Jason Lang, phony SEAL

| September 1, 2017

The folks at Military Phonies share their work on Jason Lang with us today. Jason was raised on a farm where he was bred to be a Navy SEAL. Don’t believe me? Well, look at this conversation he had;

Well, he got so mad that he is now a Waffen SS Nazi, since he can’t be a SEAL on the internet;

Of course, Jason doesn’t show up in the Navy SEAL database, and, shockingly, the Navy doesn’t have a record of him serving;

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (82)

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  1. Sandman says:

    This cat claimed Kennedy told his Grandfather 12 years before little SEAL Jason was born to train him. 12 years after Kennedy’s assassination little SEAL Jason popped out apparently already a legend!

  2. The Other Whitey says:

    This guy is delusional enough to make Lars look almost functional!

    • Commissar says:

      Well, aren’t you a petty little shit this morning.

      When you were looking forward to retirement did you imagine you would be spending your time trolling a specific individual as your primary retirement activity?

      Is that how you saw your retirement? Trying to get negative attention by calling him out on articles that have nothing to do with him and on subjects that he generally does not give a shit about?

      Pretty damn pathetic.

      More pathetic because you have decided to do it to a veteran because you do not like his political views. Views he earned the right to have whether you agree with him or not.

      • Sandman says:

        Ummmmm,,did you not read the article, and just jumped straight to the comments? He was NEVER in the military, he is a military poser claiming titles others have died to earn. You are entitled to your opinion, but have a little knowledge on the subject matter before you comment. Sound like a plan?? Awesome!

      • The Other Whitey says:

        When I was looking forward to retirement? We’ve been over this before, Lars. I’m 33, over a decade younger than you claim to be, and not yet halfway to retirement eligibility. My career is going pretty well, in fact. Just got promoted, too. You keep thinking I’m a senior citizen based on…your own chickenshit prejudices, proving again how full of shit you are.

        Yeah, go fuck yourselves, you pathetic fucking loser.

        • Poetrooper says:

          “Yeah, go fuck ‘yourselves’ you pathetic fucking loser.”

          Um, Whitey, is that a typo or or a deliberate slap at Lars multiple personality disorder?

        • MSG Eric says:

          Congratulations, good luck with the new paycheck. I’m sure it’ll be tough getting more money.

          • The Other Whitey says:

            Also more paperwork, more bullshit, more headaches, and getting used to my firefighters calling me “Cap” instead of “Whitey.” And they’ll call me “sir,” which I hate…

      • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

        You’re reaping what you’ve sown with your attitude, demeanor and bullshit, Babbles McButthead!

      • Forest Green says:

        “Views he earned the right to have…”

        He was born with them knucklehead. He didn’t have to earn them. Another peek into the communist psyche; one must earn his rights. And just who determines when they have been earned them? You? Asshole.

      • Eden says:

        Lars Taylor, you are so predictable.

    • Skippy says:

      😂 😀 🤣 😃 😆

    • Lars Taylor's Narcissism says:

      I’m a major in the US Army Reserve. I’m so special, there’s nobody else like me.

      But I’m really trying to say is that I have a sin skin, along with control, anger, emotional, and other issues. So, when somebody attacks me, I have this obsessive need to “correct” the issue.

      • The Other Whitey says:

        Lars is living proof that education doesn’t make a genius out of a moron.

      • swormy says:

        “Was a Major in the US Army Reserve and nobody “liked” him.”

        Fixed it for you.. 🙂

        • Lars Taylor's Narcissism says:

          That’s true, nobody liked me. As a Major in the Army Reserve, I should be a battalion commander, but I tend to create a hostile work environment wherever I show my presence. People just can’t accept that I am always right.

    • Marine 0331 says:

      I was laughing pretty hard, but then realized this cumsack really does believe his own bullshit. This cat is several bricks shy of a load. Then again, do they really allow this guys to walk the streets? Seems like he really should be in a hospital room with someone watching over him.

  3. sj says:

    Wow. I thought we had seen bizzaro before. This dude wins. I hope he is on a watch list somewhere.

    • Green Thumb says:


      This shit is beyond awesome.

      I bet a PhD Candidate, hell a clinical researcher, could make a career with this fool.

      I wonder what his signature move is?

      The “Two-Hole Stretcher”?

    • Claw says:

      The unclaimed Love Child of Bam Bam Bigelow and King Kong Bundy.

      All that’s missing is the flaming head tats.

  4. Doc Savage says:

    Ho. Lee. Chit.

    This kid had an extra big helping of sugar frosted paint flakes for breakfast.

  5. IDC SARC says:

    Now that’s comedy. 🙂

  6. Daisy Cutter says:

    Maybe we should have some compassion?

    After all, his grandfather made him eat dog shit.

  7. Daisy Cutter says:

    Wasn’t “Big Bang Lang” the name of a porn star?

  8. NavCWORet says:

    This all just sounds like a made-up wrestling persona (I hope) and he’s just maintaining character. Otherwise, he should be visited by folks with one of those dinner jackets that tie in the back.

  9. Armyveteran248 says:

    This guy is probably mentally ill. But it’s still funny

  10. RetiredDevilDoc8404 says:

    Man, that’s a whole heapin’ helpin’ of crazy there. When I worked in EMS we had two kinds of psychs, the frequent fliers who knew the magic words to get involuntary committed for an eval when they needed to get away and those that were the denizens of bizarro world the good ‘n crazy. That ass clown is not just good ‘n crazy he’s like the royal family of bizarro world crazy, crown prince level at least.

