Matt Allen; phony SEAL

| April 12, 2017

The folks at Military Phonies send us their work on this fellow, Matthew Edward Allen who claims that he was a Navy SEAL during Desert Storm;

There’s a vest;

And there’s a Trident tattoo, probably the worst we’ve ever seen;

The Navy doesn’t remember it that way;

The summary from Military Phonies;

Matthew Allen Joined the Navy in December of 1987 and left it in September of 1992. That is 4 years and 9 months of service. He went to Operations Specialist “A” school. It seems he was an OS3 (E4) when he reported aboard the USS Chandler in September of 1990. It Shows that when he was discharged he was an OSSN (E3) with a date of rank of December 7th 1991. That would indicate he was busted and lost rank. May have been an early morning surprise attack on his stripe.

The five medals he is wearing but did not earn are the Bronze Star, Kuwait Liberation Medal, Navy Commendation Medal, Purple Heart, and Good Conduct Medal.

He is wearing the Trident and Dive Bubble without having attended BUD/S or Dive School. He also does not have the NEC that would be awarded when those schools are completed. The Enlisted Surface Warfare Pin is not listed in his record.

He does have the Southwest Asia Service Medal, so I guess technically he’s a Desert Storm veteran – probably because he was floating in the Persian Gulf between August 2, 1990 and November 30, 1995. The only bronze star he has is the one on the Southwest Asia Service Medal denoting his presence there during one of three campaigns. Not to be confused with the actual Bronze Star Medal.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (154)

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  1. O-4E says:

    I’m thinking he got that tat for free from an intern

  2. Sj says:

    No dog? Or Doo Rag? Pffffftttttt

  3. Graybeard says:

    Matthew Edward Allen is another in a long list of SEAL wannabes.
    Matthew Edward Allen is a liar.
    Matthew Edward Allen was busted for infractions unknown at this point in the spatiotemporal continuum.
    Matthew Edward Allen had an honorable career, but has dishonored himself and sailors everywhere.
    Matthew Edward Allen is a fake.
    Matthew Edward Allen is a fraud.
    Matthew Edward Allen is a phony.
    Matthew Edward Allen is in need of some sandpaper to fix his tattoos.

    • OWB says:

      Not sure I’d characterize his service as honorable since he did something serious enough to get busted in rank. That is negotiable, of curse, but until proven otherwise I lean toward thinking his dishonorable behavior currently was preceded by less than honorable service in the Navy.

      • Graybeard says:

        My father served honorably as an Infantryman in WWII, but kept getting busted for his practical jokes. I think he got up to Tech Sgt, but left as PFC.

        He just didn’t know when to restrain his sense of humor, or in one case his temper. (Lost his stripes when he threw the “greasy glop” back in the cooks face.)

        Even decades later his practical jokes pushed lines. Some of them, if pulled today, would get him a jail sentence.

        So – until I know why he was busted, I’ll give his real service the benefit of the doubt and call it honorable, with a reservation that given his actions since then there is some doubt.

    • Scotty says:

      Matthew Edward Allen is a convicted felon ( Assault, Injury to a child.

      Matthew Edward Allen is a mutlple convicted Thief

      • Graybeard says:

        Your source for those statements?

      • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

        Another connoisseur of the cockmeat sammich (provided by the boys at the local BTJT Deli)…

        “Stolen Valor is the tip of the iceberg…”

      • Atkron says:

        The old I was in the military doing special missions lie; to cover the fact I was locked away in the pokey trick-a-roo.

  4. O-4E says:

    I do love the omnipresent wood paneling of your typical VFW or American Legion in the background

  5. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    Another OS? Cmon, OS2, police your fucking nubs!

    This guy ain’t even worth the ball sweat off Sealy McChippendale.

    • Bobo says:

      I don’t think that a skimmer knows what a nub is.

    • ex-OS2 says:

      It’s been a fucking horrendous month for OS’s.

      Rat bastards.

      • thebesig says:

        I agree. My Navy enlisted MOS was OS; I’m happy with the experiences I had and the benefit to the ships’ missions that I provided by doing what OSs do. Most Navy Veterans who were OSs feel the same way.

        “In God we trust, all others we track!” :mrgreen:

      • CB Senior says:

        See what happens when you guys are let out of the cooler.
        Serves you right, wearing foul weather jackets in July.

      • charles w says:

        I was an OS3 when I got out. Two years later I joined the Army. Thought I would be home more. Boy was I wrong.

  6. Claw says:

    Wait. What?

    Is that a Tomb of the Unknowns Sentinel Guard Badge I see on his vest?

    Tell me he’s not wearing that.

