Open Letter of Apology to TAH Readers, E. Dale Buxton II (Esq.) and Justin Weiss
[Welcome Light Fighter Forum Folks. Still waiting on registration to be okay'd by Mods there if you know any.]
One UPDATE: As Susan notes below:
All, as others have mentioned, Mr. Buxton was likely assigned this crap case. He made a specious argument and deserved to be mocked – and lo we have mocked and it was good.
However, he does not deserve to be contacted or threatened. As your mother told you, it is all fun until somebody does the stupid and gets hurt or arrested.
That means please do not contact him folks. We are trying to stay out of court on civil charges, not add criminal ones to the charging sheets.
****************************
We, the crack legal team here at This Ain’t Hell come before you humbled. As some of you may remember, TAH previously featured a series of posts on one Justin Weiss as part of our efforts at outing Stolen Valor posers. Mr. Weiss, who was not amused, told us that: (a) he was in uniform in his role as an actor; (b) he never claimed to have served; and (c) things we found offensive were on the internet because he had been hacked. Because we did not immediately remove the post, Mr. Weiss informed us he would contact an attorney. We hear this every day and completely ignored Mr. Weiss’ threats until we received a letter from one Mr. E. Dale Buxton II (Esq.) an attorney at a very high-priced, high-profile law firm we will not name (because they have some really good lawyers and we don’t want to be buried in paper for the rest of our lives). Mr. Buxton informed us that not only were we guilty of defamation, but also copyright infringement.
We, the crack legal team at TAH were unconvinced. We believed that we had good defenses and that perhaps it would be amusing to match wits with Mr. Buxton. However, after Mr. Buxton’s latest missive, we have decided to admit defeat. One does not do battle with the immortal, or attempt to secure a spot at their side on Olympus or Valhalla or Fiddlers Green when one is not equal to such a task. We come before you as humble as a supplicant lying supine at the altar of Eleos, the Greek daimona of mercy, pity and compassion. We were wrong. We have wronged. We couldn’t have gotten any wronger.
Like Icarus, son of Daedulus, who attempted to escape from Crete by means of wings that his father constructed from feathers and wax, so did your authors and their legal team seek to escape through legal maneuvering the precarious position brought on by their posts. But as the wings of Icarus did melt from the sun, so did our efforts come to failure when we approached too closely the jurisprudential brilliance of E. Dale Buxton, II (Esq.) and we were sent plummeting into our Aegean sea of despair.
Thus, we hereby abjure and renounce without reservation all previous comments regarding Justin Weiss, and have taken down all posts previously present on our website. Much as a child’s teacup is unable to contain all the waters of the world, so unequal to the task at hand are words such as “sorrow” and “guilt” that we must perpetually strive to our dying day to make this right. As renunciation, sorrow and guilt are insufficient to this task, we further pledge ourselves here onward to seek without rest the deification of Justin Weiss and E. Dale Buxton II (Esq.) Like Sísyphos, king of Ephyra (now known as Corinth) punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever, so shall we endeavor to make right what we once made wrong.
Here, we explain to you, our readers, why.
Copyright Infringement:
Mr. Buxton informs us that the pictures posted on TAH are copyrighted works and TAH does not have permission to use them. There are apparently some laws that say we should take them down until we can determine if their use by TAH falls under the “fair use” doctrine. (None of our lawyers can find such a law anywhere.) Nonetheless, we have taken them down and instead give you the following links so that you may enjoy these copyrighted works of art in all their intended splendor and judge them in the appropriate context:
Here is a picture of the portly hirsute Commando from the Cold Blue Rentals website.
Here is his Facebook page, wherein you get to see him sporting a saucy number with 82nd patch and various tabs.
Here is a picture of him. Look at his forearm. That is not an 82nd Airborne tattoo with tab. If you think it is, see an optometrist.
Defamation:
Now that we have dispensed with our lesser copyright issues, we address the real issue – the fact that TAH wronged Mr. Weiss. You see, due to TAH’s mad google-foo skills, when one Googled Mr. Weiss, TAH was the first entry one would see. This was detrimental to Mr. Weiss’ employment prospects as an actor, business owner and doorman.
Of course, the legal claims of Mr. Weiss are almost EXACTLY the same that John Gidduck decided to press as well. And as you know, they awarded all the Defendants legal fees since the claimwas specious. As the court held there:
Opining that someone is a liar, a fraud or was untruthful about his or her background, is, perhaps unfortunately, a common implement in American discourse. Such epithets are obviously statements of opinion and are protected under the rules enunciated in Milkovich and Burns.
Nonetheless, to avoid an idiotic lawsuit, we must now admit that the authors made these posts, which disparaged Mr. Weiss’ physical appearance di so out of envy. The authors grievously asked:
“How many of you have seen a Ranger with this much stored energy (body fat)?”
What we really meant was that Mr. Weiss has the body of Hercules, the facial hair of a young Brad Pitt, the calves of James Woods, and the winsome smile of Steve Buscemi. Were the man to be immortally carved into granite, it would make even the Aphrodite Kallipygo weep tears of blood. For more perfect buttocks on a man one could search an eternity and find none half so sublime.
We failed to properly recognize in those thoroughly egregious posts that Mr. Weiss is a movie and television actor of unparalleled renown who has never sought to portray himself as having any military service with the armed forces of any country. It is to our everlasting shame that at one point we might have intimated that he did.
As you can see from the Cold Blue website Mr. Weiss has the special skills of:
. “Six years of military experience.”
. “First aid in combat”
. “Crowd control tactics”
. “SWAT tactics”
We believed that this implied that Mr. Weiss had military service. We believed that this website, which is intended to attract business to Cold Blue, likely from US companies among others, and would likely be considered advertising by the Federal Trade Commission, falsely implied that Mr. Weiss (among others of their “T.A.G.” members) had been members of the armed forces of the United States and/or Canada. This was a huge mistake. Nowhere on the internet or even this bright blue planet of ours can this universal truth be circumvented: Justin Weiss has never claimed to have served in the Armed Forces of any country.
As E. Dale Buxton, II (Esq.) informed us, we were reading incorrectly:
Mr. Weiss has never served in the U.S. or Canadian military, nor has he ever said he did. The information on Cold Blue’s site is from Cold Blue. However, they carefully chose their words to NOT say military “service” and instead to say military “experience,” which is quite different and Mr. Weiss does have the six years of military experience as described, and has finished the courses for first aid in combat. Experience = Service. Every day there are mercenaries across the world that are fighting in wars for or against militaries of various countries which nobody would argue is not military experience. Further, every day, the U.S. and Canadian military utilize civilians in practice combat experiences. Why would this not be considered military experience for these civilians?
Much as Einstein taught us that E=MC2 so has E. Dale Buxton II, (Esq.) taught us the universal truth that “Experience = Service.” When Copernicus hit upon a heliocentric theory of the universe, the church tried to stifle this knowledge. When some young Irish lads hit puberty and settle upon a phalleocentric model of the universe, it is beat out of them by nuns at their private Catholic Schools. And so it is with great trepidation and fore-knowledge of the travails that await us that we, the authors of This Ain’t Hell, begin work on our Magnum Opus: expounding on our theory of a Justin Weiss/E. Dale Buxton, II (Esq.)-ocentric universe.
No Lilliputian experience in actual combat could ever compare to the omniscience regarding military matters which was imparted on Mr. Weiss during his 6 years of exhaustive military experiences. Dare I say, the manner in which his expertise dwarfs our own is downright brobdingnagian.
Now do you see why your crack legal team conceded defeat? Would you want to walk into a court of law (in an inconvenient location, likely California, where military services may or may not be appreciated) and argue with a legal mind like that (with the resources of a very large law firm)? A legal mind who is so full of compassion and love for the military that he gave to it his sibling stating:
I personally have a great deal of respect for your site, and come from a military family, including a sibling that is currently a Captain in the U.S. Navy. With that said, I understand that it is perfectly reasonable sometimes to make mistakes in the information posted on your website by inaccurate information provided to you.
