you 10 he’s wearing fishnets.

  18. teddy996 says:

    @4- The common look they share is something called the “thousand-yard stare”. They’ve seen some things, man. They’ve been “in the shit”. They were there, in their mothers’ basement, when the Mountain Dew ran dry. They’ve stared into the cavernous abyss of an empty Doritos bag, and had to endure the long march home from the gas station with it’s replacement. Veterans of many a brutal campaign, they have felt the sting of a failed World of Warcraft raid, the fear of swapping out an empty paintball hopper while under intense fire, and the joy of obtaining the “100 knife kills” achievement in Call of Duty 4.

    These are things a civvie like you will never understand.

  19. TPM says:

    18 (teddy) fantastic! “You don’t spend that much time playing D&D* without learning a little bit about bravery”

    *showing my years. Do kids even play D&D any more? Nah, most of ‘em can only tell ‘digital time’. Working out random wandering monster distribution against a bell curve is too much like homework, I guess.

  20. We have now added Mr. Holland to our Wall Of Shame. We usually wait for record confirmation, or an admmittance from the person before we add them. Like our friend Sean Beery, But this guy is to douchebaggable not to add. http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.195477957208476.43735.194891727267099&type=1#!/photo.php?fbid=206436859445919&set=pu.194891727267099&type=1&theater

  21. 10th MTN NCO says:

    What the hell is it with the name Jasper and phony veterans? Is that like a prerequisitie nowadays?

  22. NHSparky says:

    “You want to see a war face? AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!! That’s a war face!”

  23. Krazy8 says:

    TPM….I think the look all of these guys are missing is confidence.
    I have good friends who are former military, and a common trait among them is how they feel about themselves. That self worth shows in pictures as well as in casual conversation.

    My grandfather is someone I do consider a true American hero…and even at 80 he still had more back bone then these jerks!

    To the folks at TAH…keep up the good work! Even us civilians appreciate your site.

  24. DR_BRETT says:

    No. 21:
    I’d have to check it, but I think “JASPER” means liar, or con man, or phony, or fleeting object (“GASPARD” also) .

  25. SrA Tom says:

    Sweet baby Jesus. This fuckshovel needs a pickaxe to the cranium, pronto. His own family can’t even back him up. To think that my family has spent generations protecting this douchehammer’s rights boggles my mind. That he’s spent so much time in the prison system and has the gall to even put that uniform on, or sit before my flag, is maddening. I think someone needs to reveal this asshat’s true nature to the world. He’s a coward, and a liar, and should be treated as such.

  26. $20 MIKE says:

    L.iving O.ff S.omeone E.lse’s R.eputation

  27. Mrs. Grant says:

    Hello, and welcome to goddamn mythbusters!

  28. Green Thumb says:

    This guy is straight up tough.

    You have been warned.

  29. Frank says:

    I know “Gabe.” He really was in the Army, for about a month in the early 60s.

  30. Green Thumb says:

    This ass clown looks like one of the “Military SF Officers” on the Scy Fy (?) Channel in their “Monster of the Week” movies….

  31. O-4E says:

    He still doesn’t beat Colonel Trautman in Rambo: First Blood

    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/richard_crenna/pictures/10910449/

    “Vagrancy wasn’t it? That’s gonna look real good on his grave stone in Arlington: Here lies John Rambo, winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor, survivor of countless incursions behind enemy lines. Killed for vagrancy in Jerkwater, USA.”

  32. Mitch says:

    I actually went and saw this pic on his facebook profile. One of his friends commented that he needed to take it down before his parole officer saw it

  33. O-4E says:

    Only SEAL CPOs and above are authorized mustaches like that

  34. Green Thumb says:

    He needs more chest hair.

    And possibly a cigar to complete the ensemble.

  35. 5SFG VET says:

    Getting the record straight is very important on this topic. After 1975 the Army started thinking about a jungle training school with hands-on excercise for the infantry and engineers. Just a few years later the Jungle Operations Training Course opened at Fort Sherman, Panama Canal Zone, with the award of the double constrictor certificate.
    At that time the Army was allowing local commanders to award M-60 and M-117 crews to wear a qualifications patch on the right breast pocket of their poplins.
    I’m not sure when or where the first Jungle Expert patch came from but I first saw it at the clothing sales store at Fort Benning. Local Infantry company commanders allowed us to wear the OD Jungle Expert Patch on the right pocket of our jungles. We even had a plastic carrier that attached to our right Class A uniform pocket as well as kahki’s for the color version. As a 11B Sergeant I wore that patch until the BDU’s came out.

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