John Lam; phony SEAL

| June 29, 2017

Someone sent us their work on this John Lam fellow in Silver Spring, Maryland. Folks tell us that we won’t find any record of his service because of his “secret missions”. In fact he’s so secret squirrel that his uniform is stored in a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility (SCIF) at Quantico so he can attend funeral services at Arlington. But he’s not so secret that he can’t wear a SEAL ballcap or put a Trident on his car;

He also claims two deployments to Vietnam in conversations.

Well, he was right – the National Personnel Center couldn’t find his records;

Don Shipley assures us that Lam is not a SEAL, although he probably hasn’t looked in that SCIF at Quantico.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (106)

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  1. CB Senior says:

    Looks like he blew a SEAL, that Pontiac I mean.

  2. IDC SARC says:

    Looks like he field stripped his FB page.

  3. Yef says:


  4. QM1 says:

    I got to imagine that most folks that hear this type of rubbish from guys like him just laugh at them. There can’t possibly be that many people that take his SEALs stories seriously.

  5. Just An Old Dog says:

    The Turd-herder has a USMC sticker as well

    • Mick says:

      I just saw that USMC sticker, too.

      Oh. Hell. No.

      Let me guess; does he also sometimes claim Force Recon and/or Scout Sniper depending on who his audience is?

      Anyone wanna bet that there’s a motorcycle and a leather vest involved in this somewhere?

      • IDC SARC says:

        Rolling Thunder is on his likes page…as is the SEAL store…where he probably stocks his wardrobe and pimps his ride.

        • Mick says:

          Roger that, Doc.

          Rolling Thunder.

          — sigh —

          Of course. It just had to be, didn’t it?

      • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

        He looks more like a butt sniper than a Scout Sniper…

  6. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    Let me guess… he’s also a sooper seekrit ballsack worker, too?

    Fucking ass hamster….

  7. OldManchu says:

    Is beastiality legal in Maryland? We need to free those dogs from his clutches!

    What a nut hugger!

  8. The Stranger says:

    A phony with TWO dogs?

    Oh fuck…shit just got real up in this piece!

    • Mick says:

      C’mon, everyone knows that the extreme, raging cases of The PTSD that result from performing too many secret missions in the Viet of the Nam often require two service dogs.

    • Graybeard says:

      Seeing guys with dogs like that always gives me the feeling that they are queerer than a $3 bill.

      • OldManchu says:


      • Marine0331 says:

        Watch it there Graybeard. I have a little white Maltese!! Lol

      • RCAF_Chairborne says:

        Easy on the dogs, not their fault.
        I used to bring my beloved Standard Poodle to my SQN’s sport days much to the glee of my female CO and SSM.
        All jokes aside, that poodle Lola was the keenest hunting dog ever and could outswim any retriever. She wouldn’t even flinch at a .303!

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      OOH, a double-dog poser with a meat-gazer’s grin and Blower’s Cramp!

  9. 1610desig says:

    John Lam(e). The photos say it all…metrosexual dogs and poor man’s viagramobile…this dude couldn’t kick his Starbucks barista’s ass..

  10. Veritas Omnia Vincit says:

    The Solstice is a fun little car to drive, it won’t make you forget the Z3 /Z4 or the SL series…but as a price point entry level two seater it’s quite comfortable to play with.

    As for Mr. Lam he looks quite comfortable playing with himself….I love the addition of the SCIF as the records location, no doubt this will inspire those having a casual relationship with the truth to great flights of fantasy…

    • Jonn Lilyea says:

      His UNIFORM is kept in a SCIF.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Hmmm… a SCIF/skiff is a dinghy. It can sink unexpectedly.

      • Hondo says:

        There is a bit of a difference, Ex-PH2.

        skiff = “dinghy”

        SCIF = “screw up badly and we’ll whack yer dingie – then introduce you to your new friends Bubba, Thor, Julio, and Tiny”

        Well, it used to be that way. Not sure those rules apply any more, given how the FBI handled the Clintoon e-mail server fiasco.

