Totally legit

| January 22, 2013

Someone sent us this from the Facebook group Fort McClellan Grads. I have no idea why they think this guy is a phony.

Jeff Burtt1

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (76)

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  1. Old Tanker says:

    Holy cat shit……we have a winner for the next Ballduster McSoulpatch Stolen Valor Tournament. No need for the contest, he wins, hands down!

  2. AW1 Tim says:

    There is a special kind of stupid on display here.

  3. ROS says:

    Oh. My. God. I am so begging CV to let me do the tourney again this year. He’s the second coming of Sharkey!

  4. Hondo says:

    AW1 Tim: but it’s “First Class” special stupidity. (smile)

  5. NHSparky says:

    Great. Now I gotta call IT and get a new keyboard and monitor.

    I haven’t seen a fake that bad since Larry the Cable guy was in Delta Farce.

  6. Ex-PH2 says:

    Oh, dear Lawd!

    What in the blue-eyed world is it? And this early in the morning,too.

  7. Old Tanker says:

    ROS, I’m with you…I hope I get to help again!!

  8. Whoa! A Major First Class!!?? I thought Emperor Palpatine did away with that rank after the first Death Star was destroyed

  9. Badger says:

    LOL! I can’t even look at this without laughing! “Major First Class”!!! As we say in the South: “Bless his heart!”

  10. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    He’s a major jerkoff of the first class certainly….I like the ear ring and double chin, nice effects potato boy!

  11. ROS says:

    I thought it said “Major Fat Ass”.

    And it is so on, OT.

  12. Claymore says:

    They’re not even trying anymore…

  13. Whitey_Wingnut says:

    Hahahahaha, I seriously fell out of my chair from seeing that picture. How would anybody take that individual seriously?

  14. Ex-PH2 says:

    All I can see is that raisin next to his nose.

    It IS a raisin, right?

  15. Chip@NASA says:

    ” That’s a new directive from the Pentagon. That’s right out of G2 and G3 making a G5 Combined Officers Op-Tech Glitch. We’re experimenting with a new rank: Major First Class. We’re down here taking a survey, to see, uh, you know, if everybody likes it, uh, asking everybody in Seoul. ”

  16. Chris Maple says:

    Wow, I thought the Marine Corps did away with that emblem a long time ago when Many Devil Dogs complained when they wanted Dept of Navy off the EGA.

  17. Twist says:

    I wonder if his first pickup line at the bar is-

    “I always get the shakes before a drop.”

  18. NHSparky says:

    I didn’t know that the Marines were hiring Starbucks baristas.

  19. JP says:

    Counter-dieting team, maybe.

  20. Redacted1775 says:

    The pic on that “ID” needs a caption: “It’s ok sir, I’m from the internet!”…fat bastard.

  21. Old Trooper says:

    @15: They didn’t like Captain Corporal (well, at least the Colonel didn’t like it, not one bit), but I guess they approved Major First Class, though?

  22. Reaperman says:

    Is Major First Class a rank in some video game?

  23. OldSoldier54 says:

    What can I say?

  24. Curt says:

    What the actual fuck?!? (I’ve been waiting all week to use that!)
    Friggin boots know better! Can’t they do a simple web search to at least phony up a real rank? Unbelievable…

  25. FMR PAO says:

    Major First Class. Totally legit.

  26. ROS says:

    Isn’t there a Drum Major First Class?

  27. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    Go ahead a laugh. Someday … you will see. This guy IS THE REAL DEAL.

    Look at his ID card. It is as convincing as … well … ah …

    Oh and one other thing … this guy is so dangerous … his left earing ring is actually a safety pin.

    Rip his ear ring off and his ear will drop to the floor like a striker lever and 3 seconds later his head will explode killing all terrorists within 50 feet.


  28. Enigma4you says:

    @21 you beat me to it…

    I bet this fat fuck has a PTSD claim from playing world of Warcraft

  29. MAJMike says:

    Wowzers!! Major First Class!! Guess he out-ranks me!!!

