Sam Roland; phony Green Beret

| December 14, 2017 | 66 Comments

Our partners at Guardians of the Green Beret share their work on this Sam Roland fellow. I guess someone caught him running his suck in social media;

So they got a FOIA on him;

They compared his picture to his records;

CMB w/ Star = False

Master Blaster Wings = False. He did earn basic Airborne

Silver Star = False

Bronze Star (out of order) = False

Legion of Merit w/ V device = False. V device on LOM is only awarded by Navy/USMC

Soldiers Medal w/ Oak Leaf = False

Purple Heart =False. Is that an Oak Leaf on there?

Air Medal = False

Joint Service Commendation Medal w/ V = False

Army Commendation Medal = False

Army Achievement Medal = Earned

Good Conduct Medal = False

National Defense Service Medal = Earned

Southwest Asia Service = False

Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal w/ arrowhead device = False

Global War on Terror Expeditionary Medal = False

Army Service Ribbon = Earned

Kuwait Liberation Medal =False

Kuwaiti Liberation Medal in distress (Upside down) = False

Foreign Jump Wings We can’t Identify = False

German Armed Forces Badge for Weapons Proficiency Silver (German: Schützenschnur) = False (This award comes in Bronze, Silver and Gold. He wears silver. If you’re going to lie, why not wear the gold and not the Silver? Go all out)

Ranger Tab = False

Special Forces Tab = False

3 rung ladder on his Marksmanship Badge? No SF guy would wear that.

Is that MP Brass on his collar? It’s not crossed arrows.

He did earn:

Expert Badge M-16

Expert Field medical Badge

Aircraft Crewman Badge

He legitimately earned an EFMB and parachutist wings but he still felt the need to make shit up.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (66)

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  1. thebesig says:

    They have him as an “E4” on his DD 214, but he’s wearing SSG stripes.

  2. AW1Ed says:

    Wow. Words fail me. Fortunately we have the WoI for just such an occasion, and one here so very deserving.

    • ChipNASA says:

      Well since Mr Dicktime here, let’s give him a hero’s salute.

      We have a suggestion that the WOI be deployed for good old trigger dick Sam here.

      Second?

    • thebesig says:

      Originally posted by ChipNASA:

      Well since Mr Dicktime here, let’s give him a hero’s salute.

      We have a suggestion that the WOI be deployed for good old trigger dick Sam here.

      Second?

      I second that, do we get an “Aye”? :mrgreen:

        • ChipNASA says:

          Sam “SPAM” Roland,
          Ready your butthole, because you’re about to take a tomahawk missile right up the old wazoo (I bet you’d like that won’t you?)

          Wall of Insults®™
          (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
          FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
          TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
          DANGER CLOSE!!!!
          MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
          TAKE COVER!!!!!
          Samuel “Spam” Dean “Ween” Anthony “Yo Tony” Roland , phony Green Beret, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, Poster-child for abortion, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching wanktoaster, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion.Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, wait of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON?? Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as anSBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy poanther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, analconda, chodeyodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, schlong juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a SSG, NOT a RANGER, NOT Special Forces and has NOT earned any of the following, HOLD THE FUCK ON THIS IS A MASSIVE LIST, NO CMB w/ Star, NO Master Blaster Wings, NO Silver Star, NO Bronze Star, NO Legion of Merit w/ V device, NO Soldiers Medal w/ Oak Leaf , NO PURPLE HEART!!!, NO Air Medal, NO Joint Service Commendation Medal w/ V, Army Commendation Medal, NO Good Conduct Medal, OBVIOUSLY, LOL, NO Southwest Asia Service, NO Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal w/ arrowhead device, NO Global War on Terror Expeditionary Medal, NO Kuwait Liberation Medal, NO Kuwaiti Liberation Medal, NO German Armed Forces Badge for Weapons Proficiency Silver, NOT a RANGER, NOT Special Forces, JESUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER BROKE IN TO CLOTHING SALES IN THE MIDDLE OF THENIGHT, DUMPED LIKE 10 SHELVES OF SHIT ON THE FLOOR AND OBVIOUSLY JUMPED IN THE MIDDLE OF IT AND ROILLED AROUND IN IT, JUMPED UP AND LEFT AWARDING ANYTHING THAT STUCK TO THAT UNIFORM, (that’s *got* to be the only explanation here) planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tappingglory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of Siberian and stack of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
          Can I get an AMEN?!
          (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
          Here endith the lesson.

          • The Stranger says:

            Hallelujah!

          • John Seabee says:

            A M E N …and very eloquent if I do say so.

          • Ex-PH2 says:

            Hallelujah anyway and Amen, Amen, Amen!!!!

          • annabelle says:

            so sorry to ask but, could you repeat everything after “sam”? thanks:)

            • ChipNASA says:

              I’m sorry Annabelle,
              You must have posted while I was posting 🙂
              Dear lady, I will most certainly be able to accommodate your request.

