Phony Coast Guardsman in Montana

| August 8, 2017 | 46 Comments

Green Thumb sends us a link to a story in Polson, Montana’s Lake County Sheriff’s Office search for a fellow who is pulling over boats on Flathead Lake pretending to be a member of the Coast Guard with his little jet ski, which, by the way, is fitted with lights and a siren;

Lake County Sheriff Don Bell said officers are currently interviewing witnesses to complete the investigation before potential charges of impersonating a law enforcement officer are filed.

Bell said his office initially received reports of the man attempting to stop boats on the river near Polson a couple of weeks ago.

By the time the sheriff’s office was able to launch its boat, the man had disappeared.

The man showed up again last weekend and sheriff’s deputies were able to get a number from the personal watercraft he was riding on, but the numbers didn’t match the watercraft.

On the Sheriff’s Office Facebook page, one of his victims reports that he tried to confiscate their beer when he pulled them over recently.

Category: Coast Guard, Phony soldiers

Comments (46)

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  1. Graybeard says:

    One way to get free beer. Until they put you where you can’t.

  2. Toasty Coastie says:

    What an utter knob….I will give credit for imagination though..a jet ski with a siren and lights all in the name of free beer…I hope he runs out of gas and the real Coasties leave him there to drift about for a few hours 👿

  3. Andy11M says:

    I almost get angry when they half ass it like this least get a vest or hat that says USCG.

    • Toasty Coastie says:

      Don’t give him any ideas, lol…he’s lucky he didn’t get shot the stoopid wanker.

    • Club Manager says:

      I believe the Coast Guard only has authority on navigational waterways so I don’t see them on a lake in Montana unless it is to investigate an accident like a duck boat sinking killing some tourists. When I was in the CG Auxiliary we had a couple of members pull stunts like that, one even wore handcuffs. That shit didn’t last long.

      • Toasty Coastie says:

        Club Manager~
        Coasties have jurisdiction on this lake given the size of it. Its over 161 miles long, so it would be small boat Coasties. This prolapsed asshole can be busted for impersonating a LEO, Coastie, Stolen Valor and a few other charges. The first two are felonies.

        I may be wrong on this. I asked a currently serving Coastie and this was the answer supplied.

        • MT FAO says:

          No coasties on the Flathead that I know of. It’s a mixture of Fish & Game, DNRC, Tribal on the reservation end and local sheriffs in Lake and Flathead counties. Troopers as well once he pulls up to land. Needless to say we do have laws in place for impersonating a law enforcement officer and utilizing unauthorized lights and siren. Stupid just knows no bounds.

          • Toasty Coastie says:

            Thank you for squaring me away MT FAO:)

            I was unaware of the Tribal connection, and my Coastie brother just generalized, so I appreciate the correction 🙂

  4. akpual says:

    It’s all fun and games for this dumb sob until someone beats the snot out of him or shoots his ass.

  5. 1610desig says:

    Also look for this dude on a mall cop Segway, posing as a state or NPS ranger (backwards cammo ballcap and cigarette helps), shaking down campsites for fees…about as credible as the jet ski gig

  6. Claw says:

    I know who it is./smile

    Robert Danny “The Maggot” Hay.

    You all know him. He’s the one who had his DD214 decaled to the rear window of his pick-up.

  7. Reaperman says:

    He’s just evolved one step too far past “Federal Boobie Inspector.”

  8. Forest Green says:

    They need to send a couple of deputies out fishing. When he pulls up, yank the deadman and you’ll have him.

  9. Ex-PH2 says:

    Idiot. He should be a lot more careful. Montana has no restrictions on gun ownership. If he pisses off a bunch of drunken fishermen with rifles, shooting for trout, he could lose his jet-ski. Then he’d have to swim.

    Why doesn’t anyone ask this bozo for his LEO or USCG ID?

  10. sj says:

    Is he the first phony Coastie? I can’t remember what I had for breakfast.

  11. USMC Steve says:

    Coast Guard stolen valor? Might this be a first?

    • Toasty Coastie says:

      Nahh we had 2 or 3 before this clown. Don’t get to many who want to steal the valor of a a Coastie because we aren’t as high speed, low drag as our big brothers Army, Marines and navy.

