Your 2013 Stolen Valor Tournament Finalists

| August 2, 2013

Romeo and Juliet. Phil Monkress and John Giduck.

Monkresso and Giduket

Giduck def. Ladner, 61.8% to 38.2%
Monkress def. Tesla, 66% to 34%

Yes, the results were auditted. If anyone cheated this time, they were much more discreet about it. The percents each day were within about 5% of every other day, which is generally a good indication, although Tesla actually came on stronger at the end of the week.

OK, I might be out for a little bit. Just got back from Osh Kosh, and fixing my travel for the next month. Want to feel jealous?

Sturgis for the motorcycle rally next week. (Will still run the finals next week.)
Following week to Gitmo to cover the Khalid Sheikh Mohammed trial (hopefully).
Then to the White House for the Ty Carter Medal of Honor Ceremony.
Houston, TX for the American Legion convention with Gabe Malor of Ace of Spades, Nick from Ranger Up, and David Bellavia, my hero.

Told you I have the best job in the world, but you wouldn’t listen.

Thanks as always to Sniper for his photoshop.

Category: Politics

Comments (90)

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  1. Kinda old ET1 says:

    @43 Perfect picture Hondo.

    “Vote for the Shovel. It’s important.”

  2. Green Thumb says:


    Well, lets see.

    They are both Special Ops guys, both benefit financially and professionally from their bullshit, and are both grossly overweight and out of shape.

    But Phildo has poser backers and is in a MC that does not seem to care about posers.

    I understand the voting is down the road, but as of now I believe Phildo has the edge. But I could go either way if a good counter argument is given.

  3. 68W58 says:

    Having now been better informed of Gilduck’s sleaziness, I can see how he won, but Ladner is still a special kind of douchebag who is easy to despise.

  4. A Proud Infidel & Patriot says:

    The more I read about Giduck, the more it’s got my vote. anymore, I have the same regard for Monkress as what i do for a dead rodent!!

  5. ItAllFades says:

    Eh, this is a let down.

  6. TheCloser says:

    @43 Hondo and @45 LebbenB- Thanks for the clarification.

  7. OldSargeUSAR says:

    Gildo, the Golden Shovel Dildo…

    All the way!

  8. Ex-PH2 says:

    I’m torn between Fildough Filodough and the Giddyup Giduck.

    These questions are too hard.

  9. Flagwaver says:

    I’m still pulling for Monkeyass over Gaydick.

  10. Ex-PH2 says:

    Well, basically, you have to choose between a selfish bastard who likes to endanger the welfare of other people and a selfish bastard who likes to steal taxpayers’ money.

    Those are your choices.

    Can we have a tie this time, maybe?

  11. Club Manager says:

    Were not these the same two shown in the photo of the captain in BDU’s getting married to the other guy in San Francisco? His hair may have been a little shorter then.

  12. Just An Old Dog says:

    Great round! I see my favorite chubby bondage nut job has bit the dust, With apologies to the group Boston,, here is my musical tribute to Chelle’ Lynn Tesla-Anderson

    ( tuning up air guitar)

    here goes…

    “More Than A Phony”

    She woke up this morning and she was bound
    She chewed through the duct tape to start her day
    and lost herself in some mac n cheese
    she closed her eyes and she chewed away

    She’s more than a phoney, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a Phoney
    I begin dreaming (more than a Poser)
    ‘Till I see Teslsa waddling away
    I see my Telsa waddlin’ away

    So many phonies have come and gone
    like feces they stink as the years go by
    Yet I still recall her fat Jabba ass
    As clear as the sun in the summer sky

    She’s more than a Poser, when I hear that old song they used to play
    (more than a poser)
    I begin dreaming (more than a shitbag)
    ‘Till I see Teslsa waddlin’ away
    I see my Tesla waddlin’ away

    When she’s tired and thinking cold
    she hides with a twinkie forgets the day
    And dreams of a cook that she used to know
    she closes her eyes and she chomps away
    She’s Chomping away

    Shes more than a shitbag, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a shitbag)
    I begin dreaming (more than a poser)
    ‘Till I see Marianne walk away

  13. AbnMike says:

    @45. The active duty soldier in question merely checked with the SF Association to see if Giduck was a member or not. That’s the extent of his inquiries into Giduck. He came back with the fact that Giduck was an “honorary” member (and also the Association’s attorney). Giduck bought his way into the Special Forces Association. The member in question, the SS recipient, never said anything derrogatory about Giduck, he merely clarified because the question was asked, that Giduck was not a member of the Association in anything other than an honorary status.

