Stolen Valor First Round, South Regional Voting

| June 12, 2013

If you’ve forgotten who you are voting for, you can read all the BIOs for the SOUTH REGIONAL HERE AKA the “Sad Sacks of Shit from the South”.

Quick note to visitors from Ranger Up or elsewhere.  We will have a different vote each day.  I post them generally around 10 AM, so keep coming back.  Whittling this thing down to one big loser will take weeks.  So vote early, vote often, and keep voting.

Today’s musical interlude brought to you by Alien Ant Farm and their ode to Paul K. Wickre.

Ah, what the hell, I’ll give you another one, this one dedicated to Phil Monkress.




1) Kenneth “Ghoul” Crocheron

16) Richard “Coke and a Smile” Sandberg


8) Charles Austin Vanderburg

9) William James Burley


4) SFC “Walmartian” Coombs

13) Eugene “Greyhound” Pottinger


5) Timothy “Mossad” Maynard (Note, picture is of the incomparably haired Don Shipley not Maynard)

12) Sam “You donated to who?” Samford

James-Edward-FerrisPhillip Thompson

3) James Edward “Combat Action” Ferris
14) Phillip Mark “Swiss Cheese” Thompson


6) Jason “VIN Number” Conley

11) Donice “Michael Jordan of Hookers” Armstrong


7) Christopher “Spirit Guide” Tirao

10) Andrew “25 Years and a Big Chicken Dinner” Underwood


2) Chelle Lynne “ATC/CNO/CAP” Anderson-Tesla

15) Leo “Phony Baloney” Maloney


Ah what the hell, one more video while you vote:

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Category: Politics

Comments (47)

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  1. Combat Historian says:

    Time for kendude crotchrot to finally receive his due…

  2. NHSparky says:

    I feel like I need to take a Crying Game shower just reading these bios.

  3. Old Trooper says:

    You need to correct the ode in the second video. You have Paul Monkress, when it should be Phil. We wouldn’t want him to not get credit where it is due.

  4. TSO says:

    Fixed. Having a ton of issues this morning.

  5. SnowSoldierMedic says:

    Man! These #8 vs #9 match-ups are tough! Today I went for upset with #9 basically because that woodland camo, no shirt, backyard combat zone pic.
    I also had some difficulty with #6 vs #11 match-up. I think #11 has some great potential moving forward, especially with more exposure (pun intended). This brings me to the age-old conundrum: Do you value potential for future deeds over a track record of (dubious) deeds? I had to give it #6.

  6. SnowSoldierMedic says:

    @2 Hahaha… For real Sparky!

  7. Hondo says:

    Man, I wsh Underwood had ended up in a different bracket. In any other region, he might be a sleeper for the Awful Eight.

    I mean, c’mon – ANYONE stupid enough to wear the NDSM with 3 stars (qualifying service in Korean War/Vietnam War/Gulf War/GWOT periods) deserves to go far. (smile)

  8. Green Thumb says:

    There a few tough matchups in this bracket.

  9. TSO says:

    How can it be that I am getting no praise for my musical selection this morning? I mean, that trio is perfect today!

  10. Green Thumb says:


    Yeah, I hear you about Underwood. And his rank (SGM) and BCD just makes him tougher to beat.

    What a fucking moron.

  11. rb325th says:

    There may be a few tough choices, but overall to me the choice is clear. Crotchrot for the win in this bracket for fucking with a little kids mind…. that earns him a trip to the fecal 4.

  12. Geetwillickers says:

    Almost embarrased myself by pointing out that the last matchup wasn’t on the ballot… and then I found the scrollbar.


  13. Andy says:

    Ken Crotchrot all the way! I foresee him and Monkeyass in the final round.

  14. Hondo says:

    Green Thumb: agreed.

    In any other bracket, he’d have a sleeper shot at the regional finals. Here, I don’t see him getting past Tesla and even making the “Sour 16”. He might have a shot if he were squaring off against “Walmartian” Coombs in the next level, but the other three top seeds here are all killer. He’d never get past them.

  15. Ex-PH2 says:

    @9 – TSO – It’s not neglect. It’s just a little early for zombie music for me.

  16. Sparks says:

    I said it before. Gotta’ Be Crocheron for messing with a sick kid in a hospital! Even with all the other messed up uniform stuff it just adds to my vote. But he is right up there with Tesla!

  17. Gumshoe says:

    Haven’t heard Limp Bizkit in awhile. Throwback!

  18. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Crocheron is a tough seed to beat, but here’s hoping fake tits and a penchant for sucking d1ck will push Donice through a couple of rounds…..she takes “service” do a different level entirely…one that’s illegal in 49 states.

    Of course the chubby bondage girl with the same name as the cool electric cars is entertaining on many levels and could prove tough in the competition.

  19. Combat Historian says:

    #18: It would have been fun if amy the hooker and spankarella were in the same head-to-head bracket; a “female fakers’ death match” for the ages…

  20. Anonymous says:

    @9: And I’m a purist – the original “Smooth Criminal” is much better, in my opinion. You gain a point for song selection, but lose it for this version!

  21. LebbenB says:

    This one is SO tough to call. I think Crotchrot’s going to take it in the end (Pun intended.) But there’s so many major turds in this bracket that the punch bowl is overflowing.

  22. ExHack says:

    With respect, shouldn’t Crotchrot be West? He’s in Utah, right?

  23. Old Trooper says:

    @9: You’re right, TSO, I did overlook giving you mad props for the musical selection. I am a fan of AAF.

  24. Hondo says:

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think “Limp Bizkit” sounds more like the name of a condition treated by “male enhancement products” than a name for a band? (smile)

  25. NHSparky says:

    Hack–if Atlanta could be in the NL West back in the day, and IIRC, back in the day, the Falcons were in the NFC West as well, then…meh.