  30. Bam Bam says:

    Does he have an ear ring in!? You’d think a Major First Class, particularly one assigned to a Hero Squad like the Marine Counter Terrorist outfit would know better about jewelry… It could get caught on something while exiting the super stealth Blackhawks.

  31. Devtun says:

    The British Army had a rank or position called Staff Sergeant Major First Class in the late 1800s/early 1900s.

    The US Navy had the shortlived one star rank Commodore Admiral in 1982 (changed to Rear ADM Lower Half).

  32. Andy Kravetz says:

    Personally, I dig the shades. Nothing says ID card than face concealing sunglasses.

  33. Green Thumb says:

    This individual is to weak to even make a comment.

  34. USMCE8Ret says:

    “What is your major malfunction, numb-nuts?” (Knife hand)

  35. Old Tanker says:

    @30 BamBam

    I swear that looks like a nose ring in his buggar hole too….

  36. Hondo says:

    Devtun: the US Navy also had Commodore as a 1-star rank during World War II. However, by 1947 all had either been promoted to RADM or had left the service.

    Another point of trivia: the term “Major General” derived from an older term for the same rank (one rank lower than Lieutenant General): “Sergeant Major General”. Over time and with the adoption of the position “Sergeant Major” in units not commanded by GOs, the term “Sergeant” was dropped from the GO rank title. This led to the apparent logical rank inversion in GO ranks – a Major outranks a Lieutenant, but a Major General is outranked by a Lieutenant General.

  37. Bam Bam says:

    Agreed. This guy is a walking FOD dropper. …But damn can he kill terrorists!

  38. FatCircles0311 says:

    Fats McTits here probably fell out soon after having to stand getting this picture taken. Those are the new marsoc earings which reduce drag making for higher speed low drag operators able to deploy from the stratosphere.

  39. NHSparky says:

    All we need now is a few pictures of his fat hogtied girlfriend and him coming in here threatening us with a “lawer” and the 2013 version of Gunny Driveway will be off and running!

  40. Ex-PH2 says:

    People, after all that DADT stuff, do you NOT know when someone is trying desperately to OUT himself?

  41. KnightsWhoSayNi says:

    Major First Class ranks just under Lance Admiral in the exclusive Secret Squirrel division of the Marine Corps.

  42. CC Senor says:

    To paraphrase Omar Bradley regarding sergeants, the Army doesn’t have second class majors.

  43. Twist says:

    This guy looks like he sweats gravy.

  44. Mitch says:

    I feel like I’ve seen this before. It might have been used in one of the scams that they talk about where people, usually in another country, pose as servicemen to defraud citizens

  45. Instinct says:

    Now maybe I’m slow because I’m a squid and all, but when did the Marines start wearing black undershirts with bacon collars? Also, WTF is up with his cover??? Did he jam that thing all the way down on his fat blob of a head?

  46. NHSparky says:

    Dude’s cholesterol is probably so high he doesn’t have a heart, he has a concrete pump.

  47. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    @45 The bacon collar is reflective of his obvious love of pork, anything fried in fat and this dude is all over it…probably hasn’t missed a meal in….well, ever.

  48. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    You guys are out of touch with the latest SPEC OP equipment.

    Those are not sunglasses, they are:

    Special Light Observation Bifocals (SLOBs).


  49. Flagwaver says:

    I don’t even have words for this… Actually I do, but they would get me put on a watch list of some kind if I say them. Then again, I probably already am.

    I would love to see all these posers attempt the Special Forces Q Course. Make it a video. Sell tickets and give the proceeds to Wounded Warriors or something.

  50. CWO5USMC says:


    I laughed, I cried,….and then I laughed some more.

    I feel like this ID is like one of those “find what wrong with this picture” things….if you find all 15 of them, you get a prize…