Freedom Stansbury; phony at Eglin (Updated)

| January 11, 2013 | 99 Comments

Someone sent us the wonderous tale of Freedom Douglas Stansbury, who they tell me has been hanging around the gym at Eglin Air Force Base pretending to be an Army Captain at EOD school – they tell me that captains don’t attend the school at Eglin. But, apparently he’s been chewing out NCOs at the gym for doing exercise improperly and for being fatbodies. Apparently, he’s just some New Jersey hoodrat with a lower enlisted girlfriend who signs him into the post. But here’s the poster that Eglin Law Enforcement issued on him;

BOLO Stansbury

And their summary of the incident that led to his apprehension;

BOLO Stansbury1

Here’s some of the stuff he does;

For roughly a month this guy has been seen at our gym and various other places on post. He has been known to give uniform corrections and harass Army personnel. He was posing as a Captain and had the the balls to reprimand 1st Sgts and Platoon Sgts. He even ordered a PSG and his platoon to do corrective PT until he was satisfied.

When questioned about his business on post he gave several different stories to include: he was a student at EOD school (although captains in the Army are not eligible), he was a JAG officer on TDY, and that he is soon to be an incoming commander. Last week he pushed his luck a little too much when he came to our PT formation wearing ACUs with CPT rank, Ranger tab and a 101st unit and deployment patches. He told our 1st Sgt that he was looking for a private who was talking on his cellphone and failed to salute him as he passed. Our 1st Sgt then questioned him as to his unit and battalion commander. The man could not give a straight story and when asked his name the man replied “Cpt Freedom Stansbury” the 1st Sgt said he would take care of the situation and he left.

So, you folks down at Eglin keep your eye for this douche nozzle and give him a throat punch for me.

Mary sends us this mug shot of little Freedom when he was arrested for theft of services in Essex County, NY;

Freedom-Stansbury_mugshot.400x800

And another when he was arrested for “contempt” in Clarksville, TN

Freedom Stansbury, Tennessee

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. SGT Kane says:

    No No, it’s throat punches on Thursdays, its face stomps on Friday. At least that’s what Maj. Liberty Krzyzewski told me while after he corrected me for not shining my tan boots.

  2. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    A throat punch would be a good starting point, a nice old school 4ss whipping would be moving in the right direction. Some soap in a sock and 30 guys pounding some sense in him wouldn’t hurt either.

    Based on his history I doubt we are in any danger of this individual becoming a contributing member of society anytime soon. Might be time to excise the cancer.

  3. ChopIT says:

    I like the BOLO – “COMMISHIONED” Officer! Is that how fake O-1 through O-10s will be identified as now?

  4. NHSparky says:

    His girlfriend Bubba must be so proud…

  5. crucible says:

    Iw as reading another blog that was talking about foreign phrases/words that had no direct English translation, and there was one for this turd:

    Backpfeifengesicht (German): A face badly in need of a fist.

    Yup.

  6. Jim says:

    Army Captains are allowed at the school, although they’ve stopped accepting them as of this summer. There’s also a handful of them who work there.

    This guy is pretty ballsy. How do people think that they can pull these things off?

  7. NHSparky says:

    Jim–remember, Soup Sandwich was at BENNING, for Chrissakes.

    Never confuse excess of balls with lack of brains.

  8. Fen says:

    “This guy is pretty ballsy. How do people think that they can pull these things off?”

    Because we coddle them when instead we should put then in a hoispital bed for the rest of their life.

  9. COB6 says:

    “He even ordered a PSG and his platoon to do corrective PT until he was satisfied.”

    Someone needs to throat-punch that PSG as well!

    I can not imagine what would have happened if some unknown Cpt had ordered Jonn and his platoon to drop!?

  10. bcousins says:

    Since he is already at Eglin he could benefit from a few days at Camp Rudder being “helped” by the 6th Ranger Training Bn. I hear Swamp Phase is great this time of year.

  11. RandomNCO says:

    I like how the Security Forces guys can’t even spell.

  12. Detn8r says:

    I actually had a CPT order my Det. (EOD) to drop because he did not like the way we wore our gear. After a moderate conversation, he found his way to other areas of the post, looking like the shit bag he was.