What compassion. What humility. What service = experience. We would go on to thank CAPT. Buxton (we do, by the way, thank CAPT. Buxton for his service), but one member of this team needs to go update his military experience to include not just his time in uniform, but the 17 years he spent as a military dependent on bases – is that not experience? Another needs to update her resume to include military experience for her time sending care packages (military logistics), consulting with the United States Marine Corp and to include her designated, honorary rank of Colonel – she gratefully returns your salute. Others amongst us have played battleship, gone fishing, navigated by the sun and moon, and engaged in dangerous pirate hunting expeditions from our bunk beds. No doubt most Navy Captains would assert that this makes us fully qualified to lead an Arleigh Burke class destroyer in operations off the Horn of Africa. If they did not, we would ask that they inspect our fitness reports (scores) from our times leading flotilla of space craft in the game Asteroids in the late 1970’s.
Obviously a quick apology is also needed for the fine folks at Cold Blue Rentals that have heroically supplied men and guns for movie and television show sets for years. Their military experience would shame SEAL Team 6. We should have known right off that nothing you would say on your website would be inaccurate, or in any way shady, as doing so would violate the Federal Trade Commission’s policies against deceptive acts or practices.
In a subsequent case, the Commission explained that “[i]n evaluating advertising representations, we are required to look at the complete advertisement and formulate our opinions on them on the basis of the net general impression conveyed by them and not on isolated excerpts.” Standard Oil of Calif, 84 F.T.C. 1401, 1471 (1974), aff’d as modified, 577 F.2d 653 (9th Cir. 1978), reissued, 96 F.T.C. 380 (1980).
If there is someone out there that would be so misguided as to think that Cold Blue Rentals advertising Mr. Weiss as having “six years of military experience” including “first aid in combat” is in any way implying that he had actually served in combat, and in the military for six years, well then, I say until you….. Let he who is without sin cast the first complaint at the FTC.
The authors of this blog, and their legal team, could not be more contrite, and we wish to address several erroneous reports you might find elsewhere regarding Mr. Weiss.
• He has NEVER had the email addresses rangertwosix@hotmail.com, tn82ndabn@hotmail.com and TN82abn@live.com.
• He has NEVER had the Friendster account http://search.friendster.com/ranger75
• Mr. Weiss has NEVER claimed on the Friendster account that he doesn’t have that his occupation was “Soldier. CEO of my own company, doorman” nor has he ever claimed that he has an affiliation with the “U.S. Army Ranger Association.”
• When pictured in a Ranger Tab shirt out at a bar, it was NOT to imply to anyone that he was a Ranger, but rather is the efforts of an ex-girlfriend “trying to incriminate me for wearing a t shirt that my friend gave me who was a ranger that died in Afghan istan is not fair. His name was Benjamin Dillon.” It is simple harmless error that Cpl Benjamin Dillon was killed not in Afghanistan but rather in Iraq.
• He DOES NOT wear an Army Ring.
• He DOES NOT have several military tattoos, and if he does, it is simply to honor those who went before him.
• Mr. Weiss have NEVER claimed to be a recipient of the Distinguished Service Cross, nor any other medals or decorations (including the 75th Ranger Scroll) which he may or may not be pictured in across the internet in Copyrighted works used exclusively for getting more movie and television rolls.
• While it is true that the theatrical release of the movie “Sum of all Fears” does not at any point contain anyone wearing either an Army Dress Green Uniform, nor the Tan Beret of the US Army Rangers, the pictures which feature Mr. Weiss in those accoutrements were from that movie. They ended up on the cutting room floor as it were.
• Mr. Weiss has NEVER claimed to be a graduate of US Army Ranger class 5-96, and all sites on the internet which suggest he has said that are patently false and erroneous.
• He DOES NOT now have a very hazy picture up on his new facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/mongooseonthaloose wearing digital camouflage uniform with what appears to be an 82nd patch and various tabs, and if he did, it would be because those pictures were taken on the set of a television or movie which will be forthcoming.
• Mr. Weiss DID NOT post a caption on his Facebook page under a picture of himself in an Army Dress Green Uniform with a Tan Beret on that read “Me, Veterans day, 2006″, but if he did, it was merely to honor those who have had a similar military experience to his own.
• Pictures of Mr. Weiss which appear in various places online wearing a PT shirt in front of a shower curtain, and wearing DCU pants and a Zombieland T-shirt DO NOT mean to imply to any viewer that he ever served in the US Military, and woe unto you who would interpret it to mean so.
• The email wherein someone alleging to be Justin Weiss is quoted as saying “I did at one time post a few pictures on myspace and friendster when I actually had those types of accts but I stopped and have not done that or made any claims of such for a very long time” was NOT FROM Justin Weiss, WAS NOT meant to imply he had engaged in fraudulent activity in the past for which he felt remorse, and SHOULD NOT be attributed to him in any way.
We would like to close by apologizing again, and by reinforcing how serious we intend to take this substantial error in judgment which we displayed. The burning of the city of London in 1666 is insubstantial compared to the magnitude of our error. The Bay of Pigs fiasco? But a momentary blight on the timescale of homo sapiens presence on this Earth. We are ashamed that according to our traffic reports up to 4,000 people may have seen the posts we had up earlier. Granted, no one had looked at them for over two years before receiving communication from E. Dale Buxton, II (Esq.) but, we must reach each and every one of those people in order to mitigate against the potential damage that folks reading our stuff might have assumed that Mr. Weiss had fraudulently claimed military service in the Armed Forces of any country, private military firm, coterie of bodyguards for any potentate or anything else which could be so documented. We must do this together.
Now, go forth and govern yourself accordingly. In the meantime, the Legal Team will follow the advice of James Douglas Morrison: “Let’s go get some Tacos.”
January 28th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Beautiful! Even better than the Facebook previews!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
I’m guessing Weiss actually takes this as a bona fide apology and claims “victory”.
Until someone explains the concept of satire to him, of course.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
I’ve been “reached”. IMO, he’s still a poser.
This E. Dale Buxton II? “Mr. Buxton’s practice focuses on patent litigation”.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
I’d love to see what a judge or jury would do with that military experience explanation and combat medic claim. What a bunch of horseshit. As for whathisname, I had totally forgotten about him. It was nice of his attorney to serve up the reminder.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:20 pm
gasp*sides*gasp*hurting*gasp*so bad.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:21 pm
[...] Go here. Read it. Enjoy. [...]
January 28th, 2013 at 1:23 pm
Weapons-grade awesome.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:30 pm
Two Words:
Simply Brilliant
End of Words!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:32 pm
Y’all issue sarcasm by the short ton, don’t you?
January 28th, 2013 at 1:33 pm
I understand that Jonn has a recurring nightmare that wakes him in cold sweats. In it, one of his kids comes up to him and says, “Dad, I’m thinking of going to law school.”
January 28th, 2013 at 1:33 pm
Being somewhat intrigued, I decided to look up Mr. Buxton and the law firm he is employed by. At first I thought it was a joke, but no – truly the http: address is entirely appropriate. Hahahahahahaha. Mofo indeed.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:35 pm
I’m not sure there are many “mercenary” companies/private military companies who hire actors/doormen for high threat area operations, but I have been wrong before.
Sweet, now I can put down all kinds of cool stuff on my resume! Door gunner(because I sat in a blackhawk one time and got to touch the door mounted M240), EOD(because I have thrown water on a bad set of fireworks) and more! Sweet beans I’m a badass!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:35 pm
Shaka, the walls fell….
I liked it with TNG references!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:36 pm
BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!