    Giduck then used cronies in the organization to get the member’s PPI, outed him, and served him papers, after first coming to him asking for hundreds of thousands of dollars because Giduck’s “business” had been hurt after being outed for his shenanigans.

    The member refused, and Giduck went on the manhunt tracking down the true identities of SOCNET members so he could serve them in court, and they had to then spend their own money to hire lawyers.

    Giduck has since been removed from the SFA and SOA but the man’s tentacles were in both Associations very deeply and he still has defenders in there who refuse to believe he’s as damaging and shifty as he is.

    One also has to wonder how someone can become an “honorary” member of an association for Special Forces or Special Operations after having only spent 58 days in the Army but that’s another thing entirely.

    The man is dangerous, and costly if you get in his way: ask anyone who has been served by his SLAPP suit because he doesn’t like people questioning him on the internet.

  14. Hondo says:

    Green Thumb: see AbnMike’s comment 63 for a counterargument in favor of GI-Duck. That’s a concise argument as to why GI-Duck is the bigger putz than Monkey-man.

    Monkey-man uses BS and lies to make $$$. He got caught. He tried to cover his tracks, made some weak threats, then pretty much shut up when he realized he had a losing hand.

    GI-Duck did the same thing – used lies and BS to make $$$. But instead of folding when he was caught, he took it to the next level. He went on the attack, and took a bunch of folks to court for proving him to be a liar. Even though the judge body-slammed him in that suit, those folks are still out mucho dinero – and may have had their careers damaged.

    Both are true tools. But by comparison, IMO Monkey-man is a 1/2″ box&open wrench – while GI-Duck is a 16″ Crescent.

  15. A Proud Infidel & Patriot says:

    The more I learn about John “Shovelboy” Giduck, the more I want to see him take this year’s title!!!

  16. Green Thumb says:

    Good point.

  17. Hondo says:

    Ex-PH2: if the articles at the link in comment 39 are to be believed, GI-Duck may have profited from taxpayer funding also. Not saying that’s the case, but some of those articles are quite . . . interesting.

  18. HMCS(FMF) ret. says:

    MonkeyBoy for the WIN!!!!!

  19. Ex-PH2 says:

    Hondo, that’s possible.

    Between the two, the legal eagle stuff is the real difference.

    Giduck went after people personally, which not only cost those people money for his vindictiveness, but also cost the taxpayers money for using up court time that could have gone to something more important, like convicting a pedophile.

    Monkeyass, on the other hand, tried to use his sock puppet and personal fiend, who (I’m sure) still lurks on the fringes of society, to get a property attorney to sign his name to a letter that wouldn’t scare a dead fly, and which was obviously written by the sock puppet himself. It cost the taxpayers nothing, although Monkeyass himself is costing the taxpayers money, but more directly.

    If each of these two separate, but similar, incidents is examined more closely for malodorous quality, I think Giduck’s stinks more.

  20. JAGC says:

    The more I read about Giduck, my vote gets easier and easier. Monkress, along with being a wannabe SEAL, looks to be a wannabe Giduck too. The concise aspect of Giduck’s story in #63 sealed it for me. Giduck deserves this public shaming, and Monkress deserves to be second-fiddle in the company of Giduck.

  21. OIF '06-''07-'08 says:

    This is one of the few times in my life that I will make this decision by the toss of a coin. Both are equal asses in my book. Giduck for his idiotic lawsuit, and Monkress for his personal ass dildo Paul K. Wickre.

  22. Smitty says:

    i still say the SOCnet guys stuffed the ballot box, but since their guy beat mine, ill try to boost him up.

    if for no other reason, you should vote for giduck because he beat the leg man. such a feat should never be over looked or taken lightly

  23. Just An Old Dog says:

    If I won the lotto I’d seriously pay an adult toy company to name two of their products after Wickre and Monkress.

  24. Hondo says:

    OIF: can’t say I blame you, actually. They both true “winners” – in the Charlie Sheen sense of “winning!” I’ll only be mildly disappointed if Monkey-man ends up with the title this year.

    Hell, 6 of the 8 quarterfinalists (Tesla, Giduck, Lewis, Ladner, Crocheron, Monkress) would IMO have likely taken last year’s tourney – and a 7th (Hamilton) might have made a deep run but come up short. This was truly a “turd-studded” tourney.

