Um, What?

| May 10, 2013

Thanks to ROS for this little piece of illiterature;

Um, what

I have no idea what he’s trying to say. If you can translate this for me, I’d appreciate it greatly.

Category: "Teh Stoopid"

Comments (49)

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  1. Hondo says:

    I think he’s trying to tell us he’s a semi-literate Brit faker who’s off his meds, Jonn.

    I don’t know too many Americans who use the term “arsehole”.

  2. ROS says:

    I completely lost it at the “I just banged my mother look” part.

    I do not think that means what he thinks it means.

  3. A Proud Infidel says:

    *UUUUHHH…* Him no look like he even maik it to the sekund graid befoor him drop out of skool……. *BUUUURRRP!*

    That, or a REMF that wants to LOOK and feel like he’s some kind of badass, or some trailer park Rambo wannabe posting from a Public Library computer!

  4. jerry920 says:

    Wow, just wow.

  5. Green Thumb says:


  6. Retired Master says:

    I’m going to have to agree with entry #3. What is behind the curtain?

  7. ChipNASA says:

    ” Next on Dual Survival, Joe and Cody try to survive the Internets.
    Cody tries to use a USB port to distill clean drinking water while Joe Fights VICIOUS LOLCATS in Hand to Hand combat armed with nothing more than boxing gloves knit from his own Kevlar pubes.”

  8. Nik says:

    My translation:

    Hi. I’m Glenn.

    I’m a huffer. Someone just left a case of spray paint outside the cardboard box I live in. I can’t spell for shit, but who needs book learnin’ when you’ve got huffin’?

    Now I think I’ll go snap my carrot to the lingerie section of an old Sears Catalog I found and think about my Mom.

    Oh, and you guys suck and stuff.

  9. SGT Kane says:

    Its Hipster Speak and Philosophy with a healthy dose of autocorrect spelling fixes coupled with an Oedipal complex. Though for the love of all things Apple (and Steve Jobs’ mother), why it didn’t fix the capitalization I’ll never know. Unless of course that was a deliberate stylisitic choice on his part.

    Now to translate (trust me I’m a professional, I used to live in California).

    He’s saying that no one should have to prove anything to anyone because those who know the truth already know the truth and don’t need it proven to them. In the real world, this is known as conformational bias, but for this guy its known more simply as “teh truth”.

    His father, who he never knew or who didn’t hug him enough as a child, was a war hero who died unrecongized and unloved by the country that he and his son (the author of this post) sacrificed so much for. This means you should listen to him, as he’s an expert by proxy and a veteran of many missed family dinners because dad was off doing supert secret squirrel stuff.

    Stuff that you couldn’t do because your parents loved you too much.

    Oh and he wants to have sex with your mother. Either that or he wants to trap you in an elaborate psychodrama, which involves you being tricked into having sex with your mother so he can see the look on your face when you figure it out. Or possibly because his father was off being so hardcore the only meaningful relationship he’s ever had with a woman was with his mother. Or possibly he stalked your mother. The meaning isn’t really clear here.

    He’s also a fan of farmasutra and Alex Jones.

  10. PintoNag says:

    Another poor soul without a life who has found out that his reality tv star isn’t what he believed he was.

  11. JAGC says:

    I think Glenn Koehler comes down on the side of the debate that a civilian contractor is the same thing as a combat veteran because apparently contracting shows up on the 214?… or something… But he could just be boasting that he had carnal knowledge with his mother…I really don’t know. This guy’s dumb.

  12. SGT Ted says:

    Translation: “I am an utter douche”.

  13. ComancheDoc says:

    Something about his dad being a possible poser and wanting to bang his mom with animals? weird kid, needs to get help…

  14. sapper3307 says:

    P.s call your mom.

  15. OWB says:

    After careful study, this is about as good as it gets: blah, blah, blah, my mother, blah, blah, my father, blah, blah, blah, and blah, because, blah, and you cannot be a real veteran because, my mother, your mother, blah, blah, blah.

    With defenders like that, does poor Joe, who was mostly given a pass from TAH readers on his claims, really need any detractors?

  16. MSGRetired says:

    I think he wants to bang his mother or somebody’s mother. Probably Joe’s mother..

  17. PAO SSG says:

    It hurt my brain to do it, but I think this is a fair representation of what he was attempting to say…

    “To those of dubious hygienic standards that are starting a quarrel,

    If you had ever been a member of the United States military, you would not foolishly inquire as to Mr. Teti’s service or ask him to provide documentation of events of which you have no knowledge. A fact that may have escaped you, do you know the number of Medal of Honor recipients who had proper documentation on their discharge paperwork. Consider that, fellows of little understanding.

    My father, who is recently deceased, did covert operational assignments in North Vietnam during that conflict. More than 40 years later, senior leadership is surprised to learn that he was involved in certain events. These events were not documented on his discharge paperwork, due to his injuries occurring in prohibited locations.

    Individuals who attempt to cast dispersions upset me beyond my tolerance for such emotions. Mr. Teti is not required to provide documentation to his claims.

    There are very few individuals who have the aptitude for clandestine operations, those individuals who speak inanely about such are not in that elite brotherhood. Those who doubt continue to spar with me in a verbal joust of seeking truth, please continue. My intention will provide you with an expression reminiscent of shock comparable to recently having intercourse with his mother.

    You are aquatic vegetation found on small inland bodies of water and are aware of said fact. Stop accosting Mr. Teti and go proposition domestic livestock or such.”

  18. JP says:

    Yeah, you know…all that secret squirrel shit that’s “classified”.