I bloody love this place!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:36 pm
Wonder how much Buxton charged for that letter. Around here, it would be a minimum of 500 bucks.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:36 pm
So he DOES NOT have an 82nd tattoo on his forearm with a tab above it in this picture?
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/255861_462425697123794_1688277637_o.jpg
My old eyes must be failing me.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:37 pm
“Languages:
English
French
German
Spanish
with various accents.”
I think they forgot Klingon and didn’t mention his tenure as a bounty hunter for Pizza The Hut.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
Epic.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
@12, I am CLS qualified so now I am a paramedic.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
In addition to the actual legal experience of all 8 attorney’s consulted regarding this (yes, really, eight) we have additionally watched Law and Order, meaning we have extensive litigation experience.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:40 pm
Indeed. Weapons grade awesome response to an industrial-grade stupid jackwagon and his lapdog legal advisor.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:40 pm
I love you guys!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:43 pm
That was appropriately contrite. Or something.
Thanks!
January 28th, 2013 at 1:43 pm
Cose Blue was involved with a movie called: “Snake Eyes” (1997) Paramount Pictures. I wonder what “involved with” means?
January 28th, 2013 at 1:46 pm
@20, But the real question is, did you stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night?
January 28th, 2013 at 1:48 pm
I am disappointed that you failed to honor James Douglas Morrison, whom you quoted, for his military experience…
January 28th, 2013 at 1:49 pm
Using the classic form of “apology” couched in the modern definition. Bravo. Nothing but “WIN”.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:52 pm
“Oh, that site? Yeah, they totally backed down and apologized to me. Seriously – - they wrote a whole page about how sorry they were and EVERYTHING.”
January 28th, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Such eloquence! Such pathos! Suchak ladder! Such bloviation!
And I thought the tattoos were the wash-off kind.
This is awe-inspiring.
January 28th, 2013 at 1:56 pm
E. Dale Buxton II – can’t decide if that reminds me more of
C.K. Dexter Haven in “The Philadelphia Story” or Lawyer J. Noble Daggett in “True Grit.”
January 28th, 2013 at 2:00 pm
Things like this make the membership fee here a bargain. Epic.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:01 pm
Yeah, that’s a towering spire of gleaming, glorious awesome. I’m sure that even fewer people will ever hear of this little gomer Weiss now. No, it won’t go viral or anything.
~brilliant~
January 28th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
It seems he has scrubbed the photos off his Facebook page.
Awesome ‘apology’
January 28th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
@30, Kinda remindes me of Bill S. Preston, Esquire
January 28th, 2013 at 2:03 pm
There can be no doubt you, the crack legal team at TAH, have surrendered to the powers that be and have applied the appropriate self flagellation as to be considered as having all your sins vacated !!!!
Let this be a lesson to those that would follow in your footsteps that they too will feel the branding of a thousand lashes at the hands of said attorney, Mr. Buxton Esq. for any deviance from the appropriate methods of exposition of said, non non prior approved stolen valor claims.
My hat is off to all of you for a very contrite and obviously well thought out apology.
Thunder
January 28th, 2013 at 2:04 pm
I was just thinking this apology should quitely settle up and tidy this little mess up forever … no one will ever hear about this incident again!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:08 pm
buuuuuuwahahahahahaha! *bigchessygrinslowlymeltingdownmyface* buuuuuuwahahahahahaha!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Well played, TAH Legal Team; well played.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:10 pm
To apologize without actually apologizing – priceless.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:10 pm
THAT calls for *close beer support*! Shut the front door….
January 28th, 2013 at 2:12 pm
To be fair, the site DOES NOT claim he’s a US or any other veteran, and it IS a site for props and stunts.
It merely allows the reader to make that assumption. Well-written fiction, as it were.
I’m qualified to make this statement much as any former US District Judge turned SF writer.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:12 pm
Funny, wonder where all his Facebook went?
January 28th, 2013 at 2:13 pm
Ha! He clearly hasn’t been to ninja school!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:14 pm
Go forth and govern yourselves accordingly!!!!! so mote it be
January 28th, 2013 at 2:15 pm
“Look at his forearm. That is not an 82nd Airborne tattoo with tab. If you think it is, see an optometrist.”
Well, it’s a good thing I have my optometrist appointment coming up at the VA, because that sure as fuck looks like an 82nd Airborne tattoo with tab to me.
This is why I hate most lawyers; they tell you that up is down and if you want to challenge that, they will keep you tied up in legal paperwork until you finally agree with them and apologize for doubting their superior intellect.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:18 pm
99% of lawyers make the rest look bad.
I know, I know, I stole that.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:21 pm
Quite possibly this had the opposite effect than the one intended. It seems that in 2 hours this has had more readers than the previous posts.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Don’t you know? His six years of military experience comes from playing ALL the CODs! And we all know those are TOTALLY exactly the same as the real thing.
*chokes trying to not laugh*
January 28th, 2013 at 2:22 pm
@19, to include my NOW experience as a door gunner I can be confident when applying for the state crime lab because I have seen multiple seasons of CSI, Vegas and Miami! Booyah!
@ TAH Legal Team… Don’t suppose you are Travelers? (Govern yourselves accordingly)
January 28th, 2013 at 2:27 pm
Another thing about that non-existent 82nd Airborne tatto with tab; 1% Motorcycle Clubs have a unique way of reclaiming their colors from a member who gets the boot, which includes any tattoos the person might have that are club property i.e. club colors or club identifiers.
I’m just sayin’
January 28th, 2013 at 2:31 pm
Guys, I was holding it together fairly well until I got to the “winsome smile of Steve Buscemi”. After that, I lost it and have just now regained composure. Had I been drinking a beverage, it would have shot out of my nose. I’ve been following your page as an ardent fan for quite some time and this is the funniest thing you guys have ever posted! I salute you and give you a standing ovation. Nicely done, you Magnificent Bastards! Very nicely done!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:35 pm
[...] via This ain’t Hell, but you can see it from here » Blog Archive » Open Letter of Apology to TAH…. [...]
January 28th, 2013 at 2:36 pm
You guys are frickin’ awesome!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:39 pm
So by this lawyers standards, my ten plus years in count right next to my fourteen plus years as a Marine Dependant? I mean, I knew my Dependant ID would get me out of forgetting my military one on post at AIT, but wow!!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:44 pm
Oh, and I just went through certification for MACP Level 1, does that mean I have enough experience after 40 hours to take on Tim Kennedy in the Octagon? :p
January 28th, 2013 at 2:47 pm
In the most heterosexual way possible, I have such a bro-crush on TAH right now.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:48 pm
So by what this overpaid lawyer has said, if I watch my two seasons of “Tour of Duty”, that gives me experience in country in Vietnam?
And because my uncle was a lawyer and I worked at a law firm, that qualifies me to puff myself off as a legal advisor, too!
I’m up for that!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:52 pm
A former paratrooper myself (B Co. 1/508th, 82nd Div. (ABN), 1980-84), this is the first I’ve heard of this particular lowlife, but there have been so many instances of stolen valor over the last several years that it has become almost common.
We should never, ever let such an act be considered trifling or mundane. The crime itself (which I gather is no longer a crime) is, to me, the moral equivalent of grave robbing. The problem? How does one shame someone who feels no shame?
A Christian (albeit not a very good one), I believe in God and justice. There will be an accounting for such craven bastards in this life or the next.
January 28th, 2013 at 2:53 pm
@9. no i believe the proper term is *METRIC ASSLOAD*
and was said by Mr R DeNiro in one of the most brilliant acting pieces of his long and illustrious career….
TAH……(quotes combined)
“You….(pointing at thread..) You….You got a gift my friend…You got a gift. Oh yeah. You sad something that I was trying to do and you figured it out. That’s why you are who you are…GOD BLESS YOU, you for a F*cking GIFT. Yes you do. YES. YOU.DO. You’re very good you. You’re are *very* good. You’re right, you’re right on the Money. I can feel the juices rushing back to my balls as we speak.
