Rollie Matthew Abshire; Fake Navy SEAL

| February 2, 2017 | 101 Comments

It seems the people over at militaryphony.com are backlogged with fake SEALS these days.  Just a tip for SEAL posers, don’t ever try to claim you know a real one.  Me thinks there be real ones hanging around these parts.  Rollie Abshire likes to post claims of being a real Navy SEAL on social media and has pictures of him with all of his SEAL friends.

We cropped the picture for obvious reasons, but Mr. Luttrell and the rest of the people in that picture have no idea who this Rollie kid is. There are other claims of course and you can see them HERE   I bet you are as shocked as I am that his records from a FOIA request don’t seem to jive with his claims.

I guess the investigators became curious about the duty assignment that was blacked out, so they looked it up.

I don’t think the NAVAL BRIG in Norfolk, VA is part of the training echelon for Navy SEALS.  But hey, anything is possible with a guy the skyrocketed to E-1.  Of course there is the tattoo, I can not leave out the tattoo. Removing that is going to leave a mark.

Maybe people don’t really understand that  “An incredibly large Trident tattoo does not make you a SEAL.”  Go figure.

Category: Navy

Comments (101)

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  1. CB Senior says:

    Rollie Matthew ABSHOLE, there fixed it.

  2. CB Senior says:

    Telling stories of how they played Candyland in THE Iraq.

  3. Toasty Coastie says:

    Freaking Sparkle Pony.

  4. Pineywoods NCO says:

    Sorry, Green Thumb, I am going to beat you to this…

    TURD.

  5. Hondo says:

    “You may fire when you are ready, Ex-OS2.”

  6. 91A1P says:

    how come no one ever clams to be a clerk / typist?

  7. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Stick to playing Candyland with your kid and stop telling lies about service. A kid needs a father who’s not full of shit. He doesn’t need a father who will tell him lies and fill his head with bullshit.

    Fucking liar.

    • Graybeard says:

      I agree.

      A boy needs an honest, trustworthy father.
      Rollie Abshire is not an honest, trustworthy father.
      Rollie Abshire is not a SEAL.
      Rollie Abshire does not even have his dolphins.
      Rollie Abshire wouldn’t know what to do with a dolphin.
      Rollie Abshire is a failure as a sailor.
      Rollie Abshire is a failure as a father.
      Rollie Abshire is a failure as a poser.

  8. OldManchu says:

    Good freaking grief!!! What the hell?

    I wish it could me made so that guys like this, after busted, have to ride in a coffin for 6000 miles on an airplane. Then have a stolen valor ceremony where the coffin is delivered to a Arlington with real SEALS gathered. Then open the coffin and make him sit there for an hour amongst the fallen.

  9. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Another candyassed pus-nuts no-load pisspants meat gazing wino ballsack aficionado Sparkle Pony of a DINGLEBERRY on a buck-toothed inbred Swamp Donkey’s ass. I wonder how many times he’s been in civilian confinement since the Navy rightfully threw his roach turd ass out with the previous day’s trash? I bet he’s never held a steady job since he was jettisoned as well.

  10. Azygos says:

    Is it just me or does that look like an Eagle and Penis tattoo? I’m confused as to what branch of service that encompasses?

  11. Ret_25X says:

    Have we had one claiming to be a SATCOM sekret skwerril yet?

    I hear those are some bad hombres..LOL!

  12. IDC SARC says:

    Smile like a doughnut….D-Bag

  13. Ex-PH2 says:

    Busted down to FR?
    Well, if he is NOT the stupidest ass on the planet, what is he?

    If he qualified for “A” school, which could have given him a fine job in civilian life if he didn’t want to stay below the surface, and decided it was okay to really really really screw up, he only qualifies as one of the following:
    1) – Turd
    2) – Shitbird
    3) – Dumbass bastard
    4) – Asshole
    5) – Fumbduckstickin’ crapweasel
    6) – All of the above

    Hmm… I think my cussin’ vocabulary is a bit short. Anyone want to add to it?