    Either way, it’s him and Monkress going for the title.

  26. ex-Army doc says:

    Tesla advances over Crotchrot in the final round. He’s a serious FecalFour contender, but her lies makes him look like a kid caught shoplifting compared to her armed robbery.

    After voting and commenting upon this less than distinguished group, I need to go wash the virtual slime off my hands.

  27. Nicki says:

    I’m counting on Crotchrot to go all the way. I have a very hard spot in my heart for assholes who mess with kids – especially sick kids. I want to hurt this motherfucker. With my bare hands. Slowly.

  28. ExHack says:

    Sparky, great point. And you know I’ve been consistent: I’m rooting for Col. Crotchrot for the same reason Nicki is. I want Monkress and Phildo to get non-competitive, concurrent Special Achievement Awards. (Jonn, TSO, Hondo et al: I’ll kick in a small donation for such an award. I’m thinking maybe a double headed dildo for that pair, engraved with a nice message.)

  29. Old Trooper says:

    @24: Um, nope, that would be female anatomy.

  30. ExHack says:

    @Nicki and other voters: Never Forget! Crotchrot gets bonus points for stalking and hitting on the sick kid’s mom!!! C’mon Ken Dude, I’m working for ya here!

  31. Alberich says:

    Well, I know some defense counsel who’d say that “false swearing” is a job qualification for CID. But I won’t be so uncharitable.

    I stuck with my usual rule of giving the tip to folks who actually served — thereby proving they were sober enough, once in their lives, to pass a piss test, sane enough to hit the jar, and smart enough to take it out of their pants first — and yet were rotten enough to pull this. That’s why the one vote you’ll see for Sandberg is mine.

  32. LostOnThemInterwebs says:

    I think the final will be Phillip Dale Monkress (and his sidekick Paul K Wickre) vs Ken Crotchrot .. although I wouldn’t be amazed if they dropped in here just to get better odds and make random comments …

  33. PtolemyInEgypt says:

    When I think of Tesla, I think of the shitty hairband from the late 80’s/early 90’s who earned Dee Snider’s ire for “unplugging” metal with their 5-Man Acoustical Jam (the strains of which used to float throughout the galleries of Beast Battalion barracks at el Cid circa 1991).

    I know Tesla, and you, C.L. are NO Tesla!

    Just throwing that out there…carry on.

  34. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Ferris already got his so I don’t expect him to garner many votes. If there were an over-80 division, he’d be there in a walkover. Speaking of walkover, my boy, Fast Frankie, is sort of indisposed at the moment–but just as soon as he makes bail, he’ll work up the line. Frankie is a good egg. He’s been making book since the flashpaper days. He just made an error when he tried to lay off some action on the Belmont. Turned out his contact was with NYPD vice. He should be out by Friday.

  35. Green Thumb says:

    I still think Underwood got a raw deal on the seed.

    But hey, the competition is tough!

  36. Virtual Insanity says:

    Tesla vs Crotchrot is a tough call.

    I still think Tesla; I was actually a real Blackhawk pilot, and she pisses me off the most.

  37. SJ says:

    Maybe just go direct to the finals with Crochrot and Monkress licking it out? ?

  38. MrGameandShow says:

    Weak bracket here. Tesla and Cock-a-ran are forerunners. Tirao might be a darkhorse.

  39. Green Thumb says:


    I disagree.

    Overall, the top two seeds are tough.

    However, the individual matchups will test character and that “it – I deserve to be here” intangible.

    There is a lot of loose stool oozing around this pot.

    You just never know….

  40. LostOnThemInterwebs says:

    Mmmm you know .. I think I figured out why Paul keeps on coming here and all, he wants Phillip Dale Monkress to have his name next to Ballduster McSoulPatch in the tournament name …

    The Ballduster McSoulPatch and Phillip Dale Monkress tournament .. is long .. you know what? nah … Monkress is so low that would be a high point in his life having something named after him …

  41. LostOnThemInterwebs says:

    Grrrrrrrrr wrong bracket!!! *sigh* sorry it has been a long day … *facepalm*

  42. UpNorth says:

    Crotchrot all the way.

  43. Ann says:

    Chelle Anderson (#2) is especially appalling since CAP is involved with the majority of search and rescue operations in the United States. They also occasionally help the DEA with aerial reconnaissance over possible drug fields. She could have gotten someone killed.

  44. ExHack says:

    Vanderberg vs. Burley, one of the sideshows on this card: was leaning Vanderberg because of the decent record he stained with stealing extra valor, but Burley wins that matchup solely on the strength of his persistent attempts to argue with Shipley.

    Burley will make a cute bitch for someone in prison.

  45. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Fast Frankie got sprung late yesterday. Here’s his line. No surprises, although he does make Tirao a half tick better than Tesla. The Daily Double is unavailable for the East and South Regionals. Exactas, Quinellas and Triples (a/k/a Trifectas) are available in all Regionals.

    Crocheron: 1-9
    Tirao: 4-1
    Tesla: 9-2
    Ferris: 5-1
    Samford: 5-1
    Thompson: 6-1
    Coomes: 7-1
    Conley: 7-1
    Burley: 7-1
    Maloney: 8-1
    Vandenburg: 8-1
    Maynard: 9-1
    Underwood: 10-1
    Maynard: 11-1
    Poltinger: 20-1
    Armstrong: 50-1

  46. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    CORRECTION @Cmt 45: Maynard is twice listed and Sandberg was omitted. The second Maynard listing (11-1) was supposed to be Sandberg. Maynard remains at 9-1. Damn Frankie.

  47. Navy Capt Paul S Hammer says:

    [Removed by the guy who pays the bills]