  7. HT3 '83-'87 says:

    Wow! Another fake SEAL. They are as thick as bugs on a bumper. You can’t go ridin’ a hog without being some sort of ‘hero’ nowadays. How do these guys ride in these veteran groups and nobody else seems to figure they’re phonies? Are these groups just full imposters/embellishers/bullshit artists and nobody wants to call anybody out for fear of being exposed themselves?

    Plus, he’s an OS-faker…stand clear and take cover.

  8. O-4E says:

    I notice he has a Tomb Badge on that vest also

    Probably the only badge that’s rarer is the Astronaut Badge

    • Green Thumb says:

      The Tomb Badge was nice touch.


      I like that is posers. To many are just plain bland and creative.

      • O-4E says:

        I’ve always wondered do these fucks at some point while pinning all of this shit on go

        “Tomb badge. Check! Purple Heart. Check! Astronaut Badge. Hmm. No. That’s too far”

        At what point to them is too far?

        • Hondo says:

          I’m guessing it’s more like, “Man – that one looks cool! It’s a keeper! Besides, no one’s gonna question me!”

  9. HMC Ret says:

    Isn’t this the second OS claiming SEAL status just this week? I always found those in the OS rating to be a pretty squared away group. The guys this week? Not so much.

  10. Ex-PH2 says:

    Lots of pins. He probably clanks when he walks. All that death metal is part of his body building program, you see.

    WA-A-A-Y too much time on his hands.

    Hey, fella, if you want people to take you seriously, shut your yap and just do some worthwhile stuff.

    • Mick says:

      That. Leather. Vest.

      Why must this Stolen Valor bullshit always be accompanied by a leather vest covered in poser bling?

      It’s getting to the point that whenever I see someone wearing a vest adorned with military patches, pins, etc., I am now immediately suspicious that the individual wearing it is probably a poser.

      None of the actual veterans that I know, and I know quite a few, wears a vest with military stuff on it. Not one.

      As an aside, does anyone know what


      on his belt buckle might mean?

      • Awol says:

        Veterans of Foreign Wars Motorcycle Group 6 of which he is no longer apart of and has been “Stricken From the Rolls” of the VFW by the National Commander and Chief several years back

      • AZtoVA says:

        Bought a leather vest years ago, had it covered with ECV memorabilia/patches (some in the dusty southwest may know that acronym). But I NEVER wear it riding my motorcycle just so I don’t get associated with all the poser scum.

        For the record, I have never had a military-patch vest, and never will….

      • AZtoVA says:

        VFW Motorcycle Gang???

        • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

          Very Fony Warrior Meatgazer Gang 6

        • Cris says:

          I’ve said this before…
          What the hell is up with vet group motorcycles and vests and berets?
          Bought my 1st HD in ’79 and have yet to wear a leather vest or beret.

          • IDC SARC says:

            I have a leather vest…but it’s just a leather pins patches or other paraphernalia. Don’t have a scooter anymore though.

    • thebesig says:

      Originally posted by Ex-PH2:

      Lots of pins. He probably clanks when he walks. All that death metal is part of his body building program, you see.

      I did a three week exercise with one of the infantry brigades of the 10th Mountain Division. I thought I saw a lot of killer steel in one location, or in motion, just to have that “beat” by what I saw on his vest… NOT. 🙄 When phonies wear all of that on a vest, or have that displayed heavily, they’re not just trying to impress others… To build up their phony persona. They’re also doing it to convince themselves that what they know is a lie is “reality”. 🙄

      Originally posted by Ex-PH2:

      Hey, fella, if you want people to take you seriously, shut your yap and just do some worthwhile stuff. </blockquote

      Exactly! If they’d take that to heart, the instances of people being phonies would nosedive. They’ll gain a lot of respect and admiration if they’d do something that has a positive impact on others.

  11. OldManchu says:

    This nut hugger is a literary genius. And here I’ve been all my life wasting time on punctuation, spelling, sentence structure.

    Win all I had 2 do wuz just skip all of that bull-s and freestile my way thru lif I wonder how much time I wood sav if I just did thingz like this dooch

  12. Combat Historian says:

    This POS kinda looks like Phil Monkress’ younger phony SEAL brother, complete with tattoo and biker vest. I’m sure Green Thumb will confirm he is assigned to APL’s Junior Executive Development Division…

  13. MAC(SW) (RET) says:

    Once again…….a perfectly good stint in the ole’ canoe club ruined by delusions of grandeur. Two ships, 3 years on the Fife and 2 on the Chandler with a small compliment of ribbons and medals to show for it. What a waste and for what???? I guess sitting Surface Track, Air Track or possibly even NAVPLOT (LOL), wasn’t good enough for old boy. The funniest part for me is that he’s fakin’ the funk on the old ESWS pin!! I will have to say that in the late 80’s and early 90’s the Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist qualification most definitely was not mandatory and a great deal of commands didn’t actively promote it. It was also not really part of the “normal” culture at the time for folks to actively pursue it, unlike the subsurface community where the dolphins were mandatory.

