Phillip Mark Thompson; Army SEAL

| January 30, 2013


Our buddy, Don Shipley, sends us the stuff that this monkeyboy is using to attract women to his godlike visage. Phillip Mark Thompson, currently of Albemarle, NC claims to be a SEAL (BUD/S class 239) as well as the recipient of 2 Silver Stars, 5 Purple Hearts, 3 Bronze Stars, oh, hell, here you read;


It makes you wonder why we have all of those troops in Afghanistan when all we need is Phillip. Also notice that he went back to Iraq when none of our troops were there. Scary! I’m guessing that he put on all of that weight from recovering from the injuries he got earning those five Purple Hearts;

“Yea I have been shot 2x in the back, 1 in shoulder, 1 in chest, 1 in neck and had my thumb shot off. The docs were able to reconstruct my thumb so I have it. I have alot of high awards for valor and heroism but I would give all of them back to have some guys on my team back. As Special Forces Operators, we have a brotherhood and we have each others backs thru thick and thin..”

I don’t think “athletic body type” means what he thinks it means;

Phillip Thompson athletic body type

The stories he tells the ladies are pretty extensive – but then you can see from his deployment records that he’s been everywhere and what good is that if it can’t get you some trim. He claims that he was working with the team that “caught” bin Laden. If by “caught” you mean shot him in the face. And, according to his phony records, he was in Iraq at the time. Busy guy.

And, oh, by the way, he was a cop until he got caught cracking a safe. For frosting, the email address he’s using actually belongs to a DA civilian. So if the real Phillip Thompson at that email address finds this, I have the particulars that you’ll need for CID to find him.

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. Weapons Grade Stupid « The Liberty Zone | January 31, 2013
  1. Anonymous says:

    Doesn’t SF have a different designation for the medic Q? I don’t remember the MOS but I swear I think 18 Delta…just sayin’

  2. Anonymous says:

    Sorry that was me….

  3. Hondo says:

    Using someone else’s AKO address? Hmmm. If he’s actually logging into that account and using it without being the owner, he may have just bought himself a world of trouble. Good chance that’s a violation of the Computer Crimes Act. Uncle Sam usually takes a dim view of that.

    If you need any help in getting this into the correct channels with AKO, Jonn, let me know. I may still be able to find contact info for the correct folks to speak with about that.

  4. Seadog says:

    And he earned his Master’s during his slack time? I’m impressed. Not…

  5. Hondo says:

    @1,2: correct. 18D is SF Medic. This tool apparently can’t even get that much right on his fake docs.

  6. AW1 Tim says:

    That’s an industrial-strength type of stupid this jackwagon is guzzling.

    I hope he gets some special one-on-one counseling from his soon-to-be new friends at Hotel Leavenworth.

  7. Old Trooper says:

    Geebus f**k!!! I can’t even comment beyond that.

  8. Steelrain says:

    awards for GRANADE and REDINESS. Definitely high speed low drag

  9. Ex-PH2 says:

    Gee whiz, JL! Scared me to pieces with that stuff!

  10. Jonn Lilyea says:

    No, see, “combat rediness” is what happens when you spend 8 years in combat consecutively. Your skin turns red – but see only us combat veternans noh thet.

  11. NRPax says:

    Wow…Expert Grenade? Maybe only the secret squirrel types get that one. All he needs now is his HANO Jump Wings.

  12. Is he on the Michael Moore diet plan?

  13. Ex-PH2 says:

    Will someone please give me the definition for an “expert grenade”?

    I think I know what an “expert Grenadier” is, but an “expert grenade” escapes me.


  14. Green Thumb says:

    Guess he is the hospital because someone already caught up to him?


  15. 68W58 says:

    Well, if it’s any consolation, he’s going to pull hook that tee shot.

  16. Eggs says:

    Wow. Expert rifle pistol granade. And all at the same time I bet. That should get the babes.

  17. Green Thumb says:


    It’s the caliber (and quality) of Infantryman that drop a solid duece pucket from the seventh floor, over the railing, after a 12 pack and multiple shots and hit a moving pedestrain target on the street below.

    Or so I heard…

    Enough said.

  18. JJAK says:

    I don’t think there is an Ambar province or Jalalbad in Afghanistan…

    Maybe they spell things different in the Army’s Naval special forces.

  19. Ex-PH2 says:

    @17 – Thank you, GT. I thought it might have some connection to water balloons, ketchup and Margarita mix in a blender with ice cubes and no top to it.

  20. Dayum, where is his Facebook page. I want to talk to his friends and find out his secret formula for all that greatness.

  21. UpNorth says:

    And, he spent time in Ramadi and Rutba, Iraq in 2012? Bet he’s so secret squirrel that no one knew where he was.
    @#18, yeah, I don’t think there’s a Takrit, Iraq, either.

  22. Ex-PH2 says:

    Do you guys realize he’s holding two separate Special Farces Sergeant titles? Medic AND Weapons!

