Steve Edgell; phony Green Beret

| October 7, 2017 | 84 Comments

Our partners at Military Phonies share their work on this dingus Steve Edgell who claims all kinds of crazy stuff. He’s a Ranger, served in Mogadishu, he was a part of the “extraction team” there.

He’s on stand by because he still has 3 years of inactive duty to do. Cops have to ferry him around to get ready for his missions to Korea, he’s not sure if he’ll come back, though;

Even his own brother is tired of his BS;

The Army has never heard of him – his whole schtick is stuff he gleaned from Hollywood.

He’s just a pathetic little twirp in Clarksburg, WV who is trying to be someone and stands in the blood and guts of his betters. He’s so brave that he wiped down his Facebook page. Maybe the Department of Defense can arrange a trip to Korea for him.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (84)

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  1. Sj says:

    At least he’s not a Floridian. Kim Fat Boy better look out with this guy on his trail.

    • Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

      Sj;
      I thought at first that he was from Florida from the pic of him with the orange jump suit and the aqua colored jail wall. Went back to story and I see that he is from WV. Whew.

  2. Combat Historian says:

    Fuckin babbling psycho nutcase with a side order of crazy…

  3. Hack Stone says:

    Why have a standing military when it seems that the Department of Defense has to rely on recalling “separated service members” for top secret missions that are disclosed on Facebook. I am just glad that Facebook requires all members to sign Non Disclosure Agreements so that these secret squirrels can keep their Facebook friends updated on their missions.

    • Mick says:

      That’s right, Hack.

      Every true secret squirrel ‘operator’ knows that there’s a standing classification/security waiver in place that specifically applies only if one is discussing classified operations on Facebook, or while sitting on a barstool.

      • Hack Stone says:

        Or church social. Or explaining to the judge why you can’t pay child support. Or you will be on an extended assignment but want your employer to continue paying you a full salary.

  4. Ex-PH2 says:

    Gee whiz, Maduro is looking for guys just like this one! He should give the Venezuelan whatsidoodle a call and find out how soon they can get him down there. Last I heard in September, Maduro was drafting citizens for the coming war with the US. Here’s an opportunity to be the guy who stops the oncoming war before it starts.

    What a maroon!

  5. The Stranger says:

    You know, considering that the anniversary of Mogadishu was this week, this clown may be in for some well-deserved grief. Hold on, let me check my backpack and my pockets…well, sorry, all out of fucks to give. Enjoy your new-found fame, asshole! By the way, I move that the new and improved Wall of Insults be put up for this guy. Can I get a second?

    • PIneywoods NCO says:

      Second and AYE!! Get this asshole.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      All right, after seeing his latest stunt using the picture of a CSM who is Advisor to the Joint Chief of Staff, I rescind my “..not worth ” the Official TAH Wall of Insults®™ comment and vote “AYE”!

      • ChipNASA says:

        Morning guys,
        Seeing as how all conditions have been met for TAH Robert’s Rules, here it COMES,

        Wall of Insults®™
        FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
        TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
        DANGER CLOSE!!!!
        MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
        TAKE COVER!!!!!

        Steve “Stinkeye” Edgell , is NOT Special Forces, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, Poster-child for abortion, Swallowing Spoo Sampler, shit tonguing, munching wanktoaster, cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, tit, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, needle dick bug fucker, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, useless bag of monkey fuck, rectum circling colon goblin, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, Mayor Grundle of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, snowball, giggling beerflecked canker blossom , ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting fruitcake, putrid, rotting, Santorum Stained Molting Muscrat, whoreson whale’s carcass, overzealous polyp burglar, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, toadstool slime-inhaling dickdrizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, ax wound drippings , used toilet paper-sniffing meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, dick pickle, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, poofter, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, schlong juice, cum-guzzling gutter butt-slut sphincter goblin, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, Milksop, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a Ranger, NOT a SSG, NOT deployed to Mogadishu , Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, taint cookie, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twat, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed Swamp Donkey, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of Siberian and stack of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.

        FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
        Here endith the lesson.

  6. Sj says:

    Alright, I’ll come clean. That picture here last year of Claw, 3/17, and I was taken just before we left on a top sekret squirrel mission to an undisclosed location. Yep, they needed a fat geezer signal officer experienced in 60’s commo technology, a Supply Sgt with P38’s, and a door gunner with his on Mule.

    It was brutal. We all caught the PTSD. That’s all we can say.

    • Combat Historian says:

      I always knew in my heart that you three formed the core of the real SOF team that the “Expendables” movies were based on…

    • 26Limabeans says:

      “Yep, they needed a fat geezer signal officer experienced in 60’s commo technology”

      Dime a dozen.

    • CWORet says:

      It’s because of you fuckers that us recently retired comm-techs with experience in the latest technology only get the scraps. (sniff)

      At least Steve-O is wearing a proper uniform. (The orange one)

    • Claw says:

      “a Supply Sgt with P38’s” and genuine mess hall coffee cups. Can’t forget about the cups.

      But, really, and TINS, did I ever tell the story behind how I killed a squad of enemy dickweeds with just a stick of Zipper-Eze from the canvas repair kit? It was on that last mission that sj, 3/17 and I pulled, and it happened like this…….

      • Sj says:

        In addition to the messhall cups you had the -20 of P38’s!

        • Claw says:

          And I also have the genuine recipe (late 50’s/60’s) from the Army Master Menu for SOS.

          It’s available upon request.

          • Sj says:

            Feeds 300? I’d like to see it…email or here if there’s other interest. After you finish shoveling snow?

            • Claw says:

              Nope, not 300.

