Cyril Pelkey is not a veteran

| April 12, 2017

Someone did their research on this Cyril Pelkey fellow, who, during a conversation on Face book made cryptic references to his military experience;

When asked which branch of service employs him, his response is “Them all”. Apparently he’s such a secret weapon that the government hides him in the bowels of the Walmart system where our enemies would never find him.

But, the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines all responded “Who?”

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (99)

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  1. Animal says:

    From his FB page,
    “And I’m a lot smarter then people believe. People that now me in person say I’m like Elbert Einstein or a human dictionary.”

    Can’t make that up.

    • Roh-Dog says:

      I don’t need sugar in the coffee this morn’, this misplaced self-grandiosity is just too sweet.
      When the states closed the looney bins Walmart gave them jobs.

      • Animal says:

        There’ll be someone from his 4,264 FB friends coming here soon to tell us to quit picking on him. I think there are issues there.

        • Roh-Dog says:

          Are you implying that in addition to a pistol I should carry a tranqgun with Thorazine?
          I think we’re safe, it’s been more than a week since the first of the month, no monies for gazz.

        • Claw says:

          I’m betting that someone from his FB friends is a feller named Eric Linke.

          Linke has everything. CIB, Flight Wings, Air Assault Badge, Jump Wings, CAB, etc, motorcycles, doo-rags, the whole nine yards. And Oh Yeah, guns. Lots and lots of guns. Plus more FB Friends (4,887) than Pelkey.

          So I’m sure he’ll be here pretty soon to tell us to stop picking on his battle buddy.

    • Carlton G. Long says:

      He’s gotta be trolling.

    • MrBill says:

      Elbert Einstein? Of course. Doesn’t every city boy have a country cousin? “I reckon it’s all relative.”

    • OWB says:

      If he has a measurable IQ it would be higher than I think his is, so, for the bit about him being smarter than people believe just might be true.

    • Instinct says:

      Elbert is Albert’s lesser known, genius, twin brother.

    • Mick says:


      — sigh —

    • The Other Whitey says:

      So people that “now” him say he’s a human dictionary? I guess we found a personal acquaintance of Lars Taylor.

  2. Doc Savage says:

    I simply do not have the words for this one….

  3. Frankie Cee says:

    Reading at this dope’s facebook page, he is both illiterate and a wacko of the magnitude of Bernath.

  4. Brown Neck Gaitor says:

    Ima just leaving this ri-cheer.

    Graduated from Augusta High School Augusta, WI
    Started School at Augusta High School Augusta, WI

  5. OAE CPO USN Ret says:

    Heez naught eh geeneus ether.

    I lost major IQ points looking at his FB page.

  6. Sj says:

    He’s got the cure for blue gum disease and West Neal Virus.

  7. Graybeard says:

    Cyril Pelkey, you are a fail.

    Hint: if you have to tell folks you are a genius, you ain’t.

  8. Wilted Willy says:

    Well at least give the retard points for not claiming to be a Seal or a Ranger?

  9. Combat Historian says:

    I’m glad you’re a really good scientist and genius, just like Elbert…

  10. Just An Old Dog says:

    “Don’t you work at Walmart”?

    That’s game, set and match right there.

  11. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    Thank God there’s no such thing as a Cat V waiver.

  12. Ex-PH2 says:

    It’s his parents’ fault. They named the poor soul Cyril instead of Jack or Bob. He’s had to live with the consequences of that choice, ever since. Have pity on this poor, benighted soul.

  13. O-4E says:

    “I’d like my pay. But I’ll settle for a set of dogtags”

    Said no person ever

    • The Stranger says:

      I just got a new set with the DOD ID number instead of SSN…they are cool and all, but I’d rather have money.

  14. O-4E says:

    He does have a nice set of tits though

    Must have been dipping into the estrogen supply of his supplement business

    • Animal says:

      I’m glad you said it. Makes me feel better for noticing the same thing.

      • HMC Ret says:

        It’s well known that the Federal Government maintains an extensive cadre of professional killers who work at WalMart. It’s the Federal Government’s Witness Protection Program. Those working at Wally in this capacity are even unknown to each other. That’s why Wally is constantly hiring. The Feds take them out of the Wally workforce as needed, creating a position for another, regular citizen. Upon completion of the assignment, the killer is returned to Wally. That would explain why your favorite cashier is frequently absent. It’s not their regular day off, they are in a remote location performing wet work for the U.S. Government. That’s what Pelkey is referring to. He never knows what governmental agency will call upon him for his expert services.

        • Bill M says:

          ” It’s the Federal Government’s Witness Protection Program. ”
          I think you mean the Witless Protection Program.

      • HMC Retd says:

        Yeah, I noticed the boobs but figured I’d wait until one of you miscreants mentioned it first. Either manboobs or he can bench press a Buick.

    • Instinct says:

      IDC SARC would hit that.

    • ChipNASA says:

      For this assbag…”POP….*fizzle*”
      You could have taken out this waste of meat with an M-80

      Obligatory (Surprised you salty fuckers hadn’t already posted it.)