    I’m….well, dazed by it all.

  23. streetsweeper says:

    @ 17: Thumb? Wouldn’t it depend on whether or not he used A: plum bob or B: Laser sights? lol.

  24. USMCE8Ret says:

    For starters, this is how I’d like to start a conversation with this guy:

  25. I’m sure it was all that KBR chow he ate. Or, maybe he ate a few seals.

  26. Green Thumb says:


    Kentucky windage.

  27. RunPatRun says:

    He was really a cop? sheesh

  28. Eggs says:

    And cracked a safe. Must’ve had Twinkies in it.

  29. F7 says:

    yep, Army SEAL. He is as big as one.

    But, it never ceases to amaze me that the level of douchebaggery that some individuals go through to perpetuate their lies and deceit.

  30. Disgruntled Major says:

    5 Bronze Stars, 2 CIBs, a CAB! Yet 2 OSRs and 2 NDSMs? There aren’t even 6 phases to the Afghan Campaign, and there were only 7 to the Iraq Campaign, but he was so high-speed he got an extra one! But where’s the love for the Ranger tab? I guess he left it off because it was so pedestrian, just like that pile of AAMs he kept on his desk like a bowl of candy.

  31. A Proud Infidel says:

    @18,JJAK, yeah, Jalalabad exists, it’s on the Afghan/Pakistani border (a hot piece of turf during my tour). It was down Route Violet and through the Khyber Pass (an ambusher’s dream come true) coming from our camp. Anbar Province? The name rings a bell, but I can’t remember where, I finished that tour in ’06. That boy has the physique of the Pillsbury Doughboy, I’ll bet a bottle of good Bourbon that he’s never met a doughnut he didn’t like!!

  32. Anonymous says:

    Friends, please! He’s an 18 series weapons sergeant AND medic, don’t you see? He’s two people in one!

    He’s literally two people. In one body.

  33. B Woodman says:

    Looks like this “seal” ate the entire school of fish. Arf! Arf!

  34. Ex-PH2 says:

    @33 – Jalalabad is real, yes.

    But he was in Jalalbad. Different place altogether. Exists mostly in the space between electron shells.

  35. B Woodman says:

    Maybe someone can use this lardass’s butt to “seal” a crack in the Hoover Dam.

  36. JP says:

    Look, just because you guys can’t read a map, you shouldn’t blame it on this badass.

    Jalalbad, Ambar Provence, and Takrit…are all in Makeshitupistan.

    Yes, Makeshitupistan…where the REAL action happens. Where we have Army SEALs, where you can go through ANY school in a matter of days and make senior enlisted pay grades in a matter of months. Of course, nobody knows about this war in this country because it’s secret squirrel type stuff and all records are classified. Don’t be mad that you weren’t high speed enough to deploy there, just be glad we have rough men like these keeping us safe.

  37. Instinct says:

    You Army fuckers have a rifle/pistol that fires GRENADES??? F-ing SWEET!!

  38. Andy says:

    any leagle eagles around? the crime of “safe cracking” doesn’t always mean someone actually broke into a safe, right? anyhoo, whiskey tango foxtrot, this one is over the top. awarded himself everything under the sun and then some. Let’s see, corrupt cop, military faker, anyone want to take a stab at a psych eval of this guy? delusions of grandure maybe?

  39. NHSparky says:

    Also looking at the turdball’s “records” he also claims a DSC.

    He just went full ri-tard.

    Seal? More like a beached whale.

  40. The Dead Man says:

    #39 it’s the secret prototype Bolter, think Gyrojet pistol on crack or something.

    So is it bad that after I saw that picture, my first two thoughts were Navy ORCA maybe and, “Ray when someone asks if you’re a god.”?

    I totally buy the 5 Purple Hearts though, a target that big, he makes enemy marksmanship easy. (Please don’t make me put sarc tags)

  41. Instinct says:

    #40 – delusions of adequacy.

    42 – I’m sure if he got shot the layers of lard would keep the bullet from hitting anything vital.

  42. Here’s a Stolen Valor case: Please publicize it and sign the White House petition.

  43. USMCE8Ret says:

    @33 – Anbar (also, Al Anbar) province is in the western region of Iraq. Just another Iraqi sh-thole… where the cities of Fallujah and Ramadi are.

  44. Twist says:

    I know that the Anbar province was no fun in 2005.

    As far as being a SEAL goes, it would be more believable if he said walrus.

  45. Lthrnck1775 says:

    Where can we pick up a few of those “Rifle Pistol Granade”… sounds awesome; I haven’t heard about this new technology, but I WANT ONE!!

    Lthrnck out.

  46. Twist says:

    That dude is so fat I bet his cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

  47. Geetwillickers says:

    Looks like he was engaged to be married, prolly while on leave from Ramadi or Jalabad if I am correlating the dates correctly.