You’re something you. You are *SOMETHING*.
you….
are….
something else!!!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 2:59 pm
Using your AlGore.net Google –> E. Dale Buxton II
My prediction is: E. Dale Buxton II will be the most famous or infamous lawyer in the land by the end of the work day (east coast time, they are probably done for the day on the left coast).
Each time a prospective client looks his name up … his best work will be there for ALL to see!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:05 pm
It’s like watching someone gift wrap (with the finest parchments and foils upon which is written the most elegant prose in India ink calligraphy and secured with bows of the finest silk) a middle finger and present it in the form of an apology.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:05 pm
I’m very lucky I happened on your post today, being directed here from AoSHQ. I missed the original 2 years ago. (I knew there had been a little something-something missing in my life!) If not for this post today, I would have never known about it. I would have missed it completely. Now..I know. Thank you for your service.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:05 pm
OMG! I bow in the presence of greatness.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:07 pm
I have previously worked with an AF JAG, an Army JAG and a civilian lawyer, but none of them can compare to you guys — you rock!!
If I ever get in trouble, I’m calling on you!!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:07 pm
As an ex-A/2C @Hickam serving in Hawaii before it became a State, i found it very difficult to say: “Aphrodite Kallipygo weep tears of blood” with my tongue in my cheek…. your mothers and English teachers, i have no doubt, are so very proud of you, as am i…. carry on…..
January 28th, 2013 at 3:08 pm
I’m confused…
Did I miss this entry on TAH some time back?
January 28th, 2013 at 3:09 pm
May the name E. Dale Buxton II become known far and wide.
He has earned it, after all.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:13 pm
I went to the trouble of investigating Morrison Foerster’s website. They do have an actual IP – Copyright division, with attorneys in practice in several offices. If the question was one of copyright violation, what was the purpose of hiring a patent attorney?
Ah! Now, there is a questions for the ages. What possessed him to use a patent attorney? Was the PA cheaper than the IPA?
January 28th, 2013 at 3:15 pm
Statement… Extensive banking experience
Basis……. Has a checking account
Statement… Multi-craft veteran pilot
Basis……. Flew a kite and a radio-controlled toy plane
Statement… Extensively published writer
Basis…… Posted many comments at TAH
January 28th, 2013 at 3:16 pm
epic
January 28th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
I cannot resist posting this link:
http://www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/Arts/AphroditeKal.htm
January 28th, 2013 at 3:24 pm
I’ve spent the last 10 years racking up frequent flier miles on business travel. How stoked am I to find out I am qualified to fly F/A 18s?!? God Bless the legal brilliance of E. Dale Buxton II (Esq.)!
And I commend the TAH Legal Team for your first contrite steps in your arduous journey of atonement. Verily, it is a crushing, albeit self-induced burden. I will pray for you that you continue to bear it with humble grace.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:25 pm
I have to go a see a doctor. Something is really wrong. I don’t use Viagra but I’ve had a woody ever since I read this post and I’m not waiting the full 4 hours!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:25 pm
when i was an Army medic in the mid 70′s i had a dream that i was in WW2…..does that now qualify me as part of the Greatest Generation????? i always knew i was a stud!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:27 pm
@59 Was me guys…
January 28th, 2013 at 3:34 pm
I was able to turn on my computer and get to this blog. When do I get my check from Bill Gates?
January 28th, 2013 at 3:37 pm
@ 71 Ex-PH2 Says:
January 28th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
Thanks for the link … the sheep are awesome!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:40 pm
Your appreciation is an honor!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:42 pm
Patent is part of intellectual property, which is listed as his second qualification. The basic rules between patent, trademark and copyright have a lot of overlap.
The attorney is, unfortunately correct. His client has not actually claimed to be US military, and his photos are (c) upon creation.
I can only hope Mr Buxton charged out the ass for his services.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:44 pm
Don’t sell yourself short, Twist! If you turned your laptop or pc on, you are a computer repair technician. If you actually connected to the internet, you are a webmaster. And, if you ever showed someone how to do anything on a computer (e.g., reduce a window), you are a journeyman Microsoft trainer!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:45 pm
You are all REMFs: I’ve watched Band of Brother’s and Saving Private Ryan dozens of times (so I can put a few gold stars on my Jump Wings and claim ETO experience. Plus I watched RESTREPO twice so I’ve got GWOT covered. I really was in VN. As for lawyering, SUITS is on the DVR.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:47 pm
So – if he’s a doorman, he’s qualified as a doorknob right?
January 28th, 2013 at 3:47 pm
The TAH legal team definately has that MOFO MOJO. I hope you checked Mr. Buxton II’s law firms web site and considered working with such a legal luminary of Olympic proportions. I laughed my ass off. Love the island music in their intro. And the MOFO MOJO is not made up. As the kids would say, OMG.
January 28th, 2013 at 3:53 pm
I was an MP in the 70′s and rode Huey’s out to range and back a few times playing cops n robbers with the infantry. Does that make me airborne or air assault? What say you, Mr. E. Dale Buxton II? I see this is now numba 1 on just about ALL search engines. *cackle*!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:55 pm
Amaze-balls!
January 28th, 2013 at 3:59 pm
Job Interviewer: “I saw on the Cold Blue website that you have six years of military experience. Which branch?”
Applicant: “Um. Ah. Um. Well, many people would call mercenary work military experience.”
Job Interviewer: “I see. So, you were a mercenary?”
Applicant: Um. Ah. Um. One can acquire military experience in many ways, right?”
Job Interviewer: “Just get the hell out of my office!”
January 28th, 2013 at 4:00 pm
E. Dale Buxton II
Of Counsel
San Diego
P: (858) xxx-xxxx
F: (858) xxx-xxxx
Intellectual Property Litigation
Interferences
IP Due Diligence
Litigation
Patent Litigation
Patent Reexaminations
Vanderbilt University, 1995, B.S.
Vanderbilt University, 1997, M.S.
Northwestern University, 2002, M.B.A.
Northwestern University School of Law, 2002, J.D.
Mr. Buxton’s practice focuses on patent litigation. His experience spans a wide range of technology, encompassing software development, medical instrumentation, image and signal processing, wireless communications, and satellite broadcasting.
Mr. Buxton earned a Bachelor of Engineering degree in a double major of Electrical Engineering and Biomedical Engineering from Vanderbilt University in 1995, and a Master of Science in Electrical Engineering in 1997. He earned his Masters of Business Administration from the Kellogg Graduate School of Management and Juris Doctorate from Northwestern University Law School in 2002.
While at Vanderbilt, his biomedical engineering research was in the field of biological signal analysis, and specifically the transmission and reception of electrical signals through surface electrodes to determine biological characteristics such as impedance, water volume, and tissue vitality. This work was later used by NASA engineers to monitor fluid shifts in astronauts. Prior to starting with Morrison & Foerster, he founded a software development company, which grew to service clients internationally in a wide range of applications under the ten years of his direction. Mr. Buxton is a member of the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers (IEEE), and is fluent in nearly all major software programming languages.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:06 pm
I dunno, unless I’m missing an extra layer of satire here it still seems like a bit of a retreat. One thing I don’t like about our society is how lawyers can come in and push pretty much anybody around just by being unpleasant and expensive to deal with. I think you probably could have stopped at pulling down the pics, but naturally IANAL.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:06 pm
When I was getting off the C-130 I tripped and fell off the ramp. I am Airborne qualified.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:07 pm
…off the C-130 at Balad…
January 28th, 2013 at 4:08 pm
@87 – Whoop de doop!!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 4:09 pm
“Mr. Buxton informed us that not only were we guilty of defamation, but also copyright infringement”.