    I was very tactful in describing what the different gear did and why we wore them in a personal manner. I guess his chief complaint was the fact that most of us had at least two large bladed knives and some form of tomahawk/hatchet.

  13. AW1 Tim says:

    It takes a special kind of stupid to do the things this jackwagon has done.

    Jesus wept.

  14. O-4E says:

    What a complete f*cking tool

    This guy needs the sh*t kicked out of him

  15. OWB says:

    And the girlfriend who signed him onto the base? Does Army have special plans for her??

    Dang – in the “good old days,” you did NOT get to just sign folks onto base unless it was for a specific event. When did it become fashionable to even consider allowing civilians free access??

    Sure, this a really delusional individual who deserves everything that can be meted out to him, but there are more serious security considerations at play here that are quite disturbing.

  16. RandomNCO says:

    Barracks rats have to get on post somehow!

  17. Geetwillickers says:

    @9 – Agree… I never made it as far as PSG, but I can tell you nothing would have made my level of respect for my PSG drop lower faster than seeing him comply with something like that.

    Any PSG worth a damn would have had some very specific instructions for relocating his cranial structure from his anal regions…

  18. USMCE8Ret says:

    @12 – I can imagine a lot of folks who subscribe here have done similar things, such as: “Let me add some experience to your hypothesis, there – Captain.” After being appropriately schooled, the Captain just walked away with his feelings hurt, but learned a hard lesson all the same.

  19. AndyFMF says:

    If I played the drinking game for every spelling and grammatical mistake in that summary…….a good time it would be.

  20. Hondo says:

    “The farce is strong in this one . . . . “

  21. rb325th says:

    I was going to ask how it took so long to realize they were being played by a thug poser, then I saw the misspelling in the BOLO and knew why….

  22. NHSparky says:

    Assuming this guy wasted, say, a hundred man-hours of people’s time by pulling this shit, I think after his “girlfriend” gets her Art. 15 for being a dumbshit, our little thug boy gets the same hundred hours of people’s potentially wasted time getting smoked.

    Without a break.

  23. Sustainer says:

    Not for antyhing, but in the incident report it mentions “USAR ACUs” and “USAR PT Uniform”. I wasn’t aware that AC/RC/ARNG had different ACUs.

  24. Flagwaver says:

    Worst I ever had was a 2LT tell me, in my Arms Room, to issue weapons and accept them at the discretion of the Platoon Sergeants. Oh, and that it wasn’t the soldier’s jobs to clean their weapons, that’s what the Armorer was for.

    Unfortunately, I was on a call with the CO (speaker phones are great when you want to work and talk at the same time) and he heard everything the boy-who-would-be-officer said.

    Do you know how satisfying it is to be able to sit back and watch a 2LT do your monthly cyclic?

    As for Mr. Freedom. I think he needs to see how much Freedom he has when is ass is in the lock-up.

  25. Country Singer says:

    @ #5 Crucible – Ahhh, a fellow AoS moron, I see…

  26. Hack Stone says:

    This is part of the JSPP (Joint Services Poser Program), whereby wannabes get the expereince of pulling their shit on another service. Sgt Soupsandwich had his imaginary orders to an Army base, this guy was just filling the Army billet for an AF base.

  27. Twist says:

    @24, When I was a PSG I had an LT try to lock me up one time. I just looked at him and say “you do realise that you are a Lieutenant right”.

  28. Anonymous says:

    @ 18 – Yes he did. I really was tactful.

  29. RandomNCO says:

    @23 they have different unit patches, that’s about it.

    And after looking at his mug shots, who the hell would believe this thug was in the Army? Let alone a Captain?

  30. gi_janearng says:

    Wow, this story reminds me all too well of the idiot that showed up to our AT one year claiming to be a 1SG (Ret.). However, every day he was at our training sessions, he was wearing a different colored beret. When he finally marched up to our hot range and called a cease fire because our “range flag was the wrong color,” he was held by security until the county could show up. They opened up his trunk to find the whole badge and rank aisle of the PX in it and that his uniform was just a borrowed one from his very young and naive wife (who was in our BN). He turned out to be a wanted child molester in several states.

    It takes all kinds.