    Still, folks, remember: “Vote for the Shovel. It’s important.”

  25. EdUSMCleg says:

    Well, hell.

  26. Ex-PH2 says:

    Could bobble-heads come out of this some day?

  27. Smitty says:

    if Hondo says it, it must be true

    vote for the shovel

  28. bobble says:


    Hey, leave me out of this!

  29. Eggs says:

    Off to Gitmo?? I wonder if that outdoor movie theatre is still there.

  30. RM3(SS) says:

    Wow. Monkeyman is about to have a nip slip. Nice rack sealboy!

  31. ExHack says:

    So Ex-PH: now that July is done, can you please tell us how you correctly divined the outbursts of Psul? Or might your algorithms yet be used again?

  32. GiducksSuperManUnderoos says:

    Giduck costs taxpayers in a number of ways.

    1) Giduck is a constant and ongoing recipient of Homeland Security and local law enforcement grant money through organizations that contract him to speak about his Beslan book. The book for which Giduck receives this taxpayer funding is based on lies as Giduck recounts conversations as if he were in Russia as the siege was ongoing. Giduck wasn’t in Russia as the siege was ongoing nor was he in Beslan “immediately after” or “as the last mopping up operations were taking place as he calimed over the years.

    2) Giduck ran a non-profit halfway house in Colorado that only apparently had revenues from Colorado state and county community corrections grants (based on the public domain IRS filings). Much of this state and county grant money was redirected into things that had nothing to do with community corrections. John Giduck’s company, Archangel Group, was started from this money and at least $20,000 of this money was “donated” to an NGO in the Sudan that has a reputation for funding rebels. This monet also allowed John Giduck to provide defense advice to the rebels and there is a “smoking gun” conversation captured by a journalist in which Giduck does exactly that. A reasonable person would likely determine from the evidence that John Giduck used this money in violation of international financing laws and US ITAR statutes.

    3) John Giduck has claimed to be the recipient of local taxpayer dollars through his quid pro quo consulting arrangement with the Chester PA Police Department for years that likely violates the Pennsylvania State Ethics Act. Chester PA Police Commissioner Joseph Bail, a consultant with Archangel Group owned by John Giduck since at least 2005, apparently also has John Giduck consulting with the Chester PA police force (which Bail runs) as training consultant.

    4) When Joe Bail ran the Chester PA police dive team, John Giduck also made paid Bail what a reasonable person would determine from the evidence to be a $20,000 honorarium weeks after completing an Archangel Group funded consulting trip to Mumbai. John Giduck claimed that Joe Bail received no pay and went on this trip at his own expense. A few weeks later, the boat is donated to the Police dive team which Joe Bail was in charge of. This would also be a violation of the PA state ethics act as one cant accept gifts of more than $500 from people/orgs with which one has had business arrangements.

    5) John Giduck proudly associates with a group that the Washington Times says bombed a US Embassy. If that group had been AQ, how many watch lists would John Giduck be on or orgs would contract with him? Remember that John Giduck’s holds a high level US Government as well. how much taxpayer funding should we assume that this group has cost the US?

    Proof for every one of the above points is available with a quick internet search. The above points are only what has been documented. Giduck has likely cost more tax payer dollars than every other entrant in this year’s tournament combined.

  33. Green Thumb says:

    The plot thickens.

    This is a tough call.

  34. Ptolemy in Egypt says:

    Giduck all the way.

  35. Green Thumb says:

    Which one has the better pick up lines?

    I am having to delve deep because this is close.

  36. Ex-PH2 says:

    @82 – You have upped the ante.

  37. thebesig says:

    Both are my “favorites” for this, but John Giduck far underclasses Phillip Dale Monkress. Even that cockhold pissboy Fowl Stinker’s efforts don’t compare when added to Phil’s games. John Giduck will get my vote. I wish him bad luck.

  38. slick24/7 says:

    @ Smitty that’s a classic ” the leg man ” I would like it better if we could call Ladner “the leg boy ” he’s no Man ! He’s like a thirteen year old little boy running off to see the Hobbit when his wife laid in the hospital, but it was only for the premier. Then I hear when she was in ICU he went out spent $5000.00 on a new computer so he could play his video games. Please don’t call this monkey ass a man !

  39. bigfoot says:

    Some of the CSS / styling tips need updating since the admin design changed. But the rest are still fully valid!