Don Shipley calls John Mueller

| February 13, 2013 | 154 Comments

So our buddy, Don Shipley calls John Mueller, a self-proclaimed SEAL sniper who has been terrorizing folks at church, apparently so badly that the police called Don to check on Mueller’s claims. Let’s listen in shall we;

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Remember when Queen Elizabeth knighted Shipley’s hair? To this day, when people call him sir, he asks, “Are you addressing me or my hair?” True story.

  2. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    “Never in the course of human events have so many owed so much to Don Shipley’s hair.”

  3. Mustang says:

    It looks at some point that he was investigated by Mary. The link is no longer active though: http://www.fakewarriors.org/pownet.secure/mueller_resume_redd_report_1.pdf

  4. A_Proud_Infidel says:

    Don Shipley once ate an anvil for breakfast and farted ten penny nails all day long.

    The Sun rises in the East and sets in the West because CHIEF SHIPLEY TOLD IT TO!!

  5. Twist says:

    It used to be called the Mojave Forest…Thanks Don Shipley’s hair.

  6. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Immortalized by no less than The Bard himself:

    “His hair, his hair! My kingdom for his hair!”

    (Richard III, Act V, Scene IV)

  7. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I hear that when Shipley received his first military haircut, the Marines requistioned the cuttings and made 16 ghillie suits.(Might have been 18. I don’t recall exactly.)

  8. Twist says:

    Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what Don Shipley’s hair can do for your country.

  9. A_Proud_Infidel says:

    Superman gets his powers from wearing Chief Shipley’s pajamas.

    Chief Shipley won a staring contest with the Sun.

  10. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    When Shipley testified before Congress, the Sergeant-at-Arms asked him to please remove his hat. He wasn’t wearing one.

  11. Hondo says:

    The reputation of Don’s hair precedes his adolescence. From October 1967:

    She asks me why
    I’m just a hairy guy
    I’m hairy noon and night
    Hair that’s a fright
    I’m hairy high and low
    Don’t ask me why
    Don’t know
    It’s not for lack of bread
    Like the Grateful Dead
    Darling

    Gimme head with hair
    Long beautiful hair
    Shining, gleaming,
    Streaming, flaxen, waxen

    Give me down to there hair
    Shoulder length or longer
    Here baby, there mama
    Everywhere daddy daddy

    Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
    Flow it, show it
    Long as God can grow it
    My hair

  12. ChipNASA says:

    I posted this on his Extreme SEAL Experience Facebook asking him not to rip my arms off and beat me with them cause we all admire him for what he does.
    I do hope and PRAY Don has a sense of humor or I’m getting a knock on the door late at night and no one will be there….and then there will be darkness.
    {:-D

  13. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    Genesis 2:2

    “And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done, for it took six long days to create Don Shipley’s hair.”

  14. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    @ 62 Chip … Are you kidding me … this is nothing short of jealous flattery that no man would ever reject!

  15. NHSparky says:

    It is a far, far better hairdo that he does, than I have ever done…

  16. O-4E says:

    Breaking news….

    Don’s hair will be the first recipient of the new Distinguished Warfare Medal

  17. ChipNASA says:

    Don Shipley’s hair can play an entire round of golf and shoot a 17.

  18. A_Proud_Infidel says:

    The Hiroshima and Nagasaki A-Bombs were modeled after Chief Shipley’s backyard grill.

    Whenever Chief Shipley wants water out in the desert, he just squeezes some out of a rock!

  19. ChipNASA says:

    Don Shipley’s hair doesn’t grow, Don Shipley, shrinks.

  20. NHSparky says:

    We’ll always have Don Shipley’s hair. We didn’t have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.

  21. NHSparky says:

    There are no extinct species, just a list of animals Don Shipley’s hair has allowed to live.

  22. ChipNASA says:

    Nicolaus Copernicus was, in fact, wrong.

    I now proclaim that the correct theory is that, everything is a Shiplyocentric model which places Don Shipley’s hair rather than the Sun, *or* the the Earth, at the center of the universe.

  23. ChipNASA says:

    Pi is actually finite….here is the first 1,000 places….and it’s been extracted to 1,000,000 places…..

    3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510
    58209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679
    82148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128
    48111745028410270193852110555964462294895493038196
    44288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091
    45648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273
    72458700660631558817488152092096282925409171536436
    78925903600113305305488204665213841469519415116094
    33057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548
    07446237996274956735188575272489122793818301194912
    98336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798
    60943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132
    00056812714526356082778577134275778960917363717872
    14684409012249534301465495853710507922796892589235
    42019956112129021960864034418159813629774771309960
    51870721134999999837297804995105973173281609631859
    50244594553469083026425223082533446850352619311881
    71010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303
    59825349042875546873115956286388235378759375195778
    18577805321712268066130019278766111959092164201989……

    It ends at Don Shipley’s hair.