    • Usafvet509 says:

      Seen a bit of that myself, doc. EMT-B as well as 3yrs as a psych tech. Come to think of it, that’d be why der Kommissar’s bullshit sounds familiar…

  11. OAE CPO USN Ret says:

    Mother of God. Past and present members of the DRG had a gangbang and this guy was the baby created from that event.

    It’s time for a pitcher of Mojo with a Bullfrog chaser.

  12. Sapper3307 says:

    Is that VeNNtUURAS other son?

  13. Forest Green says:

    Jesus Christ! Sometimes I think you just make this shit up. But sadly, I realize this guy is actually walking around loose.

    • Mick says:


      Too many phony SEALs this week, and this one is completely off his nut.

      • Forest Green says:

        I swear this had to be made up and then I flashed back to a couple characters; PFCs K.W. Woods and Rotan Johnson. Those two would fit right in with this craziness.

  14. Ex-PH2 says:

    He’s only 6ft tall? I know someone half his size who could take him on and win.

    He’s a real bull goose loony, top of the line. He should get an award for his histrionics.

  15. gitarcarver says:

    When I read the first Facebook screencap, my first thought was “this is the story from the game ‘Castle Wolfenstein.'”

    Who knew that in the 80’s, this guy was the inspiration behind the game?

    I am seriously impressed.

    Or not.

  16. thebesig says:

    Been born a warrior, and trained as such as a kid? Yes, I watched the 1998 movie, “Soldier”, to. Good movie. Many of these phonies adopt a movie’s storyline, or one from a book they read, then expect others to believe them.

    It appears that the only ones that should fear him are donuts and buffet food entries.

  17. 19D2OR4 - Smitty says:

    So SEALs are US Marine German Nazi SS that are created when a Soldier and and a Sailor get it on…..

    Guy has been using way too many drugs while playing HALO

    • Ex-PH2 says:

      I’m quite positive that the video bots in HALO could pound the living daylights out of Jason, and not even leave enough behind for a thin shit sandwich.

    • Old Trooper says:

      I can see the advertisement now “Friday Night HALO ‘N’ HUFFING!! (BYOP) That’s “Bring Your Own Paint”

    • Eden says:

      That’s why they call him “Master Chief”!

  18. Perry Gaskill says:

    Reading that stuff makes me wonder if the Symba dude had all his shots before climbing in the ring with Jason Crazypants…

  19. Berliner says:

    He was so special the schools he went to always dispatched the “short bus” for him to keep the other students safe.

  20. Graybeard says:

    He’s… special.


  21. Redacted1775 says:

    I got to image 9 of the conversation and had to stop. My eyes burn…

  22. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    Sounds like this guy’s an EDP. If the Navy phased out the Seals, that would put the kabosh on the phonies, but that wouldn’t work because all the phonies claim that they were once Seals. Why did I even type out this comment and waste the ink on the ribbon. looks like a senior moment I just had. Belay this. Flash back- This is a drill, this is a drill, Liberty call, Liberty call. I’ll be on a 48 this weekend.

  23. Ret_25X says:

    “Herr Fuckstick”…I LOLed so hard I spit coffee on my monitor….


  24. Silentium Est Aureum says:

    His skull must be wicked soft.

  25. David says:

    Sadly, this is the kind of idiot the gun-control schmucks point to when they want to keep the rest of us from having nice things. This guy shouldn’t even be allowed a straw for spitballs. I will say, though, that his delusions are more impressively out there than most who are allowed to walk the streets.

  26. Daisy Cutter says:

    He got tagged and saw butterflies and stars dancing around.

    He never came back.

  27. Gravel says:

    Why do I have a feeling that this guy is just an internet troll. He writes like he’s about 13.

  28. Skyjumper says:

    “Big Bang Lang”?

    Seems more like a dud.

    Looks to be a few propellant bags short of a full charge.

  29. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    He’s definitely at least five cans short of a six pack!

  30. Mark Lauer says:

    This guy’s head is so inside out, it’s right side out twice over.
    Having a conversation with him was like talking to the March Hare while HE was on acid.

  31. Skippy says:

    Holy bat-shit batman I lost my coffee reading the comments on here

    BHWHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!

  32. Animal says:

    If anyone deserves the Wall of insults it’s this dude. I submit the motion that it so be awarded.


  33. Green Thumb says:

    If only Butterbean had a brother….

  34. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    Folks, this dummkoph demonstrates why one should not huff steroids.

  35. Andy Kravetz says:

    Am I missing something or is he bragging he’s part of the Waffen SS which were murderers and just evil in general. He went from being a SEAL to a Nazi? Did I miss something.

  36. Atkron says:

    I just love it when people put the dollar sign after the numeral…

  37. Combat Historian says:

    The fucktardiest phony ever featured on TAH’s Fucktard Friday…

  38. Fm2176 says:

    Remember this guy? http://thisainthell.us/blog/?p=68704

    He used to be a friend of a friend. Anyway, TWO phonies named Lang. Both MMA wannabes from NY. Interesting…

  39. El Bearsidente says:

    He can’t even spell Rudolf Lange right.

  40. KrautGrenadier says:

    Oh sh*t i Don’t know if he was real or just trolling.

    how… how in the fu**ing world can someone be so fu**ed up.

    Did he believe the sh*t he’s talking about?

  41. Eden says:

    I REALLY needed that laugh! 3.5 weeks of Hurricane Harvey response built up a lot more stress than I realized.