Joseph Offutt; phony Marine

| September 15, 2017 | 60 Comments

Our partners at Military Phonies send us their work on this fellow, Joe Offutt. His Marine Corps service isn’t available to the public, he says, because he “got fried”;

So he had one of his sock puppets send out stuff in bits and pieces, something about rectal trauma and posting medical records on a DD214;

So, they checked his single record system;

It showed 14 days of active duty and so does his FOIA;

I think he wins the prize for our shortest enlistment in ever. In comparison, he spent 7 months and 13 days on the Delayed Entry Program, so, you know, he’s almost retired.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (60)

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  1. Doc Savage says:

    “Rectal trauma”

    I got nothing…….

  2. Deplorable B Woodman says:

    Rectal. Trauma………
    (sigh….shakes head….walks away….)

  3. Keepin' It Real says:

    Just think of the untapped gold mine of PTSD claims for man rape in the military. To ashamed to go to sick call. Never documented. Stayed with them their entire life. Want to get paid now.

    He’s a pioneer I’m telling ya.

  4. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Cocksucker.

  5. Ret_25X says:

    “Rectal Trauma”

    well genius, that is what happens when you sit on bed posts…

  6. Dapandico says:

    Rectal trauma from having his head up his arse.

  7. Terrorologist says:

    I had “rectal drama” this one time at band camp…

  8. Dave Hardin says:

    Ya, the Big Green Weenie will get ya…some sooner than others.

    I pulled all my DD214’s…they never mentioned my rectal trauma. I need to submit another DD215 and have that shit corrected.

    Real Marines take it with a smile. Another loser that leaves a shit stain on the window of life.

  9. Scotty says:

    This clown also claims to have been an EMT in Texas. Which isn’t true either.

    He was also collecting money for five fallen Police officers in TX. They received no money from him.

    But Hey, He wants to hug everyone.

    Brokeback Joseph is just that…Broke.

  10. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    Penial Paralysis, I have heard of.

    Rectal Trauma, just raises more questions than I am willing to ask.

  11. Carlton G. Long says:

    Someone dropped a bomb on him. Early in the morning, apparently.

    (you see what I did there??)

  12. Ex-PH2 says:

    He got ‘fried’???? In what?

    Is he referring to brain-fry?

  13. Jay says:

    Apparently his poor ol’ poop chute got “fried”…which is how he caught a case of the rectal trauma. Stolen Valor, PTSD, and gonoherpasypllaids all rolled into one.

    Asshole.

  14. sj says:

    I’ve eaten some food while stationed in Korea that gave me rectal trauma.

  15. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    Eat enough MRE’s and you might have some pretty severe rectal trauma, but not the kind he’s thinking of.

  16. 1610desig says:

    In the remarks section it says “depressed mood” after “rectal trauma”…I’m guessing he was not faking that…

  17. Skyjumper says:

    Any guy that would say to me…”BARE with me and the truth will be OUT soon”, I’m slowly backing away from him and then exiting stage right.

    So many “innuendos” (not the Anderson. Pella, Marvin, or Milgard type).

    Damn, I need more hot, black coffee stat. 😉

  18. Sparks says:

    It’s a black thang. You know, on the down low.

  19. Jonn Lilyea says:

    I’m thinking that he got some DI’s boot stuck up his ass on Day One.

  20. rgr769 says:

    A whole 14 days AD. This joker has set a new record for the least accomplishment for anyone to ever wear the uniform. He has beat the Gunga Dan line by over 40 days. One has to wonder how any sane NCO would have recruited him. Too bad we can’t get his test scores.

  21. Green Thumb says:

    Clown.

    Who is that other turd with the cowboy hat? Roddy something or another.

    Anyway, this dude personifies the term “Queef”.

  22. Tallywhagger says:

    His hat seems to fit pretty good. That ought to be enough for ordinary folks. Ah well, we all know better than that.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Wait… “butthurt”? (Seriously, on his DD214?)

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