    • David says:

      It won’t make you forget a ’67 Spitfire with a bad condenser. (Although I have only been in one… belongs to a guy I know with 2 legit Hearts. He can drive waht he wants.)

  11. AnotherPat says:


    Nope. He is a SLUG.

    Table Salt attack!! (Well, that is one way of getting rid of them.)

    • IDC SARC says:

      Not even that since Slug is a Navy term of endearment for First Class Petty Officers in the important transition to Chief Petty Officer.

      This fucker knows nothing of that experience.

      • AnotherPat says:

        Thanks. Learned something new. Amen on what you said.

      • MAC(SW) (RET) says:

        Thanks for adding that in IDC! I was gonna say, SLUG, is a time honored title in the US Navy that only a select few get to be called. LOL!

        • IDC SARC says:

          Though retired, I’m still a member of the mess here on Bragg…and tis the season. 🙂

          • HMC Ret says:

            SARC: Ya know, it’s been a time since I went to the mess for any reason. Used to go just to hang out, drink a pop and have a slider, listen to and tell lies, etc. I miss it. Wonder if the Russian would like to revisit the local Mess some day? There is a lot, a lot to be said for going and hanging out with peers. There is a large mess here, I think we’ll stop in some time and I’ll have a pop, the Russian can have an alcohol drink and we’ll each have sliders while listening to the AD and old timers swap tales. Yep, that there is a plan.

            • IDC SARC says:

              Yes, it’s nice to stay connected. Though retired, I even had the honor of being a sponsor for a certain special Slug.

      • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

        Neither does Daniel A. Bernath… never has been, never was a CPO (initiated or honorary).

        • RGQ says:

          Another similarity between those two dickheads: both Lam and Bernath love working hobo balls.

        • HMC Ret says:

          HMCS(FMF): I doubt VERY seriously if Bernath would every have the guts to go to a CPO mess for any reason. A few questions from the inquiring minds of those present would immediately out him as a poser. He wouldn’t dare set foot in a CPO Mess with REAL CPOs.

      • Chief says:

        Glad you said that, brother. I was about to rant for hours on this topic

        • AnotherPat says:

          Have to admit I am now curious about SLUG, so….I may bring it up on WOT and ask you all about the history and tradition and why SLUG and no other term of endearment.

          I am Army. We have our terms as well. Even though I was Joint Qualified and was Purple during OEF and OIF, I never heard any of the Navy Folks I worked with or who worked for me talk about SLUGS. Have no clue with the Air Force or the Marine Corps as well and we all were a pretty tight team during those 2 Conflicts. Have also participated in numerous Joint Exercises and the only thing I remembered is that I was privaledged to sign a DOOFER Book (Air Force) and that a Warrant Officer in the Marine Corps ripped my 1SG (TOP) to pieces, because he addressed him as Chief.

          Glad I found out today. I have so much respect for my Sister Services to include the Coast Guard and was taught that if you don’t know, then ask. I STILL to this day get some of the Ranks confused and don’t even get me started on all the different rules and regulations.


          • Chief says:

            SLUG is an acronym that describes a person who is selected for Chief Petty Officer but has not yet been accepted by the mess. Due to our traditions, I will not reveal what SLUG actually stands for — ya know, cause some selects actually know how to use google.

  12. Thunderstixx says:

    Before coffee….
    There oughta be a law, oh wait… There is, it’s just never enforced…

  13. Wilted Willy says:

    The only seal this asshole knows anything about is the one on tupperware! Fuck him.

  14. Ex-PH2 says:

    Pity the poor pups.