Can someone please inform the electrical engineering rocket scientist MBA lawyer that he CAN NOT pronounce anyone GUILTY. That would be up to the jury and/or judge as appropriate.
Sh!t … I learned that watching Perry Mason before this guy was even born!
January 28th, 2013 at 4:10 pm
Oblig:
January 28th, 2013 at 4:11 pm
Links dropped out:
http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24968248.jpg
http://media.comicbookmovie.com/images/users/gallerypictures/51497L.jpeg
January 28th, 2013 at 4:17 pm
My ribs are aching. That damn TSO, its all his fault. I’m gonna sue him for making me laugh too much.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:19 pm
@79: If he put it up on his facebook page; doesn’t it become public?
January 28th, 2013 at 4:23 pm
Actually, the copyright for hard copy and digital media images belongs to the actual creator of the images, not to the user. Unless there is a watermark assigned to the image or a metadata file that specifies that Weiss is the owner of the copyright — meaning that the rights were assigned to him by the photographer — he is not the owner of the copyright. It belongs to the photographer and Weiss has permission to use it for PR purposes.
Photoshop has a file space IPTC core on the metadata file of any digital image that allows the creator of said image to permanently enter his ownership information. When something is electronically transferred to the web, a watermark with the creator’s name can be added and usually is. Weiss does not OWN the copyright unless he has documentation to that effect, if he did not CREATE those images. He has the right to USE them. As long as he’s given credit for his right to use the images, it’s unlikely there is a copyright violation.
If Mr. Buxton doesn’t know that, he’s not a very good lawyer. And it almost appears that he’s given Weiss the brushoff and charged him a fat fee for writing a letter about it. He’s not a dipstick if he got into Northwestern’s law school. You have to have very good grades to get admitted there. But this is sloppy work on his part, and that makes him a dufus.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:26 pm
“Mr. Weiss has never served in the U.S. or Canadian military, nor has he ever said he did. The information on Cold Blue’s site is from Cold Blue. However, they carefully chose their words to NOT say military “service” and instead to say military “experience,” which is quite different and Mr. Weiss does have the six years of military experience as described, and has finished the courses for first aid in combat. Experience = Service. Every day there are mercenaries across the world that are fighting in wars for or against militaries of various countries which nobody would argue is not military experience. Further, every day, the U.S. and Canadian military utilize civilians in practice combat experiences. Why would this not be considered military experience for these civilians?”
So; is E. Dale trying to insinuate that Assload Weiss was a mercenary, or was he trying to say that, since he’s an expert on the military because he has a relative serving, playing bullet catcher for real military personnel qualifies as military experience? Really, E. Dale? Really?
January 28th, 2013 at 4:26 pm
You know those two deserve a good old fashion music video dedicated to helping them learn a little more about their Eminence Front
January 28th, 2013 at 4:28 pm
This one time at band camp… I mean one time at Ft Bragg I saw where they were building the Red Roof Inn… so I must be… nahh I cannot even say it without a little vomit of disgust rising up y throat.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:29 pm
Since I grew up a Navy brat of a Command Master Chief with 29 years of service, I also need to update my Army ERB. I also did a stint in JROTC, culminating as a company commander. The next Joe that doesn’t salute this Master Sergeant will pay dearly
January 28th, 2013 at 4:32 pm
He looks like a doughnut-guzzling gay pride ranger in a fair share of his pics!
January 28th, 2013 at 4:38 pm
I can’t tell you how exciting it is for me to learn that my 2 years as a Labor and Delivery Nurse qualifies me as a mother.
That explains why I’ve been called a Mother so many times.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:41 pm
Fuck this piece of shit. Should have let them try to bring a suit.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:44 pm
You keep using the word ‘apology’…I don’t think it means what you think it means.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:45 pm
Well played, sirs. Well played.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:45 pm
E. Dale Buxton II is bad Mo-Fo!
Shut your mouth!
Hey, I’m just talking about E. Dale Buxton II of Morrison Foerster, aka Mo-Fo.
Then I can dig it.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:49 pm
I’ve peed myself twice laughing so hard!!!! STOP!!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 4:50 pm
This has to be, hands down, the greatest thing I have ever read.
January 28th, 2013 at 4:54 pm
I forgot.
TAH,
Please have this forwarded to Justin Weiss via E. Dale Buxton II (Esq.) such that they may be able to properly document this egregious miscarriage of justice.
http://jbsanctuary.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/feelings_report.jpg
January 28th, 2013 at 4:56 pm
Experience = Service….
January 28th, 2013 at 4:56 pm
Hmmmm…I took a look at the Naval Register (https://navalregister.bol.navy.mil/) and I can’t find a CAPT Buxton…I guess it could be a different last name, if the sibling was a sister who is married…
January 28th, 2013 at 4:56 pm
Well, I don’t have a lot of traffic at my little blog, but I linked to this.
http://theturkeyfootbrand.blogspot.com/2013/01/an-apology-to-stolen-valor-suspect.html
You guys are the BESTEST!
ECS
January 28th, 2013 at 4:57 pm
CAPT Buxton is retired and living in a liberal state!
January 28th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
Yes, but despite all the above retractions, one fact remains and is undeniable:
That lip fur of his still makes a great dick tickler.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:02 pm
This………just made my afternoon.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:03 pm
Trying to be remorseful but the laughter starts building up and I fall off my chair. Might have to go the VA for painful ribs and butt. I am truly BUTTHURT. Joe
January 28th, 2013 at 5:04 pm
OMGWTFBBQ? As some of my Brit friends say – what a wanker!
January 28th, 2013 at 5:05 pm
I love the combat action photo on Cold Blue. either that tater is a sumo wrestler or he’s taking a dump. There is no third possibility.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:06 pm
Pity that you felt you had to take it down, but lawsuits are a bitch, and defending oneself even when in the right is expensive.
That being said – I really like the Google Search “cache” feature.
And of course the wayback machine http://archive.org/web/web.php
January 28th, 2013 at 5:07 pm
Airedale Buxom?
January 28th, 2013 at 5:10 pm
[...] [...]
January 28th, 2013 at 5:12 pm
Follow-up to cmt 73. Doc says all is well. He prescribed a extra-extra large shirt or for me not to re-read the post. It’s my option. So, on the way back home I stopped off and bought the shirt.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:12 pm
Nice riposte!! …and I thought lawyers who were representing drug dealers were at the bottom level of the slime pit though after reading this I can see the bottom is obviously farther down!
January 28th, 2013 at 5:15 pm
Exceptionally well done, TSO.
However,
I find that your name sounds utterly pedestrian in comparison to such an awe-inspiring mantle as E. Dale Buxton II. You’ve got to find a pretentious way to write your name when addressing TAH’s bullshit lawsuits, if only to spur them on with condescending mockery.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:16 pm
Uuhhhmmm,…. I grew up in an Army town, so that automatically adds 18 years to my time already served, and that includes my time as a Door Gunner on several Apollo missions. I was a toddler then, and I was recruited right out of the nursery for that job due to my size and weight at the time, yeah,… yeah,… And I know Weiss, I trained him myself to be a Door Gunner for the Space Shuttle,…. yeah,…. As a matter of fact,. he was on Columbia’s first mission,… and,…..
/exit sarc mode
He looks like the kind of poser who could get his ass beaten by a third- week basic trainee!!
January 28th, 2013 at 5:17 pm
Ok, when’s the movie coming out?
This was grand.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:18 pm
Hey! Cured my problem with le petomane!
January 28th, 2013 at 5:29 pm
Am I missing something?
“However, they carefully chose their words to NOT say military “service” and instead to say military “experience,” which is quite different and Mr. Weiss does have the six years of military experience as described, and has finished the courses for first aid in combat. Experience = Service.”
