Fecal Four – Day Two

| August 14, 2012

Seriously, Day 1 was an EXACT TIE between Diliberto and Mailahn.  Who says every vote doesn’t count. 

As a reminder, each day you will be able to vote. The weekly VOTE total (not average of the percent) will win. The math is easier for me that way. So, vote 5 times, and on Friday I will add them all up.

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn

HERE ARE THE BIOS FROM LAST WEEK IF YOU NEED MORE RESEARCH. VOTING BEGINS BELOW.

SHARKEY

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: Claims “The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter). Jonathon is also Sniper Trained and Qualified. He still practices his Sniper skills to this day.”

Actual: National Guard PFC with an Army Service Ribbon and Sharpshooter Badge. (Which sucks for a sniper, hell, even I shot expert)

Intangibles: Looks like a cross between Ron Jeremy and Guy Fawlkes; has lost 7 elections for public office; fled Minnesota with emotionally damaged minor; threatened to impale me, chop off my head and perform satanic rite with entrails; moved to Russia.

As an aside, my reaction to his threat was as follows:

Love the threats, I mean seriously, it makes me chuckle. Okay tough guy, come on up to Indy, we can fight on the War Memorial Grounds. You bring your Secret Service friends, and I will bring my equally imagined companions: Smurfette, Nessie, one of the dwarfs from the Council of Elrond, an Amish porn star, several Minions from Despicable Me, and a couple of your girlfriends from the Niagra Falls area. You don’t think there is anyone that believes your horseshit do you?

I’m still waiting for him to show up.

OLIVER

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: “A member of the unit commonly known as Delta Force, he said he hit the ground in Kandahar after a high-altitude jump with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service. He recalls three days of intense ‘house-to-house urban warfare. It was a lot of chaos and a lot of fear,’ he said.”

Actual: I would say he’s completely full of shit, but his wife Phebe Durand assures us we don’t know the truth because “that’s a threat to national security” and we can trust her because she has a law degree from Cortez Junior High School. In fact, according to Chief Justice Durand of the Supreme Court of Oz, merely mentioning her or him is “breaking the law.”

Intangibles: Dude’s a Drood: “A practitioner of Druidic arts for fifteen years desiring to bring his gifts to the public. Friendly and caring readings and a genuine desire to help you with any questions you have.” Also, he is blind, but wears prescription eye glasses.

The pony tail he sports is an homage to David Carradine,

The grandson of Kwai Chang Oliver walks out of the past. He teaches his son wisdom at a Shaolin temple. An evil force destroyed that temple. Father and son each believed the other had perished. Fifteen years later, they were reunited. Now Oliver faced new challenges… and his son jumped into Kandahar with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service.

Carradine was found with rope around his neck and sausage.

DILIBERTO

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: US Marine with service in Iraq and Afghanistan. A political scientist and Christian Theologian, Diliberto is also the cofounder of Veterans for Rethinking Afghanistan.

Actual: Proverbs 19:9, “A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish.”

Yeah, not so much on his claims. Christian Theologian Diliberto never made it into either Iraq or Afghanistan.

The unit deployed immediately after 9-11 by ship. his leaders put him on duty in the kitchen of the ship where he intentionally lanced his hand to get out of working there. When they got to Pakistan prior to their deployment into Afghanistan, Diliberto locked and loaded his weapon and threatened his corporal which resulted in the unit giving him another NJP action and included a bust to Private. His unit went on to Afghanistan while Diliberto went back to working in the ship’s kitchen.

Intangibles: Nothing pisses me off like a turd like Diliberto claiming refuge in the Christian faith. Seriously. Granted a cornerstone is redemption, grace etc, but Diliberto would first have to actually atone for his mistakes, not just compound and obfuscate them. Take for example this comment left by someone from his unit. Now, granted it is hearsay. But assume that this was about you, and that you were a divinity student, wouldn’t you come out and address it?

in reference to the altercation he was involved in inside the barracks, he was bullying a smaller older marine, and when someone his size came calling, it got ugly. He got his ass whooped like the punk he his. he’s a liar, i was actually decent to him, more so than he ever deserved, because i thought i could turn him into a decent marine. His ego and his bs are too much. he can’t be helped. it’s a real tragedy that a news station would put this moron on alongside people who create and change military strategy. he isn’t a combat vet. If larry king ever does a special on midnight firewatch, or njp, that would be the only good time to have this idiot on.

Does that strike you as the kind of person you would want representing either a religious persuasion or a movement?

Revelation 21:8, “…and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone.”

MAILAHN

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: The Youngest Sergeant Major in the history of the Marine Corps.

Actual: “I admit I was not in the corps but I did serve in the army I said I was in the corps cause a lot of my friends that was made fun of the army I was wrong in doing so very wrong now that I admited to this please take my name off your web page and could u send this to the hell website and have them remove this off there site as well I just want to live my life this lie has caused me to lose jobs due to the fact it was on the web and I don’t need to lose anymore job opperinitys u have my permission to post this on the site
Ronad Mailahn Jr”

Yes, he really wrote that his name is Ronad.