  15. 3E9 says:


  16. HT3 '83-'87 says:

    My adopted state of Florida is filled with goddamn phonies, but Delaware…place of my birth…was my last sanctuary. Shit! The SEAL hat/shirt/bling of any kind is dead giveaway that the guy wearing it is a phony. Hell, almost anybody that wears any elite military paraphernalia on more or less a daily basis is a phony in my opinion. If you’re Ranger/SF/SEAL/Force Recon/Sniper ect…you know you pack-the-gear and did your duty, so there’s no need to rock the merch except when it’s appropriate. Guys like this shirtbird sport the high-speed low-drag accoutrements just waiting to be asked about their exploits. Fuck this guy!

    • Uh1av8r says:

      I agree. Still live in Delaware and add clowns like this get exposed quick. I have a team mate from Iraq that is an engineer at del dot. Ill drop a dime on this turf. Bet he spends his time in rehobeth

  17. Graybeard says:

    Oh crud. It’s too early in the day for posers like John Lam.

    • IDC SARC says:

      Imagine being Don Shipley and checking your morning email. FFS

      • Graybeard says:

        I must confess that I’m glad that is not one of my “other duties as assigned.”

        I’d be drinking something other than coffee in the mornings.

  18. JAMES STEDMAN says:

    Just another turd who needs to be flushed!

  19. Toasty Coastie says:

    ~~Flippin’ Blue Waffle~~

  20. Mayhem says:

    Maybe, just maybe he misspoke and what he meant to say was when he was in the Viet of the Nam, down in the Poon Tang Valley, he was the guy he inspected and replaced the seals on the unit issued dickpumps?

    • IDC SARC says:

      or somebody breached his seal in the men’s room of a Vietnamese restaurant?

    • HMCS(FMF) ret says:

      Bet you that he loves himself a bowl of Cream of Sum Yung Guy soup…

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      He was a Supply Clerk/Janitor in a camp by Al Phuk Tup in the Sphink Ter Province of Paprika after his time in Macho Grande.

  21. 26Limabeans says:

    “He also claims two deployments to Vietnam”

    There will never be a last known living Vietnam Vet because the posers will go on forever.

    • Graybeard says:

      I keep expecting to see Fallujah posers overtake the Vietnam posers.

      But maybe our current crop of young losers needs time to develop?

    • rgr769 says:

      I predict that 20 or 30 years from now there will still be purported “homeless” Vietnam vets panhandling at intersections across the country.

  22. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Another candyassed wino sphincter-sniffing gonad-gazer of a buck-toothed red headed inbred Swamp Donkey that has an alligator mouth and a hummingbird ass that look like he blows winos behind bus stops for spare change. I wonder what other con games he’s playing?

    • Former EM1/SS says:

      Just how do you REALLY feel about him? I think you might be holding back a bit….

  23. gitarcarver says:

    Okay….honest question time:

    Some people in the thread have commented on the Trident and the Marine Corps sticker on the back of the car.

    I can clearly understand that the Trident means part of the SEALS as it is an earned / awarded badge. A person who puts that on their car is saying they were a SEAL (just like someone who puts a Purple Heart on their car would be saying that they earned that medal.)

    But I am confused as to the Marine Corps sticker. Does that sticker mean that you are saying that you were / are a Marine? Or can the sticker be used to show support for the Marines?

    If I put a University of Florida sticker on my car, it means I support or root for the Gators – not that I attended there or have any relative that went there.

    What is the “protocol” for “military stickers?” Is the interpretation that you were a part of that service? Or that you “support” them?

    I really don’t know and am honestly looking for an answer.

    • Dave Hardin says:



      I support U.S. Marshall’s…I don’t run around with a blue windbreaker that has it written across the back of it.

      • gitarcarver says:


        I wasn’t suggesting that anyone run around with clothing that suggests they are something they are not.

        While I would consider the top sticker to show support, I would never put the bottom sticker on as that thing is butt ugly.

        But thanks for the information. It is appreciated.

  24. Green Thumb says:


  25. Mark Lauer says:

    Now their UNIFORMS are classified?
    Well, at least this one is creative.

    • 26Limabeans says:

      They have a large red sash that serves the same purpose as a top secret cover sheet.