              “Ahem….let’s see here….”After Sam”….OK ….here we go…

              (Sam) “SPAM” Roland,
              Ready your butthole, because you’re about to take a tomahawk missile right up the old wazoo (I bet you’d like that won’t you?)

              Wall of Insults®™
              (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
              FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
              TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
              DANGER CLOSE!!!!
              MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
              TAKE COVER!!!!!
              Samuel “Spam” Dean “Ween” Anthony “Yo Tony” Roland , phony Green Beret, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, Poster-child for abortion, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching wanktoaster, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion.Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, wait of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON?? Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as anSBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy poanther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, analconda, chodeyodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, schlong juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a SSG, NOT a RANGER, NOT Special Forces and has NOT earned any of the following, HOLD THE FUCK ON THIS IS A MASSIVE LIST, NO CMB w/ Star, NO Master Blaster Wings, NO Silver Star, NO Bronze Star, NO Legion of Merit w/ V device, NO Soldiers Medal w/ Oak Leaf , NO PURPLE HEART!!!, NO Air Medal, NO Joint Service Commendation Medal w/ V, Army Commendation Medal, NO Good Conduct Medal, OBVIOUSLY, LOL, NO Southwest Asia Service, NO Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal w/ arrowhead device, NO Global War on Terror Expeditionary Medal, NO Kuwait Liberation Medal, NO Kuwaiti Liberation Medal, NO German Armed Forces Badge for Weapons Proficiency Silver, NOT a RANGER, NOT Special Forces, JESUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER BROKE IN TO CLOTHING SALES IN THE MIDDLE OF THENIGHT, DUMPED LIKE 10 SHELVES OF SHIT ON THE FLOOR AND OBVIOUSLY JUMPED IN THE MIDDLE OF IT AND ROILLED AROUND IN IT, JUMPED UP AND LEFT AWARDING ANYTHING THAT STUCK TO THAT UNIFORM, (that’s *got* to be the only explanation here) planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tappingglory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of Siberian and stack of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
              FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
              Can I get an AMEN?!
              (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
              Here endith the lesson.

  3. E4 Mafia For Life. says:

    Clothing Sales has gift cards? He spent all his money on flare and not on Dress Blues.
    Not sure but I think he qualified with the Bayonet, Flamethrower and Recoilless Rifle.
    Not enough chest space for Expert Buffer Badge.

  4. RM3(SS) says:

    His “dick has more trigger time” sounds pretty gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. Sounds like his next line is “not gay, but $20 is $20”

    • Berliner says:

      I think “dick has more trigger time” was because he often pulls it or squeezes it himself while he waits in the truck stop bathroom.

    • thebesig says:

      Originally posted by RM3(SS):

      His “dick has more trigger time” sounds pretty gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. Sounds like his next line is “not gay, but $20 is $20”

      What Sam Roland, phony Green Beret, that left the Army with no reserve obligation time, meant by “dick having more trigger time” is that he beat his dick the way Dennis Howard Chevalier, AKA Denny H. Chevalier beat his Ex-wives. 🙄 He beat his dick as if it owed him money. 🙄

    • NHSparky says:

      Now be fair! Someone accused him of liking dick sandwiches and I had to defend him!

      After all, he doesn’t like bread.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      He likes it when “the boys” go balls deep on his ass…

      SAM ROLAND = Cocksucker

  5. Andy11M says:

    The Jacobs Ladder under the qual badge is always the giveaway.

  6. Combat Historian says:

    Damn, whole lot of phony bling and bullshit claims from this boy; he done fucked up…

  7. Graybeard says:

    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland, you done messed up, boy.

    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is not a Ranger.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is not Special Forces.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is only a sham-shield.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a sham.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a liar.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland tried to buy honor.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a loser.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland should have spent his money on booze.
    Samuel Dean Anthony Roland, enjoy your Google fame.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      I read:

      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is not a Ranger.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is not Special Forces.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is only a sham-shield.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a sham.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a liar.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland tried to buy honor.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a loser.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland should have spent his money on booze.
      Samuel Dean Anthony Roland, enjoy your Google fame.

      COPY 5 BY 5!!!

  8. AW1Ed says:

    Graybeard, Graybeard, Graybeard.
    AW1Ed in the blind: Sam Roland is a poser wannbe. I repeat. Sam Roland is a poser wannabe.
    Copy all Graybeard?
    AW1Ed out.

    • Graybeard says:

      AW1Ed, AW1Ed, AW1Ed.
      I copy “Sam Roland is a poser wannabe.”
      Repeat, I copy “Sam Roland is a poser wannabe.”
      Clean copy?
      Graybeard out.

      • AW1Ed says:

        Good copy Graybeard.
        Standing by for next,
        AW1Ed Out.

