Mark Alan Rowland; phony veteran

| May 19, 2016

Mark Alan Rowland

Someone sent us their work on this fellow, Mark Alan Rowland in Denton, Texas. He tells folks back in Florida that he’s a secret squirrel off on secret squirrel operations fighting terrorists – because the government needs more 53-year-olds in the global war against terror. His team has been doing so well that the Army is going to let him retire soon.

Actually, he was busted about six years ago by the old POW Network. Since they shut down their web site, he thought he could get away with it again.

Mark Alan Rowland1

He’s never had any service. Not a minute. But he has enriched flea markets and Ebay merchants – the word is that he has a shadow box with more than 30 awards in the case. He has promoted himself to Lieutenant Colonel since this picture was taken;

Mark Alan Rowland2

Mark Alan Rowland FOIA

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (64)

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  1. EODJay says:

    Glad to see that he’s getting his much wanted notoriety.

  2. Bobo says:

    That beret says it all.

    • Hondo says:

      Yep. Chef Boyardee’s hat looked better.

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        A pissed off French Pastry Cook would wear a more squared away-looking beret than Mark Alan Rowland the ????? repeat POSer.

  3. Dave Hardin says:

    Another retread. We need to update the battle plan on these repeat offenders. Maybe a billboard in their area would help. Add in the local paper doing a BOLO. There has to be some great ideas to expose those who refuse to learn.

    Open for suggestions.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Suggestions? Okay. Here’s one. Turn this guy loose on him. 🙂

    • Jarhead says:

      Bro. Dave…now that idea about the billboard makes sense. They run somewhere in the area of $500 for one month around here. I appreciate your idea so much that you have in writing from me a commitment of $50 for any one poser/phony for one month each. Others can surely toss in the rest. Check with some billboard companies as to how they could interact with companies in other cities to give us a standard rate per any month/any phony exposed. Would be great to have a central location all this originates from. For that price, the art work should also be included. Considering it is an issue of Veterans, they surely would jump at the chance to be competitive and consistent throughout the country. Set up the paper work, get the necessary CFO bonded, and get on with it. Past time for a good idea like this. S/F

  4. Atkron says:

    Mark Alan Rowland…now you’re Google famous.

  5. IDC SARC says:

    It’s a shame that career soldiers doing covert missions vital to national security have to be scorned for simply wearing their uniforms.


  6. Dapandico says:

    He captured a squad of Taliban only armed with an MRE heater and a paper plate.

    • 3E9 says:

      Those heaters can get pretty damn hot.

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        I’ve even *COUGH* heard rumors about people putting them in plastic soda bottles…

        • HMCS(FMF) ret. says:

          Don’t know anything about doing that with MRE heaters…

          (rolls eyes and grins)

          • SFC D says:

            I’ve been told it can result in a rather satisfying boom. Not that I would condone such behavior 😉

            • HMCS(FMF) ret. says:

              I can neither confirm or deny that I did attend field training about such devious behavior… and that I put together such training for junior Hospital Corpsmen at any time in my career


            • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

              I *COUGH* heard a rumor once that putting two or three in a two liter soda bottle can make a sound like a cannon shot, maybe someone did it on New Year’s Eve…

              • Sarge says:

                2 liter bottle, 5 MRE heaters, and a whole freaking roll of duct tape…

                Marines came running with guns back in August 1999.

                • SFC D says:

                  Zagreb, 1996. One of my alleged team rolled an alleged MRE bomb under an alleged Brit radio shelter. The alleged Brits allegedly came out, allegedly locked and loaded. Oops. The alleged bomber allegedly regained a peaceful alliance by introducing the angry Brits to oreo’s and milk. No shit.

        • IDC SARC says:

          I would with utmost certianty never bring MRE heaters home so my kids can make soda bottle bombs or tell them it’s even more fun if you put a dab of texas pete in them.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret. says:

      Dude probably shaves his scrote with a rubber K-Bar…

    • CWORet says:

      And a spork. I don’t always conduct black ops covert operations against the enemy; but when I do, I’m armed with a spork.

  7. Claw says:

    Damnit, I wish the uniform picture was a little clearer.

    Now I’m gonna sit here all day agonizing over whether he has a 4 or a 5 on the NCOPDR.

    Damnit, Damnit, Damnit.

    • Dapandico says:

      And with the “V’ Device for valor.

      • Claw says:

        The “V” Device goes on the Army Service Ribbon. I thought everybody knew that.

        But if he has a 5 on the NCOPDR, that means he’s a graduate of the CoGS course.

        CoGS meaning Connoisseur of Goat Semen.

        Only graduates of that course are allowed to wear the Chef Boyardee Beret.

        • Martinjmpr says:

          I thought the “arrowhead” device on the Army Service Ribbon meant “First one in the chow line?”

    • Yef says:

      Is that a PH before a SS?
      Can’t tell if the very first one is BSM.

  8. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    That dude’s only 53?? He ain’t aging well…he needs to eat more red meat or something…

  9. ChipNASA says:

    Hey dickcheese, that mustache is outta regs.

