Paul Martens; Fake Navy SEAL

| January 27, 2017

Once again the folks over at have posted another guy who claims to be a Navy SEAL.

It appears Paul Allen Martins has claimed to be a Navy SEAL a whole bunch of times.

No need to list them all, I think you get the picture and the rest of them are here.  Some of them you might find a bit disturbing, like this one:

Making those kind of claims where real Navy SEALS read them will lead to getting a FOIA for records.  Martens is not listed in the UDT/SEAL database as having completed SEAL Training.


Paul Allen Martins was a Disbursing Clerk and an E-4 at discharge.   He should have just been proud of the service that he did have.





Category: Phony soldiers, Shitbags

Comments (75)

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  1. Keepin' It Real says:

    Hey, SEALS gotz ta get paid 2!

    Don B a H8r.

  2. Graybeard says:

    Paul Martins has dishonored his father and himself.

  3. Ex-PH2 says:

    I did not know that Disbursing Clerks were good at anything other than losing your pay records as often as possible.

    • IDC SARC says:

      every friggin time…even if I handed em my pay authorization orders during workup/advance party. lol

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      Hell, I found out real quick that if you wanted your pay jacked up, let a DK handle it… it was the PN that usually ended up getting it right!

    • Silentium Est Aureum says:

      Back on the tender, if they didn’t fuck my SRB check and got my Sea Service counter fixed in less than six months, they got a NAM.

      Didn’t see it happen that often, but I was always hopeful.

  4. Just An Old Dog says:


  5. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Damn, A DK SEAL… never seen one of those before!

    More like a SPECIAL FECES WARRIOR assigned to SEAL TEAM 8!!!


    Enjoy all the Internet fame comin’ you way, scrotum face!

    • RM3(SS) says:

      In the Navy over 5 years active and a whopping 12 days of sea time. Wonder what happened? Useless skimmer puke.

      • AO2(NAC) says:

        Revervist. His 12 days was one of his 2 week annual training gigs looks like. He was with the CVN-73 augmentation det out of Minneapolis. They come in on drill weekends then when they activate for the 2 weeks, they head out to sea.. depending on where their ship is, of course. When i was on the boat we’d get them all the time.

  6. ex-OS2 says:


  7. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    What was his assignment, SEAL Team 13? Another candyassed pus-nuts pole-smoking dingleberry of a never-was Sparkle Pony!

  8. Wilted Willy says:

    I’m sure he is just like Tupperware, He loves a tight seal! This cocksucker isn’t even trying? What a candyass polesmoker! He couldn’t even lick the sweat off the balls of a real Seal! I hope you choke on a steaming pile of whale shit! Enjoy your new found internet fame Cocksucker!

  9. RGQ says:

    This queen seems like a shoo-in at the DRG.

  10. ex-OS2 says:

    Wowsers. There are two retired Navy SEALS named Paul Martens that graduated Hastings High School (MI) 1986 living in Lansing Michigan.

    Holy shit Batman, they are both in a relationship with Betty Branch!?!

    I guess this is his super secret excuse from the NavySeal4 FB.

    About Paul.

    I left High School 6 days after graduation, I joined the U.S. Navy and a career in the Navy Seals, (Special Forces). This is why I basically fell off the face of the earth. Didn’t want anyone or could afford to have anyone find me.

    I entered the U.S. Navy (Seals) (Special Forces) 6 days after graduation. This is why I basically fell off the planet as far as communication. I’ve been out of the Military for 16 years now. Had to keep a low profile. I’ve kept the 7 long years of servicing our country, what I could do for our country bottled up, and slowly I’ve been opening up about things, I have to be careful what I say, as there is a lot of people around the world that don’t really care too much for me, Thanks to the U.S. Government. But, I’m Proud to be a Navy Seal and don’t regret one moment of my service to our great Nation. I lost a lot of good friends in the service and the government really doesn’t care about stuff like that. I’ve moved on in my life, trying to help people, totally opposite of what I did for the Government. Anyway, I’m trying to get back in touch with my friends from Hastings High School, and plan on being at 25 year reunion. Also, please understand my situation and please don’t hold it against me, due to lack of communication with everyone. I know a lot of my friends wondered what happened to me, well, now you know a little bit and hopefully you can understand my situation.