    • thebesig says:

      I got my Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist badge/pin in 1992, and Enlisted Aviation Warfare Specialist badge/pin in 1993. As you mentioned, this wasn’t mandatory, you did this on your own time, and it took months in most instances.

      I remember when the Command Master Chief congratulated me, during my ESWS pinning ceremony, while mentioning the fact that he now had ammunition to get those E5s and E6s to get theirs… I was an OS3 when I pinned ESWS. :mrgreen: I was attempting for even a bigger rarity at the time… Being an OSSN (SW), but made E4 first. :mrgreen:

      • IDC SARC says:

        Same here, I got em while on pumps with the MAU/MEU at a time when it was voluntary, thus over and above the expected. It was a lot of work, but also a lot of fun. I learned a huge amount about things I wouldn’t have otherwise been exposed to as a green side corpsman.

  14. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    That meat-gazing douche looks like yet another wannabe Towel Boy for Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in Rear) as well as a graduate of the API Apprentice Towel Boy School.

    A ninth degree Cocksucker indeed.

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      Brucie’s Bath House (Entrance in Rear)… isn’t their motto “Where we push your stool in”?

  15. OldManchu says:

    He should get a refund from his tattoo artist. What a cluster fuck of paintball stains.

  16. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    “What a cluster fuck of paintball stains.” Most excellent, Grasshopper. A wise and apt description it is.

  17. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Unlike the Walmart cart guy, this clown deserves everything–including the wall–that can be tossed at him.

  18. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    I must say, that pose of his in the first pic makes him look like a royal dick. No doubt he’s proud of it. Bet he picks fights with 90 pounders–even if some of them are boys.

  19. HMC Ret says:

    No dog. No doorag. No Harley. No ponytail. I don’t see the obligatory POW patch. No thousand yard stare. And where are the sunglasses? This guy isn’t even trying. But, he does have a rather nice vest. That counts for something but not enough to offset the items that are absent.

    If that’s not enough, he does appear to be sporting the Tomb Badge. Man, those legitimately worn are scarcer than hen’s teeth. Can this guy qualify for the Tomb Badge? It appears he had a RIR from 4 to 3. How was he legitimately awarded the Tomb Badge under those circumstances? Didn’t the organization of which he is ‘apparently’ VP do any research on this guy? That’s a rhetorical question and I’ll take “Probably Not so much for $1000, Alex.” So often we see very little apparently done in the way of legitimate background research on these guys.

    There are some really squared away VFWs, DAVs, American Legions, etc., but there sure seem to be many in which the primary criteria for membership and even office holder is to BS, wear a vest with beaucoup regalia, look tough, have a bunch of tats (Ranger or SEAL tat is a major plus) have a checkbook, have a Harley and a mutt and know enough buzz words to fake one’s way in.

    No disrespect to anyone or any organization, but I frankly got tired of old men crying in their beer. I got tired of getting a massive HA from exposure to cigarette smoke. No, I’m not disrespecting YOUR particular organization, only the ones with which I am familiar and some of those exposed here on TAH. So don’t take me off at the knees. If my description doesn’t describe YOUR particular organization, what I’m saying doesn’t apply to YOUR organization. I’ve been in very good and very bad. I think you get my meaning.

    Some are really great organizations. Some, not so much. I’ve been to both types, gone to retirement ceremonies at both types, drank pop and told lies at both types. But I question the vetting process of some of these organizations.


    • Cris says:

      I concur with all you say. Seen both and seen posers in both. Seems the loudest/flashiest ones end up being the phonies. Like most, I have plenty of ‘I Love Me’ paraphernalia sitting in boxes at home which would fill a couple of walls, but once their up, they become dust magnets. I prefer to keep them boxed up for my grandkids to ‘discover’ in the far future when I’m long gone. Don’t get me wrong, I do have a shirt and cap or two with USMC on it, But my thinking is that that says it all.

  20. Frankie Cee says:

    I messaged VFW Post 1475 and got this reply:
    “He was stricken from the rolls by the National Commander and Chief several years ago.”

