John A. Kuykendall; Phony Marine/Ghostbuster

| January 5, 2013

Scotty sends us another of his recent busts, John A. Kuykendall, who claims he retired as a Lieutenant Colonel with 17 years of service and then went into business as a ghostbuster. Here’s his proof;

John Kuykendall ID card

The issue date says 1984 and the military wasn’t using those ID cards in 1984. You guys can pick apart the ID card because I’ll admit that I don’t much about them. Like having two Military Police badges on the card. Do the Marines even have police, and if they do, is it called “Military Police”? You guys know more about that than me.

But he doesn’t seem to know that everything in the military changes sometimes. Here he is in ACUs and if he was in the Marines, I don’t think he’d be wearing an Army uniform. Since he claims he left the service in 2001, he would have had to time travel ahead four years to get some ACUs.

John Kuykendall ACUs

Well, all of that on top of the fact that he’s a fat f**k, too.

Well, anyway, the Marines say they’ve never seen his fat ass before;

John Kuykendall FOIA

He also claims to have an MBA and a master’s degree in biology, but he spells business as “busniess” – twice, so he probably should have majored in spelling words and stuff.

But you can read the whole spectacle at Scotty’s place.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (99)

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  1. Green Thumb says:

    I love the boots.

    What a clown.


  2. Eggs says:

    I know you’re not supposed to photocopy gov’t ID cards (except in rare medical care related cases).

  3. NR Pax says:

    It’s not a Ghostbuster. It’s the Stay-Puf Marshmallow Man.

  4. C2/2000AF says:

    LOL Eggs that and because that ID is just all wrong altogether. Photocopying is one thing but the ID itself is just a complete sham piece by piece.

  5. Kato811 says:

    He had a DD-214 but a ghost took it

  6. C2/2000AF says:

    You would think someone would actually do their homework. But he probably had no idea that CAC cards were not used in 84, hell I dont remember getting my CAC card till about 2002 or so.

  7. Eggs says:

    C2 – It does have a lot of pieces of flair.

  8. Mr Wolf, non-Esq says:

    I’ve seen airsoft guys look more authentic…

  9. Reaperman says:

    I guess the thought is that for an ID card to look real, it has to have so many badges and watermarks on it that it becomes unreadable. Oh well, at least it didn’t feature a congressman’s signature or a tiny medal of honor.

  10. Bam Bam says:

    I wonder what his ghostbusters CAC looks like…

  11. Eggs says:

    And a barcode from a case of Twinkies no doubt

  12. streetsweeper says:

    Why yes, the Marines do have military police. Just not him obviously….

  13. Green Thumb says:

    It has also been a while since I have seen a Marine supporting a mustache.

  14. Mr Wolf, non-Esq says:

    Ok, I’m confused. Marine CAC, 4th ID patch, USARMY tag?

    He’s a joint service all by his lonesome.

    Bet he wears Navy underwear.

  15. FatCircles0311 says:

    He’s wearing a flak bib.


  16. Yat Yas 1833 says:

    Can you say, “Piece of $h1t from the word go?” If this sumbich is a Marine I was General MacArthur’s aide-de-camp on Manila n I wasn’t born until1956!?!

  17. Mr Wolf, non-Esq says:

    Always wondered what Zippy the Pinhead would look like without the clown suit…

  18. 11B vet says:

    Holy shit! He’s seriously wearing a DAPS shoulder pad as a bib!

  19. O-4E says:

    @21 (11B)

    LOL..I just caught that when you mentioned it. Funny

  20. Bill R. says:

    I have an old style card and mine says “Indefinite” for the expiration date. Do the Marines use the word “Permanent”?

  21. streetsweeper says:

    O-4E? This was taken at the Colorado Prison Museum? I see he’s sporting the wrong flag and a 4th ID patch…

  22. streetsweeper says:

    And something else about him. I have seen this critter face to face, I just can’t place where or when.

  23. MSGRetired says:

    The Army ACU’s should tell you he is really an NCIS agent. I never thought of wearing my DAPS as a bib, I could have left my IBA at home !!

  24. streetsweeper says: The USMC MP badge is nothing like the one shown on his photo either.

  25. UpNorth says:

    Expiration Date-Permanent? Does that mean that he’s expired?
    Jonn may have to go to early regionals and quarterfinals for this year’s Ballduster McSoulpatch tourney. They’re wriggling out of the woodwork early this year.

  26. E-6 type, 1ea says:

    According to the Stolen Valor page, he lives in Colorado Springs. This guy has gotta be really screwed in the head to try this stunt there. Seriously dude? There’s two Air Force bases, NORAD, the AF Academy, and Fort Carson. You can’t go anywhere in the Springs without seeing someone in the military. What a tool.

  27. Scotty says:

    Poser Busters exposing Ghost Busters , He had a paranormal F/B page & his personal account activated until right after the exposure. They went POOF !! 🙂

  28. USMCE8Ret says:

    What a fucking fat piece of shit. What kind of nonsense is this now?!!!