  26. Dave Hardin says:

    Another siting of the very rare MarmooSeal. Trained at the top secret Camp Clusterphuk. They don’t have a “swim buddy” because everyone knows they are buddy phuckers.

    When legit Navy SEALS start to get a bit too froggy just put on re-runs of Flipper. Calms them down and brings out their inner squid. Works like a charm. If they don’t like Flipper…they ain’t legit.

  27. Chief says:

    Which SCIF in Quanitco? I’ve got friends at all of them. I’m happy to reach out to verify if he wants to back up his claims.

    • MAC(SW) (RET) says:

      Ya’ know – “THE” SCIF……..Hahaha!

    • ura says:

      PLEASE – we are hoping that somebody will follow through! this jerkoff has also said that he is “doctor” (medical) an engineer and on the Leisure World of Maryland board of directors – he’s pathological – living off the woman he met on an online dating service

      • Chief says:

        just let me know which SCIF. hell, i’ll personally be there in December — I can check it out for myself then.

  28. Keepin' It Real says:

    Damn! He wasn’t supposed to let that get out about the SCIF that has all the uniforms. A lot of guys will be pissed about that. Now they’ll have to rent a locker at the MCCS Quantico gym.

    Next casualties of a leak will the the weapons caches and safe house locations.

    Colonel Kurtz (Apocalypse Now): “It’s no longer classified, is it?”

  29. Andy Kravetz says:

    Could a Marine go through BUDS?

    Andy Kravez, reporter
    Peoria (Ill.) Journal Star

    • IDC SARC says:

      No, not unless he gets out of the Marine Corps and joins the Navy.

      • Green Thumb says:

        I do not know.

        Back in the day other services had liaisons.

        The pipeline has expanded.

        I would believe it is possible.

        • IDC SARC says:

          At this point in time no Marines have gone to BUDS. That’s according to Don Shipley.

          I’ve seen Marines try to request an interservice transfer to go to BUDS and to become a SARC and have never seen one go through.

          Of course, all it would theoretically take is a high level decision to decide it was a good thing to do, but thus far it hasn’t happened.

          • Green Thumb says:

            Maybe. As far as Marines, I do not know. I was Army.

            But I will defer to Shipley.

            But I have seen a lot of service members attend schools at other sites.

            And if I am not mistaken, I believe when Rumsfeld “streamlined” and combined the SOF approach, it opened a lot of other opportunities.

            Hell, I went to Ranger School with a few SEALs or at least boys in the SEAL pipeline. Some made it; some did not. My point being that these days it is inter-service training that gets it done and it is this model that is being instituted and followed in the combined arms approach.

            As I said, I defer to Shipley in this case but I know the door has been open to many other courses.

            No more, no less.

            • IDC SARC says:

              I work for SWCS, so I’m kinda up on the communities but I of course don’t know everything.

              • IDC SARC says:

                yes SEALs and Marines, not just Recon Marines/Raiders go to Ranger school…that’s been going on a long time.

                BUDs has been and remains a pretty exclusive club. Sister services do not attend. Some foreign Allies do. Other than that, it’s not something that is open to anyone other than those actually becoming SEALs.

                They don’t want people running around being “SEAL Qualified”

                • Green Thumb says:

                  I went to RS with a few Marines as well.

                  As I did with some FN’s, Air Force, etc.

                  Some made it; some did not.

                  Nature of the beast.

                  As far as the “Qualified” component, I had an old SL tell me this years ago: “It ain’t hard earning it, its hard upholding it”.

                  I hold a CIB, Tab, Snowcone, and a PH, among other things.

                  I earned it.

                  As I told you, it was a question.

                  I came from green, not blue. Hence the curiosity and associated questions.

                  Thanks for the update.

                  And for the record, I met a former BUDS graduate (real deal, I think) with a substandard discharge for drugs.

                  That guy was a turd.

