Ex-PH2 sends us a link to Dear Abby. We should probably note at this point that the real Dear Abby, Pauline Phillips, passed yesterday at the age of 94. But the letter is about some pretender dude who knows everything and the author of the letter worries that he’s going to screw her elderly aunt and uncle somehow;
Dear Abby: My elderly uncle and aunt have a son-in-law who — to put it mildly — spins tall tales. “Tom” has been EVERYwhere, done EVERYthing and insists on telling anyone who will listen all about it. He speaks many languages fluently (until someone addresses him in one of them) and has had countless adventures in various countries, although he can’t locate them on a map.
My uncle and aunt have bought two cars for their financially unstable daughter and this phony. Both times, Tom insisted on maintaining them himself (another of his legendary skills). Afterward, both cars required major repairs and eventually had to be scrapped.
After Tom’s stint as a highly decorated Navy SEAL, he morphed into a genius at creating computer software, when he wasn’t touring with a famous bluegrass band — the name of which he can’t remember.
I am concerned that my uncle and aunt are so awed by this man that they might one day allow him to manage their finances (there is no topic Tom is not an expert on) or let him fix the brakes on their vehicle. I think you know where I’m heading.
I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “Tom, Yokohama is a city, not a country. And if you’re really best friends with Johnny Depp, why not invite him over so we can all meet him? Oh, and what you’re passing off as Farsi is Pig Latin.”
Is there a way to tactfully intervene before something awful happens without upsetting anyone?
Sure, there is; take Tom to the nearest VFW and urge him to start spewing his SEAL shit at the bar. Someone will straighten his ass out. Or send me his name and home address and I’ll make him famous.
Ex-PH2 wants us to contact Dear Abby; “The story is kind of creeping me out.”