    His fuggin’ ID card has literally EVERYTHING possible on it, which isn’t even close to what a CAC card looks like.

    There aren’t too many Marines in the Colorado Springs area that I know of, and there certainly aren’t any Marine MP’s needed at any of the AF bases or Cheyenne Moutain.

    As for the ACU’s, the “stars and bars” aren’t worn there, (and obviously, Marines don’t wear that pattern), and we also don’t wear gadgets outside our uniform, so he fucked himself right there too.

    Loser fuck stick.

  29. HMCS(FMF) says:

    LTC Soup Sandwich… assclown extraordinaire! As for his ID card expiration date, it’s like the last box of Ho Ho’s that he snarfed down.

  30. What a fu—ing clown. I’m guessing he’s some some major mental defects (what we used to call being retarded, but I’m told that’s not nice to say– it degrades the retards.)

  31. HMCS(FMF) says:

    Oh, Just checked the initial link out… four years to complete a MBA? Must have been placed on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION while at U of P!

    And the pic of him with Casper (“Try me, Casper…”) – looks like Casper and his buddy’s dorked LTC Ghostbuster in the squeakhole!

  32. Anonymous says:

    if anyone knows how to find this jerk, he just scamed a bunch of people out os some money

  33. O-4E says:


    Say it ain’t so…posing and scamming folks out of money reguarly goes hand in hand

  34. O-4E says:

    And this guy can sweet talk a Philly Cheese Steak and a KFC Double Down out of their wrapper second to none

  35. John11b says:

    Ahahaha, the daps shoulder armor as a chest harness is classic.

  36. C2/2000AF says:

    LOL Eggs, no doubt…nice flair going on there along with barcode action and “pay grade” to give it that authentic look. This ghostbusters guy looks like a walrus in his faux uniform. I wonder what runs through these guys minds when they click on here when a friend tells them to check this page out.

  37. 3C3P says:

    I think a ghost faked his CAC card.

  38. Just an Old Dog says:

    A triple decker shit sandwich, without the bread.

  39. USMCE8Ret says:

    Graduated High School 1984?

    His Marine Corps “career” started in March (or April, according to his LinkedIn profile), but his I.D. card was issued July 9th, 1984? Fuggin’ schools (OCS/TBS and MOS school) takes much longer than the timeline he’s sticking to.

    Graduated University of the Pacific in 1989, and all by skipping a bachelors degree (or are we supposed to believe he rolled up all the curriculum magically somehow to earn a Masters degree as well?) I’m sure skipped OCS/TBS and MP School altogether while he attended a school 8 hours north of Pendleton, ’cause that’s how the Corps rolled back then.

    Last but not least, he has an Honorable Discharge certificate on his web page, located here:

    It says he was honorably discharged on July 6th, 1995, and signed by General Amos, Assistant Commandant of the Marine Corps. The only other problem with that is the fact that General Richard D. Hearney was ACMC during that time.

  40. USMCE8Ret says:

    (Of course, the honorable discharge certificate has a poor cut-and paste job of General Amos’ signature…)

  41. thebronze says:

    He’s scrubbed some of his web-presence.

    His Facebook page can’t be found and is defunct.


  42. O-4E says:

    “PhonyBusters Song” (played to the Ray Parker Ghostbuster tune):

    If there’s some fat POS poserin your neighborhood
    Who ya gonna call?

    If it’s somethin’ weird and chunky an’ it don’t look good
    Who ya gonna call?

    I ain’t afraid o’ no Big Mac
    I ain’t afraid o’ no Triple Wendy Bacon Combo

    If you’re seein’ things like a fucked up CAC card
    Who can you call?

    An invisible man sleepin’ in ACUs hwo claims to be a retired Marine
    Oh who ya gonna call?

    I ain’t afraid o’ beef roast
    I ain’t afraid o’ sausage gravy on toast

    Who ya gonna call?

    If you suspect somethings wrong, pick up the phone
    And call

    I ain’t afraid o’ no internet post
    I have a DD214 to back my boast
    I ain’t afraid of no Philly Cheese Steak
    Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Who you gonna call?

    Mmm, if you’ve had a dose
    Of a freaky fat posing POS
    You better call

    Let me tell you somethin’
    Posing makes me feel good


  43. O-4E says:


    I emailed the fucktard about 5 times today

  44. Nik says:

    then went into business as a ghostbuster

    Who ya gonna call?


  45. Old Trooper says:

    When I saw this, yesterday, I couldn’t even comment, because it’s so jacked up that commenting would have just been piling on. Now his website is gone? Shocking!!

  46. RandomNCO says:

    He’s ghost hunting in that picture in the ACUs. He’s got a few “common” ghost hunting tools, like the digital recorder. I’m not sure why someone would feel the need to dress like THAT while on an investigation, but that is the least of his issues.

  47. Old Trooper says:

    @49: Maybe he wants the ghosts to start laughing, so he can capture it on his digital recorder?