North Regional First Round

| June 10, 2013

If you’ve forgotten who you are voting for, you can read all the BIOs for the NORTH REGIONAL HERE.


1) Tina “Lightfoot on a heavy horse” Kersten

16) John “What training class did you go through brah?” Mueller


8) Jerry “Kung Fu Phony” Partain

9) Craig “School Guard” Pusley


4) John “Attorney’s fees” Giduck

13) Tony “Image Interpretation Assassin” Tuso


5) Armine “She-males in my closet” Annunziato

12) Devon “Wrong Eye” Lauffer


3) Bradley “Caught the PTSD from a broken arm” Calvert

14) Larry “Five weeks of hell” Sims


6) Albert “Marine Special Forces Recon” Bustamente

11) William “Guns of the South” Johnson


7) Anthony “Lego Hair” Poole

10) Andre “Tuba Steve” Vergara


2) Skip “D-con Rat Traps” Moschetti

15) Romeo Martinez

Now, click this video to listen to, and then vote for all 8 races below….

Comments (48)

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  1. cato says:

    So many turds and such a small bowl.

  2. Andy says:

    Skip Moschetti, simply because claiming to have the Medal of Honor just rises to special kind of level of stupid, even for a poser.

  3. AirborneMP says:

    @2 I agree. he is my choice to win. You just cannot get anymore dumber than that….well unless your name is Phillip Monkress or Paul Wickre (GOOGLE HIT)

  4. SJ says:

    None of these sink to the depths of other regional candidates…e.g., COL Crotchrot. Last we’ll see of these clowns.

  5. Scubasteve says:

    I had to vote for Tina Lightfoot, because someone’s comment the other day created a most disturbing visual that has kept me awake for a while. If I close my eyes, a wall of flesh that smells disturbingly like onions sauteed in Mad Dog 20/20 and stale sweat tries to eat me. I figured if she wins, I can finally sleep knowing the visual is that of a winner. Unless someone can pass me the eye bleach!

  6. Combat Historian says:

    Weeble Wobble for the regional win!

  7. Jon The Mechanic says:

    I didn’t realize that Bradley Calvert was from Triple Deuce. Bastard… I did my first combat tour with them in Mogadishu. NOW I’m pissed.

  8. Smitty says:

    i think the weeble will make the foul 4, but i dont see anyone beating out Phillip D Monkress for the title this year.

    I also had laudner as a 1 seed in my bracket, his douche baggery cost his wife her leg. that has to merit some special consideration when voting comes out for that region

  9. SGT Kane says:

    I voted for a lot of the underdogs in this round, and for mst of them it wasn’t even close. Is this going to be the Cinderella bracket?

  10. AverageNCO says:

    Wow, didn’t forsee a Partain vs. Pulsey first round matchup. Two guys who really deserve a good bitch slap, and one will get out early. Of course Patain would try to block the bitch slap with a wax-on/wax-off move.
    And I know Moschetti deserves #2 seed with the balls to claim a Medal of Honor, but I had to vote for Romeo. Idiotic use of photoshop always scores big with me. He’s no Regan Lee Wolf. But he’s pretty good…or should I say pretty bad.

  11. Pineywoods NCO says:

    wow…lots of turd powder sniffers.

  12. Jimbo63 says:

    Jail ’em all!!

  13. Smitty says:

    the more entertaining they were, the higher i placed them when i did my bracket. if they were retarded, annoying, and funny, they got a 1 seed (laudner and Phillip D Monkress)

  14. Twist says:

    Hopefully I do better than last year.

  15. Sparks says:

    I had to go with Tina “Heavyfoot” just because she is so damn good looking. Wonder what she looks like nude? Sorry for that guys, I just threw up in my mouth. Just joking here but now I put an ugly picture in my head! I hate when I do that to myself. I will now cut the lamp cord off and touch the leads to my temples.

  16. rb325th says:

    Giduck for all his ass hattery and actual harassment of real deal Operators deserves a spot in the Fecal Four.

  17. LebbenB says:

    Tiny Tina Kersten and Big John Gidduck for the Awful Eight!

  18. Alberich says:

    I had to pick Tina when I read the newspaper story at the “arrest record” link and saw she was claiming PTSD and winning the “inner war” after a caring psychologist “defused the ticking time bomb.”

  19. JAGC says:

    I went with 14-seed Larry Sims in this one… Something about going to a MOH event at a school in honor of a hero killed in Iraq, and using the opportunity to spin very tall tales of his own fakery straight out of the prestigious pages of his “embellished” resume. Yikes, reading these stolen valor cases is depressing.

    I still think the winner comes out of the toughest region that includes James Ferris, Ken Crocheron, and Tesla; although the merry band of Monkress & Friends really does want this… unless we have a new-found resurgence of William Blake coming in at the last minute.

  20. OWB says:

    Smitty: Generally have to agree with you on the entertainment factor. But, even though it’s not easy to define, I am forced to deduct major points when the hand is overplayed. And Monkress et al definitely overplayed his.

  21. DMO says:

    Has anyone looked into the claims by the NSA leaker, Snowden, about his being an 18X (SF) dropout when he was 19 years old?

