Ben Franklin III; phony SEAL

| December 17, 2017 | 58 Comments

Someone sent us their work on this fellow, Benjamin Earl Franklin III who claims to be a former Navy SEAL and he pretends that as a Brigadier General in the North Carolina State Guard, he’s been called to active duty for deployments to the War Against Terror. That’s his Trident on the blurry screen shot above.

As a clarification, the North Carolina State Guard is not the National Guard – it is a volunteer organization and members pin on whatever rank they think they deserve. They don’t get called to active duty, mostly because they don’t really train for combat. They help during natural disasters and fill in for National Guard troops when the National Guard deploys. The North Carolina State Guard was suspended due to a Workman Compensation issue in 1996, and the suspension is still in effect, so Ol’ Ben here is a uniform without an Army.

Anyway, he wasn’t a Navy SEAL. He was a ETN3 (Electronics Technician E-4) on the USS Stormes for less than four months while it was engaged in operations off the coast of Vietnam in 1966. That was the extent of his participation in the Vietnam War. The Stormes spent 1967 and 1968 cruising the Mediterranean and training off the coast of South America with Ben aboard.

He was busted years ago, but when the old POW Network went out of business, I guess he thought it was safe to be a pretender again. Nope.

Category: Phony soldiers

Comments (58)

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  1. Vexatious Defendant says:

    This guy has made a SPECTICLE of himself!

  2. Green Thumb says:


    What a tool.

    Just another old, gnarly shitbag.

    I do like the NC Guard angle, though. Very reminiscent of Heavy Chevy.

    The Story of the Goose, huh? Yeah. No. The only thing “goosed” has been this maggot’s two-hole.

  3. Sj says:

    We had another State Guard gent here awhile back, but not NC. I think he got thrown out of that volunteer organization. I just can’t remember his name. Had something to do with cheese.

    Wonder if ole Ben caught the Agent Orange out in the ocean like another regular here?

  4. Vexatious Defendant says:

    This guy is now a LIGHTNING ROD for criticism.

  5. A Proud Infidel®™ says:

    “Involved in the first Iraqui incursion in 1990, he was disabled out as a Brigadier General when it was found out he had prostate cancer before being shipped overseas in 1003.” [sic]

    And a repeat offender as well, I motion for Benjamin Earl Franklin III to receive The official TAH Wall of Insults®™

    • Green Thumb says:

      A totally “Phildoesque” bio.

    • Vexatious Defendant says:

      Ah, second …

      Holding ears and covering eyes now …

    • The Stranger says:

      Aye, just for befouling the name Benjamin Franklin!

    • BigHead Tom says:

      It was “prostrate” cancer. You get it from lying about.

    • ChipNASA says:

      Sorry guys, I missed this one…..

      We have the proper required votes and deploying the WOI in 3….2……1…

      Hey Benji,
      The only rank you have ever earned is the rank stank that comes from you anus with all the shit you pull. Someone should take you and all your crap and dump you in the standard 55 gallon drum and hit it with diesel.

      Wall of Insults®™
      (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
      FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
      DANGER CLOSE!!!!
      MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
      TAKE COVER!!!!!
      Benjamin Earl Franklin (The Turd) III NOT a SEAL, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, Poster-child for abortion, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching wanktoaster, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion. You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, wait of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON?? Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as anSBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy poanther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, analconda, chodeyodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, schlong juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a SEAL, Is a MADE UP Brigadier General in the FAKE State Guard, TWO TIME LOSER who was busted years ago and wanted to come back out of the closet and play dress up again, BUT the proud folks here at TAH and myself are BREAKING IT OFF IN YOUR *ASS*, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tappingglory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian and of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
      Can I get an AMEN?!
      (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
      Here endeth the lesson.

  6. Vexatious Defendant says:

    Hey Bennie, The real Ben Franklin just called and he wants his swim fins back now!

    Note: The real Ben Franklin invented swim fins at age 11 and Bennie Frankie da Turd never used swim fins as a SEAL because he is a fraud POS.

  7. HMCS(FMF) ret says:

    BENJAMIN EARL FRANKLIN III works balls, tickles taints and sucks smegma when he’s not going balls deep with his sooper seekrit skwirrl SEAL lies.

  8. Wilted Willy says:

    Oh Please, may he be ass raped by the barbed cock of Satan! What the fuck, doesn’t anybody want to be a pretend Ranger anymore? I would love to meet one of these pretend assholes in the street and just kick the living shit out of them! How I hate these fucking posers! Go talk to my brother and learn how to be a first class posing asshole and get away with it for years! He is the master poser with great false teeth!

  9. Ex-PH2 says:

    Gasbag three times over. It’s about all he’s good for.

  10. thebesig says:

    Originally posted by Jonn Lilyea:

    As a clarification, the North Carolina State Guard is not the National Guard — it is a volunteer organization and members pin on whatever rank they think they deserve.

    To use your words regarding the Texas State Guard, “not to be confused with the Texas Army National Guard”, though Dennis Howard Chevalier, phony veteran, tries to portray it as “the guard” knowing that people could confuse it with the Army National Guard. He even took a civilian rated disability, and Texas State Guard “service member”, and combined the two to identify himself as a “disabled veteran”. 🙄

    Many states have a state military/militia, Virginia has the Virginia Defense Force.

    • Vexatious Defendant says:

      NY has one of the oldest. And it’s Naval Militia goes back to the Rev. War and helped establish the Naval Reserve Force in early 1900’s.

      But what do I know …

  11. 26Limabeans says:

    “members pin on whatever rank they think they deserve”

    What is the lowest rank ever chosen?

  12. Some Guy says:

    Take a look at his awards. One of them is “trusty shellback.” I was aware of the line crossing ceremonies, but I did not know they added that accomplishment to your official records.

  13. rgr769 says:

    This is really a fake SEAL two-fer day. I also love to see a trident slapped onto an Army uniform. I suspect a real SEAL who now is justifiably wearing an Army uniform is about as common as unicorns.

    • Vexatious Defendant says:

      There are those unicorns in the US Army … several in fact.

      Example: I met a US Army Aviation Warrant Officer at a NSF event. He was a real Army Officer wearing an earned Trident. Clearly prior US Navy.

      • Steve says:

        Have friends who served in SF with at least one former SEAL who was authorized to wear his trident on his uniform. Guys name was “Thor” and he reportedly was a real bad animal.


    Prostrate cancer???? So…he cant lay on his belly?

  15. Jeff LPH 3, 63-66 says:

    I think that his head is cracked like the Liberty Bell.

  16. jonp says:

    When others protested or ran to Canada he served. That should be enough but as we keep seeing it isn’t for some

    • The Stranger says:

      True that. Those who have served have a bond that crosses branches, geography, and generations; it’s already an exclusive fraternity. Be proud of what you did and leave it at that.

  17. NHSparky says:

    Kirjath Toney even thinks this guy is a faker POS.

    • Green Thumb says:


      Though he is not preparing to elevate to a different plane….

      Yellow gardening gloves are the tool that will allow the transition.

      The Order of Oddfellows (turds).

  18. 11 Bravo says:

    Bag of seasoned dog shit.

  19. AZtoVA says:

    But what about his AF SpecOps business partner, “Dusty”? Any background investigation going on there?

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