For the love of Spongebob’s holy mother…

| November 26, 2012

Please don’t post that idiotic Facebook thing. I’m begging you.

For those who haven’t seen it, I am putting it here so this makes sense. If you copy this and post it to your Facebook, that Sally Struthers will kill and eat another child in Africa.

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention). For commercial use of the above, my written consent is needed at all times! By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute).

Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates.

The Rome Statute deals with the International Criminal Court, not Facebook. And the UCC is not law. It’s the newer version of the one I busted on at TAH earlier:

Look, I don’t mean to be a dick (except to you Paulians, Oathkeepers and assorted other cranial rectal inversion enthusiasts) but the above stated disclaimer, (hereinafter “horseshit”) has as much legal bearing as reading the peanut and corn splatters in a port-a-john like a Rorschach test.

I don’t want to get all legal on you, but “private and legally privileged and confidential information” actually has a meaning in the law, and it doesn’t apply to shit you toss up on your Facebook. For instance, my discussion this morning about how my wife noted that Jabba the Hutt looks like a poop….yeah, not privileged. Now, there is the spousal communications privilege and the spousal/marital testimonial privilege, but when you disclose that stuff to someone else, it is no longer privileged. So, my wife’s thoughts on Hutt/Fecal similarities conveyed to me in the car might be confidential to us, but when I put them up on my Facebook for Blackfive to call me a Ghey, they lose their inherent privileged status.

So don’t be that guy.

And now, after the jump, I reward you for future good behavior with video of a half nekkid bum, a midget with a pony tail, and a chick breaking her face when her weight and gravity conspire against bamboo.

Category: Politics

Comments (41)

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  1. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    WHAT? I am almost old, not that stupid (although my wife would argue), but I have no idea what is going on here!

  2. Twist says:

    What in the heck did I just watch?

  3. TSO says:

    Watch it 20 more times Twist, and then explain it to me as well. It’s like video Xtasy. Just too much there for me to process.

  4. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    I watch it 23 times, I now have a nose bleed, and I find the midget (I meant to say fun sized) handsome. Truly an evil video clip!

  5. Ex-PH2 says:



    Oh! I get it! It’s people who point at say “Look! Shiny objects!”

  6. Nik says:


    I saw this floating about on FB today, read it, and summarily dismissed it as just another of those crock-of-shit things. I mentally relegated it to the same place as those heartfelt missives from a Nigerian prince and proclamations that if you pass a certain email around, Sony is going to give me a free PlayStation.

  7. jonace says:

    Damn, that will leave a mark.

  8. martinjmpr says:

    Every now and then a family member posts this bullshit on their facebook page and as the family lawyer I figure it’s my duty to point out to them that (a) as to any of the “rights” that they are purporting to preserve, they have already voluntarily surrendered these as a part of the facebook TOS agreements that they accepted when they joined and that (b) they cannot post something on the internet for everyone to see and then claim “privacy rights.” Does it work? Sometimes.

    Then again, given that most people learn everything they know about the law from watching “Law and Order” reruns I guess this sort of assumption is to be expected.

  9. Dunno about all the legal mumbo-jumbo, but if TSO has the time to dig up videos such as this one just how does he spend the rest of his time?

  10. Twist says:

    Hey, because of “Law and Order” a whole new generation of barracks lawyers have been born.

  11. jerry920 says:

    Geeze, yeah, I seen that so called “disclaimer” or what ever you want to call it a while back.

    “Facebeook, if it’s free, you’re not the customer, you’re the product”

  12. RunPatRun says:

    Not sure if this pic url will function in the comment box here, but this is the funniest photo on the (latest) FB hoax postings:

  13. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    What does FB have to do with a fun sized human being, a chick with a pony tail hanging out of her arse, all dancing around speaking Russian or something … I just don’t get it.

  14. Nik says:

    I suspect the FB article was just an excuse to post the video.

  15. Curt says:

    Look! Shiny!
    (h/t to Ex-PH2)

  16. streets2311 says:

    Had to repost that. It had me hypnotized.

  17. melle1228 says:

    >Dunno about all the legal mumbo-jumbo, but if TSO has the time to dig up videos such as this one just how does he spend the rest of his time?

    Didn’t you see his I am a level 90 Dwarven Priest post. 🙂

  18. TSO says:

    Melle- You had to rub it in. I left my iPhone at work, and this is the one time the stupid logon thing demands my authenticator number.

    I’ll be on tomorrow, and I need a Sha run. Let me know if you are doing one.

