Timothy Bean, phony SEAL

| August 31, 2017

Our partners at Military Phonies send us their work on yet another phony SEAL, Timothy Bean. He doesn’t like talking about being a SEAL, well, except on Facebook;

But, then when he was busted, turns out that he was wearing a Trident and advising people on how to train to be a SEAL to honor a friend;

He was a SEABEE, a Steelworker Second Class;

Eight years of service, three years at sea, but I guess that wasn’t good enough for Facebook. His Facebook profile disappeared last night.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (74)

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  1. sj says:

    Florida. Vest. Doo rag. Bike. No dog???

    • Martinjmpr says:

      Dog was too embarrassed to be in the picture with him.

    • Claw says:

      Teacup Yorkie in the bike saddle bag.

    • 1610desig says:

      Dog was in the house with his old lady doing a porn flick

    • Mick says:

      A leather vest.

      — sigh —

      There’s always a leather vest covered in poser bling. Always.

      I’ll bet that there are a couple of phony SEAL tattoos and a raging case of The PTSD in there somewhere, too.

    • Twist says:

      Speaking of the dog, where do these shit bags get the dogs? I went to a Military appreciation day event here last week and was talking to the people at Paws for Purple Hearts and their wait list is 3-5 years. For them to even put you on the waiting list you have to have documentation from a licensed physician that you actually have PTS.

      • 26Limabeans says:

        Probably a shelter for cheap.

      • Mick says:

        There’s no need to get an actual ‘service dog’ if one wants to be a poser who claims to have a raging case of The PTSD.

        Posers can simply go online to any of the multiple vendors out there and buy an authentic ‘service dog’ vest for their pet pooch at home, and it’s up, up, and away into the exciting world of Stolen Valor PTSD Poserdom!

      • Angela Bean says:

        He does have PTSD, and the DOG is Dead..
        Don’t comment on something you know nothing about. Go F your Mother.

        • Jonn Lilyea says:

          PTSD from the Blue Oyster in Gulfport, Mississippi?

        • Graybeard says:

          PTSD – Pretty Thick Sh1t Disease.

          And the dog, if it ever existed, probably offed himself out of humiliation for having Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain for an owner.

          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is really on his/her form today! The Sockpuppet has shown up nearly a month and a half later to defend itself.

    • RCAF_CHAIRBORNE says:

      What is it with posers and Harleys??…… They spew BS like Harleys spew oil. Ditto on reliability. 😉

  2. 1610desig says:

    “10 percent of BUDS is physical”. Now that’s some mentoring for success! You just use telekinesis to get that huge fucking log over your head

    • Ret_25X says:

      what he meant to say was “10 percent of licking taint behind the DFAC at BUDS is physical…the other 90% is mental”

      • USMCMSgt (Ret) says:

        “10 percent of licking taint behind the DFAC at BUDS is physical…the other 90% is mental”

        ^^^ That must be what the “A+ certification” is for on his LinkedIn profile.

        • Angela Bean says:

          No Jack wagon, He actually went to collage. Made something of himself. WTF are you doing?!

          • Jonn Lilyea says:

            Yeah, Timmy made a SEAL out of himself. Without learning how to spell college.

          • Graybeard says:

            So Timmy “Angela” Bean-head went to collage to make something of himself.

            Like learning how to paste fake SEAL stuff all over his unwashed body.

            Timmy-Angela Bean-head is a real collage, alright.
            Timmy-Angela Bean-head has made a real jackass of himself.

            What am I doing? Laughing at the pathetic attempts of Timmy-Angela Bean-head The Sockpuppet to defend itself.

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        I’m sure he blows his fair share of winos behind bus stops as well.

    • Redacted1775 says:

      Note the response of “Ok so there is no real preparation physically for buds then” . Uh-oh…

  3. IDC SARC says:

    Cocksucker

  4. QM1 says:

    Looks like he started out as a SM and cross-rated to SW when the Signalman rating went the way of the dinosaur in ’04/05.

    Then he cross-rated to assclown soon after getting out of service all together.

  5. Combat Historian says:

    He needs to be taken to the woodshed and whupped by a bunch of SEALs for lying, then again be taken to the woodshed to be whupped by a bunch of Seabees for dishonoring the Seabees…

  6. CB Senior says:

    Bootlicking D-bag.
    So few of us Bee’s to start with, he was already a select few. Maybe not always Guts and Glory work but Honorable and sometimes legendary.
    Threw it all away for what?
    Definitely singing the hymn for him.

    • Proud Seabee says:

      He is part of the SM guys, that the fleet forced over to SW for some reason around 04/05.
      They had three full SW class’s of SM’s and most well didn’t do that well.

      We had two in my Battlion and sent both of them home.

      This little shit making us look bad. Remember 10 precent in each community.

    • thebesig says:

      Originally posted by CB Senior:

      Maybe not always Guts and Glory work but Honorable and sometimes legendary.

      I don’t know… Those pictures show that he was all guts! 🙄 Then, when he reclassed to civilian, he continued to go all out in the guts part of the equation. 🙄

  7. Ex-PH2 says:

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    He’s got ape-hangers on that hog!!!!

    Has he run into any real biker gangs yet?

    What an ASSHOLIO!

    • 26Limabeans says:

      And he’s wearing either women’s flared jeans or bell bottoms.

