Former SF sergeant goes nuts in neighborhood

| April 20, 2012 | 26 Comments

I figured I’d better scoop the LA Times on this story. I found this picture on Facebook of a fairly famous former special forces sergeant who is apparently suffering from combat fatigue and murdered an unknown number of innocent victims of the shrubbery variety under the cover of darkness. You’ll notice the smug look of satisfaction on his face as he holds up severed limbs for the camera as if he’s proud of his murderous rampage.

I think we should all demand an apology from the Department of Defense for their responsibility in regards to unleashing this martial madness on an otherwise peaceful-looking community, and I think it proves that we need to withdraw from Afghanistan before that war produces more of these murderous thugs prowling through our neighborhoods in the twilight hours.

Category: Media, Military issues, Satire

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  1. Country Singer says:

    Nice mid-life crisis car in the background!

  2. Parachute Cutie says:

    You’re a riot my friend

  3. I think I might sneak this info to the NY Slimes, or the LA Slimes, so they can get the rest of the dirt on this guy. He looks properly scurrilous, doesn’t he. I have heard that he would even sword fight with a poor, recovering Cancer kid, at St. Judes Hospital. Watch him, folks.

  4. OWB says:

    Ooooooh, the huuuumaaaaaaanity.

    errrr, shrubberanity?

  5. Darrel_P244 says:

    I’d be willing to bet that this soldier has been through multiple deployments in areas with lots of vegetation. I think that Sec. Def. should go on record stating that these are not the types of values that we instill in our troops and that gardening sensitivity classes will now be added to the lenghty list of mandatory slide-show presentations given to every soldier yearly.
    This just in: The Knights Who Say NI! have demanded an apology from the President.

  6. Virtual Insanity says:

    The PETV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetation) are gonna be PISSED.

  7. brat says:

    @ 5. I also thought “gardening sensitivity classes” (AND Monty Python) as I read this…. Waiting for BHO to hit the mic about how “morally repugnant” this dastardly deed is…and demanding a full investigation.

  8. Hondo says:

    The damned shrubbery kept leafing annoyingly, over and over and over and over again. Nonstop. Every year. He just couldn’t take it any more! They were asking for it! They finally got what they deserved!

    And I guess we know where the Knights Who Say Ni won’t be getting their next shrubbery. (smile)

  9. Old Trooper says:

    @7: I heard the Prez mumbled “if I had a shrub, it would look like that”.

    As to the obvious nutbar with the look of self satifaction at decapitating the shrubbery………He needs an intervention from a horticulture warrior.

  10. Oh crap, I just wiped out some ugly plants on the side of my house….should I call the VA?

  11. The horror…the horror…the….

  12. Hondo says:

    CI Roller Dude: no, call the PETV instead (see comment 6 above). Let them help you relocate the unfortunate vegetation humanely. (smile)

  13. Mud says:

    Probably has a necklace of leaves in his dresser drawer. Sicko.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Some priceless comments on here. Mud, I liked yours best so far. :)

  15. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    There is help available for this disorder. BONSAI Therapy … see story below.

    Let us know if Bonsai Therapy Works!

    From small plants come big benefits

    LIVE OAK, Calif. — For Vietnam veteran Pete Logan, practicing the art of bonsai has been therapeutic, helping him deal with some of the problems of his post-traumatic stress disorder.

    Logan, who lives in the Felton, Calif., area, has been working with the Japanese art form of miniature trees for about 12 years and currently has about 100 plants.

    “It’s very calming and relaxing,” he said.

    Contrary to some misconceptions, bonsai isn’t a particular species or type of tree. Instead, bonsai can be practiced with a wide variety of trees. The name itself comes from the Japanese word “bon,” which is a small tray-like pot that’s typically used in the art of bonsai. The practice itself involves cultivation techniques such as pruning, root reduction, potting and grafting to produce small trees that mimic the shape and style of mature, full-sized trees. They can come in different sizes, with a cap of 4 feet in height.

    Current president of the Santa Cruz Bonsai Kai Club, Ron Anderson, says it’s a delicate art that can help with stress alleviation. Anderson has a background in law enforcement and practicing bonsai helps him achieve a sense of balance and harmony, he said.

    Anderson has been a part of the club, which has about 80 members who range in age from teenagers to those in their 90s, for nearly five years. Before that, he’d always been “really into Japanese gardening.” At a bonsai show, he won three of the little trees in a raffle, and pretty soon, he was bitten by the bonsai bug. He estimates he now has somewhere between 100 and 150 bonsai trees of his own.

    “You learn most of the information about bonsais from your peers,” he said. “And the more you learn, the more you realize how much you don’t know.”

  16. Beretverde says:

    Hey… he can come over and rampage my yard as well.

  17. OWB says:

    Pretty sure that the bonzai treatment would have me immediately looking for a chain saw…

  18. B Woodman says:

    At first I thought those were dead porcupines he was holding.

    I’m getting this terrible urge to go out and start weeding my yard. It’s spring, ya’know. Do you think PETV would help relocate the dandilions to new homes, where they’ll be given the opportunity to continue to thrive and grow (somewhere else)??

  19. Alberich says:

    #7 – I also thought “gardening sensitivity classes” (AND Monty Python) as I read this…

    Shouldn’t you, and our friends who invoke the PETV, have been thinking about this?

  20. NHSparky says:

    Beret–you beat me to it. He blowed up–yeah, he blowed up REAL good!

  21. Just Plain Jason says:

    I am now traumatized by this horrific photo…

    I am going to go scramble some unfertilized chicken embryo and cook some shredded pig for dinner…yes FOR DINNER!

  22. antisocialist says:

    This is ghastly. Totally inexcusable. I demand an investigation.
    BTW, you don’t happen to have some electric hedge clippers I could borrow, do you?

  23. Better watch yourself there! You’ll have the greenies out for your blood next for lopping down trees.

  24. Barack Obama says:

    I blame the Bush.

  25. crankydad says:

    It was Photoshoped

  26. mountainsniper31 says:

    This is horrendous! I hope he didn’t urinate on these poor bushes, too. That would just be too much.

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