I may just a laymen when it comes to the english language (even though I have many years of “experience” speaking/reading/writing it), but does he not contradict himself in this statement? The lawyer explains that the website doesn’t say military service, because it is “quite different” from military experience. But then goes on to give us the mathematically infallible equation: “Experience = Service” ?!?!?!?
Huh? O_o
January 28th, 2013 at 5:35 pm
Apparently E dale Buxton has an ego problem and just putting Attny behind his name isn’t enough for him to give him the appearance of rank….
Esquire (abbreviated Esq.)[1] is a term of West European origin. In the United Kingdom, it is a title of respect previously accorded to men of higher social rank,[2] but which has since come to be used as a general courtesy title for any man in a formal context, usually appended to the name as in “John Smith, Esq.”, with no precise significance.[3][4] Esquire is cognate with the word squire, which originally meant an apprentice or assistant to a knight. The title “Esquire” has been used continuously since it was created in the late 14th century and many uses continue uninterrupted today. For example, in the Most Venerable Order of the Hospital of Saint John of Jerusalem, “Esquire” is the most junior title. In the United States, the suffix Esq. designates individuals licensed to practice law, and may now be used by both men and women.[5]
January 28th, 2013 at 5:38 pm
OH.MY.GGODNESS.
This is stellar!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 5:40 pm
fluent in nearly all major software programming languages
translates to
I can write a “Hello, World!” program in C++ and can fake it in C# and Java.
January 28th, 2013 at 5:41 pm
Also:
E. Dale Buxton
IIJuniorJanuary 28th, 2013 at 5:52 pm
Does this mean that every single one of the guys who are listed at the Cold Blue Steel website as having military experience/training are in fact just civilians who have attended some weekend warrior fantasy camp?
Does this also mean because I have been a licensed and accredited soccer coach for 22 years that I can send my resume to Man U and suggest I have decades of high level coaching experience/ability?
Also it appears a good thing I am having eye surgery tomorrow because I really thought that was an “All American” tat on his forearm…..
January 28th, 2013 at 6:01 pm
Esq. after an attorney’s name USUALLY implies some senior status, i.e., he is no longer a staff attorney, one who does the grunt work, but is approaching partnership level, which takes a while.
January 28th, 2013 at 6:20 pm
eX-ph2, at #135: “Esq.” as used by lawyers, generally implies only that the user wants everyone to be clear that he (or she) is a LAWYER (not, as the dictionary would let you otherwise think, a land-owning British gentleman) and that EVERYTHING he or she says is freighted with meaning. …particularly if said ESQ.’s name is followed by a ROMAN NUMERAL….
I’ve been a lawyer for 30+ years, and a certified specialist for 20, I’ve never styled myself as an “Esq.”, and I’ve discouraged anyone who worked for me from doing so.`
January 28th, 2013 at 6:25 pm
TSO for President.
January 28th, 2013 at 6:26 pm
Cold Blue is a Canadian company, with a Quebec PO Box, and provides (or provided) props and other crap to TV show and films. Here’s a page in which the comapny tells what it does (or did–I do not know if they’re still in business)http://www.coldblue.ca/html/TAGprofile.htm#
So, when one talks about his military experience, he may well be talking about playing dress-up for this company. Of course, no one you or I know would. We’d call it acting or, well, playing dress-up. Damn frogs. I really despise them.
January 28th, 2013 at 6:27 pm
This was epic. Still laughing!
Best part is, the internet NEVER forgets! lol
January 28th, 2013 at 6:29 pm
CORRECTION to cmt. 138 link. http://www.coldblue.ca/html/TAGprofile.htm
January 28th, 2013 at 6:46 pm
I think Mr. Buxton meant to say “Experience ? Service” but its much funnier when he contradicts himself while making a distinction without a difference…
January 28th, 2013 at 6:50 pm
i will pass on all the related military stuff. however, i do have the utmost respect for the u.s. and canadian military members. for edb to even associate weiss with either is about as disrespectful as it can be. edb is an overblown ego that desperately needs deflation and weiss needs to be put through basic for every reference made on his behalf by his ‘attorney’, and i use that term very loosely. speaking of credentials, i guess all that ‘other’ education didnt pan out so well eh weiss? give up on all that is good and noble to disgrace the legal profession so. you both are so full of shit youre eyes are brown. i cant wait to hear what your brother, cpt b has to say about you dissin’ the military like you did. sold out for $$$, how typical. i hope he keel hauls you and posts it to utoob.
January 28th, 2013 at 6:52 pm
edit please: ‘eh weiss’ should read ‘eh edb’. its obvious weiss doenst have any.
January 28th, 2013 at 7:12 pm
@133 – think technically you are a Junior if the name’s originator is your dad, and a II if he’s further removed
(like a grandfather.) Believe there is even e technicality that you are a Junior while your father is still alive, and after he dies you have the option of becoming a II if you choose, but that part’s a little fuzzy.
January 28th, 2013 at 7:24 pm
I just took another look at the photos, and “Junior” Weiss is using a real cute “Combat Motorola” walkie-talkie in some of them, I bet it’s the same radio he uses on the job as a shopping mall Security Guard, the type that does all it can to impress and intimidate teenieboppers with its uniform!!
I still say “POSER, POSER, POSER!!!”
He can SUE ME, and if he gets anything, I’ll split it with him! (Hey, mighty liberal of me, ain’t it?)
January 28th, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Never mess with a guy named Sue (…or Edwin)…!! Or one that works for a company called MOFO..!! http://www.mofo.com You have been warned!
You are all now on double-secret probation!
Lthrnck1775 OUT.
January 28th, 2013 at 7:39 pm
bullnav sayeth: Hmmmm…I took a look at the Naval Register (https://navalregister.bol.navy.mil/) and I can’t find a CAPT Buxton…I guess it could be a different last name, if the sibling was a sister who is married…
Damn, I was sorta kinda hoping we’d get us a two fer…drats!
January 28th, 2013 at 7:44 pm
That was the best non-apology apology since the last one made by a democrat politician, which was made 2 seconds ago…
January 28th, 2013 at 7:44 pm
@136, Yes, I worked at a law firm – big one — for 14 years. Very few of the attorneys I worked for directly put Esq. after their names unless they were actual partners in the firm, and only when they were presenting something somewhere.
The ‘Esq’ designation is more of an ego trip than anything else.
January 28th, 2013 at 7:49 pm
Wow! What compassion and understanding! You guys rock! Weiss/Buxton (Esq) can kiss my Army butt!
January 28th, 2013 at 7:50 pm
Those BDUs, he wears while posing as a Ranger, makes his butt look big (in my opinion, which is protected by the First Amendment).
January 28th, 2013 at 7:52 pm
/popcorn
January 28th, 2013 at 7:53 pm
Fat ass maggot.
January 28th, 2013 at 7:54 pm
I have read and understand the standards of claiming service by Mr. Buxton. I must now go to my facebook page and update my profile to include my service with the U.S. Army Rangers, and U.S. Army Special Forces, including Delta Force in 1992 and 1993 in Somalia. (I provided them with communications support). Never thought that I could do that. I am also an expert in tank warfare. Since I have logged way to many hours playing World of Tanks. To think, I was happy enough being a veteran, having served my country honorably. Thank you Mr. Buxton, I have now realized that I am one bad ass mother fucker! Lol!
January 28th, 2013 at 7:56 pm
Now, y’all get your butts to the “Home” page of this site and start clicking those silly ads. Jonn will need mucho bucks to buy the cigars to properly celebrate this. (And, he’ll probably want to buy some little known, exotic Scotch whiskey too.) Do it I say, just do it.
January 28th, 2013 at 7:59 pm
You have to know what to look for, so I did a little further digging. Buxton is Of Counsel. He is not a staff attorney, not an associate, and not a partner.
