Brandon Blanton; more tattoo SF BS

| March 9, 2015

Brandon Blanton (1)

Scotty sends us his work on this fellow, Brandon Blanton who went ahead and got himself this Special Forces tattoo because sitting in a chair for a few hours is just like Special Forces training;

Brandon Blanton (3)

Brandon’s actual military career of an entire year on active duty is capped by his rocketing to the paygrade of E-1. He’s over-decorated with the Army Service Ribbon and a National Defense Service Medal – they don’t just hand those out to everyone, ya know – but he is a five-jump chump.

Brandon Blanton (4)

Scotty has a real nice mug shot of him when he was arrested for being in arrears for child support, so he’s a real upstanding citizen. Right up there with Daniel Bernath, another famous deadbeat Dad. Scotty says that he fleeces his buds on Call of Duty.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (46)

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  1. Green Thumb says:

    Brandon Blimpton.

    The eyes say it all.


  2. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    MP school? I wonder did he arrest himself? And don’t sell E-1 short. It is not at all easy to serve a year or more AD and be discharged an E-1. That takes effort.

  3. Stacy0311 says:

    5 jump chump?
    Did they strap a couple of cargo chutes to his fat ass and roll him off the ramp?

    • Green Thumb says:

      Five-pump chump.

    • TankBoy says:

      I was thinking the same thing, like watching a hummer come down, with three chutes, all of them screaming as they fight gravity.

    • rb325th says:

      I volunteer for belt sander duty, to assist heavy drop with the tattoo removal. Good thing he didn’t burn in, they would be spending years clearing all that shit from the DZ.

  4. C. Long says:

    I can’t tell you how many super soldiers I’ve met during online gaming sessions. If you ever want to meet a Marine para-sniper seal just load up Call of Duty.

    Not sure what’s worse, the stolen valor or the fact he doesn’t pay his child support.

  5. sj says:

    Not a sniper? Pfffft.

  6. 3E9 says:

    He is a special kind of dipshit. A product of my beloved MP Corps. Fuck him.

  7. Dave Hardin says:


    He looks special, he reminds me of that corn cob incident in ‘Deliverance’.

    • TankBoy says:

      No, that would be Mr. Queen, the force recon sniper form over the weekend. I think on his deleted web site he even said he specialized as a musical extra in canoeing movies.

  8. Oldav8or says:

    More like “Call of Dooty!”

  9. Andy11M says:

    so a quick search shows that Det 1 1137 MP Co is a NG unit. His dates of military service are interesting. Start date is Dec 2001. Now that could be he was inspired by 9/11, or he could have been waiting to ship when 9/11 happened. Then active March 2002-June 2003 for 16 months active. Then a end date of Dec 2006. So 5 years combined and out as a E-nothing. Any bets that he was on a 5 year Guard hitch and they just let him float along till his ETS?

    • 3E9 says:

      I know at that time for some of the Reserve/Guard components it was easier to let someone stay on the books then try to justify tossing them involuntarily. Especially if they had a critical MOS/AFSC. We (USAFR) had an EOD guy who quit playing and after spending a year trying to throw him out for non participation we finally gave up and just carried him unexcused for a couple of years until he ETS’d.

  10. AW2 to CPT says:

    Well, to be fair, he is roughly the same size and weight as a SF A team.

  11. beretverde says:

    ex-MP wannabe….

  12. Mayhem says:

    He looks like that guy from the movie “My Cousin Vinnie” sitting at the bar with a bucket of drumsticks, puts one in his mouth and sucks the meat right off the bone in one draw LOL classic! So he was an MP huh? What did they use him for Hasty Roadblocks?

  13. Fjardeson says:

    Why, why, always the 3-tier super soldier tabs? A man from Mars would think all of male citizens of the United States are high speed low drag Sniper Ranger SEALs.

    Or maybe these stolen valor dirtbags are assisting with some kind of anti-alien-invasion disinformation campaign? 🙂

    • Big Steve says:

      I have been amazed at that also… how many of these guys (the army phonies, anyway) sport both a Ranger and SF tab. And are also prone to add a drill sergeant badge, pathfinder badge, CIB, etc.
      Guess they don’t know when to stop, and how absurd they look once we catch ’em.

      • Mayhem says:

        Oh I imagine if they gave out tabs for completing the Field Sanitation course they would claim that too.

  14. Big Steve says:

    God… either a lot of these effers don’t look in a full-length mirror before they claim all this Special Ops stuff, or they have never seen a real Operator. So the phony has no clue that he looks NOTHING like a typical S.O. dude… be it SF, Rangers, Seals, MC Force Recon, etc.

  15. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:


    1. Crooked
    2. Tattoo


  16. Jordan Rott says:

    Marked as a dumbass for life. And as Master Cheif said, the best part is its crooked! Hahaha.

    • Big Steve says:

      Yeah, that is one effed up tattoo. But the chicks (or maybe young guys) he’s trying to impress probably won’t notice.

      • Green Thumb says:


        This dude strikes me as being into the “daily-double” if you know what I mean….

  17. charles w says:

    I will cut him a little slack. He has had a drinking problem ever since Macho Grande. He also has the dreaded 1000 yard stare that many SF guys have. Or maybe he spotted a pizza delivery in progress.

  18. TankBoy says:

    This ass clown, Joseph Queen over in West Virginia with his jacked up Marine Recon sniper ink, and the dumbass in Calgary Alberta with the Seal tattoos should all get together. The simple answer for this dumbassery? Trying to pimp it up for the ladies. Look at this pathetic fool. Do you think any self respecting lady with all her limbs and an ASVAB score above 17 is going to go anywhere within 25 feet of this ass-monkey? The exact same thing as Joe (Dirt) Queen out in West Virginia.

  19. GDContractor says:

    Anyone notice the comment over on Scotty’s site? Ticklemonster confirmed.

  20. MJN1957 says:

    Heh…you said Bernath.

    ‘twon’t be long now and we shall feel the wrath of the Bernath with his scary typing and threatening and such.


    • Green Thumb says:

      I doubt he is typing.

      More than likely his hands are busy tugging some tubesteaks as he uses VOX on the phone to drum up some “slip and fall” work.

      I wonder why he slipped?

  21. Cassie Fox says:

    I’m going with not paying child support. I am the mother of his 12 yr old daughter. Been a loser since 2002. I swear he didn’t look like this in high school. He really let himself go

    • summer fox says:

      i totally agree. now she is a mother of a 13 year old daughter. he can’t even pay child support for me. and yea he let him self go….. like a really long time ago