Another Round Marine sighting

| November 12, 2012 | 143 Comments

Kevin sends us this photo of the latest Round Marine sighting. The word is that a Navy Master Chief stopped him from getting into a Marine Corps Ball in his clown suit. I’m putting this up in hopes that the photographer or the Navy Master Chief sees it and tells us the story, and hopefully, someone got his name, because we’re stumped and we want him to get the attention he deserves and obviously craves.

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. Nik says:

    I did some research and found out how this guy got at least one of his WWII medals. Harken now to this story of bravery and inspiration.

    No shit, there he was, in a car with his driver, LCPL Schmuckatelli, and an engineer. His mission was to deliver this passenger safely. They were heading down a steep hill and the brakes went out. The Lance Corporal and the passenger started praying, anticipating a fiery death. Not this guy though. He knew what to do.

    With the sound of the sucking of a giant vaccuum cleaner he inhaled and held it. The car hit a tree with a resounding crash. When the smoke clears, the vehicle is a total loss, but Schmuckatelli and the engineer don’t have so much as a scratch on them.

    That engineer’s name? John Hedrik. Hedrik would think back often to this day and in 1950 file his first patent for the airbag.

  2. Rmjinsatx says:

    Fourragère (green/red cord looped around left shoulder) is only authorized for active duty members of 5th and 6th Marine Regiments…there are no living individuals authorized to wear it permanently.

  3. Nik says:

    @54

    That might be necessary gear for this guy, in case the belt loses the battle, he can use it as a backup to hold that giant gut in such a way as he doesn’t end up stepping on it.

  4. Twist says:

    Nik, you where right in #9. That belt has definetly displayed conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty.

  5. LebbenB says:

    @52. “OnStar for competitive eating.” That’s comedy gold, right there. Consider that one stolen.

  6. NHSparky says:

    Fattest fake fuck since “Heavy Drop.”

  7. Ooid says:

    Semper Fudge?

  8. Hondo says:

    NHSparky: I think he’s the fattest period – even including “Heavy Drop”.

  9. Hack Stone says:

    That’s a hearing aid that he is wearing. Prior to gettiing the hearing aid, he thought everyone was saying that they repealed “Don’t ask; Don’t swell”.

  10. Hack Stone says:

    If you check his Facebook page, his favorite movies are Hamburger Hill and Porkchop Hill.

  11. Hack Stone says:

    He is so fat, he qualifies as his own duty station.

  12. Green Thumb says:

    He is so fat that he got stuck in a dream.

  13. Hack Stone says:

    Someone needs to tell him that it is “No man left behind”, not “No Manwich left behind”.

  14. Yat Yas 1833 says:

    Las Cruces, N.M.? That’s less than 7 hours from Phoenix!? I haven’t done a “road trip” in a while!?

  15. Ex-PH2 says:

    I have it! I know who he is! I have identified the SV thief, at long last!

    He is Hirnlösen Fettsack, the pesonal assistant to D. A. Whipitnflogit, the villain of the piece, a most nefarious fellow repeated whose attemepts to infiltrate the SEALs in the company of Vulva Doom were thwarted every time he went past the buffet table. His personal history of criminal attempts at impersonation included entering himself into various and sundry Sumo wrestling matches, posing for the “Big and Nasty” Hot Guys monthly magazine for sexually-frustrated morbidly obese women, and a stint as one of the balloons in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.

    That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

  16. Ex-PH2 says:

    That should be “whose repeated attempts to infiltrate”.

    My keyboard cannot keep up with my fingers and my racing thoughts.

  17. Joe Williams says:

    I count 8 service stripes(32 plus years) and a SGMJ too. Correct me if I am wrong on the years served. Joe

  18. Scott Koen says:

    Well the obvious question here is why would he wear his costume to an event where everyone present would know its a fake?

  19. Hack Stone says:

    Joe@69, those are Master Gunnery Sergeant (MGySgt) rank insignia, not Sergeant Major (SgtMaj). I just want to know where he wable to buy a Dress Blues blouse that large. The Korean tailors on Court Street must have put every worker on the project. Somewhere out there, there are four Marines that don’t have a Dress Blues blouse.

  20. Joe Williams says:

    Gurple poses as the SGT maj while our unsub poses as a MASTER guns. See Omar the tent maker for super size Blues. Bring lots of money,thats a lot material Omar will need to use. Joe

  21. Nik says:

    @71

    I’m thinking there’s a camping trip out there missing a tent.

  22. Hack Stone says:

    If you look close enough, you will see that he is not wearing a SEAL Trident. It is actually a Walrus Badge.

  23. LebbenB says:

    The three things you can see from orbit with the naked eye are: The Grand Canyon, The Great Wall of china and this guy.

    If you told this guy to “Haul ass,” He’d hafta make three trips.

  24. Hondo says:

    Hack Stone: Damn, and I thought it was the Ahab Memorial Whaler Qualification Badge.

  25. Twist says:

    That dude walks into Golden Corral and the staff starts crying.

  26. NHSparky says:

    “YOU BE HEAH FO HOUR!!! YOU SCARE MY WIFE!!!”

  27. Ann says:

    77: that guy stops at the row of seats I’m assigned to on a plane, and I start crying!

  28. LebbenB says:

    When this guy walks into McDonald’s they send a kid outside to change the numbers on the sign.

  29. Twist says:

    When this guy steps on a scale it says to be continued.

  30. NR Pax says:

    When he goes dancing, the band skips.

  31. Ex-PH2 says:

    Aw, come on, guys. Put yourselves in his postion. All of you. At the same time.

  32. Twist says:

    This guy is so fat that he has a homeless person living under him.

  33. Hack Stone says:

    He is not on the weight control program. (Wait for it)………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
    He is on the “weight out of control program”. Thank you, I’ll be here all night. Be sure to tip your waitress.

  34. Nik says:

    The Marines are looking for a few good men.

    They’re looking for them because ole Supergut here ate them.

  35. LebbenB says:

    When you ask him what he wants on his humburger he says, “A hotdog.”

  36. LebbenB says:

    Mosquitoes take one look at him and yell, “Buffet!”

  37. Hack Stone says:

    He practices safe snacks. He always uses a condiment.

  38. NHSparky says:

    When he walks across the room, the radio skips.

  39. Hack Stone says:

    He qualified for enlisting under the buddy system all by himself.

  40. Hondo says:

    Keep this guy away from any nuclear reactors or warheads. He’ll alter the reactivity by acting as a neutron reflector.

  41. Ex-PH2 says:

    He makes fat chicks look anorexic.

    Whales fear him.

    No tattoo parlor will take him as a client. There is not enough ink….

  42. Twist says:

    He has to iron his clothes in the driveway.

  43. Hack Stone says:

    Twist @94, dang that was funny. may I add that he irons his clothes with a steamroller?

  44. Ex-PH2 says:

    When he looks for something to sit on, all the chairs suddently move themselves elsewhere.

  45. JP says:

    He once sat in a Monster Truck and made it a lowrider.

    Mount Everest tried to climb HIM.

    He once fell over and rocked himself to sleep trying to get up again.

  46. Twist says:

    He goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”

  47. Ex-PH2 says:

    Dr. Phil turned him down for food therapy on live TV.

  48. Ex-PH2 says:

    He may not be the most interesting man in the universe, but he certainly is the most largest man in the universe.

  49. Mikey the Large and In Charge Kitty says:

    He is trying to take away my title.

  50. JP says:

    When he hauls ass, he has to make two trips.

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