Joseph Figueroa; phony cop, phony SEAL, phony Marine

| October 9, 2015

Joseph Figueroa

So, this creep, Joseph Figueroa has been skulking around New York City in the above-pictured uniform, claiming to be an FBI agent as well as a former SEAL and Marine, mostly to get the ladies, according to the New York Post.

The Inwood man’s idea of dressing for a date involved strapping a gun to his waist, studding his shirt with an array of badges and pins and ironing a US-flag patch on each shoulder.

The only problem is that he is not a federal agent.

His title of “federal task force agent for abused females and kids” is totally made up.

“This guy has been impersonating police” to meet women, a source told The Post of Figueroa, 54, who lives with his mother and was arrested at their Dyckman Projects home on Wednesday.

The truth is that he worked in bodega. Part of his actual dating preparation included pointing his gun at the ladies, because that works all of the time – but that’s how he ended up in court this last time;

[W]hen she tried to call it quits, he began stalking her — showing up at her place and even bothering her friends, the source alleged.

“He was popping up at their homes at night, unannounced, telling them he was ‘the law’ and they can’t get rid of him,” the source alleged.

“At one point, he pulls up to her job and, in front of everyone, pulls his gun out and points it at her while in this fake uniform — which is why he was collared.”

Figueroa was arraigned Thursday night on charges of harassment, forgery and unlawful surveillance. He was released on $1,500 cash bail — posted by his mother.

“You f-?-king morons!” Figueroa shouted at a Post reporter and photographer outside court. “You want to go to the hospital? Try taking another one of me, motherf-?-ker, you!”

Such a sweet talker. But, you know, stolen valor is a victimless crime.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (40)

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  1. ChipNASA says:

    What a typical slimeball.
    Lives with mommy….
    Mr. MICRO PEEN!!!!
    😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

    Comes to TAH talking shit in 5……4……..3…….2…….1…..

  2. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    “You f-?-king morons!” Figueroa shouted at a Post reporter and photographer outside court. “You want to go to the hospital? Try taking another one of me, motherf-?-ker, you!”

    I could have learned to like someone with that attitude toward the press. Too bad he is a shitbirdio (that’s spanish for shitbird, by the way.)

  3. Marine_7002 says:

    Shiny badge that says “Fugitive recovery agent.”

    Mirrored sunglasses.


    Dark-colored uniform with other shiny stuff on it and a US flag patch.

    Name and “FEDERAL AGENT” embroidered on uniform shirt.

    Works at a “bodega” (grocery store) as his “cover”.

    Rap sheet has numerous entries on it to help with his “cover.”


    Drives home the point that Jonn regularly makes – Stolen Valor is just the tip of the iceberg.

  4. Green Thumb says:

    After this clown dropped his load in Phildo(Phil Monkress – CEO of All-Points Logistics), he (Phildo) squatted and shat.

    An lo and behold, Angelo Othchy was born.

  5. Hondo says:

    Cop? Fake.
    Marine? Fake.
    SEAL? Fake.

    Low-life idiot? Real deal.

  6. nbcguy54ACTUAL says:

    No weapons charges??

    There oughta be a law…/sarc/

    • Hondo says:

      Those charges may be pending or under investigation. NYC takes a VERY dim view of people who aren’t cops or otherwise have “special justification” (e.g., connections) carrying a handgun – at all. Just ask Plaxio Burress.

  7. Airdale USN says:

    fake all around, still lives with his mommy!!! She should have left his ass in jail!!!

  8. Airdale USN says:

    Fake all around and still lives with his mommy. She should’ve left his ass in jail!!!

  9. GDContractor says:

    It takes a lot of brains and attention to detail to wear a flag patch on each shoulder. I wonder what that looked like.

  10. 13B/92S/02M says:

    Are those Macho Man Randy Savage mirrored glasses without the frames standard issue for federal agents?

