Ladies and Gents, I present to you your 2013 Stolen Valor Tournament Champion….

| August 9, 2013

[Note, push play on this shitty ass recorder to get official music.]

I urge you to click through and see, but we got a pretty candid picture of our winner, what is seen cannot be unseen.

John “Gi-Duck” Giduck.
the horror

The final tally: Giduck def. Monkress 65.15% to 34.85%.


gi duck

Category: Stolen Valor Tournament

Comments (119)

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  1. JohnGiducks Shovel says:

    Now that my owner/user has won the competition, how many shovel maintenance technicians hang out here? I need rebuilding.

  2. streetsweeper says:

    YO! AbnMike! About damn time you dropped in out of the clear blue sky, bro. LOL! Glad GI Duck won. Now where can I find one of those E tools that looks just like his? I need one to outside and practice digging trenches.

  3. Odie says:

    I tell ya, I voted for monk seal first out of instinct, but then i had to pause and think about who really did the bad stuff. Gaydick was definitely the runniest turd of the two. Monkey boy just had his fan club president wicky-poo do the fighting for him, Phil Monkress was stupid, but that is just it: all he was is stupid. Giduck made a plan, and executed without pause for consequence. he was and is a con man and hopefully a prison rape victim

  4. Green Thumb says:

    I use Corey B. Trotz.

    Because, Corey B., he get you paid!

  5. jonp says:

    ok, Freddie Mercury in spandex was not something I needed to see.

  6. Common Sense says:

    @17 – My thoughts exactly! I may never cleanse that picture from my mind! Ick!

    I voted for him after remembering the whole Donna Yaklich saga here in CO. Kind of like voting for the local and all that.

  7. ExHack says:

    A contest well played and properly decided.

    I will once AGAIN suggest a special award be created and given to Phildo and Psul. A Special Achievement Award – a NONCOMPETITIVE award, most appropriate considering Phildo’s enjoyment of unfair advantages and Psul’s desire to gain without effort.

  8. LebbenB says:

    @ExHack. Something akin to the Sixth Man award that the NBA awards? We could call it the Socky.

  9. Just Plain Jason says:

    Dallas is jealous that he isn’t getting attention…

    Combat Shovel wins???? WTF??? I demand I recount! Foulplay is afoot! someone stuff the boxes MSG Soupy forever!!!!!

  10. Smitty says:

    glad GI Duck beat out monkey ass, but im still sure the SOCnet guys are stuffing the ballots. thats the only way to explain GI Duck beating Lard-ass Leg-man! a shovel may be able to take off a limb, but not near as efficiently as a train!

  11. GiducksCertOfAppreciation says:

    @110 Let it go, brother…Lardner was a one leg pony ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. OEF_Veteran says:

    (mumbles) buncha sick whacked out mother frackers on this page.


  13. El Marco says:

    I’d raise a glass to the winner, but he’s really a loser.

    one of the analysts in our office showed with a book of his, which i promptly dropped in the trash can. Was told I needed to work on my “people” skills.

  14. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Maybe now he’ll accidentally give himself a TBI with that stupid f#cking shovel of his….what a complete and total 4ssclown…

  15. Smitty says:

    i have decided im going to dress up as giduck for halloween this year. i havent decided if ill do it as a duck in BDUs, or fake facial hair, a shovel, SF tab on russian uniform, and a trophy will balls on the top

  16. Green Thumb says:


    Strap a rubber phallus to your head and you could go as Phildo.

  17. Smitty says:

    dont wanna be philldo, he lost. besides, id need someone to follow me around with their head up my ass as psaul to be recognized, and that just sounds like a painful costume for me and who ever goes as psaul

  18. Hondo says:

    Raise a glass? No, El Marco. I think tonight I’ll take a leak in honor of the “winner” instead.

  19. OldSargeUSAR says:

    Cheers, and hats off to Goo-Dick, the shovel twirling majorette.