Morning phony phunny

| April 10, 2012 | 64 Comments

TT sends a link to the most fearsome SEAL on the internet. An expert in the business of killing people, he can’t spell his areas of expertise.

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. The SandGram » Blog Archive » “America’s got Posers” | July 5, 2012
  1. B Woodman says:

    For being guerilas, all the phonies have been coming out of hiding alot lately. That, or they’re breeding like rabbits.

  2. Ben says:

    Guys who talk like this are always fake.

  3. ARMYMP says:

    Bwuahahahahaha!! Is he going wipe you the fuck out right through the internet? Maybe he’s just a “virtual guerilla”… (smirk, snicker)

  4. Hondo says:

    He may be a virtual guerilla, but he’s a 100% genuine idiot.

  5. rb325th says:

    Love internet tough guys… oh, and isn’t SEAL spelled all caps? Or does he really bounce a red ball off of his nose and beg for fish?

  6. Skepticus says:

    The only kind of “gorilla warfare” this poser engages in is hurling his feces at passersby. “Roxxzor” is another example of why only adults should be allowed Internet access.

  7. dnice says:

    So True Ben.

    I like his use of “precision” the likes of which have never been seen before on Earth. That’s when you know its some freakin serious sh**.

  8. I have heard of these “Gorilla Fighters”, most recently showing up in Sanford Florida, after their stint at the voting precincts in Philly a few years ago.

  9. NHSparky says:

    They have class standings in BUD/S?

  10. OEF_Veteran says:

    This rant was posted on a gaming page if I recall correctly. I believe the nerd raging Gorilla warfare expert is also a female or at least that’s the impression I got when I first saw this. LOL

  11. LC BU1 says:

    It’s my thought that you will never know that a real badass is a badass until you give them a reason to show you that they are a badass. Besides that, a real badass has no need to prove themselves to anyone by telling you all of what they have done over their career.

  12. LC BU1 says:

    Not to mention that the few people I know who have a real record like this are humble. To them they are not doing anything especially brave or heroic, they are doing their job, and like most, do not really enjoy talking about their work when they don’t have to.

  13. I ran out of RED FLAGS for that one. “top of his class”? “300 confirmed kills”? shit that the real deal wouldn’t talk about and who cares about the “top of your class” unless you are talking about college and going for a wall street job?

  14. Flagwaver says:

    Top sniper is what caught my eye… You would think that “the top sniper in the US Armed Forces” would be a serving member and know that personal threats like that violate at least three federal laws and at least two that I can think of from the UCMJ right off hand.

    Though, maybe their 300 confirmed kills are from Battlefield or MW3?

  15. NHSparky says:

    Flag–no way. Gotta be Borderlands.

  16. Bosniarat says:

    Thats Freaking Awesome! 300 Kills? What is this Pokemon?

  17. Drama says:

    I recognized that as a youtube screencap, so I searched for the esteemed “snipers” account.

    He suddenly has a lot of fans on his comments page;

    http://www.youtube.com/user/Roxxzor816/feed?filter=1

  18. Señor Sharkman says:

    “They have class standings in BUD/S?”

    Each class has an Honor Man, and there are other awards such as ‘Fire in the Gut’ award. I’ve never known of a Frog who received the Fire in the Gut award that ‘didn’t care about it’.

  19. NHSparky says:

    I was aware each BUD/S class has an Honorman, but I’m also just as sure that their Page 4 entry doesn’t say 1 of “X” class standing with X.XX GPA or average.

  20. Faith+1 says:

    I thought there were only three “classes” from a BUD/S school. “Expert”, “Washout”, or “Dead”. I mean, it’s like ranks in cliff diving. You are either a Master or “Stuff On A Rock”.

  21. Bubblehead Ray says:

    Sharky, I doubt any SEAL would tell you he graduated top of his class in “Navy Seals” rather than saying he was Honor Man of his BUD/S class. I have known several SEALs and none of them ever talked about going to “Navy Seal school”, they talked about BUD/S. However, the come back comment that BadgerOverdose wrote is FULL of win.

  22. jonp says:

    gorilla warfare..i just spit up a lung

  23. Yat Yas 1833 says:

    Does this mean “Marine Week” is over?!? PLEASE???

  24. Redacted1775 says:

    YatYas, unfortunately I just sent in an article RE: a Marine declaring war on Japan in a drunken rage after watching Pearl Harbor. I know it’s just a parody, but I couldn’t help myself because it’s based on my home station.

  25. TPM says:

    I wanted to say something like #11, but it was better said there 1st.

  26. Semper says:

    Holy crap, forget being a SEAL, train me in Gorilla Warfare, that sounds absolutley insane. If that does not “up” the badass ante, I dont know what will

    So what do you do… ‘Gorilla Warfare’….

    Instant panty dropper.

  27. NHSparky says:

    This comment has been making the rounds. Most likely originated on reddit or 4 chan. Fucking teenage ri-tards

  28. T says:

    This originated on 4chan as a parody, it’s never been used seriously to my knowledge. You’ll see this comment once in awhile on 4chan and youtube, on dozens of videos.

  29. He said that he graduated from “Navy Seals,” NOT BUD/S.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Hey, I just wanted you guys to know, this “quote” originated on the website for society’s shitbags, 4chan.org.

    Posting the text is sort of an inside joke. Someone, somewhere, originally wrote it; not sure if they were trying to be funny or serious, but since then, people often copy + paste the message (see internet term ‘copypasta’) as a joke.