  22. Combat Historian says:

    Being a first-time voter here, is there a North Regional Second Round Vote coming up soon?

  23. TSO says:

    @22, next Sunday is second round of this Regional.

  24. TSO says:

    Check that, next MONDAY.

  25. Combat Historian says:

    TSO, Gotcha, next Monday, Thanks.

  26. The Chief says:

    I still think Tina “Heavyfoot” is the winner. (Key dramatic music) She held her commanding officer as he died in her arms. Just like Bubba. Bubba was my best good friend. And even I know that ain’t somethin’ you can find just around the corner. Bubba was gonna be a shrimpin’ boat captain, but instead, he died right there by that river in Vietnam

  27. Combat Historian says:

    #26: What? That wasn’t our hero “Sgt” Martinez’s face in the photo? I’m shocked…truly shocked 🙁

  28. Is it bad that I just want to continue listening to the Pretenders?

  29. gunner says:

    Combat Historian, I went to Toys ‘r Us for “Sgt” Martinez action figure, I could not find any. Where is this country heading?

  30. Sparks says:

    @30 You have to look in the “He-Man”, “G.I. Joe” section. No, wait…belay that, you have to look in the “Barbie Doll” aisle. The new politically correct fat “Barbie” dolls.

  31. Green Thumb says:

    Partain’s false Olympic champion and POW claims carry weight.

  32. Alberich says:

    Lots of ‘Duster contestants “carry weight.”

  33. Smitty says:

    still rooting for laudner to win it all, the dude cost his wife her leg with his lies! that is not only karmatic, but funny as hell and deserving of being named as the ultimate douche! (not funny for her, but funny that his lies did it to her, i really feel bad for the gal, if i could actually feel bad)

  34. Smitty says:

    oh yeah, i know he was a write in on the brackets, but am i the only one that tried to give joe titty a spot in the tourney?

  35. AverageNCO says:

    I don’t know how far he’ll go, but Larry Sims seems to epitomize Green Thumb’s “Turd” definition. In his five weeks of serivce he thought he learned enough to pull of his facade, but he didn’t know nearly as much as he thought he did. Otherwise he would have never claimed a Distinguished Service Medal as an O3. The icing on the cake with him was when folks from this site pointed out to his employer that Sims was claiming an MBA from a college that didn’t offer MBA’s. Make no mistake though, it was his ass-hattery that got him fired..not us.

  36. royh says:

    Vergara. What’s the dope on that medal he is wearing? He’s not the only one I have seen wearing it and I can’t find jack about it on the interwebs.

  37. Green Thumb says:

    5-12 between “Wrong Eye” and Annunziato could be tough.

    A straight up moron, marginal Airmen and all around lair against a professional conman who not only rips off Soldiers, but likes trannies.

    That’s a tough one.

  38. MrGameandShow says:

    TAH inflitrater Mr Poole should advance far just for his comments on this site.

  39. full cooler says:

    There’s a special place in hell reserved for Giduck. He deserves to be be the last squeeze on this pile of shit.

  40. Tactical Trunk Monkey says:

    My picks for this round are as follows
    1. Tina Kerstan
    8. Jerry Partain
    13. Tony Tuso
    5. Armine Annunziato
    14. Larry Sims
    11. William Johnson (my pick for overall in the North…LOOK AT THAT F**KING MOUSTACHE!)
    10. Andre Vergara
    15. Romeo Martinez (my second pick overall in the North…)

    I took a lot of the underdogs this round…they just called out to me.

  41. royh says:

    Some more about Vergara. Says two jumps in WW2 and two in Korea. I’m conflicted.

  42. ex-Army doc says:

    Romeo is the underdog in this round. Ballduster himself set the standard for overly dramatic claims that brought a collective “WTF?!?!” Romeo is trying hard to meet the standard. But he does need to hire a new Photoshop expert.

    Unless he’s working on his memoirs:

    “There my head was, perched on the body of a real Marine while my tub-o-lard body was comfortably positioned next to the Little Debbie’s tray, TV remote just within reach, and a nearly full two liter jug of RC Cola standing by to quench my thirst.”

    Romeo over Tina to reach the 2013 fecal four!!!

  43. Kenneth says:

    I agree with rb325th and full cooler, Giduck deserves to win.

    Honourable mentions Pusley and Mueller.

  44. Skvoznyak says:

    I went with Kersten, Partain, Giduck, Annunziato, Sims, Johnson, Poole and Moschetti yesterday, and it may have taken me a total of five minutes for all eight races. Then I get over to today’s selections (West regional) and spent well over a half hour trying to decide the eight races, most of that time spent on two of them in particular.

  45. RetUSArmyMP says:

    My votes for Air Thief of the year go to:
    1. Kersten
    2. Pulsey
    3. Gidduk
    4. Lauffer
    5. Sims
    6. Bustamente
    7. Poole
    8. Martinez

    Kersten should take all the glory. Her #1 seed in the tourney, and the fact that she’s claiming to be a “combat MP” reserves her a special place in hell. IMHO.