A HumpDay Detour Into Bizzarro World

| March 6, 2013

This can be a sort of  “feel good” story depending how one sees the world.

Caveat: I dunno if this linked site is satire or not? I opted against delving too deeply there because either way I had the feeling it would cause my blood pressure to spike.

School Offers Counseling for Students Troubled by Pastry-Gun Incident

The elementary school that was the scene of Josh’s brutally harmless rampage sent students home Friday with a letter describing the incident as if it had actually been serious:

Dear Parents and Guardians:

I am writing to let you know about an incident that occurred this morning in one of our classrooms and encourage you to discuss this matter with your child in a manner you deem most appropriate.

During breakfast this morning, one of our students used food to make inappropriate gestures that disrupted the class. While no physical threats were made and no one [was] harmed, the student had to be removed from the classroom.

* * *

As you are aware, the … Code of Student Conduct and appropriate consequences related to violations of the code are clearly spelled out in the Student Handbook, which was sent home during the first week of school and can be found on our website, www.aacps.org….

If your children express that they are troubled by today’s incident, please talk with them and help them share their feelings. Our school counselor is available to meet with any students who have the need to do so next week. In general, please remind them of the importance of making good choices.

Pretty sure that if your children are “troubled” by another kid biting a pastry into something that looks sort of like a gun and waving said pastry around, you have already failed as a parent.

I keep thinking about “Animal House” and the food fight scene. Simulated explosives  – OH THE HORROR!

Category: "Teh Stoopid", Dumbass Bullshit, Geezer Alert!, Guns

Comments (36)

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  1. NHSparky says:

    I’m pretty sure that was a 16-count box of Pop Tarts too. When will the madness of high-capacity Pop Tart boxes end? Nobody NEEDS 16 Pop Tarts! There oughta be a law!

    It’s okay, when the zombie apocalypse hits, these dipshits will thankfully be the first to go, single shot weapons and all, assuming they have any guns at all.

  2. SGT Kane says:

    NHSparky that’s next on the list. They had to go after the two liter soda’s first.

  3. Rob says:

    Sparky, they’ll just ask the zombies not to bite them and all will be ok.

  4. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    It is true … the second half of the story is. After the intial incident, father meets with school and they tell him, “your son was suspended because of his HD and behavior” then they send out a letter offering services for anyone effected by the incident!

    This is a no sh*tter … there are two video clips out of Baltimore outlining the entire nightmare!

  5. Mero says:

    I’m with you NHSparky; there needs to be legislation written for high capacity Pop Tart boxes, Assault Spears, and the letters L and F sideways (because they look like guns when turned on their sides). In fact I’d go so far as to say that anything that is dangerous, looks dangerous, or could be made to look dangerous should be banned…

  6. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:


    This is why my kid goes to a private school. I don’t have to worry about this crap!

    At worst I get a call and the principal says, “Mr. XXXX, your red headed, freckled faced angel of God has (insert offense here) and we would like you to ensure it never happens again. And I reply, “thank you for the call, I will see to it the XXXXX will do much better in the future.”

  7. Hondo says:

    Sadly, Zero – it ain’t satire.


  8. DaveO says:

    So, basically, the adults taught the kids to feel traumatized in the future.


    Another generation with no sense of scale, no sense of justice.

  9. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    Here is another story happended this past Feb 4 – 6, 2013.

    It covers a school policy of “no weapons real or imaginary” and of a little boy who was playing hero.

    This is a no sh*tter!


  10. Whitey_wingnut says:

    You know that most of those young teachers are from the late 70s and 80s. The generation that grew up on G.I. Joe, Transformers, Robocop, Terminator, etc, etc. They played cops and robbers, Megatron was a toy gun and now they are so fragile and dramatized by it they want to make sure the youth of today don’t have the same thing happen to them.

  11. PintoNag says:

    We need mandatory pyschological testing for teachers, instead of gun owners.

  12. Hack Stone says:

    They will get my Pop Tart when they pry it from my strawberry jellied encrusted hands.

  13. USMCE8Ret says:

    I don’t know what’s more offensive… that the school actually suspended the kid for something as trivial as shaping a pop-tart into the shape of a gun, or actually offering counseling for it.

    I think the local newspaper should have equated this incident to Sandy Hook, since they’re obviously bat shit crazy about pushing things out of context and blowing it out of proportion.