  21. ChipNASA says:

    Because this used condom chewer is all tatted up and looks like a 5 year old did it with a sharpie, and he has the vest with a WHOLE lot of bling on it and BECAUSE THIS COLON SCRAPING FINGERNAIL BITER IS WEARING THE MOTHERFUCKING Tomb of the Unknowns Sentinel Guard Badge

    “I move that Mr Matthew Edward Allen, Not A seal, lying embellisher, SHITGIBBON, has earned the WALL O SHAME.”


  22. 2/17 Air Cav says:


    • ChipNASA says:

      We have a “Second”….all in Favor say “AYE”.

      • Former EM1/SS says:


        • ChipNASA says:

          We have an “AYE”. Only one voted needed, motion passed.

          FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
          DANGER CLOSE!!!!
          MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
          TAKE COVER!!!!!

          Matt Allen; phony SEAL, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken fucker, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping, Cambodian cunt sauce, ball working asshole, Poster-child for abortion, shit tonguing, munching wanktoaster, cock gobbling, sperm burping, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, lying, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, Bowl of ass soup, Sparklepony, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, useless bag of monkey fuck, Mayor Grundle of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, numbnuts, snowball, giggling beerflecked canker blossom , maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting fruitcake, putrid, rotting, whoreson whale’s carcass, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, moron, Prevaricating Sphincter, terminal crotch infection, asshat, dick pickle, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, knob gobbling, galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, inbred, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, catcher not pitcher, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, schlong juice, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, Milksop, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Pettifogger, donkey raping shit-eater, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck you own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee),
          NOT a Purple Heart recipient, NOT a SEAL, not a recipient of either the Bronze Star, Kuwait Liberation Medal, Navy Commendation Medal, and couldn’t even earn a motherfucking Good Conduct Medal. , fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, taint cookie, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, walking shart shooter, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twat, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pilsburry Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, cum-dumpster, bucked tooth, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of siberian sheep shit, mangina micropeen, turd burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with Bernath’s used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.

          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!

  23. MrBill says:

    To their credit, it looks like the VFW gave him the boot a few years ago. The post in Amarillo just acknowledged it on their Facebook page.

    • Eden says:

      Oh dear God! I’ve actually been in that VFW for several Veterans’ Day events and probably saw him (before he got booted). I didn’t know anything about Stolen Valor back then–it had never occurred to me that people would actually lie about military service, so I just took them at their word.

    • HMC Ret says:

      I’m hoping they canned him before he decided to dress up like one of the Village People. Hoping he wasn’t rocking that outfit while with the organization. It’s to their credit if they bounced him early on before he started playing dress up.

  24. Sparks says:


  25. Josey Wales says:

    Matt Allen, *PTUI!*

  26. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Mr. SAT (aka: MATTHEW EDWARD ALLEN) has a prison poosay and a vest with a ton of bling… gotta be a REAL DEAL COCKSUCKING “CALL OF BOOTAY – ANAL BUTTSEKKS WARRIOR” with the “GAYBOI OPS” add-on pack!

    The VFW dumped his ass? Wow… got to thank those people in Amarillo for having the integrity to police their own.

  27. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    What a giant bag of ass, but imbeciles have to be imbeciles…the spelling and grammar are utterly fantastic.

    Stupid is as stupid does I guess….

  28. Wilted Willy says:

    I remember several years ago when the VFW actually sent me a membership application saying I was qualified? I called my Dad and asked him, didn’t I have to server overseas to get in? I guess the national didn’t even check their records to see who to let in? Nothing I would have wanted more, but then again, I’m not a lying poser shitstain asshamster! Fuck all of these lying cocksuckers! I still say drop them off in the desert and see if they can make it back alive? Nothing I respect more than those of you who really served in combat! I wish I could have, but I was at home serving in my role here. You all have my upmost respect and honor!

  29. Martinjmpr says:

    When I see tattoos like that it just makes me think: NO RAGRETS!!! 😀

  30. Daisy Cutter says:

    Does anyone else get the men’s sports tights ad in the upper left hand corner of each TAH page. Been like that for months and I don’t know if I’m being targeted with specific ads.

    I’ve never even purchased men’s sports tights so not sure why that ad is being “sticky”.

    I think people at work are suspecting I’m in the market for men’s tights.

    • ChipNASA says:

      I have it too and I tried to ad block it and then it screwed up all the photos for the headers of the blog posts so I just left it.
      I try to ignore it.

      • CWORet says:

        I eventually broke down and bought a pair. Fit great. Feel great. And…



        • Hack Stone says:

          And appropriate attire for the workplace when selling software.

        • Daisy Cutter says:

          I browsed their site last night. No kidding, they have metal “cock holders” and they’re exactly what you think they are. I just can’t figure out why you would use one other than ornamental.

