Mariah Lynn Haake; Totally legit (Original video restored)

| August 26, 2013

Mariah Lynn Haake says she is currently a Marine, that she was shot twice while she was with 3/5 Marines then she deployed to Iraq and was a POW. Oh, yeah, I believe all that.

[Editor’s Note: I guess she removed her video so here’s another one]

Thanks to ARoberts for uploading the original if you missed the first time around;

On Facebook, Marine officers in 3/5 are saying she was never there, and it’s more likely that she was never in the Marines or any military service. I know there are several people who have submitted FOIAs on her, but I think I already know what the response from the NPRC will be.

Here’s her “Public Figure” page on Facebook.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (113)

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  1. Tammy says:

    Just found out this lying piece of flaming dog turd is back using her original Facebook of Jesse Haake and is back spreading her lies on
    Please help us remove this plague by messaging that page. She iin my opinion belongs in a jail cell for the disrespect she has shown our men and women of the armed forces but until the police catch her the least we can do is stop her lies.

  2. Green Thumb says:


  3. N says:

    How the hell is she back to doing it?

  4. Hack.Stone says:

    Rainbow Bitches seems to be a closed page for comments. And most of the photos of girls are less than flattering. Pretty pathetic that they need Facebook to validate their existence.

  5. Dave Haines says:

    She had to claim the most decorated unit in the Corps

  6. Hondo says:

    Dave Haines: but of course. Posers almost never claim to be anything remotely ordinary. They’re always “high-speed, low-drag” – either Special Operations, Airborne, or a member of some other highly-decorated group or unit.

    The reality is usually far different.

  7. Mark F says:

    She’s actually with MARSSSSOC- Marine Super Secret Special Squirrel Overt Cunts.

    Only the finest pathological liars may apply for their rigorous selection course. Before one may even begin said selection course, however, a comprehensive background check and polygraph must be failed with flying colors. If the applicant does not lie vis-à-vis at least 90 percent of the questions asked, the applicant will fail the polygraph. If the applicant fills in more than %25 of their SF-86, OPM will find the background check to be entirely too truthful. Once the applicant is deemed to be a suitable liar, they will be allowed into MARSSSOC selection.

    Nothing is known about the selection course, or the training pipeline for those who make it through said selection, as every MARSSSOC Operator will weave a different tale about it.


  8. Mark F says:

    An addendum to my above comment about our high-speed low-drag MARSSSSOC Operator-

    Here she is doing… stand-up fucking “comedy”:

    The audio quality is just terrible, but you can make out what she’s saying after about 20 seconds, and then for the next couple minutes of the video. She’s joking about how small her tits are, and how men can go shirtless in public, even if their “boobs” are bigger than hers. She gets a laugh out of a line, then proceeds to repeat the same line 2 or 3 times.

    She’s just a massive bag with which one douches.

    She especially annoys me, because she reminds me, to a TEE, of a gal I went to high school with. She had a hard on for the Marine Corps and acted EXACTLY like this Mariah chick.

    We had an excellent Navy JROTC program, staffed by a crusty ‘ol badass of a Master Gunns, and freshly retired Navy Captain, Aviator type. I was in the program for all four years of high school, she didn’t participate in a single day. Whenever I was in my uniform, she would go on and on about the Corps, and how she couldn’t wait to join, how good of a Marine she was going to make, how she would be better than most males, etc etc.

    Didn’t make any sense to me why she wouldn’t be in the JROTC program- at the very least to get the pay grade bump. I asked her one day and she replied “I dont have time to wear a uniform during the week, prepare it, all that.” To which I asked her how could she expect to handle active duty USMC life then?

    She actually responded : “Well, if I decide I can’t handle it, I’ll just act like I’m a Marine, and tell everyone I am too. It’ll be just as good as the real thing, and it wont take up any of my time!”


    My very first Stolen Valor experience, and I didn’t even realize it!

    4 years later now and my mother happens to recently run into her a supermarket near my hometown. Girl in question recognizes my mother’s last name, and asks about me. My mother informs her that I’ve been in the USAF since I graduated, coming up on my 4 year of 6 mark. Girl actually says to my mother, “Well, he’s not a Marine like me, so it doesn’t really matter how long he’s been in”. Wrath of a serviceman’s mother: INCURRED.

    Wonder if she was wearing MARPATs underneath her supermarket apron? She DID have those vending machine dog tags, outside her shirt, with hot pink silencers on them…

    This whole event actually brought me looking for Mariah here on TAH. I remembered when she was first posted, but I just wanted to double-triple check that it wasn’t the chick my mother destroyed.


  9. VicTech says:

    Okay, one time I spoke to her and she claimed to be infantry.
    To ANYONE who wants to disagree with me…. NO FEMALE has even PASSED infantry school yet. Four are close, but NONE have. So that should be proof enough, along with her “scars”
    Have you ever even seen a bullet scar? They look nothing like that!
    It’s sad how she’s lying about so much shit. Last I saw, she’s in Alabama.

  10. Me says:

    She’s in Alabama with another FB bullshitter. Still running the same game. She just did a “campaign” where she got underaged girls to send he naked pics and said they were for “fighting FB censorship”. Child. Fucking. Porn. She disgusts me. Cops need to get her dumb ass already.

  11. lacey says:

    Mark no shes not she just turned 20 may 19th for one i know for a fact she stole my car when i filled report they printed out her picture with date of birth may 19 1993 shes on the run still has two warrents in california one for grand theft auto she uses and burns people i want my justice and cant wait until shes arrested and her mother told me herself that Mariah isnt a marine and that she has a lot of issues pretty sad her own mother said she wants her locked up not just for stealing my car but for scamming all the people she has being a thieF call sacramento pd and give them her name shes wanted tired of people defending her cant wait to get my justice

  12. VicTech says:

    Yeah, now she’s with some other call. That thing of the girls posting such pictures, I mean I get the whole gender role things. And where some of the girls are coming from, but with the mind set of this day and age you just don’t do that and it’s creepy.

    There’s only 3 female infantry marines (just graduated) so her whole military story is bullshit. If she was born in 1993, same year as my brother, than she’d only be the same rank as him or close and that’s not very high. As someone with marine brothers and other military family/friends it’s insulting to see someone pose and say such things.

  13. James Gardner says:

    Having now worked just over 20 years in law enforcement with many of those as a detective, I really enjoyed watching the remaining video posted on this dirtbag.
    The Interview/Interrorgation training I have had made it even more enjoyable. Everytime she talks about the military and her service to the country she looks hard to her left. This is classic interview 101 observation. This random subconscious action of hers is an indicator of looking to the side of her brain that controls fiction and dreams. Not looking directly at the camera helps to hide, in the liars mind, that she is safe and thus prevents you from looking in through her eyes to her brain. Talking fast is also a way of attempting to “muddy” the waters of the tale she is weaving.

    Thank you for this most enjoyable website.

    James Gardner MAC (IDW) USNR