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        So if I were to repeat something like:

        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is not a Ranger.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is not Special Forces.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is only a sham-shield.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a sham.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a liar.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland tried to buy honor.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland is a loser.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland should have spent his money on booze.
        Samuel Dean Anthony Roland, enjoy your Google fame.

        That would result in a number of Google®™ hits, wouldn’t it?

  9. TF-BA says:

    What is the rope thingy from his epaulet to his button? I saw a chick with something like that on Top Chef sometime ago, raised my curiosity but I dismissed it as some type of REMF bling since ya know a chick was wearing it.

    • Martinjmpr says:

      It’s called a Schuetzenschnur, a German marksmanship badge. During the Cold War if you did a tour in Germany you often had the chance to earn one. I got mine (in bronze) in 1988 as a SP/4.

      You have to qualify with multiple weapons and it’s not easy. I know we had to do the MG3 Machine Gun and the G3 rifle.

      The MG3 is the modern equivalent of the WWII MG34 “Burp gun” and spits out about 1200 rnds/minute, so limiting your burst to 6 or 7 shots takes some practice.

      • David says:

        It’s that hinged bipod that killed most of the folks trying to qualify with it when I got mine, they ignored the part about ‘really leaning into it hard’ and it cost them dearly. You qualified with the machine gun, G3 rifle, and P-1 (aluminum frame version of a P-38) as I recall.

      • E-6 type, 1 ea says:

        It’s not easy. We had a few soldiers get theirs in Kosovo, and I don’t think any of them got better than a bronze.

        • Martinjmpr says:

          I think when I got mine there was one person in our group who got silver, everyone else who qualified (including me) got bronze.

          At each stage you have to qualify and your overall rating is whatever your lowest qualification was.

          This also means that if you fail even one stage you failed the whole thing and walk away with nada.

          Ours was done on a non-duty Saturday by a local VBK (Verteidigungsbezirkskommando) a Bundeswehr reserve unit and was optional for us (I was in HQ, 1st Armored Division at the time.)

          We had at least 5 – 6 people who failed to qualify. So basically that meant they wasted a day-off Saturday for nothing.

          Well, not nothing, I guess. Got to spend the day shooting guns and the VKK reserve unit did put out a pretty nice lunch spread for us (no beer for us, though, since we were ‘on duty.’)

      • Roger in Republic says:

        OK, but how does a guy earn a German badge without leaving CONUS? Do the Germans come here to give the training and hold the quals? Inquiring minds want to know.

        • rgr769 says:

          The simple answer is they don’t come here to give us marksmanship quals for the Bundeswehr. But since make-believe is this douche’s principal skill, he imagined a tour with the SF Bn at Bad Tolz along with that qual with the Germans.

        • Martinjmpr says:

          As I’ve mentioned in other threads, it is possible to get a foreign award on US soil but IMO it’s a cheese-dick way to do it.

          When I was at Bragg about every quarter or so USASOC would do “foreign wing” jumps out at Ste. Mere Eglise DZ. They would bring a liason officer from Jordan, or Germany, or Belize or someplace, and have him Jumpmaster a few sticks out of a CASA – 212 or similar contract aircraft. Then they’d get him to sign the manifest and award an “official” set of orders to the soldiers who jumped that authorized them the “foreign” badge (even though they jumped US equipment from a US aircraft on US soil.)

          It was one of those things that is “legal because we say it’s legal.” IOW as long as the foreign country’s liaison is willing to play along (and why shouldn’t they? It doesn’t cost them anything) and they “legitimately” award the badge, the soldier could apply for permission to accept and wear it through the G1 of USASOC.

          As I’ve said, it’s borderline dishonest but technically “legal.”

      • TF-BA says:

        Well that’s actually pretty cool and good to know. And I thought it was going to be some Superpogue bling for being the CSM of Army recruiting or something to hang yourself with in the shitter after your fourth assignment to the pentagon or some such nonsense.

  10. Martinjmpr says:

    Is there any explanation for the only 2 years and 8 months of service that doesn’t involve misconduct? Maybe an injury? 2 years 8 months seems an awfully odd enlistment period.

    • thebesig says:

      His reserve obligation time is zeroed out, with prior inactive service listed on his DD 214. He may have been administratively separated for something related to misconduct.

      I had to escort a couple of Soldiers (checking out) that got chaptered, who didn’t get Article 15s or Court Martialed, but they got chaptered for issues that the unit didn’t want to bring to NJP. The issues were serious enough to fit one of the discharge chapters, and even got blessed by JAG.

      Both exercised poor judgement and seriously stepped on their dicks.

