Douglas Duane Dietrich; Phony Desert Storm Marine

| September 27, 2016

Douglas Dietrich2

Someone sent us their work on this Douglas Duane Dietrich fellow. Suffice it to say that he is a crank of monumental proportions. Lucky for me, I only have to address his claim that he was a Marine veteran of Desert Storm, because he’s claimed all sorts of crazy-ass shit involving cover-ups of Pearl Harbor, aliens, “the reality behind vampires, zombies, Soviet psychic warfare, and other occult phenomena”. Its all at his LinkedIn page. Like his version of his career in the Marine Corps;

Dietrich Claims

He single-handedly invaded Kuwait and wiped out Hussein’s chemical weapons cache so they couldn’t be used against US troops. While he wasn’t taking out Saudi Religious Policemen with his bare hands. The problem, of course, is that his records don’t match his tales. He had four months in the Marine Corps from October 1987 – January 1988 and he was an entry level separation. Or that’s what the government would have you believe;

Duane Dietrich FOIA

He admits that he was an entry level discharge, but he claims that he took another shot at military service before Desert Storm and made it into the service, but the Pentagon disagrees. He was not on active duty during Desert Storm according to DoD’s HR;

Dietrich Manpower Report

Other people have done a better job of tearing him down as a general crank, you can read his windbag meanderings through the English language, or you can watch the hours of his YouTube videos. My focus is on military service, and his lack thereof. It seems that the rest of his bullshit rests on his service as Marine, so there you go.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (82)

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  1. CB Senior says:

    Nice as-cot. Nothing says killer like an ascot and a count Dracula hair style.

    Do yourself a favor and hold your arms out strait. it makes it tougher for them the get the net over you.

  2. Mick says:

    OK, I ‘Chieu Hoi’. I can’t take much more of this. There have been way too many phony Marines around here lately.

    C’mon Army, Air Force, Navy, and Coast Guard. Ante up, get in the game, and catch up.

    • Being an exUSAF enlisted maintenance troop, we don’t seem macho enough for the fakes, it’s not glorious enough for them to be on the flight line in all kinds of weather fixing aircraft
      Fake USAF are always pj’s or the ace of the base, when I hear those AFSC’s I become immediately skeptical

      • David Pomeroy says:

        I’m with you on that vaarkman. Nobody want’s to be a “chamber maid” either. Our AFSC’S are sorely overlooked by posers.

  3. OWB says:

    Well. I was in Desert Storm and didn’t see him there…

  4. Dave Hardin says:

    This guy is a disgrace to all of us who actually did get busted in rank. I earned every one of my reductions in rank. This clown has no idea what an NJP is actually like.

    Anyone can get promoted, with the obvious exception of this clown, it takes fortitude to go up and down the ranks.

    I got busted once and my entire platoon shaved their heads in protest. Finest group of Marines I ever served with. It took me 6 whole months to go from Cpl to SSgt.

    I don’t take kindly to people stealing my reductions in rank.

  5. PhukYoCouch says:

    Wow. An ass-cot. Looks like Johnny Depp in FEAR AND LOATHING and Vincent Price dropped a toilet baby and this dude was the result. Wow.

  6. Bobo says:

    I’m guessing that, based on his picture above, the entry level separation was do to pole smoking.

  7. USMCMSgt (Ret) says:


    (Sorry to steal your thunder, ex-OS2…)

  8. Mayhem says:

    Look ! it’s an Ass-Clot wearing an As-cot! I first thought it was Deuce Bigelow Male Gigolo but upon further inspection I realized it was just another turd.

  9. Redacted1775 says:

    This guy looks like he has the corpses of several small house pets buried in his mom’s back yard.

  10. nicki says:

    Oh, holy shit! That motherfucker has cray cray written all over his face!

  11. Skippy says:

    Another low speed supper three week warrior hits the crapper

  12. Ex-PH2 says:

    It’s just too early for Deh Strangeperson to show up in my stuff. I have rugs to vacuum.

  13. Combat Historian says:

    Perhaps the trainee discharge was just a cover, and he actually went SECRET SQUIRRELS and was enlisted in the vaunted USMC VAMPIRE SQUAD, the Best of the best, the Elitest of the elite…

  14. Sparks says:


  15. OldManchu says:


  16. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    “He admits that he was an entry level discharge, but he claims that he took another shot at military service before Desert Storm and made it into the service….” I rather appreciate that approach. It is credibility by admission of shortcoming. It didn’t work but, nevertheless, it was a good try. It’s a variation of the time-honored grain of truth approach. Mix some truth to deliver the Big Lie and some folks will believe you.

  17. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Damn… looks like a victim of alien anal probing that stayed a little too long at Area 51. Reminds me of Jonathan Sharkey

  18. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    He looks like a hybrid cross between a meat gazer and a creepy clown, I bet he cruises around town in a windowless 20 year old van. Maybe he DID get abducted by a UFO and got anal probed hard enough to give him brain damage? Does he come out from his Momma’s basement very often during daylight? Booger-munching bedwetting rat fart of a twinkle-toed candyassed toad snot-headed dingleberry!!

  19. ex-OS2 says:

    I am curious if he is friends with Jerry Foster, the phony Navy Commander and the demented magician.

  20. Forest Green says:

    That picture appears to be a capture from his Barnabas Collins screen test.