          So, if you need one, they’re available.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      It targets those who prefer the company of… oh, never mind. I just can’t do that without laughing. It’s aimed at gay guys, and I have no idea why it’s on TAH, but it is annoying.

    • Graybeard says:

      I strongly suspect that the ad targets webpages where, ah, certain terms are used with great frequency.

      Because those terms are often used here to describe SV types, the ad bot thinks those frequenting TAH prefer certain activities, and the ad bot is targeting those who engage in said activities.

      Other explanations may be possible.

      However I find that growing up when gang showers were common my auto-image-block is still functioning quite well.

    • Daisy Cutter says:

      If it pays the bills I’ll ranger up and learn to live with the man Spandex butt thingie on the top of each page.

    • Skippy says:

      I have a Ad for Frys food stores on mine

    • Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

      There’s nothing like a good pair of compression shorts…I don’t wear the full length stuff because I tend to be warmer, but when I’m reffing or working out anything that keeps the junk from bouncing excessively is a good purchase in my opinion…

      At least the tights are dark instead of white and wet…count your blessings…

      • Graybeard says:

        The compression pants and shirts for workouts are a blessing.

        Of course, it would help if I worked out some. Otherwise they just take up space.

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        I appreciate the way you guys all finally understand what women had to go through to look good until women’s lib arrived in the 1970s.

        If you wear one of those things, you’re wearing a girdle. I think Playtex still carries them, but whatever – it’s a girdle. Welcome to my world. Now if they’d just make brassieres for manboobs – something to stop that distracting overhang and jiggle.

    • Eden says:

      I installed an add-on called uBlock. It blocks just that one ad. Works for me.

    • OWB says:

      Yeah, it’s been there quite a while.

      Actually, thought it was a female butt until told otherwise. Is that the new thing – men wanting their backsides to look more girlish?

      I dunno.

  31. AZtoVA says:

    I always do an extra check regarding the SWA service medal and Kuwait Liberation medals. Reason being, I was in Desert Shield and Desert Storm as a Lieutenant of Marines. When I got out in October 1991, all I was authorized was the SWA medal and the Saudi version of the Kuwait Liberation Medal. No campaign stars had been awarded yet, and the Kuwait version of the KLM had also not come out. It wasn’t until I requested a review to get the medals straight for the G1 of my State National Guard that I received a DD-215 with the other medal and the campaign stars. So it would have been conceivable for this individual to have been eligible for the KLM but not have it on the 214 due to getting out before those awards were designated.

    All that being said, he still does not rate them:

    From the ‘Together We Served’ site for the Chandler:

    Southwest Asia Service Medal

    Merit Start – 04-Dec-1991 Merit End – 12-Mar-1992

  32. Scotty says:

    His spousal unit is threatening Lawsuit.
    She doesn’t know the differance between Slander and Libel, but she’s still going to sue.

    She’s also a tattoo artist. So two plus two = a backwards Navy SEAL Trident.

    • ChipNASA says:

      Paragraph 8 of the “How to be a good phoney”.

      ” Don’t send your wife, girlfriend, partner to the blog to defend you. It only makes you look like the giant pussy you are, hiding behind those skirts of your love interest. In the end, we’re going to win, and you will have to explain to the person to whom you lied why you’re surrendering. And it makes them look gullible and stupid. It’s not their fight; it’s not their place to extract you from the morass that you’ve created for yourself.”

      Legal Threats, Paragraph 12

      ” If you’re emailing or commenting to threaten us with legal repercussions, you’ll be better off emailing our lawyer at seaveyattorney[at]gmail[dot]com because you’re only going to be further humiliated if you do it in the public forum. To save you some typing, charging us with libel or slander is charging us with making false statements. So unless you’re prepared to prove that any of our statements about you are false in court, please refrain from using those terms. “

    • Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

      You forgot the words “not a” in front of tattoo Scotty, that tattoo looks like blocks of color without purpose.

      I know some folks who can lay down ink, this fellow’s tat’s were not done by the talented artists I know..

    • Graybeard says:

      He has a spousal unit that is female? Are we sure?

      Or is (s)he just the live-in pleasure of the month?

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      SHE is a Tattoo Artist? If that boy’s tats are her handiwork, then IMHO it looks like she’s about as much of an artist as a one-eyed retarded baboon on LSD in a dark broom closet.

  33. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    Old Manchu called it a “cluster fuck of paintball stains” this morning, way, way up there. That just can’t be improved upon.

  34. TankBoy says:

    Leather Vest, check

    Seal, check.

    VFW or veteran biker’s club, check.

    As I said in a post about two weeks ago, why I have yet to nor will any time soon, join the VFW or any other organization.

