Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial Stolen Valor Tournament Bracket

| July 9, 2012

Well, here it is.

Note that in the Final Four, the Kennedy and Ginsburg bracket “winners” will pair off with the winner going to the National Chumpionship, with the Roberts and Sotomayor bracket “winners” competing likewise.

For those curious, the last four out were:

Dominic “Blue Neck Gator” Gallegos
Shedrick “Homeless SEAL” Burgess
Mark Seymour “Wookin fa nub with a falsified ID card” David
Anthony “The Saginaw Forrest Gump” Vanderhoof

And now…..the brackets:


1 Dallas “Flying Assclown” Wittgenfeld v.
16 Joseph “Who wouldn’t go AWOL from Jersey” Coyle

8 Gary “The man loves a parade” Spors v.
9 Thomas “Rolling Thunder Jackass” Lowry

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
12 Bob “Bolivian Field Mouse” Duft

4 Larry “The Round Marine” Gugle v.
13 Michael “8 tons of frijoles” Frisoli

3 Jason “Prison SEAL” Truitt v.
14 Thomas “Colonel, Lawyer, Minister, CEO, Phony” Hughes

6 Derek Kent “X-acto knife Recon” Rose v.
11 Ronnie Glenn “Wheelchair Security Guard” Eddings

Kyle “Dunking Bird” Barwan v.
10 Myron “Fanciful Coot” Brown

2 Brian “Wounded Mind” Camacho v.
15 Armando “Cabana Boy” Codoba


1 Tim “Stuttering Jackass” Poe v.
16 Jorge “Columbian Medal of Valor Recipient” Cruz

8 Alex “Subway Sandwich Shop Commando” Popovic v.
9 Derek “Mutant Strain of GWS” Walls

5 James “Jumpmaster Noflash” Bryan v.
12 Ayush “Major in the Navy SEALs” Arora

4 Bill “Psychic SEAL” Brockbrader v.
13 Larry “Cambodian Drummerboy” Marquez

3 Graham “IVAW Ranger Brigade” Crumpner v.
14 Stephen Frank Cio “The Fourth most dangerous NDSM recipient in the world” Burrel

6 Fermijon “Maggots and Rice” Marrero v.
11 David “Toys and Total asshats” Lebrun

7 Melanie Evalena “Meth made me ugly” Gutermuth v.
10 Angel “Snagletoothed Douchasaurus” Ocasio

2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn v.
15 Matthew “The Tattooed Phony” Beck


1 Gregory John “Trident and trim” Schaffer v.
16 Nathan “upside down ribbons” Seal

8 Mike “Goth Special Forces” Wilson v.
9 Eliut “Mitigational Fiction” Lopez-Enriquez

5 Brian Leonard “T-Shirts and Tattoos make you a SEAL” Creekmur v.
12 Ronald P. “The Jawa” Arlt

4 Jackie Lee “What’s a forged DD214 between friends” Climer v.
13 Mike “Secret Squirrel” Zinna

3 Gregory “Slats the Euro-weenie Marine” Leveau v.
14 Daron “burned my 3 year olds butt” Soard

6 James “Effects Linger” Dahan v.
11 Robert “72 medals and a dump truck to carry them” Vaughn

7 Carl John “Hero of Every Pacific Battle of WWII” Pequignot v.
10 Joe T. “the T is for Theft by Deception” Joseph

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
15 Darrel “Infidel Sniper” Tracht