      • Toasty Coastie says:


      • Ex-PH2 says:

        Yeah, but the Army, Marines and Navy don’t go out on the Great Lakes and cut the ice or rescue idiots from it in the dead of winter. Without the Coasties, people who decide to go boating on Lake Michigan would have no recourse when their boats (they don’t know how to drive) take on water, and they need help. There wouldn’t be anyone to rescue silly people who decide to pay a visit to the breakwaters when the wind is blowing up a seiche and lake surf is high.

        Seriously, we couldn’t do without the Puddle Pounders.

        • I have a friend who retired from the Coast Guard.

          He was very proud of being an official “Square Knot Sailor”, which is VERY rare, even among career sailors in the United States Navy.

          A “Square Knot Sailor” is one who has sailed all seven of the Seven Seas and been to all four corners of the Earth.

        • Graybeard says:

          I have great respect for our Coasties. Our Venturing Crew was camping on the USCG Station Galveston once when we witnessed a boating accident. A shrimper had lost its engine while in the lane for the Bolivar ferry. The ferry came around the point and could not back water fast enough to keep from going over the shrimper and taking the two of them into the rocks. The Coasties were on it like ugly on Maxine Waters.

          It was great to have a front-row seat for the action. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured.

      • Skippy says:

        My wife almost went to CG Academy at he last moment her mom talked her out of it
        And went to the University of Oregon and got her doctorates of English
        I had no idea how hard it was to get in she had a letter plus a bunch of other stuff just to get considered your swim test was pretty crazy to from what I understand
        At least you joes know how to swim most navy people I’ve meet don’t

        • desert says:

          Not sure where you got that? When I went through boot camp, you damned well better know how to swim, thread water, stay afloat, splash burning oil off the surface, come up for air, jump off a 50 tower with a Mae West…on and on….no! we knew how to swim!

      • Mark Lauer says:

        There was that guy in the Auxiliary who was pretending he’d been a Navy SEAL…but I guess that wouldn’t count.

        But that was how I heard about the Auxiliary, and I joined just a couple of weeks later. Been with them now for almost 3 years.
        Good way for a broken down old fart like me to serve his country once again.

    • Claw says:

      Explored the archives and came up with a couple:

      Ken Goldstein – Phony CG JAG Officer.

      Roy Antigua – Flashed a phony CG CAC/ID card when arrested.

  12. Sparks says:

    “Heave to…Heave to! Hi folks, I’m the local Coast Guard safety inspector. We’re doing research into female breasts as flotation devices. Now, I would like all of you ladies to please remove you tops for inspection. First, let me get my clipboard for proper recording. Now, please hold still while I measure and feel the buoyancy factor of your breasts. That’s right, yea, oh that’s good, yesiree, those are GREAT flotation devices ma’am and I will note that in my records. Please know that you would be safe if you fell overboard without your life preserver. NEXT! Thank you folks and you six beautiful ladies for your cooperation and have a great day. The Coast Guard and America appreciates your help in this valuable research effort.”

    Man, is this a great gig or what!

  13. Perry Gaskill says:

    I’ll just leave this…

  14. Mark Lauer says:

    The only Coast Guard personnel I know of that us PWCs are CG Auxiliary members. And then it’s only for assisting recreational boaters. We don’t have law enforcement powers, and if any of us were to do something like what this dork is pulling would be in very serious trouble with our local active duty unit command.
    I hope they nail this SOB.

  15. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    He’s trying that shit up in MT? I’m sure it’s only a matter of time until he gets his ass shot, beaten or he just disappears, there’s a lot of wide open country up there!

    • 1610desig says:

      I’ve truck camped up there frequently and I can’t imagine fucking with, or being fucked with as this pelvic sore has attempted…most folks I’ve encountered are sturdy westerners, and while neighbor/visitor friendly/tolerant, they’re wary of and prepared for dirtbags…after all, where’s a cop when u need one in that vast expanse?

  16. streetsweeper says:

    Tell ‘um to put a 25’ USCG Fast Boat on that lake. No way that dumb sum bitch could out run it. Heh.

  17. Green Thumb says:

    This turd could easily navigate the waterways around Merritt Island, Florida.

    Phildo already has his land option.

    Now he has his back up option.


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