  35. HT3 '83-'87 says:

    Shocking development!!!His FB timeline looks very different now. I saw someone got loose and posted a link from this site…nice! I guess he’s telling his friends his SEAL past is catching up to him.
    Matt Allen Phony SEAL
    Matt Allen owner of bad tattoos
    Matt Allen newest member of the Poser Hall of Shame

  36. Ex-PH2 says:

    The more I see of these people embedding themselves in those organizations, the less interest I have in them.

    DAV, on the other hand, is very helpful.

    • Ret_25X says:

      I have had no complaints with the VFW…the AL post the household 6 and I belonged to in East Point, GA (Post 51) was great. Since it was just outside Fort McPherson it was full of a real rarity…WW2 veterans…of the womanly variety. What a hoot listening to the stories they had of the Army of that day.

      I have maintained my affiliation with my hometown VFW (1756, Lincoln, IL)…well, because those small town posts are dying a slow death and I’ll always have a “home” there.

      Don’t have the time to haunt the local posts, but I hear tell they are pretty good posts…active in the community and full of good folks…

  37. mr. sharkman says:

    There are certainly some good people and posts when it comes to the VFW. I’ve had some good experiences.

    I’ll share a ‘phony’ tale associated with the VFW from long ago – when the internet was primarily usenet groups and very unlike the internet of today.

    I am certain IDC SARC will get a kick out of this as well, as there was a phony Recon Marine (as in Vietnam) involved.

    I was invited to a post by a couple of older gentlemen (WW2 veterans, and badasses) that I met at the bar at an ‘Applebees-like’ joint. I’d finished dinner, and was bored, and…there was a bar. O yee who hath no sin…

    So I go and talk to the post commander later that week. I give him a quick version of my bona fides, and he becomes very excited. He explains that another member of said post was ‘from the same unit as me’, and they’d just celebrated his 60th birthday, and ‘he was a hardcore Vietnam veteran SEAL’.

    Now at that moment, I will admit that my BS alarm was nonexistent.

    ‘My unit’ (the one I mentioned) didn’t exist during the Vietnam war. But plenty of SEALs from ST-1 and ST-2 who fought in Vietnam went on to other Teams. I just figured that was the deal.

    And there was no easy way to ‘look up’ names on a list as far as those supreme badasses from Vietnam went.

    I ‘knew’ a few of them, they were Cadre, Special Operations Gods who walked the earth, and I was a (relatively) FNG when I first ‘made their acquaintance’.

    So my response to the revelation was a low key “Oh really? Cool. What’s his name? Can’t wait to meet him and buy him a few dozen beers.”

    I’m told to come back on the weekend.

    So I show up early afternoon on Friday…because…there was a bar, see? Ex-PH2 is probably beginning to sense a patter regarding my behavior when I have no official duties and to quote the late great Chuck Barry ‘No Particular Place to go’.

    The head of the post sees me walk in, and pulls me aside, and it is clear he is rather uncomfortable.

    Apparently, the Vietnam Veteran SEAL ‘from my unit’ was told about me and sadly told the post commander ‘I never heard of him, and I know everybody on all my Teams’ (this is where IDC SARC is rolling his eyes and chuckling). You see, at the time, a Team had well over a hundred guys actually in Platoons. Far, far larger than ST-1 and ST-2 in Vietnam. ‘Knowing’ everyone in a team, unless you were a plank owner, or STT cadre – not likely.

    Then a big fat dude wearing an ill-fitting SSD (Swift-Silent-Deadly – USMC Recon) teeshirt comes from the bar area saying loudly words to the effect of ‘Is that him? This little punk, is that him?!’ (I’m not exactly a 6’9″ slab of rolled steel firing a Pig with 1 hand, thank goodness) and gets right in my face.

    I say, calmly “Hola Brother, what’s the deal here?” and he responds with expletives and ‘I’M NOT YOUR BROTHER, I’M A MARINE!’.

    It was not uncommon at the time (and hopefully will always be ‘the norm’) for FR Marines and Teamguys to see each other as Brothers. The missions are not identical (but there is certainly some overlap), and the skill sets are…’very similar’. 😉

    As most readers have by now surmised – the ‘Vietnam veteran SEAL’ was a rotten to the core phony (he wound up on the original ‘wall of shame’ at the first website run by a former Teamguy) as was his ‘buddy’ the loud ‘Recon Marine’.

    He told anyone who would listen at the VFW post about me and about what a surprise I had coming and how I was ‘going to regret ever meeting him’. The phony Recon Marine fatty was therefore ‘doing me a favor’ because his ‘best friend’ ‘had more confirmed kills with ST-X (a team that didn’t exist during the Vietnam war) than any other SEAL’.