  11. Combat Historian says:

    Thor and Bubba to Little Joey: “Dammit, I told you I wanted extra man-mayo on my bodega sammich !!!”…

  12. NECCSEABCPO says:

    what a big POS…..

  13. Ex-PH2 says:

    Phony cop? Cop impersonator?

    Isn’t that against the law, or something?

    Who does this twig remind me of? Hmmm…. oh, I don’t know. Can’t remember. Must nor be important enough to remember.

  14. Skippy says:

    Holy Crapola it raining crazy today Lol……..

  15. Dave Hardin says:

    Transcript of pending incoming phone call:

    You m##$$$$’s better take down that %$$$%$$ing web site or I will %$###% you and your *&&&*&^^&%%. I am going to &%%%$^^%& to *&%^^%&%%% (^^*&%%^%$^ *^&%&&& or else you will *%%$$##%%$%, so go &^%^^&^% #####% *^%&^^% my lawyer.

  16. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    A walking dump truckload of apeshit crazy!

  17. Jarhead says:

    Ah, the mirrored sun glasses, the first warning of someone worth keeping at a distance. Either really dark sunglasses or the type he wears are a favorite for the weak deceivers. Doing just what they are meant for…..hiding the eyes so you can’t look directly into them, where the soul is visible. Favorite M. O. for those who wish to be seen as tough guys without the truth escaping from their eyes. The real give away with him was always having to wear his Mickey Mouse badge and ESPECIALLY having to carry a gun along with his Minnie Mouse uniform. That’s the way sick losers attempt to display their make believe manhood. The balls to call himself a SEAL and then a Marine shows his ongoing efforts to be what he knew he never could be. I’m willing to bet mommy still breast feeds the low life piece of shit. Knowing he has been exposed just destroys his image of a sandwich maker at the deli. Quite a step down from what he makes himself out to be.
    What amazes me is that he continues to play his make believe games in spite of a lengthy record of arrests for much of the same garbage. You don’t suppose judges look at him, laugh and feel sorry for such a world class LOSER and go easy enough to allow him to return to the same antics of a 14 year old entering puberty? Why else is he not in an institution where he can be locked up and away from the real world? This BEFORE this idiot goes off on a killing spree and takes revenge for all who have exposed him, and all (females) who have rejected him!!!!!!!!
    This moron is a nobody doing his best to be a somebody. His mother obviously believes him when he heads out the door in his Star Treck-inspired get up and tells her he is going to his real job. Truth is, if she knows what he really is or is not, then she holds a bit of responsibility for the damage he has done, or will do INEVITABLY in the future. My hope is the poser makes the television news reports and has the letter “P” put above above their front door and on his license plate.

  18. Sam Naomi says:



  19. Sam Naomi says:



  20. mark says:

    Don Shipley will seek you out, loser.

  21. B Woodman says:

    “The Inwood man’s idea of dressing for a date involved studding his shirt with an array of badges and pins and ironing a US-flag patch on each shoulder.”

    Soooo. . . does that mean he ironed US flag patches to his shirt shoulders? Ironed them to his bare shoulders? Or ironed them to his shirt shoulders while wearing it?
    Enquiring minds, etc.

  22. Dennis - not chevy says:

    $1,500 bail and a badge that looks like an Army Officer’s hat device super-glued to one of the badges that are sold in tourist trap gift shops.
    The face palm is strong with this one.

  23. Hack Stone says:

    This thread has been up for 8 hours, and I am the first to post this link?

  24. Hack Stone says:

    Another sandwich commando! What was that other losers name? Maury Povich? Pop & Fresh? Something like that. So many posers; so little time.

  25. HMCS (FMF) ret. says:

    Chevy’s Latino half-brother… probably his “Compass Call” co-pilot. Only thing he’s missing is a phony pee H dee and eight ex-wives…

  26. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    I’m sure it’ll only be a matter of time until he hears Bubba & Thor tell him “PICK UP THE SOAP, BITCH!!”