“Black Ops” mall kiosk salesman

| February 7, 2015

Mall Black Ops

One of our friends sent us a link to Popular Military where they have a video of Todd Harris, a retired CW3 who got tired of listening to this fellow selling stuff at a concession kiosk in a Delaware mall. Mr. Harris says that every time he passed the fellow, he was running his suck about his “Black Ops” experience;

The day before the events in the video, Mr. Harris walked up to the man to purchase a pillow from his concession. Mr. Harris mentioned that he had a bad neck from his time jumping out of airplanes. He was careful not to mention anything about being in the military, but the man immediately began talking about his time in Black Ops.

Mr. Harris listened to the man talk about his supposed time in the military, jumping out of planes for Black Ops. The more he listened, the less Mr. Harris believed anything that came out of the man’s mouth. That night, Mr. Harris went home and ran the conversation through his head a few times.

“My blood started boiling, and I said to myself ‘I’m going to go talk to this guy again,” Mr. Harris told us. So, Mr. Harris went back and recorded the video and posted it onto YouTube. In the video, you can hear for yourself how the man stumbles around his story, not able to provide any concrete timelines of events to back up the claims he was making. In the end, the man asks to be left alone, which Mr. Harris does, but he vows to not drop his efforts to expose the Stolen Valor.

He has that aerodynamic shape that Delta and Special Forces like in their Black Operatives. But you’ll have to click over to watch the video, since Popular Military doesn’t like to share, apparently.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (68)

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  1. streetsweeper says:

    Well done, CWO3 Harris. I bet we know of another CWO3 (RET) that wouldn’t have been so nice, lol.

  2. RM3(SS) says:

    100% legit! Hell the malls of America are overflowing with former Rangers, SEAL’s, Green Beret’s etc. I mean, after a high speed low drag career as “black ops” you are perfectly prepared for a successful future making minimum wage hawking crap to consumers.

    • Hack Stone says:

      Who could ever forget that “former Navy SEAL” working the salad bar at Olive Garden?

      Completely off topic, I invite my FaceBook friends to visit my page. I have decided to take a new direction with my career.

      #BringElaineRicciHome

    • SGT Ted says:

      Mall Ninjas are everywhere.

      • AW1Ed says:

        Link to the original Mall Ninja. Place all beverage containers on your desk top, and return your seat back and tray table to their full upright and locked positions prior to opening. You have been warned.

        http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/

        • Instinct says:

          Was going to post the link for good ol’ Gecko45 but ya beat me to it.

          • Thunderstixx says:

            OMG…
            How much of my life did I waste reading that ???
            I gave up after the 5 paragraph and skipped around a bit…
            Totally a waste of valuable life energy…

            • Instinct says:

              There WAS a warning, Thunderstixx.

              But don’t you feel better that there are such high speed, low drag operators protecting the food court?

        • clamsgotlegs says:

          Allison? Can you explain what a Mall Ninja is?

          Ah, the early days of sock puppeting! All that was missing in that trip down memory lane was a 7 lb block of cheese.

        • Eden says:

          OMG–I haven’t heard about him in years. I forget now. . .wasn’t he also the same guy who was going to fight zombies with his tacticool wheelbarrow?

        • Ex-PH2 says:

          Oh, shit! Why do these imbeciles not take up writing graphic novels? They don’t even have to draw. They can use clip art from online resources. They could portray themselves as muscle-bound Ramboids and Terminoids, spout tough BS in every direction, and no one would know they look like Paul Blartt.

          Laughing does clear the winter cobs out of your lungs.

        • FasterThanFastjack says:

          Who do you think protects you from the scum of this society??? The cops, the FBI, the army???Guess again, it’s the guys guarding your companies, your banks, your schools, your homes, your supermarkets, and yes smartass, even your malls.

          dying laughing oh my god

      • Carlton G. Long says:

        My new motto. God bless you, SGT Ted.

    • The Other Whitey says:

      Of course he’s legit! He did all of that shit numerous times–in “Call of Duty,” that is!

  3. CLAW131 says:

    The only true statement that jerk-off said is “I’m brain damaged”.

    You are a GO at this station, Chief. Thank You.

    • Sparks says:

      CLAW131…Uh…Roger That!

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Seriously, he has a brain?

      I do understand the Walter Mitty complex. It’s what little kids do when they play cowboys and Indians. Well, when they USED to do that, anyway. And I get the fan costuming for Trekkers and Jedi knights and Roman soldiers and Civil/Independence War re-enactors. I get that. I’ve done it.

      But there is a serious difference between what can only be called mimicry as play, and lying your ass off about things you wish you had done, especially when it involves getting money out of people.