Intangibles:

Hog ties his girlfriend, and publishes the pictures.

U can put me on all the websites u want that will be more money for me when I sue
I sent this and the other website to my attorney
John this is called harsment I will be sending this email and the site u posted my info on

Stole $9,000+ from a girl softball league.

I literally can’t do this guy justice, so you should go read the entire thread, but seriously, set aside at least an hour and some Excedrin. But my personal favorite was this passage ostensibly from his hog-tied honey, Jenny:

Cause of you prople Ron tried to kiill himself.

Why can u peple just leave him alone? I love him and I don’t care what he is.Ass long as I am with him. Yes he is tough but this just put him over the edge.Please leave my Boyfriend alone .and like I said how u are all happy with yourself.
Jenny

Jenny adds:

How could u people be so cold a man tried to end his life last night and all u can do is make jokes? Don’t u have any compassion? You all say bad things about him u don’t even know him. he is warm loving carrying man who I love with all my heart enough is enough now. You brought his personal info to this not bad end people called with death threats one of the reasons he did what he did last night. Let me ask you all this have u never made a mistake? Well if you have no u be the first ones to cast that stone.

Jenny then dumped his ass, and he started dating Diana (her sideboob pics here.)

Ron’s Facebook page is still up, and includes pictures of Michael Vick, Jean Luc Picard and Jack Bauer.

Wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend
You could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again
I would understand, I would understand

Now vote:

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Category: Politics

Comments (33)

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  1. Old Tanker says:

    I’m still going with Driveway and the cock! We need a death match!!!

  2. SJ says:

    #1: me too.

  3. Nicki` says:

    Me three.

    The flattened penis is tempting, but Gunny Driveway is SUCH a shit show, I just can’t resist.

  4. Hondo says:

    Dildo-man v. the Inhaler in a death-match!

  5. 679Prig says:

    Hanging chads! Lawsuits! Recount!

  6. LebbenB says:

    Inhaler v. Driveway! Strike a pose!

  7. Old Tanker says:

    Nicki

    I know what you mean. Between the Cock and The Douche it’s a no brainer but the choice between Dildoberto and Driveway was a toughy….I can see why they tied on day one!

  8. NHSparky says:

    You GOTTA put those Cock Inhaler and Gunny Driveway in the Thunderdome.

  9. Hondo says:

    Negative! Dildoman v. Inhaler! Polar opposites! An “instant classic”!

  10. TSO says:

    For those curious, today has started like yesterday, with Mailahn and Diliberto tied at 45.

  11. Anonymous says:

    @10 TSO, this is getting ridiculous!

  12. Nicki` says:

    OT – you and I seem to share a brain on this one.

  13. Twist says:

    @10 TSO, I just broke that tie Mwahahahahaha…..for now.

  14. Hondo says:

    Nicki: though my opinion differs from yours, it was a damned hard choice for me as well. Strike Ronad’s apology and I’d probably have voted for him instead of Dildo-man.

  15. Adirondack Patriot says:

    Dildo-berto is such a complete, media-lapped, front-and-center phony that he has to win.

    The more I saw him against other phonies, he really pisses me off. I mean, there are a lot of head case, like Tillman and Eye Shadow, but Dildo went on television to undermine the military and this country.

    He didn’t just lie to get laid or get a free chicken at the VFW. This shitbag is Tillman and Jane Fonda rolled up into one.

  16. Fred says:

    I’m going with Douchebag Oliver and Gunny Driveway.

    Those two are the epitome of homosapiens douchebagumus maximus.

  17. Marine_7002 says:

    I am having a hell of a time making a decision. Sheer buffoonery (Mailman) vs. outright douchebaggery (Dilberto). My head hurts just trying to sort out the cons of each (no pros with either of those assholes).

  18. Yat Yas 1833 says:

    Gunny “total douche, a$$hat, f€ckwad, SFB, c€mbubble, POS, dog turd eater, hog f€cker, all around degenerate” Driveway MUST win! He has dishonored MY uniform and MY Corps. He needs to be acknowledged as the biggest butt nugget in the land.

  19. Nicki says:

    Kudos to Yat Yas for the use of the phrase “butt nugget.”

    I still say Cock Inhaler FTW! It’s not often Mark gets creative death threats by a fat kid toucher.

  20. Hondo says:

    Yat Yas 1833: I’d have to disagree. Dildo-man is a former Marine (and yes – saying it that way was intentional). And he continues to dishonor the USMC daily. Ronad was merely a wannabee.

  21. Flagwaver says:

    I’m going for Gonad Mailman and Glan the Inhaler.

    As I said, anyone who thinks they can survive in the Army with that Doc Holiday meets Fumanchu facial hair, needs to unf*ck their train of thought.

    As for Mailman, well, that was a no brainer. Wait, did I say was? I meant that piece of cockwaste IS a no-brainer.