    Never heard THAT before.

  19. Robot Wrangler says:

    What is the first rule of Covert Ops club?
    You dont talk about Covert Ops club.

    What is the second rule of Covert Ops club?
    You dont talk about Covert Ops club.

    Why dont these people undersand, especially the high speed low drag guys who are trying to make money off of it, you dont talk about covert operations. They are called covert for a reason….what a turd.

  20. Ex-PH2 says:

    Glenn’s posting is a headache-maker.

    It defies translation, having been written by an orange-pinching alien posing among us as one of us. Something about wanting to have sex with his mother may be an indication of the anxiety separation which occurs in space aliens when they leave the mother ship.

    Or he could just be someone with a stolen smartphone living under a bridge on the Chicago River.

    So I read the comments, nodding wisely in agreement until I got to SGT Kane’s remark about ‘farmasutra’. After that, I fell off my chair laughing.

  21. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Regarding his dubious sexual references, Glenn’s mom ain’t bad but his sister is better….apparently poor Glenn pecked too many fights that resulted in head trauma…

    Nicely done #17

  22. Green Thumb says:


    I agree.

  23. Hondo says:

    Something was bothering me about this one – and I finally figured out what.

    When I see the word “Koehler”, this is what comes to mind:

    Appros, I guess. This guy certainly seems full of it.

  24. Ex-PH2 says:

    Hondo — Yes!

  25. SGT Ted says:

    Bahaha Hondo.

  26. ROS says:

    Jesus, Hondo, you and the porcelain deity today….. 🙂

  27. Twist says:

    @17, I can see why you are/were a PAO.

  28. Nik says:

    So I’m thinking this guy needs to be arrested for Geneva Convention-level Violations against the English language.

  29. Reaperman says:

    Is this still about that Teti guy? The guy we were generally 90% fine with until he showed up to post comments in the damn blog post about how he’s actually legit. I don’t have any trouble with his record, but my only question about him is how he got so far in life being such a dickhole. Of course now there’s an army of dickholes… The run in packs or something.

  30. USMCE8Ret says:

    The rest of you described some possibilities, and rather well I might add. (I’m still laughing.) I think it reads like an indictment of whatever public school he went to.

  31. pigmypuncher says:

    all I got was he banged his mother…

  32. PAO SSG says:

    @27 Thanks Twist. Its often my job to take barely literate word-vomit and transform it into articulate prose.

    To be fair, I prefer the written word, I don’t speak that well some days. But butchering the English language like Glenn did is borderline criminal.

  33. Anonymous says:

    I think he said he likes to bang his mother. This is a very sick man here.

  34. Smitty says:

    most of this retards post was funny, some of it was just insane. who here doesnt question outragous claims of military service? when i cross paths with someone that claims Ranger status, i first find out if he was tabbed or scrolled, and ask questions to verify his answer. i am not surprised when others do the same to me. it isnt an insult nor offensive, it is that there are countless people that pretend to be what they are not. Titty was a soldier, not knocking that, but he has chosen to embelish his record to make himself some super top secret squirel type and that doesnt fly for anyone.

  35. Pam says:

    WTF? Over!

  36. Virtual Insanity says:

    #32 PAO SSG–have you ever had to preface remarks with, “What the General MEANT to say was….” ?

  37. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I think arsehole is pirate talk. I have this image of Wallace Beery saying it. “Aye, matey, he’s an arsehole, he be!” Also, our boy needs a geography lesson. Above North Vietnam is China, or Chiner as I like to call it. So, his father was a special operator in Chiner. Cool.

  38. thebesig says:

    Glenn went to the park to try to feed pieces of bread to the birds. 😀

    They pecked him instead. He tried telling them something about some super secret squirrel above the line, but the birds kept pecking him above the line of his pecking tolerance.

    Frustrated, he ran for safety and, when they stopped pecking him, he made that post about pecking fights.

  39. Nik says:


    And of course, with all the peckers around, he thought about his mom.

  40. Marine_7002 says:

    It’s obvious that toilet’s…er, Koehler’s rant is a product of that old saying about a million monkeys typing at a million typewriters. And a rather shoddy product at that.

  41. Hondo says:

    Does anyone know if it was Kohler that LBJ was talking about when he told the reporter, “I got his pecker in my pocket?”

    (Hat tip to anyone who catches the movie reference.)

  42. SrA Tom says:

    I weep for the English language. It was just horrifyingly raped to death, in it’s prime it was bent over and sodomized by a toilet, until it ceased to be. He is a rapist of innocent languages…

  43. jonp says:

    “It’s 0930 and I’m most of the way through an 18 Pack”

  44. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.

    He can’t bang his mother anymore because his sister caught him in the act … and she is pissed.

    She (the sister) thought she was the only one.

    Banging your mother and sister is a complicated enterprise and when you get caught you must start banging another mother and eventually her (the mother) daughter.

    Yes a very complicated enterprise.

    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.
    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.
    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.
    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.
    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.
    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.
    Glenn Koehler wants to bang your mother.

  45. William Blake's Penis says:

    As the old saying goes…”With friends like that who needs enemies?”

  46. Ex-PH2 says:

    How can he bang my mother when she died 10 years ago?

  47. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.) says:

    EX-PH2 … bless your dear mums resting sole!

    She is probably safe from Glenn!

  48. Anonymous says:

    In short: “It’s secret, that’s why there’s no evidence. Oh, yeah, and yo’ mama!”

  49. A Proud Infidel says:

    @23, Hondo, you mean the “bold” KOOK named Koehler?