Of Counsel means only that you have a ‘close, personal relationship, with the law firm that you’re working for. It does sometimes mean that someone is a probationary partner-to-be, and can also mean that an attorney has moved from a corporate inhouse legal department to law firm practe, or is working part-time. It can also be a retired partner. I worked for one who retained his office but only showed up on an as-needed basis to mentor newly hired people.
I don’t really care, one way or the other, but if I took this IP thing seriously, I would rather have a full-time staff attorney on my side, not a part-timer.
It’s kind of presumptious for Buxton to put Esq. after his name, in this case, but maybe he thinks it will give his remarks more weight.
January 28th, 2013 at 8:04 pm
According to Buxom, or was that Buttson, or Buttsore?, Since I am an active supporter of the Army Ranger School here in the Florida Panhandle, I guess that makes me
“Active Duty Ranger”.
That is just too flippin’ cool. Up til today I have only claimed stateside service as an Infantry Paratrooper in the 101st Airborne Division, and my ol’ dude status.
January 28th, 2013 at 8:07 pm
And here I thought “esquire” was the guy who carried baggage, spare swords and lances, and horse fodder for an old-time knight in armor . . . .
January 28th, 2013 at 8:15 pm
If one supports his/her college teams as an Athletics supporter, does that make them a “Jock Strap”?
January 28th, 2013 at 8:17 pm
This has got to be the best article I’ve ever read on this site. I could not stop laughing! Well done TAH Legal.
January 28th, 2013 at 8:25 pm
Man o man….. googling E. Dale Buxton II seems to show all sorts of links to the TAH letter.
I’d be right interested in hearing what some of his lawyer friends (and even co-workers) have to say tomorrow along the lines of “WTF did you do?”
I could be truly epic, in an actual Biblical epic way.
January 28th, 2013 at 8:35 pm
Dear poseurs:
The word for today is, “backfired”.
Discuss.
January 28th, 2013 at 8:40 pm
Office roast comes to mind….
January 28th, 2013 at 9:00 pm
E Dale Buxton II, meet Thurston Howell III.
Seriously (or not) this has got to be THE BEST TAH post EVAH.
I ‘ve fallen off my chair so often laughing, I just decided to stay on the floor.
Gives a whole new definition to left-handed compliment.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the lessons learned.
I bow before your combined greatness and proclaim, ” WE’RE NOT WORTHY!!”
January 28th, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Is perhaps Mr. E. D. Buxton II a Thespian Colleague of Mssr Weiss? Is he simply acting? I always prefer actors who play lawyers over lawyers who act like lawyers.
January 28th, 2013 at 9:07 pm
I…am in the presence…of greatness……
Mike
January 28th, 2013 at 9:08 pm
I did pretty well until the “buttocks” remark, and then my cube farm mates came over to render aid.
I had to start from the beginning- you owe the Navy exactly $1.7M in lost work from six professional test engineers for about 30 minutes.
Know a good lawyer I can contact to recoup the loss?
January 28th, 2013 at 9:11 pm
Minutes of the San Diego Area Lawyers Association
Chairman: Call to order.
Chairman: New Business.
Chairman: With respects to the matter E. Dale Buxton II vs. TAH … WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
Buxton: Ah … I … Um … Eh … I AM SO SORRY!
January 28th, 2013 at 9:13 pm
I would still and will kick his ass and hand it to him if I ever see him the jail time would do me good and be worth it.
January 28th, 2013 at 9:18 pm
Talk about “dying from a thousand cuts”, and you did it so well that I’ll bet that he never knew what killed him!
Ha!
January 28th, 2013 at 9:24 pm
Hell yeah, I can now put I have over 17 years of Law Enforcement Experience because I watch episodes of COPS every now and then, I’m also have Surgical Experience because I used to watch ER and House, I’m also a SEAL because I watched Act of Valor like five times!!! Fuck yeah!!
January 28th, 2013 at 9:25 pm
Beto Ochoa: E. Dale Buxton II (AKA Edwin Dale Buxton) appears to be legit. He’s listed by the CA bar as a practicing lawyer licensed in CA (#222580) since 2002. Employer info on file with the CA bar matches what is claimed. And unlike a certain member of the VA House of Delegates who likes to mishandle firearms, he’s apparently never been disbarred or disciplined by his state bar association.
http://members.calbar.ca.gov/fal/Member/Detail/222580
January 28th, 2013 at 9:29 pm
Hence to and hitherforth, I do herby notify all lawbreakers of laws of thy land that I shall find all guilty for crimes against patent attorneys.
By thee grace of my good looks, paisley bow ties, pithy attitude and heavenly plattitudes … I will force all here at TAH and its lowly readership to pay for these crimes.
Behold for I am a lawyer … of counsel … and I hath and shall rain a fury of blathering and incoherant jibberish down upon you little people.
We will meet again, in MY court of reason and MY court of law!
January 28th, 2013 at 9:40 pm
Sorry to hear about your condition there, “E. D.”. Hopefully it will improve with treatment and time.
If not, try some yin yang huo – AKA “horny goat weed”.
January 28th, 2013 at 9:42 pm
I have watched “Casablanca” 50 times. I am now best friends with Bogey.
What?!? He’s dead? When did that –?!?!? He died, and nobody told me????
January 28th, 2013 at 9:45 pm
@172- I now have my fingers crossed that it turns out Weiss picked Mr. Buxton’s name off of that same website in order to use a real lawyer’s bona fides, and the real Buxton II finds all of this from a chance google search.
Just for the added awesomeness.
January 28th, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Horny goatweed, also known as rowdy lamb, barrenwort, bishop’s hat and fairy wings:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epimedium#Flower_forms
However, be sure to avoid contact with locoweed, which will inflict swainsonine disease upon you:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locoweed
January 28th, 2013 at 9:49 pm
Why would anyone get an 82d Patch with Ranger Tab over it if they were never in the US Army, a Ranger or a Paratrooper? Pretty crappy job too, but I am just seeing things apparently….
January 28th, 2013 at 9:50 pm
On par with http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks
January 28th, 2013 at 9:51 pm
@teddy996, I had that same suspicion myself earlier today.
TSO, did that letter come directly from Morrison and Foerster’s office on their letterhead?
January 28th, 2013 at 9:52 pm
It I could, I’d be sending you guys Gurkha cigars and finest kind adult beverages.
Well done!
January 28th, 2013 at 9:56 pm
I hit you with a link over at my little read blog:
http://franksopinion.blogspot.com/2013/01/this-aint-hell-blog-has-knocked-on-out.html
January 28th, 2013 at 10:03 pm
I always thought “Horny Goat Weed” was the stuff you smoked before “goating”!
January 28th, 2013 at 10:05 pm
Come on guys … are you going to tell me you have never gone “goating” or got “goated”?
January 28th, 2013 at 10:12 pm
@184 – Master Chief, you will also need lugustrum, ginseng and fo ti root to make it effective for your purposes.
January 28th, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Outstanding…Very well done…KUDOS!!!
January 28th, 2013 at 10:52 pm
If you look up Justin Weiss on IMDB, there is a listing for someone under that name with two credits. One is as a stand in for the film Bruce Almighty, the other as “Apprentice, Militia” for the mini-series John Adams. No mention of The Sum Of All Fears for some reason. So, playing a role as an “Apprentice, Militia” = combat veteran, I guess.
January 28th, 2013 at 11:00 pm
Well played gentlemen.
One of the best.
January 28th, 2013 at 11:53 pm
BAZINGA !
Most excellent reply
January 29th, 2013 at 12:34 am
Service = Citizenship!
January 29th, 2013 at 12:34 am
You guys nailed it. Now I need to go to the VA and splint my poor, painful fractured ribs. Who knew laughter could break bones?
January 29th, 2013 at 1:50 am
Simply beautiful.
January 29th, 2013 at 2:28 am
Flawless victory!
