OK, so yesterday I get an email from HR that informs me that our CEO would like to hold a meeting with every employee tomorrow (which is now today) at 1400 hours. The people not in this building will attend via some sort of teleconference, and there is no clue regarding what said meeting is about.
Now, I have the greatest job ever. Love it. Wouldn’t take another one even if that job was to be the full time sun tan lotion applier to Kate Upton and Tom Brady. The one problem with my job is that it’s the only one of its kind. I basically have the Tigger of sinecures.
The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are wonderful things!
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs!
They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is
I’m the only one
So anyway, said email set off my rampant paranoia. I’m not sure if I am the only one that is this bad, but I would rather they said “We’d like to talk to you about your upcoming termination” than “We’d like to talk to you about something.” I can live with bad news, it is an absence of all news that drives me nuts.
Well, technically what it does is give me the hot trots, and makes it damn near impossible to sleep. Like, I would have hired Michael Jackson’s doctor (or even Kervorkian) last night if it would have guaranteed me a good night’s sleep. Instead of my usually shiny, happy dreams (which oddly feature a lot of “little people”) I dreamed about bad things, like the time I went to class and had the wrong TPS cover sheet on my research paper. And then realized I was naked and had the physical makeup of a Ken doll in the waistular region.
So anyway, I came into work today fully prepared to box up my Eric Gagne bobblehead doll, my not-Buddha light (Budai as I have been informed) and the Aerogarden with dead jalapeno plant. But then I decided to just ride it out. Hey, maybe it’s good news, like maybe the Bobs got together and decided to have Hawaiian Shirt Friday. Unlikely, but so is getting a job like applying sun tan lotion to New England’s Quarterback.
So, I started thinking. If I were to be fired, what are the top 5 videos I want to be watching while someone tries to figure out how to get me out of the building.
I’ve decided on these five:
(Last one corrected, per the lovely and DPS dealing Melle)