Jonathan Michael Cook; puts the special in Special Forces

| August 31, 2014

Jonathan Michael Cook

One of our readers keeps bumping into Jonathan Michael Cook in West Virginia and he gets these stories about the Special Forces/Ranger and how he’s training for a secret mission here in West Virginia. You can tell he’s legit because of the professionally done tattoos that he sports – the old triple canopy with the Superman emblem, the 75th Regiment combat patch. The braided nylon cord around his neck. The ACU pants with a wifebeater shirt and, of course the SF tab sown into his cap.

Jonathan Michael Cook-1

Jonathan Michael Cook-2

Jonathan Michael Cook-3

His FOIA says that he did all of that in two months time, and the ungrateful Army only promoted him to Private E-1, which isn’t a promotion since everyone gets to be an E-1 before they leave for basic training. I’m guessing they sent him back to Crum, WV for being a little unbalanced when he went without his meth for more than few weeks.


Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (49)

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  1. I actually feel sorry for the guy.

  2. rb325th says:

    Where is the belt sander? What a piece of shit…

  3. Delilah T. says:

    Send him to Iraq to fight jihadists. Then we can see just how long he lasts in real combat.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      I second that, and I wonder if he’d last any longer than the Somali jihadis from Minneapolis, MN? Probably not, I bet he’d run right after he pissed and shat himself as soon as he heard the first shots fired!!!

  4. CWORet says:


    Bald ass scruffy turd.

  5. NHSparky says:

    Vegas odds line:

    –My mission is a secret…4/1

    –I AM an honorary CPO and I’ll sue!…1/1

    –Just wearing them to honor my (insert name here)…10/1

    –Am I gonna have to send my sister/cousin/wife to prove who I am?…2/1

    –I’m sorry, I was wrong…100000/1

  6. Old Trooper says:

    How nice. A jacked up tweeker gets his jacked up tweeker gf/sister to put some seriously bad ink on him, while tweeking and both tweekers don’t notice that the triple canopy is in the wrong order. He should go to jail for being that bad of a poser and the person who did the tattoos should be put in jail for being that piss poor of a tattoo “artist”.

    Seriously, he’s too pathetic to even bother with.

  7. MrBill says:

    I remember when I was at Leonard Wood; they were graduating SF Soldiers left and right. Totally legit!

  8. Richard Skull says:

    What a dick face. Glad to see him getting the well deserved recognition. You’re probably spot on with the meth reference.

  9. streetsweeper says:

    Oh lookie, lookie, lookie! He be sporting a scorpion tat, too! Doc Bailey must of found this turd wad.

    • streetsweeper says:

      I take that back about Doc catching his ass. Even better, a WV State Trooper caught on to his shit. lmao! Way to go, fucknuts!

  10. Sparks says:

    This guy is why we veterans can’t have nice things. Queef and a brown eye inspector.

  11. Tman says:

    The Superman logo above the triple canopy?

    Son, you done screwed up.

  12. Green Thumb says:

    Matt Beck’s long lost brother.

    Dude even looks like he is jonesin’.


  13. Andy says:

    Total fake. I mean, he spent 30 days at Leonard Wood and he doesn’t even have his Sapper tab?

  14. Mark says:

    When I ran into him he was wearing a 1st Infantry Div patch with a ranger tab above it. I was told he was in the 82nd. And the reason why I couldn’t understand what he was saying was because of the IED’s.

  15. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Very shitty ink, looks like he was tattooed by an sixth grader!!

  16. ArmyATC says:

    “Special Forces” alright. I’ll bet he was so “speshul” that he even got his own seat and window to lick on the short yellow bus.

  17. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    That is just great!

    Thanks for blowing his cover!

    Our country is less safe now because of your terrorists action.

    He is LEGIT …. He has a neck tattoo!

    Nothing says SPECIAL FORCES and RANGER more than a neck tattoo … Look it up!

  18. AdamsSamoa says:

    Dumbass has the tabs on his tat out of order….

  19. Blaster says:

    Too bad tattoos are forever, because his ” Airborne” and “Ranger” tabs are reversed.

  20. FatCircles0311 says:

    Ugh, I feel like I need a delousing after viewing those pictures.

  21. Mark Lauer says:

    “I wanna be a SHORT BUS RANGER….

    I wanna live a life of POTATO….”

  22. AW1Ed says:

    Wow. This tweeker is a couple tacos shy of a fiesta meal.

  23. W2 says:

    I kind of felt bad for the guy until I read what Scotty had been sent by the LEO that reported on this guy. His one chance was probably in the army and he screwed that up. The LEO had said this turd bird told him he busted out of the Q course was because he “wasn’t good with the smart stuff”. Quite possibly the largest flash of the blindingly obvious in quite some time.

  24. Beretverde says:

    SF,Ranger,Scroll tattoos…..legit!

    Saw an NFL player with a MOH tattoo on his right arm…named Starr and plays for the Falcons.

  25. Mike96BS says:

    He better pray he doesn’t run into some guys from 2/19th!

    I’ll light a fire under his ass.

  26. Steadfast&Loyal says:

    I’m betting the tattoos are either rub on or magic marker.

  27. intheknow says:

    It seems like Mid 30’s is when all this BS finally catches up with these losers.. I have no compassion for these fakes. Thankfully the Freedom of Information Act is in place. Good job calling all of these idiots out for what they really are.

  28. SFC Von says:

    Anyone else notice the sticker on the car to the right in the photo of his cover (hat)? Black fender with yellow “State”- probably followed by “Police” just out of frame…

  29. Green Thumb says:

    Meth, man. Meth.

  30. Big Steve says:

    Great tattoos, dude. And what a superb, lifelong testament to your grueling days as a Ranger, SF, and other exploits you dreamed about there in your trailer.
    Now you need to complete the picture with some tats for Delta, SEAL, and maybe Marine Force Recon.

    Dream big, bro.