    • JMW3CC says:

      As a retired Career Counselor, I can tell he was chaptered out of the Army. He was either USAR or NG, based on his 4 months 1 day prior service and 1 year 9 months inactive service. Still well short of his 8 year MSO when his active time is added. His prior active would have covered basic and a two month AIT, so he had another MOS. Either an NGB 22 or a DA-2 would show his NG or USAR time. Then came active duty as a 91B, no overseas tours or deployments; but displaying a nice incorrect stack of awards. Most likely got a General Discharge, that’s why he doesn’t have MSO Time. Doesn’t look like he lost rank, so no bad conduct discharge. Bottom half of the 214 would help if you could see his codes. Ruined what service he did have by being a POS.

  11. Atkron says:

    Sam ‘Trigger Dick’ Roland is an embellishing turd that deserves to be mocked at every opportunity.

  12. Eden says:

    EFMB and he’s not satisfied? They don’t exactly hand those out like candy. I would LOVE to get a shot at even TRYING to qualify for an EFMB.

  13. AW1Ed says:

    Roland, Roland. Not THIS Roland.

  14. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Cocksucker.

  15. Mr. Pete says:

    Jonn,

    I’m guessing that he is sporting MP crossed pistol brass.

    He’s standing next to an officer wearing MP brass.

  16. Tony180A says:

    OK let’s see what do we have here an 18DVW9.

    Nope! Just a lying pussy in need of a cunt kick!! Enjoy your internet fame shitbird!

  17. Bobo says:

    His AFEM has an arrow head, so I’m guessing that he’s telling everyone that he jumped into Panama to get his combat jump.

  18. Ex-PH2 says:

    I see all that fruit salad and I just have one question: Does he get fries with that?

  19. J Wright says:

    Looks like there’s MFF Wings, also.

  20. J Wright says:

    And possibly a Combat Diver Badge

  21. J Wright says:

    The FX wings like similar to ROK. Any 96D Analyst “Squints” to look at the handheld imagery ?

  22. OldManchu says:

    Go Army! One day we will catch up to all the phony seals! They can’t evade us forever.

  23. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    Question for the forum: Why the condemnation of multiple bars on the marksmanship awards?

    When I was active duty, I handled awards for my battalion. There were endless questions to me about checking award regs when soldiers thought someone had given them the bad scoop. I would find the reg section that applied and copy it for them. Most of the time it was “See? Your Sergeant had it right. I highlighted the rule for you”. Once in awhile it was “Yup. That’s wrong. See? If you politely show him this, it might change his mind.”

    One of the most often was “Qualifications expire”. Yes and no. Units have to re-qual periodically, but the regs (at least then) said you kept one until you requaled otherwise. Theoretically, that initial entry training “grenade” bar was a life award, unless you threw again another qual course later and scored different. (Adjutant concurred. I won money on that one, several times, from some surprisingly senior folks.)

    The other was “tracks”. “Up to three on one” was the rule I read, and the Adjutant agreed. (More money won, later.) I had three, and I have an official photo of me wearing Expert with three. Since the CSM sent me for the picture after inspecting me, I figured it was definitely proper.

    So When I read the “no legit X would wear three”. I have to wonder if the rules changed, or we morphed into dis-respecting skill at arms while simultaneously going the other way on ribbons. (Or did everyone decide the qualifications were mostly bogus?) Or is it just too pedestrian for the higher-speed folks? I was rather proud of mine, feeeling I had fairly earned it, but now I have to wonder if things have majorly changed.

    OK. Trivial stuff to most of you. Granted. Stipulated. I wasn’t a superstar, just determined to do a decent job of what I did. But why the seeeming disdain for marksmanship awards, especially multiples?

    • TF-BA says:

      I can’t wager an opinion on Army mentality but I ran into a similar situation. Frequently I would meet Senior Enlisted Corpsmen, many were IDC’s, who would never put legit combat action ribbons in their rack. Universally the reason was that they were in pure support roles when they were awarded and did not want to misrepresent or have to explain themselves to junior guys who got them the hard way by running convoys, casevac air crew, and line infantry.

      It was a point of pride to not wear them. I suspect some similar logic is at play with this. Like maybe they feel it is unnecessary and repetitive self aggrandizement.

    • rgr769 says:

      Most officers and senior NCO’s in the Army stop wearing marksmanship badges at some point. As and officer, I was told you are assumed to be able to shoot effectively if you are in charge of training and leading a bunch of trigger pullers. I wore a marksmanship badge in ROTC. I don’t think I ever wore one, even as a butter bar, once I went on active duty, even though I qualified with the M-60 and the M-16. Besides, the last time I qualified with the M-16, I think one of my NCO’s pencil-whipped me up to Expert.

  24. Green Thumb says:

    The EFMB is a tough badge to earn.

    Fuck this guy.

    Got a little Mathew Beck going on.

    Shitbag.

  25. Martinjmpr says:

    He doesn’t deserve the name Roland. I move that from this point on he simply be referred to as “Trigger Dick.”

    Second?

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