Robert Kelso; phony Canadian Ranger

| March 8, 2017

Our friends at Stolen Valour-Canada send us their work on this fellow Robert Kelso who was fined earlier this year;

During the sentencing, Crown attorney Jody McNeill spoke about Kelso’s service, stating he was released in 1998 and there was no indication Kelso had earned the badges he was wearing.

Kelso, who represented himself, said he was asked to attend the event in uniform, therefore believing he had proper authorization to do so.

He apologized for not ensuring that and said he feels deep regret for bringing disrespect on the uniform.

“I feel absolute disgrace with myself for doing what I did and I offer my most humble apologies to anyone of the Canadian Forces that are still serving and who have served.”

He claimed that he was a medic and that he was US Army Ranger qualified. He was, in fact, a cook in the Reserves. He claimed that he had served in the Gulf War which wasn’t true;

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (27)

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  1. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Kelso? Helluva racehorse. Five-time horse of the year, which is a record that still stands. This palooka? Just plain horseshit.

  2. Graybeard says:

    “I’m fatter than Santa Claus and Alfred Hitchcock combined, but I was a Ranger, boys!”

    Sure, buddy. And I’m the Tooth Fairy.

  3. Ex-PH2 says:

    Why, oh, why, do these dorks keep doing this? Oh, that’s right – I forgot about that need for attention. So, just leading a good life isn’t sufficient.

  4. Cowpill says:

    What an assnugget.

  5. ChipNASA says:

    OK here it comes, you’ve been warned….for the first time this week,


    MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
    TAKE COVER!!!!!
    Robert Kelso; phony Canadian Ranger, work balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, pile infested, inflamed, gaping, Cambodian cunt sauce, Moosefucker, ball working asshole, Poster-child for abortion, shit tonguing, munching wanktoaster, cock gobbling, sperm burping, sniveling, lying, Bowl of ass soup, Sparklepony, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, waste of oxygen, numbnuts, snowball, shitbag, moron, asshat, dick pickle, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, knob gobbling, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, inbred, catcher not pitcher, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, douche nozzle, Sorry Assed, Biff, might but not certain, like to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, schlong juice, Sitzpinkler, Milksop, puss soaked jackwagon, Pettifogger, donkey raping shit-eater, butt munch, Hoser, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck you own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee), taint cookie, Fartleberry, Not a DS/DS veteran, Not a Warrant, Not medical Services, Not AES, not Ranger Not a Paratrooper, insult to humanity, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Handgallop, twat, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, fuck hole, Pilsburry Dough Bitch, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, cum-dumpster, Useless syphilitic mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Felcher, dingleberry, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, Iceback, shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of siberian sheep shit, mangina micropeen, turd burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with Bernath’s used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, Cacafuego, , Army Reserve Slop Slinging Cook, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.


    • Wilted Willy says:

      It must me easier to get away with the Stolen Valor up north? Chip, you have to stop holding in your feelings, you should learn to release your feelings and let us know how you really feel? And I almost forgot, You cocksucking ass hamster! Go fuck yourself, Eh? Hoser?

      • ChipNASA says:

        I did forget Eh, I’ll add it in front of “Hoser”.

      • Wet Willy says:

        Not at all Wilted Willy. At least six posers have been exposed since January 1st. When you consider our much smaller population and very much smaller military, that’s an incredible number of successes. We have an offence in our criminal code for posing and our courts and police are starting to use it with greater frequency…

        Standby for more news from up north as we have a number of cases in the hopper still.

        • OldSoldier54 says:

          Copy all. Fire for Effect.

        • ChipNASA says:

          I actually saved a word copy of the above and peppered it with Canadian insults appropriate as I could find.

          Feel free to include regionally specific (Canadian) insults for that specific file and Way Up North Phones for the Future.

          Come to think of it, I just thought of “Moose Masturbating”…I’ll add that to the list.

    • Fjardeson says:

      Impact confirmed. Survival probability zero. Fallout moving away from defense position.

      Have a nice day.

  6. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    YET ANOTHER candyassed pus-nuts no-load POS twinkle-toed pisspants booger-eating thumbsucking bedwettwer of a roach turd-brained Sparkle Pony that thought he could get away with his BULLSHIT.

    Hey Robert Kelso, GFY and TAKE OFF, HOSER!!!

  7. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I usually don’t pay a lot of attn to the hoser posers but I do when they pretend to have served in the US Armed Forces. Hey Kelso. Fuck you, eh?

  8. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Do the people from Canadia use a question mark behind eh or is it more a declaration?

  9. Combat Historian says:

    Canadian contribution to DS/DS were two naval warships and two CF-18 fighter squadrons, and one ground forces field hospital attached to 1st UK Armoured Division on the last days of the ground war.

    This POS never claimed he was in the air or naval forces, so he must have pretended he was assigned to the army field hospital, which probably had a TOE of less than 150 warm bodies; not a smart thing to do to try to pretend to be in a unit with only a hundred guys and gals assigned that was the only Canadian ground unit in the whole war, but then posers/walts are never the smartest apples in the bunch to begin with…

  10. Dustoff says:

    Come on guys, it’s not like he’s professing to be a member of JTF2 or anything (sarcasm).

  11. OldSoldier54 says:

    Hmmmmm … William Derek Church’s long lost identical twin!?

    Looks like him.

    Acts like him.

    Meh, I guess it’s nature and not nurture after all. Who knew?

  12. Old 1SG, US Army (retired) says:

    Here we go again… same old sh*t again…

    Another phony giving the cooks and reservists a bad name…

  13. Green Thumb says:


  14. Carlton G. Long says:

    On top of everything else, an extremely punchable face.