  14. MSGT_RET says:

    You guys just don’t understand. Take a look at his DD-214. He completed a 1 week “Trident” Hydraulics course and 1 week “Trident” ATM Support Maintenance course. Everyone knows that “Trident” equals SEAL. In fact as I understand it, anyone who has ever served on a “Trident” submarine is in fact an honorary SEAL.

  15. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    So lemme get this straight…spent almost 2 years on the boat as A FUCKING A-GANGER and STILL never got qualified?

    Shitbag personified.

    And I know a couple of guys off the Anapolis (or Anal Palace, as it was more commonly known). Should be interesting to hear from them.

    • MSGT_RET says:

      Good point. A bubblehead without dolphins after 2 years on a boat does make you wonder.

      • CB Senior says:

        Otherwise known as the screen door.
        They do not work well on Subs.

        Was DINQ the whole time so liberty was restricted. Probably left the Boat UA and wound up in the Brig.

        • Silentium Est Aureum says:

          Saw it happen to one shitbag on my first boat. Went UA, was put in the same BEQ room as me and a PO1 (he was an E-3 and shouldn’t have roomed with us, but COB said there wasn’t anywhere else to put him.)

          So what does the fucker do? Runs up MY phone bill and goes UA again. This time, when he got caught, it was restitution for me and 30 days in the brig for him.

          Fuck. That. Guy.

    • Bobo says:

      The boat was in the yards in 2003. I’m going to guess that they sent him to Norfolk as a rider so he could get equalled, and he ended up in the brig instead. Then, back to the yards in Portsmouth and processing for discharge.

      • Silentium Est Aureum says:

        There was a pretty good space in between him returning to PNSY and finally getting the boot. Once he went to TPU, he got booted in about a month. I’m thinking they gave him enough time to qual and when he didn’t, away he went.

        Not being an East Coast boat sailor, I don’t know if Groton has a brig, although I know Portsmouth doesn’t.

        And you’re right about may sending him TAD to an operational boat to get some prac facs for quals, but not really necessary to get his fish. Matter of fact, being A-gang in the yards would probably be a benefit to him. I know I gained a LOT of knowledge about both my boats when they each hit the drydock.

  16. Graybeard says:

    Nothing says “loser” like qualifying for silent service but being an E1

  17. Wilted Willy says:

    I only with this dick stain could take the place of the REAL SEAL that just had to give his life so this suck wad could go on breathing my oxygen! I wish you were dead FUCKWAD!!!

  18. Dapandico says:

    Shouldn’t his tramp stamp be lower?

  19. HMC Ret says:

    Came in as an E-1 and exited as an E-1. High speed, low drag. Love the tat. Try explaining that for the next 60 years. Looks as if he spent two years on a sub. Maybe pissed hot. Had a good thing going until then. Would like to see the Sep Code.

  20. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    This deep and no one commented on the uncanny resemblance of Abshire to ET? Lop off the ears and spray paint him green and there you go.

  21. STGCS Ret says:

    From Sons of Anarchy – Fire or Knife your choice –

  22. Mick says:

    ex-OS2:

    We have another phony SEAL in the open for you again this morning.

    You are cleared hot.

  23. 26Limabeans says:

    What a great idea for “how to be a good poser”.
    Black out something bad and claim it to be secret. I like it.
    Oh, and I don’t think you can be a SEAL with little tiny pussy lips like this guy.

  24. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    ROLLIE MATTHEW ABSHIRE was a BRIG RAT! A MOFO BRIG RAT!!!

    Hey Rollie – hope that Marcus Latrell or any other REAL DEAL SEAL find your DUMB, COCKSUCKING ASS SOON… would love to see you tap dance your ass out of that situation!

    Moherfuckingassclown!