  31. kp32 says:

    Are officers in the Army allowed to have neck tatoos?

  32. NHSparky says:

    @24–considering he’s impersonating an officer and illegally gained access to federal property, he’s looking at some decent time in federal PMITA prison for this, yeah.

    Hope it was worth it to him, but I’m guessing not.

  33. RandomNCO says:

    @32, did he illegally gain access? Looks to me like the article says he was signed on post by his GF. Which is legal.

  34. NHSparky says:

    I’ll have to look at the statutes but if he had no legitimate purpose it may not matter. If it’s one of those, “Hey baby, sign me on so I can get into the Commissary or BX” that pretty much negates it as well.

    In any event, impersonating a commissioned officer is a federal offense, regardless of where it occured.

  35. USMCE8Ret says:

    @31 – According to CSM Chandler, soldiers of any rank shouldn’t get tattoos. They get you killed.

  36. Mr. The Wolf says:

    Y’know, looking at that middle pic, I’d say he at one time claimed Muslim-isms. That has the look of ‘I’ve done prison Islam’ all over it.

    So he’ll claim harrassment.

  37. Green Thumb says:

    This is funny.

    Freedom Stansbury. The name is similar to Clark Kent before he becomes Superman.

    Waht a turd but the shit is funny.

    Making on-the-spot corrections. I love it.

    At least he is fucking original.

  38. AndyFMF says:

    I love the grey clothing with the “odd” neckline….nothing suspicious about that. Nothing at all.

  39. Hack Stone says:

    So, does being arrested mean that he has to change his name? Will he be out in time to attend and provide security for the Obama inauguration?

  40. ChopIT says:

    Nothing screams military like a neck tattoo!

  41. RandomNCO says:

    @40 They were allowing people with neck tattoos to join for awhile, not sure if they still do or not.

  42. ChopIT says:

    @41 – yeah, I had a couple of young women with kanji symbols and one with her “boyfriend of the moment” on the back of their necks pass through my unit. I hadn’t seen any guys with noticeable tattoos on their necks, though.

  43. FatCircles0311 says:

    Damn, Army. Get your shit together.

  44. NOTYPLAY says:

    Good one FAT CIRCLES. Like the ARMY let him in the instillation. Its a what Instillation????? I guess anyone can just come in

  45. @#3 ChopIT:
    Gee, y’all just don’t get it. “Commishioned Officer” is correct. It’s like this,,,,,
    Y’all remember the TV show “The Commish”? Huh, huh? Welllll, the extension of “Commish” would have to be
    “Commishioned” Duh? At least that is how that clerk at 96th SF was thinking.

  46. FatCircles0311 says:

    @44: Correction.

    Damn, Air Force. Get your shit together.

    p.s. You too Army!

  47. Green Thumb says:

    I would have loved to see him pull that shit out at Camp Rudder.

  48. Bam Bam says:

    Guys, what’s the hate for? The guys name is FREEDOM! what more could we wish from a Commishioned Officer? Can you imagine if CPT Freedom and CPT America teamed up? unstoppable! All they need is to assemble the rest of the team: SGT Airborne, Major Effort and General Purpose.

  49. Lmfao!!! says:

    Lol I’m am sooo glad someone posted this!!! I never saw the dude but its been the talk of the school house. (I am an Eod student) this guy caused a major shit storm. The base has these flyers posted at all the gates and even to get into our offices on main side they have really cracked down on showing a security Id. I’m not going to lie the unit is really dicked up and alot of the leadership is spineless so this isn’t a surprise. Plus there are people coming and going all the time so I see how he got away with it for a month. A couple of my class mates had runs in with him and they say he held himself confidently and, besides the gangster tatts on his neck and nuckles, the way he talked and the way he looked in uniform was convincing. Had he been wearing sgt or LT rank he would have probably gotten away with it much longer. His dumb ass move was talking to our colonel and saying he was a captain and a student. There are no student army captains for one thing and second wouldn’t the battalion commander know all his captains?

  50. USMCE8Ret says:

    Lmfao!! – Just curious? Any word on what happened to the “girlfriend” who signed him in on post? Some interest generated on this end to see her ass in the ringer too.

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