      The reality gap is what I don’t understand. At the end of the day, Trekkers and Jedi knights and Roman soldiers leave the convention or re-enactment and go have pizza with friends and make plans for the next event. They might even spend time filing away autographs and souvenir stuff from the dealers’ rooms. But they know it’s just for fun, nothing else.

      These frauds who do what this mall ninja wannabe does need to have their crap exposed to the light of day. It isn’t just about using it to sell pillows at a kiosk, it’s also about conning women or whole famiies out of money, property and ruining their lives.

      Look at what Cheesefish McBlobeater has done, how much damage he’s caused. Anyone who says it’s not worth the bother to expose it needs to take a closer look at that.

      • propsguy says:

        Actually EX PH, we do it for profit too, the difference is, If I’m the guy Dressed as an Orc selling a Roman Gladius to a Steampunk Pirate and trying to talk his Klingon wife into letting him buy it…..

        well , we’re ALL in on it aren’t we. 😀

        • Instinct says:

          Just don’t let them try and pay you in Gold Pressed Latnum – too much of it is counterfeit junk.

        • Ex-PH2 says:

          Yes, but if it weren’t fun, you wouldn’t do it, propsguy.

          Are you props as in propellers, or as in stage props?

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        You haven’t lived in my world yet.

    • jason says:

      LMAO, like I have said elsewhere as someone with a service related condition related to brain damage, I am SICK of these poseurs using brain damage as an excuse to rip off/manipulate people.

  4. Hack Stone says:

    Let me be beat GT to the punch and say that this guy is definately All Points Logistics material. And, oh yeah, he is a turd.

    #BringElaineRicciHome

    • Hack Stone says:

      Change to read “Le me beat GT to the punch…” Hack Stone Publishing regrets the error.

      #BringElaineRicciHome

  5. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Another floating turd in the punchbowl of life…

  6. Big Steve says:

    Who would have thought that Dr. Phil would moonlight as a mall kiosk salesman and tell lies about his military “black ops?”

    • The Other Whitey says:

      Well, he does tell people that he’s a doctor, so…

      • Big Steve says:

        Good point. Dr Phil is a charlatan. And to think so many people watch him and listen to his “advice.”
        But then again, this is the country where over half the voters elected for Obama a SECOND time.

        • Hack Stone says:

          Every day for about a year, following a long and arduous day supporting the warfighter as a slimy contractor, and somehow not being fired for visiting This Ain’t Hell on my work computer, I would come home to my lovely bride, Rosetta, and she would tell me what Dr. Oz said I should or should not be consuming. I just wish that he would get back with Zblack Sabbath and stay the fuck out of my refrigerator.

          #BringElaineRicciHome

          #DanielBernathIsNotAnHonoraryCPO

        • B Woodman says:

          Big Steve,
          Correction. Actually, only about 1/2 the eligible voters, actually voted. And of those, a little over half voted for Ozymandias. So, half of half, gets you about 26% voted for Obozo.

          Now, if there were some way to go back in time. . . . .

          • 2/17 Air Cav says:

            Yeah, it’s nice to daydream but current Gallup polls reveal that 1/2 those polled approve of the idiot ideologue in the White House. That just turns my stomach. Gallup also threw the bullshit flag on the unemployment numbers, saying they are far too low and not inclusive. Me, I think that the low gas prices are the single greatest factor in that approval-rating rise. I don’t know what it is about so many Americans that they blame and credit a sitting president for things over which he has no control. I can only ascribe it to ignorance.

          • Eden says:

            Was that with or without all of the dead people and the ones who voted multiple times in different precincts?

  7. cakmakli says:

    This guy is a disgrace to all the other Stolen Valor losers. His shit was all over the place. Had to be the worse liar of them all. I seriously don’t think he could have fooled my grandmother.

  8. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Danny-boi seems to be having a problem this morning with the concept of “Cut and paste” up in the Facebook comments…

    Mrs. Bernath – take the the keyboard away from your husband before he does something really stupid with it, like drag the rest of your family into the mess that he continues to create.

  9. Animal says:

    Gonna show my ignorance here, but what does he mean by skidding?

  10. Marine_7002 says:

    Bernasty continues to dodge the question, “where are those memos?”

    Dip shit.

  11. Cornholio says:

    I can see why the Douche Bernath posting above is such a “good” lawyer:

    Summary of statute(s): Delaware’s wiretapping and surveillance laws require at least one party’s consent to record both in-person conversations and electronic communications. However, there is some conflict in the laws. A state privacy law makes it illegal to intercept private conversations without the consent of all parties. Del. Code Ann. tit. 11, § 1335(a)(4). The wiretapping law is much more recent, though, and at least one federal court has held that, even under the privacy law, an individual can record his own conversations. United States v. Vespe, 389 F. Supp. 1359 (1975).