    The phony Teamguy knew that 1 night at the bar, with me buying my revered Elder beers, would eventually lead to some questions on my part, and the end of his fabricated persona at that VFW post.

    I asked, calmly, if ‘he’ was with ‘ST-X’ ‘in Vietnam’. He replied that ‘he’ was, and Fatty McPhony Recon Marine further stated that he ‘worked with’ ‘ST-X’ in Vietnam.

    At that point I quietly explained the discrepancies to the post commander. Loud Fatty kept trying to interrupt, and this being early internet times, my only effective ‘proof’ was I offered to put the post commander in contact with the current CO of ‘ST-X’, who would explain the command history including the impossibility of Teamguys from that team serving in Vietnam with the team in question.

    I’ll admit I’m glad I showed up ‘early’ on Friday. Apparently the phony had organized quite a reception for me on Saturday evening. I do not know how effectively I would have responded and explained the situation if ambushed by a couple dozen well-meaning but misinformed Veterans. I’m certain the truth would have prevailed, but I figure it would have been very uncomfortable and unpleasant.

    But to the credit of the VFW, that post commander – even though he idolized the 2 phonies (He was Army Infantry for 1 year in Vietnam – a far better man than either of the phonies), he kept his calm and watched me closely and really listened to my responses. I’ve read of too many accounts where the post commander took the easy way out. Not this guy.

    Thus endeth the tale of my greatest VFW adventure. 😉

    • IDC SARC says:


      Yeah that’s a red flag.
      Recon Marines generally have great respect for all other operators. Crap, just in my time we invariably trained with and shared the misery of SEALs, SF, PJs, Rangers and learned from all of them. It was SOP when I was at 2D Recon to carry a Ranger Handbook in your cargo pocket.

      Ya never know when you’re gonna need someone’s expertise or hospitality and being a loudmouthed idiot generally isn’t going to help in any way.

      Sounds like an unfortunate but nonetheless interesting time ya had there.

      Worst hit home poser I ever ran into was a college professor I truly admired turning out to be a phony SEAL. He knew I worked where we had access to the database (via a SEAL Commander), but kept up the facade. I didn’t out him, I just left the program.

      • mr. sharkman says:

        ‘Worst hit home poser I ever ran into was a college professor I truly admired turning out to be a phony SEAL.’

        Ouch. That truly sucks.

        I lucked out. As a kid, growing up on/in the Ocean, I was introduced to a Real Deal BTDT (Vietnam) UDT Officer: Mal Hetzer (FW&FS). He’s responsible for a lot of my success later on.

        • Ret_25X says:

          Before I knew better, I had no sensor to detect such BS artists…now, however, I can often spot them a mile off.

          After DS/DS I went home to visit the folks and a guy was in the AL claiming to have also been there…yeah…I asked him how he got a waiver for the heart surgery he had when we were in Jr High School…yeah…

    • Green Thumb says:

      The VFW in Missoula, Montana is a gay bar at night.

      • mr. sharkman says:

        You heard this ‘from a friend’, right? 😉

        Just joking around, no offense intended.

    • Just An Old Dog says:

      Not really a stolen Valor issue but still an incident where someone loudly called BULLSHIT!! on something I said in a very loud and public manner and ended up looking like a complete fucktard.
      I was in Gettyburg for the 135th Anniversary reenactment and was perusing the goods on ” Sutler Row” One of the tents had a few books I was looking through. There was a fat gentleman in the corner holding court with a few people and he seemed to be held in high esteem by them. I picked up one book ” Confederate Rifles & Muskets” and casually mentioned that I had met the author.
      Out of no where this fat fuck came bounding over and yelled out “So you have met me huh!”
      I’m like ” No I met Doctor Murphy in Lajolla, who the fuck are you?”
      It turns out he had helped co-write the book and got his name on it.
      Doctor Murphy was a retired Navy Captain who had collected and written about Confederate Muskets for decades and this guy, although very knowledgeable had stepped in during the early 90s and helped put the work together.
      I had a “nice” chat with the guy and his fan club. It was pretty apparent he had exaggerated his part in getting the book out so I made sure to inform them on just how much of a collection the Doctor had and how he told me about all his research.

    • Carlton G. Long says:

      You handled the situation better than I would have. I would have told the SSD guy that he should change his motto to Semper Fudge and by the time I was done with him, he would have cried himself to sleep every night for a month.