  22. Ptolemy in Egypt says:

    (In best Clint Eastwood voice) I’m castin’ my vote for Ronad ‘Gunny Driveway’ Mailahn and “Sharkey’s Machine”

    And if you don’t put that contraband stogie away I’ll shove it so far up your *** you’ll have to set fire to your nose to light it!

  23. Ex-PH2 says:

    Pooh suit vs. greasy liar. Pooh suit/sharkey still boggles my mind.

    Mailman vs. Jake. Nailman retracted, Jake has not yet done so, and keeps enlarging on it.

  24. Roger in Republic says:

    Its easy. If you steal valor for monetary or political gain you are worse than someone who puts on a bogus uniform to meet chicks or cage drinks. Who among us has not meet a navy seal or Navy Cross holder at the local bar. Jerks to be sure, but to lie on TV to further some stupid ass political agenda makes you despicable. I vote for despicable every time.

  25. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    Best sung out loud with vigor and excitement!

    GUNNY DRIVEWAY ALL THE WAY, he will beat Diliberto any day!

  26. Hondo says:

    Gotta disagree, MCPO. And, with apologies to the late Sammy Davis, Jr:

    The Dildo-Man

    Who can be a f-up, lie to me and you
    Makes a new career from nothing but a tale or two
    The Dildo-Man, oh the Dildo-Man can
    The Dildo-Man can ’cause he mixes truth with lies ’cause – hey – the money’s real good

    Who can take his weapon, point it at a friend
    Get busted by his CO ‘stead of landing in the pen
    The Dildo-Man, oh the Dildo-Man can
    The Dildo-Man can ’cause he mixes truth with lies ’cause – hey – the money’s real good

    The Dildo-Man’s fake, but everything he says sounds so good you’re not suspicious
    Now talk about your sons-of-bitches, he even used to wash the dishes

    He lies like no tomorrow and could f-up a wet dream
    Lies about deploying ’til it makes you want to scream
    The Dildo-Man, oh the Dildo-Man can
    The Dildo-Man can ’cause he mixes truth with lies ’cause – hey – the money’s real good
    The Dildo-Man can ’cause he mixes truth with lies ’cause – hey – the money’s real good
    The Dildo-Man can ’cause he mixes truth with lies ’cause – hey – the money’s real good

  27. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    @ Hondo … well done! Sammy has got to be rolling over in grave!

  28. Alberich says:

    Hondo, now that’s how you rock the vote!

    Mailhan is a kid with a Burger King crown in a contest for Impersonating a Head of State.

    Diliberto is…is…a worm in the apple, who crawled out of the apple and lied about the inside. His slime is more pustulent than Mailhan’s snot.

    Diliberto!

  29. WOTN says:

    If all Americans could vote like Chicagoans in Nov, like they can here, things might be different in Jan.

  30. Yat Yas 1833 says:

    Nicki, thank you.

    Hondo, after your rendition, I must admit I’m swayed but not moved. It will take quite a bit to get me to give up on “Ronad the gonad”!!! If I recollect correct, he served in the Guard but that wasn’t enough. The youngest Sgt.Maj. in my Marine Corps? Tie him up like he did his “blue whale” sized girlfriend and throw him into GP in prison.

  31. Just Plain Jason says:

    I have really been pushing out the vote for Gunny Driveway. I have hit everyone I know to vote 2,3,4 times but somehow it isn’t enough.

    Yat Yas 1883, did you catch that General Mattis being the next Commandant of the Marine Corps? I saw on the Duffel Blog, I guess I made a pretty big splash around the corps today.

  32. Hondo says:

    Yat Yas 1833: “Ronad” apparently served in the Army and was once stationed in Korea. He doesn’t appear to have served a full enlistment, though. Don’t know why he was released early.

    Just Plain Jason: c’mon. “Ronad” was a “special” guy (think “short bus” special) and a low-life trying to get laid and/or scrounge $$$ for his next meal. Dildo-man conned people into thinking he was some kind of “war expert” based on his “experience”, when in fact he was nothing but a two-bit f-up who was so bad his own unit wouldn’t let him deploy with them. And he’s made a living off those lies ever since.

  33. one who knows says:

    well he is still out there spreading his lies, he is now engaged a 3rd. time, yes, her name is Diane, and she BELIEVES everything he tells her, he told people that the reason all this crap is on the internet is because his ex brother in law photo shopped it, and he also said his ex brother in law owns that TOS site, “it aint hell but you can see it from here”,g/f believes him,so there are many many lies he has put out there, at the expense of innocent people, this woman is a nurse, she will not google him i guess, because he answered all her questions, he also told others that he did not take the money from his daughter’s little league, the barrington president took it, he says thats why he only got probation, i cant believe there are that many people that would believe this lying sack of shit, for every wrong thing that he has done, he has put the blame on others, he will not, and never will take responsibility for anything, now next week he will be flying off to vegas, g/f is treating him good, and soon he will be moving out of his mother’s apartment, and into his soon to be wife’s place, where she can start paying all his bills,