1 Herbert “Cav Secret Squirrel” Williamson v.
16 Fatty McQuartermillion Pounder

8 Paul “PTSD Counselor” Schroeder v.
9 Asleigh “Shrapnel slit my throat” Martel

5 Jacob “read my plates bitch!” Cruze v.
12 Albert “Sensei Dick Munch” John

4 Dave “Tiger Hunter” Groves v.
13 Micaiah “Marine Terrorizer of OWS” Dutt

3 Paul “Prince Chumming” Tillson v.
14 Brian “Pound me in the ass Prison Bitch” Culp

6 Ken “Tri-recycled 18B Wannabe” Aden v.
11 Richard “Senator Dickenthal” Blumenthal

7 Jasper Land “My moustache alone is SF qualified” Holland v.
10 Leo “Half my Squadron Died” Webb

2 David Garcia “Not so Trusty” Diaz Jr v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

OK, so there you have it, the biggest dillweeds we’ve busted in the last 8 months. Voting will begin on Monday. It will be a poll a day next week, Mon-Thurs, with one Regional per day. 1 vote per person. The “winners” of each contest will advance to the Round of 32, the following week. Each week will be a round, with the later rounds being multi-day voting, with the total vote winner advancing. As I mentioned elsewhere, we will also be highlighting a different non-profit each week, so if you could throw a coupla bucks their way, that would be great.

A note: these guys are the worst of the worst, and everything they do steals from those of us who earned medals, and especially from our brothers and sisters that never made it back. Some complain that the event here is too flippant about a serious subject. Believe you me, I know how serious it is. This Tourney is an attempt to make sure everyone sees just how big a problem these guys are. It generates traffic so that future people who google these asshats will know about their perfidy.

The Supreme Court says that private individuals and blogs should handle the shaming of these people. Jonn said it best, and I will leave with his interpretation about what the Supreme Court said:

This Ain’t Hell and all of our partners are the stocks and dunking chairs in the village square of the internet – a place where folks can come and throw rotten tomatoes at the valor thieves. The Supreme Court gave us a warrant to be the internet’s vigilantes and bounty hunters.

So get your rotten tomatoes and cabbage ready, and Let’s Get it On!

Category: Politics

Comments (64)

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  1. Dealing with Posers | April 2, 2014
  1. Nicki says:

    @42 – OT, I’m picturing him screaming “I’m not fat, I just haven’t grown into my body yet you skinny bitch!” at the top of his lungs!


  2. Sgt Awesome says:

    Joseph Coyle is a 16 seed? This has to be a mix up.

  3. justin says:

    Funny. Gugle with jump wings. Pretty sure the t10delta has a 300lbs weight limit. He had to have graduated with a cargo airdrop chute.
    Btw, love thw brackets and the seeding

  4. Green Thumb says:

    @53. Now, that was funny.

  5. Tater_ga says:

    Just found this site from a post on FB. Awesome site, and I’m really enjoying seeing how free speech can work both ways. I was active duty in the USMC for 5 years in comm. I was a weapons instructor, and even got to work with some pretty swift guys. Long story short, I think it’s crazy that I’ve met more Recon Marines outside of the Corps than I ever met while in service. This includes while I was eating at their chow hall everyday while in Pendleton for 2 years. They really do a good job hiding while active duty, just saying.

  6. Old Tanker says:


    Just look around…you’ll love the place and for some history you have tp look up General Ballduster McSoulpatch, the laughs will be worth your effort!!!

  7. Hondo says:

    Tater_ga: I second Old Tanker’s comment above. I’d also recommend you look up “Master Sergeant Soup Sandwich” and take a look at this year’s Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial Stolen Valor Tournament, too. They’re all funny, infuriating, and sad as hell – simultaneously.

  8. PAO Sgt says:

    So would anyone else be interested in an actual bracket (ala from the paper for March Madness)? I was thinking of making one, if I do, would other people want it?

  9. Sgt Awesome says:

    @PAO I made one yesterday, it hopefully will be posted today.

  10. PAO Sgt says:

    @Awesome, Great minds think alike. Also means I don’t have to do it.

  11. TSO says:


  12. Steadfast&Loyal says:

    Of course they are all Recon, SEAL, SF….

    cuz no one wants to pretend to be an Ordnance officer….

    Its so depressing.

    No. No. I don’t want your tears.

  13. Brian says:

    When is voting closing and round 2 starting?