  12. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    He attended private jump school. I wonder if it was St. Michael’s Airborne and Black Ops High School. Great school. It’s super secret too. Prospective students cannot apply. They are invited to attend. Those who decline are, shall we say, caused to disappear. That’s how they keep it so secret. But I’ve said too much all ready.

    Oh, by the way, that was my first and final visit to the Popular Mechanics/Whatever website. The mandatory commercial was longer than the time I spent watching “Dr. Phil.” Those blasted no-escape commercials always piss me off.

    • Big Steve says:

      Yeah… that site sucked. Super slow to load, the audio was breaking up continuously, etc.
      I tried the link Jonn provided with 3 different browsers.

  13. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    So can Bernath here explain to all us non-lawyer types how taking a video in a public place constitutes wiretapping?

    Yeah, Bernath, if you could just get on it, that’d be great.

    Sincerely,
    What’s My IP Address?

  14. Hack Stone says:

    As far as I can tell, the only place that has placed This Ain’t Hell off limits is All Points Logistics. As to (see, I did it again) military personnel having their careers destroyed by visiting this web site, why doesn’t Daniel take the penis out of his ass long enough to tell us exactly who are these service members being RIF’ed? It took the Army years to try and convict the Fort Hood shooter, but Danny Boy here seems to get instant justice. Similar to a character on a sit com getting sued, and the very next day they are in the court room having the trial.

    #BringElaineRicciHome

    #DanielBernathIsNotAnHonoraryCPO

  15. JimW says:

    Private black ops jump school. I think its admirable that this super secret Ops Man paid for his own training. I know the school he’s referring too. Its called: Daring Insurgent Combat Killers, combined with training from Homeland Extreme Action Department. Know by the acronym of DICK HEAD School. And it appears this dude graduated as one of the top DICK HEAD’s. Its pretty obvious after listening to the video, this guys is absolutely a DICK HEAD.

  16. Ex-PH2 says:

    bernutsless is the reason I don’t do Facebook and never will… except that I do have a Facebook thing, which he will never be able to find, because he thinks I’m three other people. Or is it four? I’ve lost count.

    bernutsky, you do waste of time and energy that could be put on something useful

    The only thing you are worth is….

    That’s right: nothing.

    Did you try that number I gave you? You should keep trying. I’m sure the people who answer will be able to help you out.

    • Instinct says:

      Actually, PH2, he does provide one service to the public at large. He is a living example of what NOT to be.

      Parents can point at him and say “Son, here is what a life of drugs and booze will do to you. Don’t be that guy.”

      • JimW says:

        I wonder if someone is making urinal stickers with his face on. Would be a good tool to teach young children to aim for the face of the stolen valor thief, and help keep the bathroom tidy at the same time.

        • Ex-PH2 says:

          Urinal stickers: now, there’s a thought!

          • 2/17 Air Cav says:

            Urinal stickers. Yeah, I like that. Days after the Baltimore Colts stole away on Mayflower vans in the dead of night for Indianapolis, every saloon in Charm City renamed their shithouses “The Bob Irsay Room.” There never was a more hated man in that burg. Never. Ever.

  17. Jordan Rott says:

    Well he looks special, he has that going for him.

  18. My hearing has deteriorated, so I’m not certain I heard what I thought I heard.

    But, in the video, I think I heard Mr. Harris tell that guy that nobody ever makes parachute jumps without having first, gone to Jump School.

    However, in my 1970 edition of “THE NEW NONCOM’S GUIDE”, which has the answers to everything (or at least, it’s what I use), in describing the qualification for being awarded a Parachutist Qualification Badge, there are two (02) ways in which that can happen, i.e., either successful completion of Jump School with five (05) successful parachute jumps, OR, making one (01) parachute jump into combat.

    That tells me that there might be (and probably has been – – – or that stipulation wouldn’t have been written) situations where an individual could make a parachute jump without having completed Jump School.

    When I read in “SOLDIERS” magazine about the creation of the Air Assault Qualification Badge, which didn’t exist when I was in the Army), I knew that just like me, EVERY soldier, regardless of MOS, who was assigned to the 101st Airborne Division (Airmobile) in the old Republic of Viet Nam had successfully completed the in-country SERTS (i.e., “Screaming Eagle Replacement Training”)course, and that the curriculum of the SERTS course was equivalent to the Air Assault School curriculum.

    Thus, I wrote a letter to the Commanding Officer of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), asking him to issue a blanket order retroactively awarding the Air Assault Qualification Badge to EVERY veteran who had served with the 101st Airborne in Viet Nam, and for authority, I referred to the requirements for the Parachutist Qualification Badge, as cited in the 1970 edition of the “NEW NONCOM’S GUIDE”.

    Since then, I’ve learned that award of the Air Assault Qualification Badge is NOT retroactive, and that’s why no blanket award of those coveted wings was ever made.