  15. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Goober-headed meat gazer!

  16. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I feel sorry for this guy. His comment “claim” is clearly bullshit and there’s nothing else here.

    • Hondo says:

      His photo in Jonn’s article does seem to illustrate the caption, “The lights are on, but nobody’s home.”

  17. Sparks says:

    Cyril since they apparently do not teach English in your hometown school system, a word of guidance. Spelling…is your friend.

  18. Sj says:

    From Einsteins FB: “A lady I work with asked me if I want to work in lady’s log era department. A single man helping women pick out log era.”

    It took me awhile to decipher “log era”. Then, shazam: lingerie!!!!

    There are more pearls of wisdom there.

    • CWORet says:

      Ha, I was just about to paste that. I had to read it about four times myself, then read it out loud with a Forrest Gump accent and oh, ok, that’s right he woks at Wal-Mart. LOL! Don’t think this goober was worth the time, actually.

  19. Instinct says:

    “A lady I work with asked me if I want to work in lady’s log era department.”

    WTF is a log era department? Does he mean ‘lingerie’??

  20. Former EM1/SS says:

    Working in Lady’s Lingerie is slightly different than working in the Lady’s Lingerie Department is what I’m guessing

  21. SgtMass says:

    I just realized scrotum lips lives 5 miles from me… I wonder what Wally World he works at. I may have to stop in and see him this weekend…

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Well, if you do and he turns out to be a good-natured, if dimwitted, kind of fella, try to be nice to him, okay? Some people just can’t help their own poor levels of understanding.

      Others are intentionally misleading. And we know who they are.

      • SgtMass says:

        I’m always nice… I just checked with my cousin to see if he knew him. He went to school with him and said he’s a couple quarts shy. He wanders in to his mom’s cafe in Augusta every now and then with some family members. It runs in the family he says.

  22. CWORet says:

    Frankie Cee is steady kicking him in the nut-sack on his retarded FB page. Just realized I grew up not too far from goober. But then again I got twenty years of education. I done graduated the 10th grade twice.

    • ChipNASA says:

      I posted “I dragged wheel chocks around the flightline in the Air Force that were smarter than this “Genius”.

      Then after 4 or 5 posts FB stopped me because it said I was SPAM. The NERVE!!
      And they let this dude have a FB page.

  23. Josey Wales says:

    Cyril Pelkey, *PTUI!*

  24. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    Listening to this fucking idiot is like watching a group of idiots trying to fuck a doorknob, it’s funny for a while but you soon get uncomfortable.

    Geez what an idiot.

  25. HMC Ret says:

    I know a friend of his who happens to be female. She said the only thing long and hard on him was third grade. It was the best four years of his life. Grades four through eight (when he finally gave up on eddumucuccaten) were equally long and hard. He can be found the second Tuesday of each month at his MENSA meeting.

    Dude be dumb …

  26. ChipNASA says:

    So, what you guys are saying HMC Ret & SgtMass,
    in advance, is “Bless his little heart!”.

    • Graybeard says:

      Said with a southern twang and a sympathetic shake of the head.

      From the sound of it, picking on him is like kicking a puppy for peeing.

  27. David says:

    I particularly like where he advocate cleaner fuel with 20% ethical instead of 10%. Wish my politicians were 20% ethical.

    I am guessing combustion engines aren’t his forte either, along with spelling, comprehension, logic, sentence structure, or post-kindergarten education.

  28. Green Thumb says:

    This turd probably hides in the bowels of All-Points Logistics where he serves as a human bidet.


  29. JimV says:

    He is a retard.

  30. oldman says:

    has anyone looked at all his post on FB? At one point he claims that all of Obama’s, Hillary’s and Trump’s ideas were all his ideas. OMG. And then hes going and giving out military advice to people about what branch they should join. He also says that his Military life is on Red and Red2. This guy needs some very special medication cause WOW. Hes nutter than a squirrel turd.

    • David says:

      Well considering the collective abilities of at least two out of that triumverate… he may be right.

  31. Skippy says:

    Another wanna-be holy Crapola
    I’d say go pound dirt but this jack-ass would have no idea what I’m saying
    Enjoy your Google Fame…. Moron

  32. Atkron says:

    I kind of feel sorry for this guy…oh no, I might be coming down with a case of FEELINGS.

  33. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    It could be worse. He could be as smart as Lars.

  34. O-4E says:

    Been bugging me all day who he reminds me of

    Ernest T Bass from the Andy Griffith Show

  35. Frankie Cee says:

    Well crap. Ol’ Cyril has blocked me. And, that was after he made a couple of replies to my comments. That is two of these low speed high drag pricks in 24 hours. Whatever will I do?

  36. oldman says:

    Is there a way to share this with all his followers, that will have his pants on fire lol. Like a worm on a hook.

  37. oldman says:

    Anyone with military background can apply to be a general, you don’t have to be active.

    What the fuck is he talking about. He is so fucking dumb.