January 29th, 2013 at 2:31 am
In preparation to reading the comments after my post. I installed a 5 point racing satety belt. chocked the wheels on my chair. SEND HELP I CANNOT REACH THE RELEASE. Still laughing and cannot stop myself. Street, I now declare you a crew chief because of your areial exploits. Joe
January 29th, 2013 at 4:36 am
Having “watched Law and Order”… Puh-lease, anyone who’s not a lawyer but wants to be one knows that Ally McBeal reruns (preferably with sound on) are far better psuedo-legal training than L&O.
Man, you have a dble engineering degree from Vandy, JD from NWU, a corner office at one of the top international law firms in the world, and yet you still have to debase yourself by writing a C & D letter on behalf of a ridiculous poser. He must’ve parked in a partner’s spot, or sneezed on her sandwich or something to get handed that turd (You KNOW he knows it).
January 29th, 2013 at 4:41 am
Or this is how he gets around doing his annual pro bono requirement for the firm.
It’s kind of the legal equivalent of picking up trash along the freeway one day a year as “voluntold” by your company management to pretend you’re a good part of the community.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:37 am
I sent this to my daughter (in law school) and son-in-law (also in law school). We all laughed so hard about this. They are going to share this with their law professors. All I can say is SPOT ON!!!!!
January 29th, 2013 at 5:56 am
My personal fave on Mr. Buxton’s website:
The Women of MoFo.
January 29th, 2013 at 6:05 am
[...] can read the entire post here. We hope you enjoy it as much as we [...]
January 29th, 2013 at 7:10 am
@ #194: Street, I now declare you a crew chief because of your areial exploits. Joe
Thank you, Joe! As long as I don’t have to hump that damn 60 around and wear my ass out. Other than that, for some odd reason I always wanted to wash n wax a Huey at least once. Dunno why, lmao! PS- I still remember hearing the turbine starting up on the first lift. Scared the living shit out of me, pilot and co-pilot were laughing their asses off…
January 29th, 2013 at 7:43 am
The post and comments are as good the 8th time around as they were the first! I hope this stuff doesn’t get shuffled back. Maybe a perma-sidebar link is in order.
January 29th, 2013 at 9:01 am
Bravo! Friggin love it.
January 29th, 2013 at 9:50 am
Since I’ve wallowed in it so much during Boot Camp, AIT, and many, many times since, I hereby declare myself an expert soil professional!!!
January 29th, 2013 at 10:04 am
@195 – Or he may be a part-timer, since he’s Of Counsel, not staff or associate.
January 29th, 2013 at 10:43 am
Street, the 60′s are mounted. The gunner gets to clean them. Now the BAD news,Iam a dog crew chief(UH34D=Army Choc Joetaw). A reciporating engine.Nine cylinders in a circle.
January 29th, 2013 at 10:44 am
You guys haven’t made my day, you’ve made my week, and probably far beyond. Awesomeness to Nth degree.
Good luck, Mr. Ed (E. Dale Buxton II, Esq., I’m assuming the ‘E.’ stands for Edward or Edmund, but of course there are other possibilities [Everett? Ellis? Erskine?]. Just hope I don’t receive a letter with a MoFo letterhead for making said assumption.). You’re prolly gonna need it.
Gotta run, I’ll be heading out to the airport now to do some aircraft turbine engine maintenance, considering all the laps I ran and jump rope I did on the hanger deck 25 years ago.
January 29th, 2013 at 11:21 am
All, as others have mentioned, Mr. Buxton was likely assigned this crap case. He made a specious argument and deserved to be mocked – and lo we have mocked and it was good.
However, he does not deserve to be contacted or threatened. As your mother told you, it is all fun until somebody does the stupid and gets hurt or arrested.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:15 pm
Well said, Susan.
January 29th, 2013 at 12:45 pm
TAH, you guys are the masters of sarcasm. I wish I could speak it as fluently as you do! Great work.
January 29th, 2013 at 1:11 pm
I love this page. Very Entertaining. Good work TSO!
January 29th, 2013 at 1:16 pm
I would guess that Airedale’s official posture is to smile (probably over smile) and call this victory. I imagine him to say, “I did my job and got what my client wanted. It’s not personal to me.” Then, I imagine he goes home or a nearby ferny waterhole and has himself a good cry.
January 29th, 2013 at 8:09 pm
I do belive this fellow is an officianado of the 1972 film
“The Life And Times Of Judge Roy Bean”
“Judge Roy Bean: [Bean apologizes to the marshals' wives] I understand you have taken exception to my calling you whores. I’m sorry. I apologize. I ask you to note that I did not call you callous-ass strumpets, fornicatresses, or low-born gutter sluts. But I did say whores. No escaping that. And for that slip of the tongue, I apologize.
January 29th, 2013 at 9:34 pm
This is going to be one of those days where Mr. Buxton, Esquire will likely say to himself over a tall glass of scotch, “I should have stuck to being an engineer, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.”
And then he’ll open up his checkbook, and laugh.
Meanwhile, Justin Weiss is still a gold-plated douchenozzle, and no amount of paperwork, legal jargon, or money filtered to Cayman Islands accounts will ever change that fact.
Justice, such as it is, has been served.
January 30th, 2013 at 1:25 am
Utter brilliance.
January 30th, 2013 at 2:50 pm
Wonder if he has hired Mr. Buxton, Esq yet?
January 30th, 2013 at 2:50 pm
Wrong thread
January 30th, 2013 at 8:10 pm
[...] Open Letter of Apology to TAH Readers, E. Dale Buxton II (Esq.) and Justin Weiss [...]
January 31st, 2013 at 3:33 pm
I have it on good authority (I made it up.) that the “E.” stands for Evelyn.
Now I have to send in my request for correction of military records to add my Knight’s Cross with Swords and Diamonds for my exploits in the Western Desert with Rommel’s Afrika Korps. I have all the affidavits from witnesses (the guys who played Avalon Hill’s Panzer Leader with me) necessary. Hmmm. I guess they won’t add foreign military service to my DD214, will they?
ECS
March 22nd, 2013 at 3:56 pm
THIS is compelling writing. Sadly, I do not get to swing by TAH as often anymore. And the comments were worth reading, too. That is pretty cool. I had a “Hall of Shame” list on IMDB who were cats listed on the old POW network, or here. That’s it, an actor list like everyone can make. I have a few lists there, they are mainly for me and my friends. It started getting significant hits (for me, that is. peanuts to here) Once past triple digits, it only took days. Oh, well. I hope the largest possible amount of folks read this on, including the comments.
May 18th, 2013 at 10:11 pm
God, I love it when you guys “apologize” – makes my day! (And I’m a 50-something Navy brat so you know I have the military experience to say so!) Well done TAH.
May 19th, 2013 at 8:49 am
You made my day. Now I know how to apologize to the wife. By the way I was taught First Aid/CPR every year of my career in telecommunications…So based on Mr. Weiss’ attorney’s line of logic please now consider me a Corpsman and Army Medic. In addition to a bunch of stuff I saw up close (and sometimes got to touch) get used in Vietnam, (though not by me personally mind you). I am now far more than an average grunt. In fact it brings to mind the touching scene in First Blood when Rambo is talking to the Col. over the radio, telling him he use to be in charge of millions of dollars worth of military hardware to include gunships and tanks and the list is too long and my eyes are too watery to continue. In fact, upon reflection of my newly found “experiences” and I use the term only as defined and enlightened by Mr. Buxton, Esq., I am considering changing my handle from simply Sparks to Rambo/Weiss/Third Blood, Part VIII. Oh, oh, oh I forgot!!! I saw the Thunderbirds several times up close and got to sit in one when they were F4 Phantoms. So I just added that experience to my new list of experience-service, whichever you feel good with using. This is so much fun. It’s like camping out in the backyard singing, “I want to be an Airborne Ranger”.