              The recipe goes like this:

              Menu No. K-75 CREAMED MEAT
              (beef, lamb, veal or ham)
              Yield 100 servings, 6 ounces each.

              Ingredients:
              Meat carcass….25 pounds
              or
              Meat, ground…..17 pounds
              Onions, chopped 1 pound (1 quart) (optional)
              or
              Onions, dehydrated…1 1/2 ounces (12 tablespoons)
              Bacon or meat fat…1 pound (1 pint)
              Flour, sifted..1 1/2 pounds(1 1/2 quarts)
              Milk, evaporated…16–14 1/2 ounce cans
              Beef stock or water(for milk)…2 gallons (8 quarts)
              Salt…To taste
              Pepper…1/4 ounce (1 tablespoon)
              Bread, Toasted…100 slices

              1. Cut meat into 1-inch pieces; grind.
              2. Cook meat in its own fat until brown, stirring frequently.
              3. Cook onions in bacon fat; add flour and mix thoroughly.
              4. Mix milk and beef stock or water; heat.
              5. Add hot milk to fat and flour mixture gradually. Heat to boiling point; boil 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add salt and pepper.
              6. Pour sauce over meat; simmer until meat is well done but not overcooked.
              7. Serve on toast.
              Note. Chopped green peppers or pimientos may be added to sauce and simmered with meat.

              And there you have it. Genuine Army style SOS for those that are craving a taste flashback to when the Army only fed the troops the finest breakfast menu. Enjoy. Hope all you cooks out there can understand the recipe and downsize it accordingly to fit your needs.

              Jonn, I know this was a little off topic and should have been on the WOT, so don’t beat me up too bad.

              Nope, not enough snow yet for shoveling purposes.

      • Dinotanker says:

        The “meat, carcass” part is a bit scary. But as they say “parts is parts”.

  7. Madconductor says:

    I mean really, this shtick is hilarious – if he wasn’t serious. But that makes him funny. In an OMG sort of way. A good read for a game night beer bust. The girl in the text chain – she’s not really serious. Is she?

  8. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    There is a poka-dot clown suit hanging on the wall to the left in the BDU photo above. And the beret fixture on his mellon makes him look like a hobo French street sweeper.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      One would think that a real life US Army SSG wouldn’t have a Class A Jacket hanging in his closet that looked like it was slept in! And yeah, he wears that Beret like a pissed-off Amateur French Pastry Cook as well, and where does one see somebody wearing orange coveralls, I wonder how many times he’s been arrested and done jail/prison time?

    • Hack Stone says:

      That polka dot suit is a prototype of the Urban Camouflage Battle Dress Uniform that the proud yet humble woman owned business that I work for designed for the Department of Defense. Software has not been selling as well as it used to, so the Vice President Of the company decided that we need to diversify. In fact, the company is going back to what made the company successful, manufacturing and selling artificial Christmas trees. That is where Firs comes into play for the company name. The Vice President expects sales to skyrocket about mid January.

  9. The Stranger says:

    Oh, and what the hell is that on his head? It makes him look like a retarded Picasso!

  10. Jay says:

    It’s always a sure sign when you look at someone and go,….”Nope, never served.”

  11. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Cocksucker.

  12. Chip says:

    This dude lives just 13 miles from me.

  13. OldManchu says:

    I love the sock puppet commander sticking up for him.

    Sesame Street looking clown.

  14. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Well, we have what appears to be a repeat jailbird and a half-assed poser as well, I would motion for The Official TAH Wall of Insults®™ to be raised against him, but he’s not even worth it to me, IMHO that would be like using a baseball bat on a cockroach.

  15. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Seekrit skwirrl mission? More like seekrit skwirrl buttsekkx ops at the local ghey bar. And he likes jailhouse orange… must have sampled the wares at the BTJT Deli (Home of the WORLD FAMOUS Cockmeat Sammich).

  16. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    If he’s the flaming badass he claims to be then maybe he ought to be dropped off somewhere in Mogadishu with a slingshot to prove it?

  17. used to be stillserving says:

    It’s amazing to me that adults actually believe his bullshit!

  18. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    How long before we hear his “commanding officer” “Michael Epley” come in and defend him? It’s been some time since we’ve had a good sock come in and defend someone.

  19. Thunderstixx says:

    This one is a real klowne. Truly a work of art to bring his CO into the fight !!!
    Holy shit !!!

  20. Eden says:

    Seeing him and idiots like him juxtaposed with images of the genuine Quiet Professionals who were killed/injured recently makes me think we need to take all of the Green Beret posers and drop them in Nigeria for a while. Let them play their poser games there.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      Nigeria is far too nice for them, I say drop them off in someplace like downtown Mogadishu armed with only a slingshot and let them prove they’re as badassed as they say they are.

  21. Marine0331 says:

    I’m a Marine, so I don’t know how to wear a beret, but this shitstain really has it all fucked up – even I can see that. He looks like a fairy French professor!!! I know he’s all kinds of fucked up, but you army dogfaces really need to bust his ass for the beret.

  22. RetUSAF12 says:

    OMG…None of his story is true?…I was rooting for the guy to win. It had everything, intrigue, drama, possibility of no return, and the ‘ Facebook cone of Secrecy’ activated so he could announce the secret plan he was tasked with…so disappointed in this guy….

  23. Cris says:

    I’m a little late on this one, but great morning read. I’m going to stop watching TV or reading books and just read the exploits of this assclown. Can’t wait for the sequel and prequel…

  24. Snotcrow says:

    One must give props to Major Epley, that goes out and fight for his men’s honor on social media. You don’t see too much of that these days.

    Hahaha…

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