Creepy SEAL son-in-law

| January 18, 2013 | 11 Comments

Ex-PH2 sends us a link to Dear Abby. We should probably note at this point that the real Dear Abby, Pauline Phillips, passed yesterday at the age of 94. But the letter is about some pretender dude who knows everything and the author of the letter worries that he’s going to screw her elderly aunt and uncle somehow;

Dear Abby: My elderly uncle and aunt have a son-in-law who — to put it mildly — spins tall tales. “Tom” has been EVERYwhere, done EVERYthing and insists on telling anyone who will listen all about it. He speaks many languages fluently (until someone addresses him in one of them) and has had countless adventures in various countries, although he can’t locate them on a map.

My uncle and aunt have bought two cars for their financially unstable daughter and this phony. Both times, Tom insisted on maintaining them himself (another of his legendary skills). Afterward, both cars required major repairs and eventually had to be scrapped.

After Tom’s stint as a highly decorated Navy SEAL, he morphed into a genius at creating computer software, when he wasn’t touring with a famous bluegrass band — the name of which he can’t remember.

I am concerned that my uncle and aunt are so awed by this man that they might one day allow him to manage their finances (there is no topic Tom is not an expert on) or let him fix the brakes on their vehicle. I think you know where I’m heading.

I have to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “Tom, Yokohama is a city, not a country. And if you’re really best friends with Johnny Depp, why not invite him over so we can all meet him? Oh, and what you’re passing off as Farsi is Pig Latin.”

Is there a way to tactfully intervene before something awful happens without upsetting anyone?

Sure, there is; take Tom to the nearest VFW and urge him to start spewing his SEAL shit at the bar. Someone will straighten his ass out. Or send me his name and home address and I’ll make him famous.

Ex-PH2 wants us to contact Dear Abby; “The story is kind of creeping me out.”

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. pete says:

    dear abby,,aka,,abigail,,just died a coupe of days ago!

  2. pete says:

    nevermind!! lol,,my bad

  3. Just an Old Dog says:

    “Is fluent in several languages until someone addresses him in them” LOL…. No shit story., I was out in a club with a few buddies in Oceanside in early 80’s. One of them was a real Character from Chicago named Jean-Pierre. He was dark green, funny as hell and thought himself a ladies man. We met a few ladies and when one asked him about his name and if he spoke French.
    Of course he said yes to get the cool points. About 30 minutes later another one of their friends showed up,,, and she happened to haven taken several French classes. You can kind of know how the story goes but there was an even funnier ending. She started talking French and of course poor Jean Pierre just stood there with his mouth open like a river carp. When the women tried to get him to come clean he said he couldn’t understand her “because he spoke STREET FRENCH!!!”

  4. Yat Yas 1833 says:

    Just shoot the SOB in the face with an assault rifle with a high capacity magazine!?! If he lives, he MUST BE Superman, otherwise he’s just SOUPerman.

  5. Jabatam says:

    I wrote to Dear Abby about this and corrected the advice she gave this woman…said “do not” privately engage this guy but bring the attention to local VFW or AL. Also instructed how to do a FOIA request and informed that there are no super secret squirrel soldiers. I doubt this will happen but I also said to put her in touch with me if all else failed but get this corrected or he’ll bleed them dry

  6. PintoNag says:

    They’re dealing with a con artist. I’d bet he has a rap sheet. The local police department wouldn’t be a bad place to start asking questions, either, since there can be rewards for wanted criminals.

  7. USMCE8Ret says:

    I’m with #6 on this one. The guy is probably as dirty as the day is long. Sounds like the kind of guy that when you tell him something cool that you actually did (and can back it up), he’s the guy that will one up you and really blow his exploits out of believeable proportion.

  8. Ex-PH2 says:

    Thank you, guys. Yes, “Dear Abby” did pass away a few days ago, but her daughter took up the column a few years ago.

    When I saw this, I had to bring it up, because he is nothing BUT a con artist and I have some serious sympathy for the niece who wrote this letter, because my mother was snow-balled by an insurance agent into buying coverage she didn’t need, and I got on his back about it.

    With this jerk, it’s not so simple. Thanks very much.

  9. USMCE8Ret says:

    He’ll eventually surface. They always do. We’ll be discusssing him here in a week/month or two and exposing him for what he is.

  10. Green Thumb says:

    I read this in the paper.

    Quite a piece of work this clown seems…

  11. Ali says:

    Ike Densmore…the ” Navy SEAL”… was found dead on Centerville beach outside the small town of Ferndale this past weekend.

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