Edwin William Bedford; phony SEAL

| November 22, 2017 | 79 Comments

Our partners at Military Phonies share their work on this fellow Edwin William “Billy” Bedford. I guess he’s an instructor for truck drivers, but he uses his class time to tell wild stories about being a Navy Lieutenant Commander and a SEAL according to disenchanted students;

And, of course, there’s a tattoo and a cap;

The National Personnel Records Center and the Navy says “Who?”

He does have records, but they are as a guest of the State of Texas, those records are at Military Phonies, because I don’t do those kinds of records.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (79)

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  1. Mick says:


    Our temporary phony SEAL drought has ended!

    Let the fun begin!

    • Wade wiley says:

      Look on his Facebook page, William Bedford, he belongs to a transgender group. He actually spent 5 months locked up in 2016. He’s without a doubt a loser.

      • Anonymous says:

        He is currently being investigated by the state of Texas child protective services for choking his 13 year old daughter. This is not his first charge of family violence. He’s been charged with child neglect Twice in the past and he’s been charged with assault with bodily injury to a family member several times. Obvious trash and not navy seal material. He belongs locked up and hopefully these latest charges will do the trick

  2. FuzeVT says:

    People have been calling out for at least 4 years according to the screen shot. Props to they guy who did all the math, that’s a lot more effort than I would have put into this guy.

    Just goes to prove the old adage: They harder they try, the faker they are. . .

  3. Graybeard says:

    OK, I’ll give him this: at least he doesn’t look like a walrus.

    Other than that Edwin William Bedford – you are a liar and a criminal.

  4. Combat Historian says:

    And the Navy says WHOOOO??????

  5. Ex-PH2 says:

    If you’re going to put a ‘knifey’ tatt on one arm, don’t wear a top that covers half of it. It looks like something unpleasant leaving the anal orifice of a large mammalian hominid.

    Someone tell this idiot to shave his head. He’d be more convincing if he said he was a pro wrestler on Wide World of Wrestling.

  6. Nicki says:

    Shitslurping, fuckwitted hemorrhoid.

  7. Terrorologist says:

    Oh, glory be, our drought is over!

  8. AW1Ed says:

    Do-rag, check.
    Tats, check.
    Wild-ass sea stories, check.
    Billy-boi lacks the patch-slathered vest, motorcycle, and service dog to complete the poser ensemble. What a non-hacker!

    I’ll give him a poser score of 4.

  9. AnotherPat says:

    Gee Whiz..looks as if a year ago he spent a couple of days with “SEAL” Class Number 15889 (sarc..😉)


  10. Retired Master says:

    Is it me, or does it look like he is in a bathroom. Hell of a place to convince people that you’re some kind of badass.

  11. Jay says:

    He was sued by Major League Baseball? He must’ve has implied oral consent instead of expressed written consent.

  12. My, My, My says:

    I looked, out of curiosity, at the Collin County website for Edwin Bedford. Four pages worth of Stuff. Granted, not sure if all are his, but……Simply a name search.


  13. thebesig says:

    The only “SEAL” in this guy’s experience is the tight seal his cock holster provided to Bubba, Thor, Julio, Running Badger, Huang, et al. while he did his actual “serving”. 🙄

    Edwin William Bedford, was never a Navy SEAL, and must’ve read one of Richard Marcinko’s books to attempt to construct his own phony persona. 🙄

  14. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    OH, the shintight t shirts and 1000 yard meat gazer’s stare, I make an Official Motion for The Official TAH Wall of Insults to be deployed on this meat-gazing walrus fart!

    • Mick says:


      Bring it, ChipNASA.

    • ChipNASA says:

      OK guys, I was distracted for a few hours, so billy bob sister boy here is about to get nuked.

      Wall of Insults®™
      (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)

      FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
      DANGER CLOSE!!!!
      MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
      TAKE COVER!!!!!

      Edwin William “Billy Wannabe Bad Boy” Bedford , NOT a SEAL, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, Poster-child for abortion, Swallowing Spooge Sampler, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching wanktoaster, cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, Buttcrackiula, tit, Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, wait of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON?? Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as anSBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy poanther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, analconda, chodeyodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, schlong juice, cum-guzzling gutter butt-slut sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a veteran, NOT% a SEAL, is a CRIMINAL ASSHAT, should have that tattoo BELTSANDED off his ROIDED OUT ARM, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of Siberian and stack of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.

      Here endith the lesson.

  15. Hayabusa says:

    Aaaand, poof! Just like that, the Facebook page is gone…

    • ChipNASA says:

      I’m still seeing it but it seems he’s locked it down now, I can only see a few photos.

    • thebesig says:

      They normally block folk that spread the truth to their Facebook page, exposing them as phonies and liars. This is why many folk all of a sudden don’t see the Facebook page. The truth hurts, and blocking people is a way for them to “regain control” after seeing their control of their phony persona erode.

  16. mr. sharkman says:

    Very high on the list of phony Teamguy idiocy;

    Claiming ST-4 and Panama.
    Bone Frog.

    This makes it go from ‘standard annoyance’ to ‘personal’ or ‘very person’ with a lot of guys you really don’t want to have pay any attention to you.

    • Atkron says:

      Especially since 4 SEALs were KIA and another 8 WIA during the air field attack.

      I’m sure the survivors of that particular operation would love a conversation with this asshat.

      Pretty shitty way to cover up prison time….

      • mr. sharkman says:

        ‘Especially since 4 SEALs were KIA and another 8 WIA during the air field attack.’

        That’s exactly why.

        And yes, every Teamguy remotely involved with Panama holds a special place in phony teamguy hell for any scumbag claiming involvement.

        Panama was a watershed moment for the Teams for various reasons. Fortunately, some good eventually came from it.

  17. MarDet says:

    Hey Edwin William Bedford…you’re a fuckin liar you piece of shit!

  18. NHSparky says:

    Some people just don’t know when to quit.

  19. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    And there off from the TAH starting gate with Navy Seals leading by to lengths, Marine Corp scout/sniper and Army Green Berets. What a race, what a race.

  20. Dustoff says:

    Just received a top secret film of him with Team 4 on an “Arctic Operation”

  21. MCPO NYC USN Ret. says:

    Quality time hanging out in Men’s bathroom: CHECK

    SEAL tattoo: CHECK

    After market Chineeze made cammo tee-shirt: CHECK

    Bone Frog with Trident: CHECK


    • mr. sharkman says:

      ‘Bone Frog with Trident: CHECK’

      Hey MCPO,

      What do you charge for tattoo removal again? I’m kind of short on funds I’m afraid I’m going to have to skip paying for any anesthesia. 😉

  22. Green Thumb says:

    All-Points Logistics new Vice-President of Logistical Operations(CONUS).

    I could only imagine/see Phildo giving a “personal” interview and “physical”.

    I bet this felching lot-lizard can work a few gear shifts.


  23. OldManchu says:

    Bradley manning could whip this dudes ass.

  24. Pineywoods NCO says:

    What part of my state is this shit for brains douchebag hiding at?

    Perhaps he is hanging around another douchebag moron named Chevalier??

  25. Green Thumb says:

    This is one delusional motherfucker.

    And he looks all felonious and shit too boot.

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