William “Bill” Humphries; Marine Force Recon Phony

| January 14, 2017

The folks at Military Phonies send us their work on this Bill Humphries fellow who really doesn’t understand how the military works, but that doesn’t stop from entertaining the civvies with his fairy tales. For example, this gem;

Bill attended The University of Georgia became a member of The Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity, eventually president and joined R.O.T.C. where he earned his Army Rangrer Tab within his first year which had never been done at The University of Georgia.

The reason it had never been done is because the only ROTC cadets who attend Ranger School do so in between their Junior and Senior year, and it’s done instead of Advanced Camp – not willy-nilly sometime in their college career.

At Georgia Bill developed an affinity for girls and parties and his grades started to fall. He was known for his wild side and finally he made a mistake that would change his life forever , He was at a celebrated fraternity party where the brothers set the pledgr mobile on fire and when thet firemen came to put the blaze out Bill stole a fire truck as a pramk which ended with an 18 man SWATT team and a felony of 10 years in prison. Billl was athletic very smart with an IQ of 133 and gifted in tactical thinking an exceptionally skilled in combat weaponry, explosives leadership and navigtional tactics so the Commanding Officer of The ROTC AT The University called a contact at the Pentagon who recruited young men that fit the blue print of an experimentl elite Black Operations Unit that worked as an arm of Th C.I.A. the N.S.A. and The Special Operations Force for The United States Navy. The full bird Colonel flew down with a team ran some tests and Bill was a perfect fit for a candidate for this lethal unit. The Colonel went to the judge said tehy need guys like Bill and the survival rate was close to 30% in the operations they ran. The judge gave the choice to Bill and Bill accepted the challenge. Bill became a trainer in the Elite Black Opertion teams running missions, operations and the most dangrous assignment in the world all over the world for seven years. Out of his twelve man kill team and over 72 life fire operations 4 men survived out of the ten year commitment. Bill struggled to heal from darkness no man or woman should ever have to see or do, he reinvented himself in acting and fitness studying theater in New York City

Yeah, Special Operations units aren’t populated with criminals and general college shitbirds, just the opposite. For every college student who thinks he would be a hot shit operator, there are a thousand actual operators who would make the college students look handicapped. That bullshit is all a Hollywood creation, but then so is Bill;

Believe it or not, Bill did actually serve – in the Marine Corps Reserve. His only active duty service was for initial training, though;

I guess when your looks fade as fast as Bill’s looks did, you need to make up bullshit in Hollywood.

Category: Phony soldiers

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  1. MeatGazer says:

    I kno this MF, he did attend Lovett, then tx.ed to McCallie, where he roomed with DanRather(no not that DanRather), then somehow managed to escape that school soaring to the bottom of the class rankings, and then attended UGA, where he majored in SAE Fraternity, and excelled at something important…Fraternity President, while proceeding to excell at F.ing all his courses, until Momma wouldn’t pay any more…so he bailed on his frat nickname of “Airborne” and ran off to pledge with the USMC… completed boot at ‘the Island’ and promply pledged ATR (read, ‘reservist’ w/extreme prejudice) and move up in his ‘MotorT’ MOS… for the next eight years, until his obligation was over, and they would let him bolt from that ‘bad[asswipe]move’ …then he joined ‘Holly would” because some rep tol’em he ‘had a certain look’ and proceeded to act/stunt his way onto ‘the strip’ where they ‘tol’em to get his lips fixed….not full enough’ and he began the long slide down the ‘Plastic Surg’ route, until he looked like Mickey Rourke’s ‘beat w/any ugly stick porn flick body double’, and acted in a few movies like; “Tigger” and “Blunt Forst Butt Trauma” and “War while sucking Pigs” and “Assby” and “Dead in the ButtsTone” and “Iron Dick 2” and “Pogue Warrior{the assplay game}” and “Cumshot ” and “The NutWrestler{as Randy ‘the ButtRammer’ Felch Jammer} and “Shit City” and “Picture DingleClHair” and finally “Butt Rumble Fishsmell”… it’s been a…Really, sincerely, very lucrative career…..