What IF…
The whole gun control argument got a giant dose of reality the other day.
Okay so this was a hoax/prank/hack (or something), but for a fleeting moment some television watchers in Montana were likely doing a mental inventory of their guns and ammo; while some few others, it is Montana, after all, were reconsidering their anti-gun stance.
TV hack attack warns of Montana zombie apocalypse
Viewers in Montana who were no doubt already on the edge of their seats waiting for the results of “teen cheaters take lie detectors” were suddenly confronted with a bigger calamity on Monday. The CW station of KRTV was interrupted by an emergency alert for a zombie apocalypse. Viewers were told that “the bodies of the dead are rising from their graves and attacking the living” in several Montana counties. KRTV confirmed someone had hacked into their emergency alert system and “there is no emergency.” Phew, back to those dirty adolescent cheats then.
Reckon it’ll take a REAL Zombie Apocalypse to change some minds about the evil guns, but…
February 13th, 2013 at 12:51 pm
Well i hope it holds off for a bit.
I just got news that my firearms permit was approved – took just under 2 months – not bad for Jersey.
But firing a weapon would only attract zombies so i have my wife’s field hockey stick, my hockey stick, and various shovels/axes at the ready.
February 13th, 2013 at 12:53 pm
So do I need a license to hunt them? Is there a bag limit?
Are they all gross and rotten or do they cook up good? I guess if they’re fresh and all.
You probably have to clean them real good or they taste gamey.
/mmmmm long pig.
February 13th, 2013 at 1:04 pm
GO MONTANA!!
Yeah, my home state, showing off again.
Not going to go into WHAT they’re showing off…(mutters about stupidity of “zombie apocalypse” when bigfoot rampages and UFO attacks are so much more sophisticated…)
February 13th, 2013 at 1:10 pm
I was disappointed that Max Headroom failed to make an appearance.
February 13th, 2013 at 1:11 pm
REAL zombie apocalypse?!?? Dude zombies have been around for years. the government’s been covering it up. I heard it on Alex Jones’ show
February 13th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
@5 – There’s no zombie cover-up. We see them on TV all the time. A majority of them work at the White House, Congress and the Senate. All the rest are the ones who voted for them or they report the news.
February 13th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Zombies are the “dog-whistle” code word for the moocher class. Once you recognize that, well…
February 13th, 2013 at 1:16 pm
@6 You can usually spot them standing in the grocery aisles with their Ipod buds surgically attached to their ears.
February 13th, 2013 at 1:17 pm
Here’s my proof:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wqhh6Ebr9nQ
February 13th, 2013 at 1:23 pm
Why is everyone jumping on guns for a zombie attack? A baseball bat is far better. It has less maintenance, doesn’t jam, and reloading just requires pulling it back to swing.
Either that or a bow. It’s green energy and has no carbon footprint. Or, you could use an assault bow! Sorry, I mean crossbow.
February 13th, 2013 at 1:37 pm
@10, good point on the bat but it does requires you to get close. More than one undead and you have problems.
February 13th, 2013 at 1:47 pm
@11…talk about relieving stress though
February 13th, 2013 at 1:55 pm
That was better than my, TED NUGET JUST BEHEADED THE PRESIDENT fake status last night…
February 13th, 2013 at 3:00 pm
I wouldn’t use a baseball bat on a zed, too much splatter risk. Besides, zombies will run from gunfi-…wait, wrong ones.
February 13th, 2013 at 3:39 pm
When the zombies truly start running rampant, the liberals will be the first to die. They’ll be screeching for “zombies’ rights”, “zombie refuges”, etc., and they’ll be wiped out while they do that. All we need to do is hunker down while that happens and welet the zombies die off, then voila!! Bye-bye liberals!!!
February 13th, 2013 at 3:49 pm
I’m with Flagwaver: assault bows — er, crossbows, coyote bait to trap them, and the ever-useful cooking spray/butane grill lighter blowtorch.
ChipNASA, they do fine in a crockpot on high for about six hours with carrots, onions and potatoes, but the pressure cooker is even better. Fall apart tender. Oh, wait — that’s my pot roast.
Oh, well — same difference, plus a good red wine and some crusty bread and a green frise salad with a lime vinaigrette.
February 13th, 2013 at 3:54 pm
I have heard of President Obama speak of comprehensive immigration reform, comprehensive tax reform, but when will he address the much needed comprehensive zombie reform? Maybe he can appoint Joe Biden to lead a panel to study it.
February 13th, 2013 at 4:05 pm
Hack Stone #17: Gonna steal this for FB with attribution. Not the silliest thing I’ve read today, but probably the funniest.
February 13th, 2013 at 4:24 pm
#15 That’s… actually a plot point in Dead Rising 2. There are a bunch of hippies that want zombie rights and you get blamed for one of their supposed terrorist acts. The sad thing is that it’s not too hard on the willing suspension of disbelief.
February 13th, 2013 at 4:26 pm
I used to work with zombies. One of them did not like strawberries. She said they didn’t taste like strawberries should. Then she gave me a piece of artificially-flavor strawberry shaped candy.
I knew then that she was a true zombie.
February 13th, 2013 at 5:27 pm
Anti-gun Montanans? I think you mean transplanted Californians.
February 13th, 2013 at 5:54 pm
@15 you sir, are incorrect. Liberals will be safe. They’ll simply post “Zombie Free Zone” and that will protect them…..
February 13th, 2013 at 6:41 pm
@22 – NOT!! The moment one of them even THINKS of declaring a “Zombie-Free Zone” at least a dozen others will rally a squad of ACLU lawyers and sue for discrimination against the “Living-Impaired”!
February 13th, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Great..Now we will have to have a National conversation on sensible zombie control.
February 13th, 2013 at 7:09 pm
Do zombies cause global warming?
February 13th, 2013 at 7:17 pm
Well, PN, there is absolutely NO proof that don’t; ergo, it is a distinct possibility. Speaking of Al Gore, do you think he is human or android?
February 13th, 2013 at 7:18 pm
Arrrgg “…NO proof that they don’t…”
February 13th, 2013 at 7:27 pm
Gore is a stuffed sock puppet.
February 13th, 2013 at 7:33 pm
Philosophical though for the day: If Al Gore Jr. tripped and fell while walking alone through the forest, would be make a noise when he hit the ground?
February 13th, 2013 at 7:35 pm
Why would he be in a forest where there is no audience?
February 13th, 2013 at 7:43 pm
Do you remember when he had his crotch airbrushed to create manhood where there was none? I think it was for the cover of Rolling Stone.
February 13th, 2013 at 7:53 pm
AirCav….not when I’m about to drink hot tea.