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      Yeah, I noticed that they were kind of loose at the bottom, but I don’t usually pay attention to men’s jeans unless they’re — oh, never mind.

      • 26Limabeans says:

        My girlfriend keeps hounding me about the inseam of my jeans being too short.
        She likes them dragging on the ground behind the heel.
        Soooooo…I bought a pair with really long legs and rolled them up in cuffs.
        Not a wise move,

      • Ex-PH2 says:

        The only thing that really matters in men’s jeans is whether the crotch seam is cut properly.

      • Angela Bean says:

        Your gay too!

        • Jonn Lilyea says:

          Tough talk for a guy pretending to be a SEAL, hiding behind a girl’s name.

        • Graybeard says:

          WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
          A sockpuppet!

          ATTENTION ALL TAH PERSONNEL!
          ATTENTION ALL TAH PERSONNEL!

          PREPARE TO REPEL SOCKPUPPETS.
          REPEAT: PREPARE TO REPEL SOCKPUPPETS.

          ::sound of popcorn popping and beer being opened::

          Hey, Timmy Angela, you need to demand a refund on your public education. Your grammar stinks.

          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is not a SEAL.
          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain was a SEABEE, BUT has dishonored his service with his lies.
          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is a loser.
          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain has to hide behind a womans’ skirts.
          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain reportedly, but not confirmed, has gonads the size of shriveled peas, and is still trying to grow a pair.
          Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is pathetic.

  8. Former EM1/SS says:

    You know, he kind of looks like the type to show up here and start making threats and excuses. I kind of hope so, and have popcorn at the ready.

  9. Graybeard says:

    I’m getting to the point that unless Marcus Luttrell tells me personally that so-n-so is a SEAL, my BS meter pegs.

  10. Daisy Cutter says:

    The fact that he was a Police Officer for three years does not instill confidence. Seems he missed the class on “Code of Honor.”

    I wonder how many of his fellow officers he told that he was a Navy SEAL?

  11. STGCS Ret says:

    Notice the BACA patch on his vest – If he is a member of BACA (Bikers Against Child Abuse) I am sure they would have a problem with anyone in their group misrepresenting themselves. Especially since a large number of them are veterans.

  12. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    Why the fuck don’t some of these assclowns put on a 1% patch and go hang out with some Mongols, Vagos, Banditos, etc?

    Self-curing problem.

  13. Rick says:

    What a dickbag. I would to throat punch that cocksucker for bringing shame to the Bees.

  14. Chaos says:

    I served with Bean in Iraq making cages for “detainees” who later turned into ISIS.
    Its too bad he’s lying about being a SEAL but at least he isn’t some loser in academia protesting against troops.

  15. MCPO Ret. in TN says:

    He could be in the same biker club with another phony SEAL – Phil Monkress

  16. Skippy says:

    Honorable service record and he flushed it down the crapper

    JACK-ASS

  17. CM2 non-SCW says:

    I was over in Iraq with this assclown! Biggest piece of shit I’ve ever served with! He was an SW who couldn’t weld for shit! I wanted to kick his ass then and now I really want to fucking throttle him!!!!

    • Skippy says:

      Word ^^^^^

    • Angela Bean says:

      We are waiting for your arrival-… You wont make it out alive… JS

      • Jonn Lilyea says:

        Tough talk for someone who pretended to be a SEAL. JS

      • Graybeard says:

        WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
        Hey, Timmy Angela, you need to demand a refund on your public education. Your grammar stinks like a slit latrine.

        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is not a SEAL.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain was a SEABEE, BUT has dishonored his service with his lies.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is a loser.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain has to hide behind a womans’ skirts.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain reportedly, but not confirmed, has gonads the size of shriveled peas, and is still trying to grow a pair.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain is pathetic.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain likes to talk tough while hiding behind a skirt.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain reportedly, but not confirmed, prefers to wear a bra and panties under his skirts.
        Timmy “Angela” Bean-brain runs off at the mouth reportedly, but not confirmed, as a consequence of his activities while wearing a skirt, bra, and panties while on his knees behind the dumpster.

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        ATTENTION KMART SHOPPERS, SOCKPUPPET CLEANUP IN AISLE 13!!!

        • Graybeard says:

          I think our sockpuppet has run away.

          Come on back, Timmy Angela Bean-brain. We could use a good laugh.

  18. W2 says:

    Hey, you guys get off his nuts, at least he’s trying. Old Steve isn’t trying at all with his 120 kills and that’s it. Steverino doesn’t have a doo rag, doesn’t have a vest and no HD. At least old Beanie boi here is trying and he deserves some respect for being a total douchebag and properly collecting all the necessary douchebag bling. And you guys know there is a dog involved somehow. Hat’s off to you Beanie boi for the enviable effort in becoming a total douchebag, now ESABATM.

  19. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    A Prospect Member of the DRG?

  20. TF-BA says:

    His sleeve roll in that photo basically screams “I’m a dirtbag, kick my ass”.

  21. Ex-PH2 says:

    I keep wanting to post a Mr. Bean video here and call him ‘Timmy’.

  22. OWB says:

    Sock puppet on aisle 4.

  23. Keepin' It Real says:

    I heard that Timothy Bean, the fake Navy SEAL, can drink anyone under the table…

    … that’s is, if we are talking about jizz, not alcohol.