    Paul Martens
    U.S. Navy Seal Veteran

    • lmn0351 says:

      such a touching letter.i actually had a tear in my eye from fucking laughing so hard

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      What da fukkkkk? Assclown thinks he’s Billy Badass? Damn ass hamster probably couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

      I know a troop of Brownies that could kick his ass – with one hand tied behind their backs!

    • RGR 4-78 says:

      That is going to be an interesting class reunion, I wonder if any of his class mates have seen this thread.

    • D says:

      He spent “7 long years of servicing our country.” Well, I’m sure he serviced most of the visitors at the various rest stop bathrooms while he was on his secret missions.

    • 26Limabeans says:

      “Didn’t want anyone or could afford to have anyone find me”
      That’s because you are either a super secret badass or you are hiding in the closet slapping your meat around and hoping nobody finds you. Which is it Paul?

    • Hack Stone says:

      Channeling Martin Blank from the action/comedy Grosse Point Blank? I wonder if he had to kill anyone at his high school reunion?

  11. IDC SARC says:

    12 days of sea duty…bwahahahahahahaha

  12. HMC Ret says:

    Not smart enough to know SEAL is in caps.

  13. Green Thumb says:

    Yet another shitbag shaming his family.

    I doubt this maggot even finished high school.

    I can see this turd scrubbing toilets at All-Points Logistics.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      Scrubbing toilets… with his tongue!

    • Hack Stone says:

      Or heading up their Reston VA office. They had a guy there running the show a few years back that was doing a heck of a job, before he set out on his own and self-identified as a proud woman that owned a software company.

  14. Perry Gaskill says:

    Ol’ Paul might be a flipper short. You can’t call yourself a SEAL just because you learned to balance a ball on your nose…

  15. MrBill says:

    Hey, not just anyone could complete the Alcohol/ Drub Safety Action Program.

    • Silentium Est Aureum says:

      No shit. I almost tapped out more than once after hearing civilians drone on for four days about, “Drinking is bad, m’kay? Drugs are bad, m’kay?”

  16. Steve says:

    Dirt bag.

  17. AW1Ed says:

    Way back when, my squadron had a DK who cut a per diem check for himself for every detachment that left Sigonella. Rota, Souda Bay, Nimes, Haifa, all over the Med. Of course, he never actually went anywhere, except to the Navy Federal Credit Union to cash his checks.

    And then to Fort Leavenworth, reduced in rate to E-1, stripped of all pay and allowances, and awarded a Big Chicken Dinner.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      DK’s and MS’s that ran the CPO mess were usually some of the most felonious assholes in the fleet. I remember one MS that was courts martialed for theft was on trial – the witnesses addressed him as “E-8″… the defense objected and the presiding judge overruled the objection… he knew that “THE MESS” had passed judgement on him – the courts martial was just a legal formality.

  18. Daisy Cutter says:

    Q: Who had the most MLB triples?
    A: Detroit Tigers Sam Crawford with 309.

    Q: Who had the most double plays in a season?
    A: The Philadelphia Athletics in 1949 – 217.

    Q: Who got hit in the face the most times by balls?
    A: Wait for it… wait for it…

    A: Paul Allen Martens

    • jarhead says:

      Seems to me there might be another “Most Whatever” group here. That would be a follow up to the final question…..with a bit of clarification

      Q. Who got hit in the chin the most times by balls?

  19. PTBH says:

    Minor point but he was discharged as an E-4 vs. an E-5 as he claims.

  20. Sandman says:

    Shit I was Army, and I have over a year of sea duty! It was off shore training, and Haiti before you people go crazy on me,,,but still,,more time on the water than this cat!!