                  In the end, it is about the guts and training, but it is also about the man/woman as well.

                  • IDC SARC says:

                    I understand and I wasn’t trying to be ornery, sorry if I gave that impression.

                    Yes, no matter how high speed low drag and schooled out someone is it doesn’t mean there won’t be the occasional dirtbag. I was an NCOIC at SWCS and had to take two SEALs to MAST. Watching the pain on their faces when they had to take off their Birds and put them on the table was no anything I enjoyed. Similarly saw Rangers, Recon, and GBs disciplined. I was never at a Recon Unit that didn’t have Marines and Sailors facing disciplinary action from time to time. It happens.

          • Green Thumb says:

            But to be clear, are we differentiating between BUDS and UDT (I think that is what it used to be/still is called)?

            If I remember correctly they are different but have overlap.

            As I said, I was Army.

      • ura says:

        that’s the story he has told

  30. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    Hey Pogey Bait, Bend your knees and touch your toes and i’ll show you where the wild goose goes.

  31. Bobo says:

    When someone starts tossing SEAL stuff on everything that they own, I immediately assume that they are fakes. Of the few SEALs who I know, none have any of that stuff on their cars.

    Also, if he lives in MD, why the DE plates on his car? Maybe trying to avoid the taxes?

    • ura says:

      John Lam has stated:

      1. he cannot be found on any internet SEAL listing because of having been in many secret missions;
      2. he has a “level 5 security clearance”;
      3. he was in SEAL Team 6;
      4. when he goes to Arlington for a SEAL funeral, he has to go to Quantico where his uniform is kept so that people don’t ask about the medals;
      5. he served 2 tours during Viet Nam war; after getting out and going to college, he (re)enlisted in the Navy to become a Navy SEAL.
      6. he has also told another neighbor that he is “a (medical) Doctor” and an “engineer”

      SSN: 222-32-XXXX

      Age: 70

      Possible Names (AKAs):
      JOHN R LAM

      2508 LINDELL RD, WILMINGTON, DE 19808




      PO BOX 798, ORIENTAL, NC 28571









  32. Stephen McCartney says:

    In a 30 yr USN career (with 17yr FMF and 3 yrs with MARSOC) I worked with very cerebral, motivated & professional SEALs, USASOC and some USAF operators. But after separation or retirement I just have not seen them inappropriately go full tilt “glitter-glamorama” and disrespect their community (Maybe a few but I can’t remember any as I sit here).
    The above profiled sorry-ass SOB is diagnostic of a classic phony “micro-pecker” just by the bling bling on his car and heat vapors from his mouth. Same observation for the over done bikers whose vests look like a Macy’s Christmas tree.
    I worked with several Navy physicians (former SEAL) who, except for their Trident, didn’t try to draw attention, or play any roles other than healer. They knew who they were, no further comments or adornment needed.

    CAPT “Bones” USN Medical Corps (ret)

  33. Cris says:

    I TRIED to teach knots to them scouts and after 30 minutes I may have managed to maybe get them to do a square knot. I have to give credit to the folks that deal with 7-9 year olds and the patience they must have…lol

    • IDC SARC says:

      lol…yeah I paid my daughter $20 to teach my son to tie his shoes.

    • Graybeard says:

      There are tricks to teaching knots to kids. Once you learn those, it’s not that hard.

      One of my fellow Scouters has a story of a time he was teaching knots to a bunch of young Boy Scouts, when one boy asked “Is there a way to tie someone up without hurting them and they cannot get out?”
      To which he replied “Sure!” and showed him using the knots he had already learned.

      A few days later he is confronted by a furious mother who wanted him kicked out of the Troop forever.

      It seems this particular Scout had a particularly obnoxious older sister who constantly picked on him. He had gone home and said “I bet I can tie you up and you cannot get free.” She took him up on it, and he tied her up.
      He did not gag her, and she could have called for help at any time, but she was not about to let her little brother win.
      I think it was several hours before her mother found her.