John Michael Visoky; phony SEAL

| September 5, 2017

Our partners at Military Phonies share their work on this purple-colored fellow, John Michael Visoky. He claims that he’s a Navy SEAL. He used to claim it on his Facebook, but somehow it got scrubbed away, but brought to you through the magic of screenshots;

It’s still on his LinkedIn;

Well, he was in the Navy and he went through a couple of weeks of BUD/S, but then he bailed;

No completion of training, no assignment to the SEAL Team. Personally, I like the people who handle my money and insurances to be honest.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (75)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Combat Historian says:

    “…Personally, I like the people who handle my money and insurances to be honest…”

    I would also like the people who handle my money and insurance to be able to spell at the second-grade level…

  2. sj says:

    Would also be nice if they could spell or at least know how to use spell checker.

  3. Carlton G. Long says:

    Despite his Minnesota Viking-tinted skin, his haircut looks like he could have played for the Packers in the 1960’s … maybe Vince Lombardi’s classic, “…a seal here, and a seal here, and we run the ball … through the alley” is a nod to this fellow’s service.

    • annabelle says:

      the purple color is indicative of someone suffering from Cranial Impaction of the Rectum. blood flow is inhibited thus, the purple gabeza.

  4. Jay says:

    I also prefer to trust my money to people who don’t look like Grimace from McDonalds

  5. NormanS says:

    Bailed from BUD/S … Personally, I like to think that is Okay; just don’t claim to be what you failed to become. While I was a Warrant Officer Candidate in the W.O.F.T. program, I bailed before completion. It would be bad taste to claim to be an Army Aviator. They sent me to M.P. school at Ft. Gordon, Georgia. I think I was a decent M.P. for the rest of my AD time.

  6. OldManchu says:

    Man i wus wandering whi he mite havv wasshd owt of budz but I thnik it was forh thu spelleng n gremmur fase that he kouldunt get threw

    Forget the insurance and handling of your money, don’t let this fucker work on your electricity either!

  7. Ex-PH2 says:

    He bailed BUD/S after a few weeks. 18 out of 85 survive that very grueling part of the training but he has to said he made it through. Wanker!!!!

    If you buy coverage of any kind from him, grill him first and get everything in writing, and then check your policy when you get it. And keep notes. He’ll do himself in. Or just call him and tell him to shut up about being a SEAL when he bailed out of the initial schooling.

  8. Claw says:

    The purple-ish glow to his skin is what happens when you spend 12 hours a day fapping to a Barney screen saver.

  9. Was he medically discharged from the Navy?

    How can anyone graduate with a college degree if they can’t spell simple words, use a dictionary, or construct intelligible sentences?

    I’m guessing he’s dyslexic?

  10. 1610desig says:

    He might want to re-calibrate the UV frequency on his tanning booth

  11. Mick says:

    What’s with all of the phony SEALs lately?

    Enough already.

  12. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    And he’s a SALESMAN! I bet he can’t figure out how so many people automatically assume that salesmen are LIARS! That purple glow, did he get that from meat gazing under a UV lamp at The Blue Oyster?

    • Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

      I thought SALESMAN was actually spelled SEALSMAN. I guess in his line of work, he could really ‘SEAL” a deal.

  13. MrBill says:

    If yu wunt a man hu can spel gud I am the man fer yu!

  14. thebesig says:

    Looking at his list of assignments, he was listed as a patient at the Navy Hospital in San Diego prior to reporting to BUD/S. That’s followed, a few weeks later, by transfer to Naval Special Warfare Center on a limited duty status. This is followed by what apparently is a temporary retired list before finally being discharged in 1993.

    He may have gotten injured, and got dis-enrolled as a result.

    He went in, he tried, and got injured trying. Nothing wrong with that, he did what most in the Navy didn’t try to do, or weren’t able to try to do. Being a SEAL, or spending many years in the Navy, wasn’t in the cards for him.

    This, alone, would’ve gotten him respect had he decided to run with this, and with what he actually did in the Navy, instead of making false claims about his service, and building a phony veteran persona for himself.