  14. Hondo #7: I’d certainly seen that (and similar), but the follow-on behaviors… [grin]

  15. USMCE8Ret #13: There it is! Welcome to Bizzarro World.

  16. Hondo says:

    Zero – Jonn mentioned the follow-on behavior (offer of counseling for those children disturbed by the incident) in comment 23 to my article.

  17. Hondo #16: SSDD. I did miss Jonn’s comment, but I don’t feel bad about being the second person yelling “Incoming!”, or “Fire!”

    NB: All of my posts are tagged by Geezer Alert, BTW. [big silly grin]

  18. EX-PH2 says:

    How quaint. These modern-day teachers, who don’t know how to handle active children properly and think any kid who is bright, creative, and active has ADHD, are teaching entire generations to be as limp-wristed and weak as they are.

    Baa-baa-baa-bah humbug!!!

    And guess what? Pre-school will be mandatory for all children, even if there is no benefit to it and it costs a lot of tax money, if Bo has his way.

  19. Old Trooper says:

    Geebus fuck! The only one “traumatized” by a pop tart that barely resembles a gun (kinda like the ink blots) is the whiny little bitch of a teacher, along with the principle. The school “psychologist” is just looking to justify being paid for doing very little, if anything, useful. What a load of crap.

  20. GruntSgt says:

    Someones been sniffing to many Unicorn farts!

  21. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    What did the kid do, drop a tootsie roll from his trousers, pick it up and eat it?

  22. malclave says:

    Have these people forgotten history?

    If Americans in the 1940s hadn’t bitten their Kelloggs Pop-Tarts into the shape of guns, we’d all be eating Pillsbury Toaster Streudel today.

  23. Roger in Republic says:

    God I’m glad that we live out in the boonies. There was a story in this weeks paper(yes, we have a weekly paper)about guns and schoolkids. Our story was about kids going to the range to shoot skeet, traps and rifles. Ok, it was through the 4-H and not a school sponsored outing, but at least our kids are not afraid of guns. We have almost zero gun crime here. Usually if one person is shot the shooter turns the gun on himself. I’ve lived here 12 years and can not recall a single armed robbery. In those same years I can remember only two murders, with one shooter suiciding, and one officer involved killing of a man who was attacking a state worker with an ax. I live in a place that is what America used to be.

  24. Roger in Republic #23: Yep, you got it.

  25. Herbert J Messkit says:

    I blame Oprah

  26. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I gotta say, Mr. Messkit, you have one of the best tags around here.

  27. Richard says:

    Fortunately Josh was unable to actually harm anyone, his weapon appears to be jammed.

  28. EX-PH2 says:

    @27 – Stop! Step back! We have a winner!!!

  29. Herbert J Messkit says:

    @26 They kept issuing me messkits into the early 90’s but I don’t remember ever using them in the field. I have a friend whose name is Tommy Tentpeg

  30. LanceCooley says:

    @23 Same here. In the town I grew up in I can only remember one fella getting shot at the local bar, and other than that nothing. We live in the next town south now, but my kids are going to school where things are at least a shade of what America used to be.

  31. Lawrence Todd says:

    I think we should have mandatory psych consults for school officials that think a pastry is something to be afraid of.

  32. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    “Susie, what is that?”

    “My dessert. It’s called a chocolate bombe.”

    “OMG! Evacuate! Evacuate! OMG!”

  33. EX-PH2 says:

    You think what happened to Josh is bizarre. So do I.

    But this poor fellow was ticketed by the Long Island police for laughing at the neighbor who made fun of his disability.


    I thought it was a joke, too, but he’s facing a fine and a month in jail because of his curmudgeon neighbor.

  34. Robot Wrangler says:

    Thing is I read the kid wasn’t even trying to make a gun out of the poptart. He was making a mountain and it sort of looked like a gun. I swear I’m gonna throat punch the first teacher who tries something like this with my kid.

  35. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    @33. I read the story, such as it was. There’s more to it–much more–it sounds like. You got an Irishman and an I-talian living next door to one another. That’s trouble right there.

  36. A Proud Infidel says:

    @3, Rob, NO, let’s just have them pass a law outlawing zombies, just look at how successful all their other laws are!!

    @12, Hack Stone, They’ll get MY Pop Tart AFTER I’ve eaten, digested, and passed it, and I’ll gladly give it to them in that form, right in their faces!! >:-D