Joff Paradise; phony veteran

| October 18, 2017 | 45 Comments

Someone ran across an article in their copy of Elevate (the article has since been yanked) in which this fellow, Joff Paradise, claimed to have been a special forces officer who lost his leg as a result of combat.

That’s funny because that is not what he told someone in Facebook communications in regards to his loss of his leg;

The Bikers for Christ seem to think that Paradise lost his leg in a motorcycle accident;

Of course, what makes his Vietnam stories harder to believe is the National Personnel Records Center says that there is no record of his service in the NPRC or at the Air Force;

Mr Paradise was born in 1962, so the Vietnam War ended when he was thirteen years old.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (45)

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  1. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    Is his name paradise or Parasite.

  2. Combat Historian says:

    One of the articles says he is aged 53, so he must have deployed to Vietnam in 1985 as Rambo’s wee little junior sidekick, kinda like Indiana Jones little buddy Short Round…

  3. 26Limabeans says:

    “The two checks combined ended up being exactly the amount Paradise and his wife needed to cover their mortgage”

    Well praise the lord.

  4. RM3(SS) says:

    Huh. Motorcycle, religion, where’s the “service dog?” Maybe the dog ate his Cannabis.

  5. A Proud Infidel®™ says:


  6. Ex-PH2 says:

    Tried to enlist when he was still an egg in his mother’s ovary. The recruiter told him to come back later… much later.

  7. Martinjmpr says:

    Jonn am I missing something? I didn’t see any mention of Vietnam in the article?

    • Martinjmpr says:

      The closest thing I see to a VN mention is the reference to a “fellow veteran” who suffered from Agent Organge exposure. But nothing in the article implies that Paradise and this ‘fellow veteran’ served together.

      I mean, clearly the article is complete crap as Paradise was not a “27 year veteran of the airborne special forces” whatever the hell that means, but unless there is another article somewhere else that references Paradise’s claim to have been in Vietnam, I don’t see it in the article you posted.

  8. Martinjmpr says:

    BTW I have it on good authority that he lost his leg due to an infection he picked up from a hot tub in Florida. 😉

    Sorry, I know I’ve used it before but that just NEVER gets old. 😀

  9. MSGRetired says:

    One of his photo’s has Jump wings with an SF Patch in the middle

  10. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    Not only is he a lying POS but after looking at his farcebook page it appears that he’s also some kind of MLM get-rich-quick shyster always on the prowl for his next batch of suckers, thus I hereby make an official motion for Joff Paradise to receive The Official TAH Wall of Insults®™. IMHO he’s more full of shit than a Brigade of shifty Used Car Salesmen!

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK guys, you know the drill,
      I have a request for the WOI and a Second. Any Aye votes?

        • ChipNASA says:

          OK Folks, That’s a wrap.

          Per the TAH Robert’s Rules, only one “AYE vote needed…

          Here comes the NEW AND IMPROVED Wall Of Insults because the more we dig and read about this creeper, the dirtier he gets.

          Wall of Insults®™
          (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)

          FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
          DANGER CLOSE!!!!
          MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
          TAKE COVER!!!!!

          Joff “Jerk Off, Lost in” Paradise, NOT Special Forces, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, Soup Sandwich, Poster-child for abortion, Swallowing Spooge Sampler, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, shit tonguing, munching wanktoaster, cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, tit, Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, needle dick bug fucker, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, Mayor Grundle of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, snowball, giggling beerflecked canker blossom , ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, Hand in your badge, Adolf, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, Fair suck of the sav, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, pole smoker, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, ax wound drippings, when I saw this sperm receptacle, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, used toilet paper-sniffing meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, schlong juice, cum-guzzling gutter butt-slut sphincter goblin, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee), NOT Combat Injured, is a FAKE, BULLSHIT artist, Head Clown Pyramid Scheme Penile Infection, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed Swamp Donkey, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of Siberian and stack of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.

          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
          Here endith the lesson.

  11. Tom Huxton says:

    “Paradise” sounds like an assumed handle to me. His own page seems just so slick n slimey that I would not trust any version of his biography.

  12. Sparks says:

    Fucking Multi-Level-Marketing Clown.

    Can I get a read back?

    Copy that…Pyramid Scheme Ass Hat.

    • A Proud Infidel®™ says:

      You mean to say that Joff Paradise appears to be some MLM shyster that runs around trying to tell people how to get rich yesterday by hustling some kind of Ponzi Scheme? Same thing I saw when I peeked at his farcebook page, that’s what made me motion for him to get the TAH WOI®™!

  13. Skippy says:

    What da fuk


  14. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    IMHO it appears that Joff Paradise is a Dutch Rudder Gang/All Points Logistics level of slime ball, slimy enough to be a clone of phildo!

  15. Mick says:

    I’m thinking that this assclown is a prime candidate to show up in here as a sockpuppet.

  16. David says:

    Claims Augsburg as his home town now…. nice city, doesn’t deserve him.

  17. Cris says:

    Until I see proof otherwise, I also don’t believe he is a custom motorcycle builder or was on any TV show of that genre.
    I don’t think he takes CBD for any kind of pain, but he’ll need to hold on to it for the future pain his arse is going to feel when he eventually ends up in the slammer for the schemes he’s trying to pull on folks.

  18. MSGRetired says:

    And the Facebook Profile is not available. I did post a link on his page to TAH . He sent me a rather nasty PM lol .. Well I did capture the PM and the pic of him with the SF pin and an 82nd lapel pin .. Douche Pickle !

  19. 11 Bravo says:

    Add his name to the Ads Hamster list.

  20. hoofhearted says:

    math skills: paradise < pair of balls.

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