    • thebesig says:

      I won’t be surprised if there was a connection between his lack of attention to detail in his personal advertisement/introduction and to what he did that lead to his injury in BUD/S.

  15. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    Seal + spell check = LEGIT!

  16. Graybeard says:


    A lousy salesman at that. Can’t even keep his lies straight.

    Tried to do something others haven’t even volunteered for – and failed. No shame in that. Each of us has our limitations. But I guess he could not handle the fact of his failure – and so failed big-time.

  17. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    No such thing as a SEAL candidate.

    You can be a student at BUD/S.

    After BUD/S you go to SEAL Tactical Training (STT) which includes Jump School, SEAL Team specific indocs and other schools based on Team AOR and billets to be filled.

    After all that, peer review and other painful gauntlets, a Sailor may then receive qualification and/or designation as a SEAL.

    There is no in between with SEAL qual.

    You either is or you ain’t!

    • IDC SARC says:

      5301 UDT/SEAL Candidate

      That’s actually the NEC and phraseology per NAVEDTRA

      He’s an a-hole but it is what it is.

      • MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

        DOC you are correct technically, but I am correct two!

        In the community … they are called students, trainees, wogs and a whole lot worse!

        No one is called a SEAL ’til they are proven and pinning day comes!

        This is my point … but YES, you are tech correct!

  18. USMCMSgt (Ret) says:

    John “I need another vasectomy” Visoky.

    Purple cocksucking liar.

  19. Graybeard says:

    Lied about being a SEAL.
    Cannot spell.
    Confesses to working for his parents.

    Real confidence builder there. No wonder he cannot find “misses right”…

  20. Green Thumb says:

    The founding member of the new counter to the Alt- Left “Blue Man Group”: The Alt-Right “Red Man Group”.

    A pickled-turd, indeed.

  21. Mick says:

    Speaking of phony SEALs, it appears that a Sockpuppet may have just surfaced over here:

    ‘Shawn Robinson; phony SEAL’

  22. Deckie says:

    This loser looks like Taco, the guy who covered “Puttin on the Ritz” in 1982…×600/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-373989-1319229658.jpeg.jpg

    Sorry… I don’t know how to embed

  23. David says:

    How economical, both his bullshit story and last name mean “high.”

  24. Skippy says:

    So. Have a idea why not round up all these wannabe seals and send them to the Stan ???

    BHWHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!

  25. Ret_25X says:

    How many smurfs did he have to blow behind the Flying J to get that color?

  26. Martinjmpr says:

    If he does indeed have a college degree, that college needs to be investigated for fraud, because there’s no way someone with a BA should be writing like that.

    And no, I’m not talking about the obvious spell check and keyboard shift issues (those, by contrast, show an alarming level of lack of attention to detail and/or lack of care about how he presents himself.)

    But even if you were to magically correct the obvious typos, that block paragraph is written in a way that ought to embarrass a high school graduate.

    I’m talking about gems like “I went to the college university” and “I am the divorced parent of three children which live with me.”

    Even if you ignore the spelling errors (and an insurance salesman who can’t spell the word “insurance” does not inspire much confidence) the whole thing is written in a style that reminds me of some kind of 4th grade “how I spent my summer vacation” essay.

    I usually try to avoid being a rabid grammar Nazi but this just makes my inner Samuel L. Jackson come out: “English mother***er, do you speak it?!”

    • thebesig says:

      John Michael Visoky, phony Navy SEAL, should go back to his university and sue it for dereliction of duty and get his money back. Then, he should go to his high school and sue it for the government’s money back for pushing him through the grade levels without requiring him to meet the standards. He types as if a retarded ghost possesses him.

      Reminds me of the Great Grape Ape:

  27. 11B-Mailclerk says:

    I took one look at that picture, and realized that the Oompa-Loopas just cannot be trusted to lock the frikkin sample case.

    Oompa-Loompa doompadee deal
    Tho’ he is purple he was never a SEAL…..

    • Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

      But they made great chocolate candy. I never found the candy bar with the inside gold wrapper to win the trip to the candy factory.

  28. S says:

    I assure you that his children are not living with him, despite his claim to the contrary. I’m positive. Absolutely positive.