  21. ex-OS2 says:

    A few have been carpet bombing both of his FB profiles. It’s a hoot.

    • 26Limabeans says:

      Grinding off that tat is gonna sting.

    • jarhead says:

      Nothing says CLASS like a woman holding a cigarette while posing with a POSER. Down this way, she’d have earned a lot more points with a wife-beater T shirt, i. e., no sleeves and a can of Red Man in her pocket. What’s the old saying….class attracts class, trash attracts trash, and POSERS attract POSERS.
      BTW, bound to have been a few former Corpsmen who noticed the shirt he was wearing. Nothing better than advertising Non-Specific Urethritis.
      Finally, in that kinda “touching” letter he claims his father was his mentor and teacher. Unless Pop becomes a sock puppet, I suppose he’s content to be known as a liar, dreamer, bullshit artist extraordinaire, and a wannabee SEAL.
      As 2/17 A C wonders below, why did he need to be so secretive with his location? But I do know why he claimed different people from around the world were upset with him. Or so it goes..Who to believe these days?? A neighbor’s fourth husband had a second cousin who supposedly answered an ad from this clown offering for sale oddities from around the world. The cousin sent over 3 K, expecting a Krispy Kreme donut, a soiled handkerchief from Abe Lincoln’s clothing (including blood stains and boogers), plus an 8 X 10 autographed pitcure of Slim Whitman. All the cousin received was a stale beef & cheddar from Arby’s and several used condemns from supposedly Michael Jackson collection. No wonder he has/had to remain hiding.

  22. HT3 '83-'87 says:

    The fakes are always rockin’ the gear. See the picture of him in a shirt & tie wearing his SEAL ball cap? I highly doubt CPO Shipley ever any costume like that…full-on douchebaggery from a supply puke.

  23. OldManchu says:

    First he was a Disbursing Clerk.

    Now, he is a Disturbing Jerk.

  24. Lily says:

    This guy’s attitude makes all veterans look bad. I couldn’t read past his saying were lucky to even be graced by his presence.

  25. Starbux says:

    Since he is trying to sell shirts and using a false claim he should be prosecuted for this.

  26. Couver says:

    Look closer Clown Shoes seemed to do all his active duty at Great Mistakes then became a SELERS hence the ADT/IDT time and that massive 12 day cruise onboard CVN-71. The SEAL Teams are getting better at sheep dipping their folks.

  27. Richard Deiters, MSGT USMC(Retired) says:

    I looked over his assignment list and I think from June of 91 on he was actually assigned to a reserve unit and his sea duty was the 2weeks ADT period in the summer of 92.
    Meanwhile I got 1 over night trip from Chu Lai to Da Nang via an LST and then a ride back to USA on a troop ship. So all my time on ship was passenger duty.

  28. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    He says he fell off the face of the earth and then he says he fell off the planet. This signals that no one knew where he was for years. Years. I know what you are thinking. Isn’t that what happens to people when they go to prison? Yes, it is. And E4 over 5? Um. Ah. Maybe things have changed since I was in or maybe the Navy is very different but E4 over 5 is rather difficult to do, isn’t it? I mean, don’t you have to try not to be promoted?

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      Isn’t “fell off the face of the earth” Stolen Valor poser code for “poundmeintheass jail”?

  29. IDC SARC says:

    “U never will be a mature person. Peace Out. Oh, who gonna get real with the USN Seal Finest???? Nobody!!!!!”

    That’s Paul talking to Misty on his FB page….heelarious

    • ex-OS2 says:

      “Hey misty, grow up. I ain’t doing shit, sent some game requests …… Wow deleted me now then and live your cyber life. Peace Out Misty Shaw”

      Words of wisdom from a retired seal.

  30. ex-OS2 says:

    FB scrubbed and locked down.

    Super secret backup SEAL FB, wide open for comments.