  21. Hondo says:

    Folks, if you haven’t read this kook’s Facebook page . . . do yourself a favor and take a few minutes to read it before it disappears. It’s the first link Jonn provides in the article above.

    One of his claimed jobs: Satan’s Liaison. Seriously.

    I haven’t seen “teh krayzee” like that in a while. Holy schmoley!

  22. lily says:

    His desert storm was caused by el nino and el nino was caused by chem trails.

  23. Doc Savage says:

    The look on his face says “weapons grade crazy”.

  24. HMC Ret says:

    Looks like Data from Star Trek.

  25. Rock says:

    I kind of doubt stolen valor in this guy’s case. He seems like he suffers from grandiose delusions and probably another comorbid mental illness, possibly schizophrenia as this dude seems completely detached from any sort of reality.

    Basically, the dude seems to be a fucking psycho. I highly doubt anyone has bought into his bullshit… This dude needs an antipsychotic like yesterday.

    • Starbux says:

      That’s what I gather as well, especially if you read his supposed work and education history.

      Schizophrenics will no shit believe they are what they think they are. I bet this guy is bat shit nuts.

  26. PhukYoCouch says:

    Recruiter: Mr. Wilson.

    Wade Wilson: How can I help you? Besides luring children into a panel van.

  27. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    There are so many things we humans do that are simply amazing, however it’s always important to be reminded that when things go as terribly wrong as what’s happened to this poor bastard’s wiring they can go terribly wrong.

    This is not the craziest motherfucker I’ve come across, but damned if he isn’t in the top two….

  28. MSG Eric says:

    This is the guy your parents warned you about when they said, “Don’t talk to strangers.” and “don’t take candy from strangers.” and “don’t get into a car with someone you don’t know.”

    They need to do some ground radar at his house and his mom’s house too, checking for the mass grave.

    Oh and, somewhere a mental institution is missing their poster boy.

  29. jarhead says:

    Hard to believe he beat the hell out of a half million other sperm!

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      He’s another one that should have been a blowjob.

    • Claw says:

      Jarhead, way, way, way low sperm count at a half million.

      From what I’ve read, the average count is anywhere from 50 million to 150 million sperm per load.

      But maybe that’s how he slivered through. He impaled every other lookalike on the trip down fallopian lane.

    • Hondo says:

      Agreed. While his dad might have “gotten lucky”, his mom certainly didn’t. Nor did the rest of us who have to put up with his “krayzee”.

  30. John D says:

    PFC and Marksmanship badge all in 4 months,

    and he just had to go and crap all over that fine



  31. jarhead says:

    A vampire walks into a bar, ‘pint of blood barman’ he says. The barman gives him his order.
    A second vampire walks into the bar, ‘pint of your finest blood please’ he says. Again, the barman pours his order.
    A third vampire walks into the bar and says ‘a mug of hot water please barman’. The barman looks puzzled at the vampire, and asks- ‘why the f*** do you want hot water for?’ The vampire answered- ‘i found a used tampon and i’m making tea’.

  32. Jonp says:

    You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
    Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
    Your scarf it was apricot…

    Jesus, could one picture scream “im on my way to put on the clown suit and head over to Kiddyland in my ice cream truck with an axe and a basket of puppies” more than that one?

  33. DirtDart says:

    Oh my god… he put the headshot out?!?! What a cockholster- Looks like a cash for trash mercenary or a stereotypical South American drug lord from those really bad 80’s B movies I would watch growing up. Ah can’t stop laughing, damn Jonn ah spilled my coffee

  34. USMCMSgt (Ret) says:

    Duane “The man who stares at goats” Dietrich

    • jarhead says:

      Now that you mention it, wasn’t he on a Jerry Springer episode titled, “I’ll F__k Your Goat If I Want To!”

  35. Just An Old Dog says:

    The clerks at NCR are getting pretty bad. ”
    Marksman with auto rifle? WTF?
    PFC is pretty easy to explain. He was a contract PFC. He went in getting paid as a PFC E-2, even though Marine recruits don’t wear that rank or get addressed as such until graduation.
    If they get separated they are given that rank on DD214, even if they were only there a few days,

  36. Green Thumb says:

    All-Points Logistics Special Assistant to legal counsel Lori Benton and Daniel Bernath.


  37. jarhead says:

    It comes back to me now in the middle of the night. Where I had seen him was modeling vampire outfits at Victor’s Secret. No idea until that time they made spandex capes and crotchless underwear for vampires.

    Looking at the background in his picture for some odd reason makes me think of that cat named Marshall Applewhite from Calif. who convinced a bunch of other gullible fruit cakes to end their lives with him and accompany him to somewhere out in the Heavens. Here is a picture of him and the Wikipedia
    report about the event.

  38. MCPO NYC USN Ret. ain't goin' no where says:

    Captain Hikaru Sulu just called and he wants his suggestive gaze and smirk back … NOW!

  39. jarhead says:

    A few of them appear to be a gay gaze. “Mr. Spock, may I see your genitals please?”

  40. 42A Combat Clerk says:

    Is it wrong how much joy and entertainment I glean from the mad ramblings of the obviously(possibly dangerously?) mentally unstable.

  41. PrevMed says:

    This douche-nozzle couldn’t even kill a Chuck Norris meme.

  42. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    His father had only one regret: his son.

    Dougy: The man you claim is your Dad called. He wants a DNA sample from you to disprove your claim.

    Douglas. It’s okay. We understand. Prolonged glue sniffing takes a great toll on the mind.