  25. Ex-PH2 says:

    I have a suggestion for someone like this slacker brig mold: drag his sorry ass off to BUD/s for two weeks, supervised 24 hours a day, put him through the first two weeks of that, and ask him if he still wants to claim to be a SEAL. If he says ‘yes’, then skip the next phase and send him right into cold weather training, which is a bitch. If he still says ‘yes’ he does want to lie about it, then hand him over to some real SEALs and let them deal with him.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      I’d drop his sorry BRIG RAT ass in the middle of Bumfuckistan with 1/2 of an MRE, a dirty M-16 and a rusty bayonet and tell him to “go do some seal shit” on some bad guys…

      This clown pisses me off to no end…

  26. Combat Historian says:

    Not a SEAL, more like a sealant used on a sub bulkhead, soft and gooey and pliant…

  27. Skippy says:

    BHWHAHAHAHAHA
    BHWHAHAHAHAHA

    Washout ! ! ! !

  28. OldManchu says:

    Duck lips with an alien blow up doll….?

    I don’t even want to know the rest.

  29. SSG (Ret) 13b Whiskey Tango says:

    So how long would it take to get his dolphins? What do you have to do to qualify as a submariner?

    • Silentium Est Aureum says:

      Normal time is 8-10 months. And keep in mind, you’ve got watch stations and other quals that have to be done concurrently. Fall behind on any of them and you’re “dink”, which is a bad place. For example, I was (barely) ahead of the curve and I quplifted RO/SRO/ships in just under 9 months.

      I have seen hot-runners qualify ships in 4-5 months, and I’ve see dirtbags take well over a year. 18 months, IIRC, is the magic number. If you’re still a non-qual at that point, off to the targets you go.

      And as far as what do you have to do? Know the boat from the Sonar Dome to screw. One board question I threw out there once: “You are an ounce of seawater. Light my rack light.” Damage control is another biggie. There are no repair parties, etc., on a submarine.

      Bottom line: you have fish, I feel confident I can literally trust you with my life. You don’t, you’re just another san-filling, air-breathing, no-load, useless piece of shit. Now get the fuck off the mess decks and go get a fucking checkout, nub!

  30. Peter the Bubblehead says:

    He reported to the Annapolis within a month of my boat going into the same shipyard. He was in the g-dammed SUBMARINE FORCE, for God’s sake, and he apparently threw it all away! I can only hope some SEAL personally peals that tattoo off his back for him! F’n NUB!

  31. David says:

    Had a fella around here named Marcus Luttrell who got famous a while back… who the fuck is Latrell?

    From him I’d expect it… c’mon, guys…

  32. NECCSEABEECPO says:

    Is this shit bag from Georgia, I think I ran into this fuck head in a Bar and was going to punch the shit head in the face. I had a 9-Line shirt on and he tried to tell me it was a SEAL owned company and SEAL shirt. I checked him on that and asked if he knew what 9-Line meant. When I told what I did in the Navy he back talked and just said he had friends. I said “really so who are they we may know each other or the same people”.

    I think this is the same shit bag and he has been hanging out at the same bar.

  33. Toasty Coastie says:

    Has anyone sent this on to Marcus Latrell? He’s on FB and I am sure he’d like to know about what a “former classmate” of his is up too… 👿

  34. Atkron says:

    Brig time counts as Sea Duty, right? (JK)

  35. HMC Ret says:

    A real SEAL warrior was lost this week, and here is this buttwipe with a massive SEAL tattoo, rocking the lie. Turd, you couldn’t be a SEAL if you gave 100%. You couldn’t even do a simple tour w/o screwing up. Welcome to your Google-Is-Forever Infamy. Turd …

  36. jarhead says:

    Looking at the picture with the tattoo on his back, it looks like they have an incredibly LARGE kitchen table. This guy must have been one very successful dude. Look a bit closer at the chair to his right and the top of the table. Looks like he is married to a midget, they just finished their ham and lima beans, and are relaxing with a game of Monopoly. Reminds me of Ozzie and Harriet.

  37. HMC Ret says:

    Real SEALs are going in harm’s way at great risk and duck lips with his blowup doll has a massive unearned SEAL tattoo. Seems legit. Or not. Oh, Rollie, fuck you.

  38. 20thEB67 says:

    Asshole. I would like to volunteer to be the TAH official tattoo eraser. Method of removal will depend on the degree of assholery.

    Belt sander with 40 grit for this puke. Hey Rollie.FuckYou.

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