    It’s considered funny because it’s so over-the-top that usually people don’t take it seriously.

  31. Redacted1775 says:

  32. SrA Tom says:

    I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. I heard there will be one way trips to Mars soon, Maybe I’ll take one. Better yet, send these fuckmonkeys.

  33. 3C3P says:

    Gorilla Warfare….33 ways to kill with a banana.

  34. RS says:

    Sadly Michael Clarke Duncan passed away not too long ago… everyone remembers him as Bear in the movie Armageddon…. He was also in Planet of the Apes, were you get to see some fierce Gorilla Warfare, Closed fisted-to-Unprotected skull combat

  35. Patriot says:

    Okay, you are all way off… The heading is “Gorilla WELLFARE”. This is obviously a new gov’t program.

  36. Jim says:

    This is a humorous wall of text that is repeatedly used on Internet message boards. It’s not meant to be serious. Google search “navy seal copypasta”

  37. You’re all retarded. Its called “copypasta” Holy fuckballs…

  38. Anonymous says:

    “This originated on 4chan as a parody, it’s never been used seriously to my knowledge. You’ll see this comment once in awhile on 4chan and youtube, on dozens of videos.”

    Precisely. This post is an often copy-pasted joke used to MOCK people who lie about being a veteran/tough guy on the internet.

    FAIL by TAH.

  39. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    @ 38 and 40 …

    Refer to 39.

  40. ZeeRashan says:

    lol I feel intimidated.

    Dem gorillas are dangerous!

  41. Ex-PH2 says:

    I really didn’t read this clown’s braggadocio until now. Top sniper in the US armed forces? I don’t think so.

    Longest recorded kill shot: .70 mile by 1Sgt Jim Gilliland in 2005 in Ramadi
    He was part of a 10-man sniper team that racked up 276 kills in 6 months.

    If you’re going to engage in creative writing, do a better job.

  42. Hondo says:

    You’re a bit off, Ex-PH2. While Gilliand’s Sep 2005 shot was incredibly good, it wasn’t even the US record holder at the time.

    Longest confirmed kill by a sniper now is over 2.8 km – 2,815 meters (3,079 yards). This was obtained by a 2-man Aussie team earlier this year in Afghanistan. Distance was confirmed by GPS, but it was not possible to determine which of the two shooters fired the fatal shot (2 shot simultaneously; 1 hit, 1 missed).

    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/opinion/taliban-remain-in-fear-of-lethal-strikes-writes-chris-masters/story-e6frezz0-1226504862496

    3,079 yards is 1.749 statute miles.

    There have been 7 documented sniper kills of greater than 2km – including, interestingly enough, one during Vietnam using an M2 Browning .50 cal machine gun, presumably in single-shot mode. Additionally, there have been two others between 1,800 m and 2 km.

    Yeah, source is Wikipedia. But whoever wrote that particular Wikipedia article actually seems to know what they’re talking about and to have done their homework. The sources seem to check out.

  43. Ex-PH2 says:

    OK, Hondo, you got me. I was going on a documentary on snipers on the H2 Channel. (Couldn’t read my own handwriting, which means I should not take notes while wearing my specs.) But that was the H2 program’s statistic. They may have included the Vietnam sniper’s record and name on that program. That was a 2010 program, and I do not know how much research they did. I didn’t go to Wiki, though.

    However, the clowndog subject of this faker-outing (above) claims he has 300 confirmed kills. I got a bit torqued about it, because I know he’s flatout lying. Just once, I’d like to see someone pound just one of these bozos. Just once.

  44. Redacted1775 says:

    Hondo that .50 cal shot was Carlos Hathcock using a Browning M2 with a scope mounted on a rail system of his own design. Some versions of the events suggest the .50 cal was converted to single shot, which isn’t necessary when all you have to do for single shot is lock down the bolt release with a twist of the bolt release lock.

  45. Hondo says:

    Ex-PH2: yeah, sometimes the documentaries don’t do their homework. By 2010, the record was well over 2,400m and there had been been a number of kills over 2km. Only reason I looked it up is I though I remembered seeing an article about a 2400+ m shot a couple of years ago. I didn’t know about the latest one from 2800+ m.

    In their defense, it appears the H2 documentary likely spurred disclosure and publication of some of those longer-range kills – many seem to have been first publicized in May 2010. But I’m kinda wondering how they missed the Vietnam .50-cal 2000+ yard shot in 1967 and the Norwegian 1380m shot in 2007. Those seem to have been first publicized in 2003 and 2008, respectively.

  46. Ex-PH2 says:

    I think they did include Carl Hathcock, but I have to go back and look at the documentary. He was the Vietnam sniper, I think, and he and a VC sniper played cat-and-mouse with each other.

  47. Redacted1775 says:

    The legendary shot through the VC sniper’s scope. Gunny Hathcock concluded the only way the shot was possible is the VC sniper had him in his sights as well, the Gunny was just quicker on the trigger.

  48. DaveO says:

    Not saying Carlos Hathcock didn’t make the legendary shot that took out a VC sniper through the scope, but the Myth Busters tried to replicate the shot, using the same rifle, round and the scope the VC sniper would have had, and they couldn’t replicate it. The sniper scope changed the path of the bullet too much for it to travel straight down the tube.

    If I were an atheist, I’d have to call Hathcock’s claim BS, since acts of God/miracles don’t exist in atheism.

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