    My letter did not receive a reply from the Commanding Officer of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault).

    However, I did receive from the Commandant of the Air Assault School a nice looking certificate making ME an “Honorary Air Assault Soldier”, which had MY silver wings pinned to the certificate.

    Here is the URL where you can see my certificate:

    https://farm9.staticflickr.com/8180/7919536416_a1539d049a_o.jpg

    Speaking of jumps without first going to Jump School, I reckon you all remember, from not so long ago (a couple of years, maybe?), when that guy in the 82d Airborne at Fort Bragg jumped, even though he’d never been to Jump School.

    Somehow or other, he’d been assigned to the 82d, and when his unit jumped, he jumped with them.

    It caused quite a stir once the facts were known, and his unit promptly shipped him out to Fort Benning, where the Jump School cadre were gleefully waiting.

    • Todd Harris says:

      Correct; (Makes) as of the time period I joined and present day. Meaning I went to Jump School in 1983, he said he started jumping 25 years ago when Jump School was already established and we had Air force candidates going through with us. As where you are referring to the 1970’s.

  19. Todd Harris says:

    I just want to thank everyone for your support in this matter!!! That Bernath guy really started my morning out on the wrong foot today and between you guy’s and another site, put my mind at ease over his so called knowledge of the law. Thanks again!

    • Jonn Lilyea says:

      That’s what we’re here for, Todd. Call me if you need some moral support. You should block Bernath on your Facebook profile. Everyone should.

    • Big Steve says:

      You’re a good man, Todd. And congrats on all those years in the eighty deuce.
      Great job calling out that dude. Dr. Phil’s stupider twin brother.

      #DanielBernathGutlessPunkPhotoshopKingFakeCPO

  20. Green Thumb says:

    This dude is “case and point” of were folks end up after leaving All-Points Logistics.

  21. Enigma4you says:

    My Bullshit meter pegged 15 seconds into the video.

    WTF is an Aircraft Downageses?

  22. Ex-PH2 says:

    Okay, I managed to get to the part where he said ‘aircraft downages’ and nearly popped a cork laughing. I may not have my license (which I should set about getting) but I do know that there is no such thing.

    That alone shows complete ignorance of the subject he’s pretending to understanding.

    I did want to yell ‘Stop! Stop now!’ at the fool, but since it’s a video, he wouldn’t hear me.

    Frankly, aside from the fact that these people are only fooling themselves and desperately want to get attention and atta-boys, they are ALL, including bernutsless, a bunch of pathetic wannabe old farts who can’t even get their damned stories straight. They clearly have no idea how completely ridiculous they sound.

    This guy in particular is so stupid and ignorant that he certainly is not worth getting anyone’s blood pressure in a boil over him.

  23. Sgt Crum says:

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting the Mall Ninja saga. I remember vividly reading that way back when I was between jobs, had a toddler and a baby in the house, and a car that wouldn’t pass inspection. I laughed so hard reading the exploits of Mall Ninja that I actually fell out of my chair. (alcohol may have been involved.) Favorite part: he’s protecting us from being jumped and sodomized in the men’s room. I think I may fall out of my chair again.

  24. Sgt Crum says:

    Oh dear God the tears of laughter are streaming down my face as I read this thing again. I may have to just get a case of beer and call off work tomorrow.
    To the glory of the Mall Ninja!

    “BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual. It’s when you practice it daily, like yourself, that you become a homosexual.”

  25. Todd Harris says:

    Unfortunately the original site that posted my video cut it two minutes short. In that two minute segment he also explained how as a test candidate, he jumped or as he put it was, rather shot out of Stealth Bombers’.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Todd, this halfwitted oystershell is a source of comedy gold.

      It’s one thing to embroider one’s exploits a little bit, but it’s another to create an entirely fictional world of derring-do that clearly outweighs anything Walter Mitty ever dreamed of.

      Yes, Mr. Manly Mallninja is ridiculous. He is a lying asswipe. His stories are so heavily embroidered with pure fantasy that if he fell overboard wearing them as a cloak, he would sink to the bottom. The hagfish would laugh at him. But he is a source of pure comedy gold.

      If he knew how many people are laughing themselves silly at what he says, he’d be hiding under the very pillows he sells.

      He is definitely NOT worth a hike in your blood pressure, but he IS the dumbest thing that ever slid down a firepole head first.

  26. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    So let me guess–after the FB screed of Dan Bernath about contacting the police in Delaware, their investigation has promptly stalled.

    “Bob, did you find out who took that video?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Good. Make sure he sends me a copy. That’s some funny shit. Let’s go get a donut.”

  27. Ex-PH2 says:

    Perhaps at some future date, we could get the entire video linked here so that we can get the full goosedown jacket effect.