  10. ex-OS2 says:


  11. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    What a moldy mouse turd of a dingleberry on a buck-toothed inbred Swamp Donkey! I bet he wears that getup when he’s pole dancing at The Blue Oyster as well and I wouldn’t be surprised if he wore a “V” device on an NDSM!

    • Jarhead says:

      API…FYI, Mrs Jarhead has an education and thinks different than we do. How many times I’ve caught hell for my profane remarks, both written and physically expressed. Tonight she laughed her posterior off at you comments. Seems to have become a fan of your breakfast synonym toast. Keep up the good work! This is a genuine Christian woman who was the first and ONLY to be able to settle down a WHOLE LOT of rowdiness tied to the wild side. Thanks for being a role model to make her laugh.

  12. MCPO NYC USN Ret. aka Son of Ó hEochaidh says:

    Nothing says “Retired Army” like an after-market ball cap purchased at a swap meet emblazoned with “Retired Army”.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      I’ve seen those in Military Slurpus stores and flea markets as well, I see him as the type that would show up in one or at a Gun Show wearing BDU’s or some other uniform thinking he looks like an intimidating badass in them.

      • MCPO NYC USN Ret. aka Son of Ó hEochaidh says:


        • CWORet says:

          He has a lot of funny vids. Wish I had his day job…

          • CWORet says:

            Edit: Maybe not his real day job. At least his arsenal, anyway. Just to replace the ones that went to the bottom of the lake in a bizarre boating accident.

  13. HMCS(FMF) ret. says:

    Dude is a real, deal Ballsack Warrior… sekrit nekkid combat swimmer type, one each.

    Looks like he’s manhandled a few two holes and is a professional taint tickler!

    Your GOOGLE famous Marky Alan Rowland!!

  14. Combat Historian says:

    Fucker’s french beanie doesn’t even have a gold oak leaf affixed to the flash. Totally worthless phony mutherfucker…

  15. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    Another douchebag that had a surplus store explode on his chest.

    Fucking loser.

  16. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I found the missing #2 pencil. It’s holding up this clown’s head–somewhat.

  17. Skippy says:

    Well this one is a SUPER TURD or a three flusher at least ????????????

  18. Sparks says:


  19. JimV says:

    My guess is that he is a tard. Not firing on all four cylinders.

  20. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I can’t decide whether that topmost pic of him should have a mouse tail protruding from his lips or sperm dripping from them. However, when I consider the other two pics as well, it’s hands-down sperm.

  21. Tim says:

    Mark also loves to bowl when he’s not on secret missions he possibly lives in Denison, TX.’356-3743 is Marks United States Bowling Congress Member number he can be found at these locations in these leagues also
    Super Bowl Plano tx in the PS Super Seniors League
    Brunswick Zone Denon, TX Tuesday Seniors
    University Lanes Denton TX in the TGIF league

  22. Mike W says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but is that a RVN medal on the lower right side?

    53? and he was born in ’63ish. Must be that Common Core math that is being taught to my 7yo.

    • Jarhead says:

      Hey Mike, give the dude a break. Yep, I guess he was born in or around ’63. I first met him in RVN around ’67. He fooled the recruiters by telling them he was a midget. Hell, man, he was such a badass that he went on R & R to Hanoi when he was all of six years old. En route, he pole vaulted across the DMZ just to say he did it. According to him, he single-handed killed and wounded over 1,000 Gooks going up there and returning. Especially on his return below the border, he had earned himself a name as Bad Bad LeRoy Brown Rowland. In spite of his combat prowess, he still looked like a jig saw puzzle when he finally discharged. Hellofaman!!

  23. USMCMSgt(Ret) says:

    After I read “Denton, Texas” and saw “Florida”, I concluded maybe he is related to Steve Cushman somehow.

    This guy and Cushman are (were?) from Denton. IIRC, ol’ Steve pretended to be a USAF pilot of some sort to advance his political career in Florida:

    • Tim says:

      Mark use to live in Florida but he tells his family his is on secret missions while the whole time he has another life in Texas. This is the must current information about his whereabouts and how to find him
      Mark also loves to bowl when he’s not on secret missions he possibly lives in Denison, TX.’356-3743 is Marks United States Bowling Congress Member number he can be found at these locations in these leagues also
      Super Bowl Plano tx in the PS Super Seniors League
      Brunswick Zone Denon, TX Tuesday Seniors
      University Lanes Denton TX in the TGIF league

  24. Green Thumb says:

    Turd with a Capitol “T”.

  25. Eden says:

    Point of information: When did the Army start authorizing the beret with the green Class B?

    • Eden says:

      I should specify the black beret. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one with the greens before.

  26. 20thEB67 says:

    Phony bastard!

  27. Combat Historian says:

    Hey Mark Allan Rowland, I heard you just got recalled to active duty and have been deployed to hunt down the terrs who brought down EgyptAir Flight 804. Please provide us with updated SITREPs as your mission proceeds. Thanks and Out…