    • Cris says:

      Back in mid to late 90s I was on recruiting duty in upstate NY. It was the Marine Corps Birthday and I had been invited to a celebration by a group of former Marines. I brought along a Marine I put in who was home on recruiter’s assistance. We both wore our blues. After the ceremony, we decided to go to a bar that his father in law’s band was playing at. As soon as I walked in, a gentleman walked up to me and shook my hand and told me how sharp we looked. He mentioned he had served in the Army with the 1st Cav. Did his 4 and got out. By judging his age, I figured he may have served late 70s, early 80s. Never claimed any high speed, low drag adventures. But he did mention to me that his buddy, at the bar, had been a Corpsman and wanted to introduce me to him. I thought, sure, he may have served with the Corps, so I was introduced to him. This is where it got interesting (remember, phonies and embellishers weren’t as well know about as they are now). When I asked if he had served with the Marines he told me that he “was a Marine Corpsman” that during Vietnam there were Marine Corpsman. Well, right away, I knew this had to be bullsh*t. The Marine Corps is good about teaching its history in bootcamp, and as an avid military history buff, I had never heard of this. But, I decided to listen to his story to see where it went. He proceeded to tell me that after his stint in the Marines (as a Corpsman) he then went into the Army, with the Special Forces, and how he was so disillusioned with what he saw in Vietnam while a Green Beret that when he returned to the States he burned his beret at the airport he arrived at. “That was me burning it on TV that you saw” he told me, as if this was a well-known act captured on TV which EVERYBODY is familiar with. I listened to his story, filled with well-known cliché stories and verbiage of Vietnam, then asked if he had retired from the Army or had gotten out after the “burning”. He told me that he had joined the Air Force and retired from it. That’s when I proceeded to call all his B.S. and give him a lesson on the Marine/Corpsman relationship. Since then, I’ve come across a few phonies and embellishers. Some are sad; others, pathetic; all deserve to be called out.
      Just my 2 cents

      • Hack Stone says:

        I was out of boot camp for three whole days before I met my first BS’er. I was in a bar with my brother (nothing unusual there) but some guy comes up, introduces himself to me as Staff Sergeant Soandso, and he knows all of the recruiters from where I enlisted. He then tells me about his seven, count ’em seven, Purple Hearts.

        Hack; “How many tours did you do in Vietnam?”

        (Alleged) SSgt: “I didn’t go to Vietnam. I was a Dill Instructor, and every time a recruit dropped a hand grenade, I would pick it up and throw it, and when I got wounded, they gave me a Purple Heart.”

  38. RM3(SS) says:

    I guess I’m lucky, my post is small, we don’t have any “heroes” in it. We do have 2 WWII vets who are awesome and some Vietnam vets but no bullshitters or braggers. The American Legion is there for all veterans, and like all volunteer organizations attracts it’s fair share of colorful personalities. The one thing I would say to people who refuse to consider joining is it’s your Legion and if you don’t like something, get in here and help change it. I’ve FOIA’ed one guy, and he turned out to be FOS, after I confronted him he went away. Get involved helping other vets and become part of the solution. Or not, the AL will still fight for you.

  39. 2/17 Air Cav says:

    “I guess I’m lucky, my post is small, we don’t have any “heroes” in it.” That, of course, means that you probably have actual heroes among the crew.

    • RM3(SS) says:

      That’s why I put heroes in quotes 2/17. One of my best friends in the post and a former co-worker for 25 years was on riverboats, and was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer from Agent Orange. He never complains and continues to serve at the post. We have others like him.

  40. 19D2OR4 - Smitty says:

    Unless I am blinder than I thought, isn’t the medal second row, far right, an ARCOM? Or is there a Navy medal that looks similar to an ARCOM?

  41. OWB says:

    Nothing says “Navy SEAL” quite like a pouty lower lip…

  42. Frankie Cee says:

    Either “Not a SEAL” Matt Allen has blocked me or he closed his FB page. I left a lot of hits there yesterday, but today I can’t open the page.

  43. BMCS ret says:

    Freeking weenie hugger

  44. ChipNASA says:

    The photo of him sticking his tongue out is really disturbing.
    /jus’ sayin’ is all.
    //no it’s not really gay, much, well, maybe a little, kinda sorta-ish

    • OWB says:

      Is that what he’s doing? Yeah, you are probably right. Thought he was pouting. Either way, you are correct – it is disturbing. Or disgusting. Maybe both. Or something worse.

  45. The Old Maj says:

    I just assume everyone wearing a leather vest with bling and riding a Harley is a poser these days. Now if he is wearing a hi-vis yellow vest and riding a Hayabusa I’d believe it if he told me he served on ST-5 under Chesty Puller while in a POW camp in the Nam’. Nobody wears a hi-vis vest unless they are made to.