  24. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    “My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of Don Shipley’s hair, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”

    Stephen Hawking

  25. O-4E says:

    Donald Trump’s hair lays awake at night…

    worrying that Don Shipley’s hair will call and out it as a phony

  26. O-4E says:

    Breaking news…

    An international group of geneticist,s studying Y-chromosome data, have found that nearly 0.5 percent of the male population in the world, or roughly 16 million people, are descendants Genghis Khan.

    Shockingly, a confirmation test found that roughly 40% of the male population are descendants of Don Shipley’s hair.

  27. Twist says:

    If Don Shipley’s hair is so bad ass, then I dare it to come here and slam my head into my keybjnp;al;bm’m'pabjmfojkioafn

  28. ChipNASA says:

    The universe didn’t begin with the Big Bang.

    Don Shipley’s hair created the universe.

    Oh and the Large Hadron Collider, it is just a styling accoutrement.
    ——————–

    @75
    Oh and I LARFED!!! THAT is a GOOD ONE!!!

    We should be able to vote on these. Just like “Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial Stolen Valor Tournament.”

  29. O-4E says:

    On Friday, an asteroid will come within 17,000 miles of the Earth—“a very close shave” by space standards.

    Recently, Bill Nye the Science Guy went on CNN to discuss the phenomenon—and anchor Deb Feyerick opened with a rather odd question: “Is this an effect of perhaps global warming?”

    Nye was decent enough to ignore the question altogether, after a little bit of rambling about how meteor and meteorology are etymologically related but he did confirm “Asteroids are attracted to the sheer mass of Don Shipley’s hair so we can expect more of these events in the future”

  30. ChipNASA says:

    Reflective Belts wear Don Shipley’s hair for safety sake.

  31. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    Patton’s Prayer:

    “Almighty and most merciful Father, we humbly beseech Thee, of Thy great goodness, to restrain these immoderate rains with which we have had to contend. Grant us fair weather for Battle. Graciously hearken to us as soldiers who call upon Thee that, armed with Thy power, we may advance from victory to victory, and crush the oppression and wickedness of our enemies and establish Thy justice among men, nations and Don Shipley’s hair.”

  32. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    @ 75 … BRILLIANT!

  33. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    @75. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaad Damit. I wish I had thought of that!

  34. ChipNASA says:

    Don Shipley’s Hair is SEAL Team ?all by itself.

  35. ChipNASA says:

    @84 I meant to say “INFINITY”, it didn’t html come out right.

  36. PintoNag says:

    @77 Priceless!! :)

  37. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    “I, [State Your Name], do solemnly swear that I will support and defend Don Shipley’s hair against all enemies, foreign and domestic.”

  38. ChipNASA says:

    The real truth is DON SHIPLEY IS A PHONEY.

    Don Shipley’s HAIR is the sentient being and it sprouted Don Shipley

  39. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    “I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that hair, Don Shipley’s hair. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never.”

  40. ChipNASA says:

    There is no such thing as alternate realities or parallel universes.
    There are just various strands of Don Shipley’s Hair.

  41. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    It’s the hair that launched a thousand ships. Its strands were on Nero’s bow, Rembrandt’s brush, and were usedto sign the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. It is the eternal hair, holding within its tufts the history of the civilized world. God save THE HAIR!

  42. ChipNASA says:

    The Movie “Highlander” is modeled after Don Shipley’s Hair.

    THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

  43. ChipNASA says:

    Don Shipley’s hair actually *can* travel faster than the speed of light.

  44. ChipNASA says:

    There will never be a WW III because *we* have Don Shipley’s hair.

  45. O-4E says:

    I just received an email from one of our favorite phonies, Stephen Franklin Cio Burrell, prolific author and the fourth most dangerous man in the world…

    http://thisainthell.us/blog/?p=29679

    http://www.bullshido.org/Stephen_Burrell

    Stephen has confirmed that Don Shipley’s hair is in fact the First Most Dangerous Man in the World…

    And Stephen has a new book coming out titled “Weekend with Don Shipley’s Hair”

  46. Virtual Insanity says:

    #77 Geez, Twist. The office thinks I’m wierd ‘cuz I giggled at that one.

  47. A_Proud_Infidel says:

    Chuck Norris’s favorite t-shirt has a picture of Chief Shipley’s hair on it.

  48. Old Trooper says:

    Tibetan Monks ask Chief Shipley’s hair for the meaning of the universe.

  49. ChipNASA says:

    Don Shipley’s hair *is* the missing link.

  50. ChipNASA says:

    Fox News stole the slogan “Fair and Balanced” from Don Shipley’s hair.

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