  19. melle1228 says:

    @ TSO LOL– Hey I am a level 90 human priest so we are both in the geek boat. 🙂

    Sure I will be on tomorrow when the server comes up.

  20. malclave says:

    Gaming makes me sad now. I’ve been playing City of Heroes, and it shuts down for good at the end of this week. It’s like all that time I’ve spent over the last 8 years has been a waste or something.

  21. Ex-PH2 says:

    Malclave, you’ve spent 8 years playing one game?

    Come out of the cave, man!!!! There is a whole world outside the cave waiting for you!! There are people out there who don’t point and say “Look!!! Shiny objects!” Instead, they point and say “Is that pale person one of us or an alien?” Come out of the cave!!!!

  22. melle1228 #18: DOH! TSO used to live in a basement with inflatable action figures when I first met him. He now has a REAL job, AND a wife who is much too good for him.

    I didn’t make the connection you did. Thanks, I think.

  23. 2-17 Air Cav says:

    How the hell did I get here from there?

  24. melle1228 says:

    @ Zero.. Inflatable action figure–lol

    @ Ex-PH2– My hubby’s favorite shirt is ” I went outside once. The graphics were okay, but the gameplay sucked. 🙂

  25. Twist says:

    I think after watching this video that TSO has so much time on his hands, “I am a level 90 Dwarven Priest “, that he still reads choose your own adventure books, plays “Heros Quest”, ghost hunts, and watches Pokemon.:)

    I keed, I keed, I’m still in touch with my inner child enough I do all that, even watch Pokemon because I got little ones.

  26. melle1228 says:

    Sorry TSO, apparently I joked and now they are piling on you .. 🙂

    You are going to have to answer that inflatable action figure thing when we play tomorrow.. he he

  27. Twist says:

    @25, My favorite shirt, that my wife bought me, says “I live with fear every day, but sometimes she lets me go fishing”.

  28. Hondo says:

    2-17 Air Cav:

    My guess is that you said the magic word “XYZZY”, made a wrong turn, and ended up

    ” . . . in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.
    You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.
    You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike.
    You are in a . . . . “

  29. Ex-PH2 says:

    I watch “Shrek” and “Troy”. I watch anything with Sean Bean…or is taht Mr. Bean?

  30. malclave says:


    Not exclusively, but yeah, I’ve played the game for the last 8 years. Usually a few hours on the weekends… what I liked most about it is that it’s a “casual-friendly” game. You don’t have to dedicate 30 straight hours of raiding for a chance to get a sword that gives you a net increase of 0.3 DPS.

    And I do go out of the cave. I go to work, generally 5 days a week, and just last year I wen to jury duty. But the sunlight, it burnssss us, it burnssss us.

  31. streetsweeper says:

    Always remember, TSO. “It ain’t easy being cheesy” while your being ribbed about those inflatable actions figures. K?

  32. Hondo #29: I spent hours playing Zork.

    melle1228 #27: Context matters, even here.

  33. JohnG says:

    Well Duh! Even I know that for any Facebook disclaimer to work you have to register with the International Privacy Commission. I got an email about it. It’s a simple process. They are based in Nigeria but you can register by sending them your details and a credit card number to pay the registration fee.

  34. streetsweeper says:

    Wait, I thought that International Privacy Commission was operating out of Somalia…

  35. UpNorth says:

    Streets, it’s the Intercontinental Privacy Commission that operates out of Somalia. They’re so easy to confuse, but, like JohnG said, if you send each of them your credit card number, or, preferably, all of your CC numbers, they’ll be happy to sort everything out, and let you know which Commission you belong to.

  36. Nik says:


    Hey, just to ease your mind, send me your CC numbers. I’ll make sure it goes to the right place.

    …kidding, of course…

  37. Ex-PH2 says:

    My eyes! My eyes!!!

  38. Yat Yas 1833 says:


  39. NHSparky says:

    I laughed at the legal mumbo-jumbo.

    I laughed even harder at the face-plant. That whole scene was something straight out of a badly written Hunter S. Thompson acid trip.

    All it needed to make it perfect was Banthapug and TSO sporting his “Village People” face fur.

    Oh God, I need a drink now. Yes, at 8 am. It’s that bad.

  40. jonp says:

    Whenever I see “Facebook” and ” confidential” in the same sentence I have a good laugh and move on. By this jackasses reasoning I could post a picture of my ex doing a goat on a billboard and then say it’s confidential and no-one can use it including the police or do anything to me in any way since it is private and privileged.

    On the other hand, when I see midget and half-naked woman in the same sentence I think “Tijuana”. Those were the days.